Hey Jimmy Bell! 21 years ago was one of the worst days of my life. It was a crappy rainy day just like today. I got a call from a person that I had a very strong dislike for, to say the least, saying that they had seen a motorcycle accident and that it looked like your helmet. Time stood still! I just hung the phone up and called what was then called Skaggs Hospital (Cox now) and asked if they had you there. They asked a few questions, I don’t even know, I was numb but felt like my body was jumping at the same time! They asked if I had his family’s contact information and if I could come to the hospital right away. I knew that I had a number written down somewhere...I can’t remember if it was your mommas or Buddy’s but I just started dumping my kitchen drawers out in the floor until I found it. I don’t even know how I got to the hospital because I didn’t have a car, but they had already airlifted you to Springfield. By the time I got there, you were gone. I don’t remember exactly what happened...I know that I had to identify you, your body. None of it felt real, yet at the same time it was consuming the very breath I was trying to drag in. I will never get the image of you laying there out of my mind...it is burned in there forever. Was I confirmed that it was you, they brought me a phone to call your family...I was a coward Jimmy. I couldn’t make the call, I couldn’t do it. I gave them the number I had and obviously someone made the call. By this time our family/friends had heard...People started showing up and calling...they kept bringing me the phone but I think I only spoke to Lloyd. I was trapped in this nightmare, I couldn’t even talk. I just sat there numb, watching everyone rush around, coming back and forth in front of me, trying to talk to me and asking me questions that I could not answer. I don’t know how much time had passed but you mom, Buddy and some of your cousins arrived. I was frozen. I will never forget the sound your momma made when they were given the news and I assume was taken in to see you. It was soul deep, the sound of a heart breaking, something from so deep inside knowing that her life would be forever changed in the most horrific way. Your whole family that was there actually... Buddy was strong but devastated. It’s all such a blur, I know that my mind has added or blocked things from my memory. My friend Katie White was beside me, I don’t even know, maybe that’s how I got there but I don’t remember. For some reason I feel like I was alone when I got there. I was in shock I think. I don’t remember talking to your parents but I had to of because I offed my apartment to them to your mother and family. I remember leaving with Katie, the nurses were trying to get me to talk to someone, they thought I needed something I guess because I just couldn’t talk...it was almost a robotic feeling. I was capable of medicating myself as at that time I didn’t or wasn’t making the best life choices so I took a handful of Valium and rode back to Branson. Thank god for Katie because I really don’t know what happened after that, just waking up to the boys coming to get me. Lloyd, Curtis, Keith....we went somewhere...everything just has ran together time wise. I know that we hung out with your older cousins, somewhere that Curtis was staying...it was cold and no heat because one of your cousins handed me their jacket to wear because I was shivering so hard my teeth were chattering. I remember going to my apartment a couple times because your mom, aunt and grandma stayed a night or two. I just wanted them to feel comfortable and have a place to be while everything was going on but I was so screwed up, I know that I wasn’t a very good host. More of your family arrived and they all then went to the motel I assume is the same place they had stayed and maybe still go to when in town. I felt even more alone knowing they were gone but I still made my place available for whoever needed it. I remember Buddy coming with Curtis and I also remember everyone going to the White House that you and Lloyd had lived in but Travis n Subrina was living in. Keith kept trying to get me to talk, to eat something, to do anything but set there in silence. I couldn’t. Now I remember, I did have a car...a little black car that my mom gave me, because I let Lloyd, Curtis, maybe Eric go somewhere in it because I finally had to sleep...it had been a few days...again I wasn’t making the best life choices. At some point I had to return to work, bar tending at Planet Branson and everyone was there. That went on for days again, not sleeping, autopilot! I met your baby son...I don’t even remember if I knew that you had a son until then. Everything was over, everyone went back home... but the boys, especially Lloyd didn’t really leave me. We were all just devastated, heartbroken. I remember listening to Kid Rocks song, Only God Knows Why, on repeat. And you were gone, you were really gone. And the rest is history. I went to your grave regularly for a while...usually after work, 3am. The boys kept getting on to me for going out there like that alone. Then life does what it does and just kept moving us along ....which brings us here, 21 years later. It seems like another life ago, yet only yesterday. I was able to connect with your momma on FB and I am grateful for that. She loves you so much. I’m sorry that your life was taken that rainy April day, that you were yanked away from us all in the blink of an eye. We all still love you Jimmy and miss you. It seems like there should be some thunder, a storm and chaos...to hear you stomping around being....you! Not this calm drizzle of rain! 21 years Jimmy. Ding ding ding goes the trolley RING RING RING GOES THE BELL! I cleaned that up a little lol... I miss you my friend and I love you. My Dad passed away in January. My heart is broken and I would give anything to have him back but he was so sick. I was there with him when he passed. I don’t remember a lot of details, lost track of time but it was awful. I know he’s better now, brand new they say. No more pain or sickness. Tell him I said hello, would ya. I’ll see you both again someday...until then, click your heels and raise a little cane!
Love you infinity ♾
