Happy Christmas kiddo.. I'm sitting this morning with memories of yrs gone by and as much as I miss you I have a smile on my face because of the memories. You can tell rest of family HAppy Christmas for me. Nico and I had a good day yesterday and days before Christmas. I'm making memories with him now sharing them with you makes me smile. He's such a Happy kid. God Blessed him with a wonderful family to grow with. He's JOY of my life. Tell Jesus Happy Birthday.. I LOVE YOU SON!!!

Trying to leave you a pic but wont go thru but you know ur Mom I'm stubborn, won't give up.. lol. We are getting 1st big snow of season. Thinking of you, memories of us building snowman and Hank Crank attacking it, when u was barely yr old and Granddad dropping you in big snow drift in Olpe, snowball fights, sledding in park in Emporia. Think one my favorite, In Hollister liviin trailer, we got big ice storm and I was afraid to drive car to end of hill and you said "Mom go in house and I'll get this car down bottom lol, scared me so but u did it. I woke up one morning and u had left and walked to Sissy house in terrible snow. We may not had been perfect family but we made sooo many memories in the short time we had together. I miss you so bunches but I have peace in knowing you Happy.  See you soon!

It's Halloween!!!

Trying to leave a pic for you but crazy phone being crazy. You would love cell phones, throwing them any who!!! Lol.. Nico got his cast, red with purple rings round. Doc said his bolts and screws healing good. I told him bout time you popped ur ankle out of socket and had to have cast. He was determined not to leave Doc office without his colored cast and He told them he was keeping it when taken off.. he's a hoot, mind and actions sooo much like you. I Love ur boy so much but I would given my life if only you could be here with him. I try not dwell on it too much cause its sad enough missing without letting it consume me. I know we will be again and that helps little but I miss our days in Hollister in our small trailer on the hill. Well better let you go and we'll talk again soon. ❤

Hey Jimmy Bell! Few days late....I guess I did it on purpose. Tomorrow is my moms birthday in heaven so me... it takes me down a little and I prefer to be alone. Been to busy around here and seems like we are just going all the time. I’m exhausted...physically, mentally, emotionally.... I’m drained! House is quiet, chill in the air so staying snuggled in the covers. Clairee is sleeping in as well, thank goodness, we stayed up doing laundry. I was hoping for a quiet morning....unless of course you boys were banging on my door “You are burning daylight “ isn’t that what you would say?! I miss you Jimmy! I miss the boys too, but they could come and see me if they wanted they just don’t. Well Curtis is in Oregon, I can’t stand Keith’s stupid bitch wife ( you would hate her too), and Lloyd just doesn’t! Something going on with him, was the anniversary of his stepsons motorcycle accident/death but then he had another buddy who checked out on his own... so I’d say he’s dealing with his own Demons right now. I’ve sent word but I’ll give him a min then I’ll go find him my damn self! I miss my mom. I’ve been dreaming of her a lot lately, I guess it’s been my subconscious for she is never far from my thoughts. At least she had the chance to grow old, to live life. Something that you were denied... did I already say I missed you... god jimmy I do! Just to step back in time, just let it all go and step back in time for a day. We would have fun! Colder weather, the smell of your leather jacket...first we would go find Lloyd and tell him to get his shit together and quit being a pussy! Then, some beautiful freshly harvested morning delight, I’d say, to set the mood...and we would be off! In my car of course because, well obviously there’s 3 of us n who knows who we will see o the way, so the bike is out!!!! You, Jimmy, would be fussing with Lloyd because he would already just assume he was gonna drive lol! Holy shit I could use one of those days! Can almost feel it! Blind Munchies lol, where are we going to eat ha! I want either biscuits and gravy or soup...we know that I sucked at cooking so... farmhouse in downtown or go hit Ralph up at Planet Branson to make us something..(Ralph).it’s free after all! Dammit, now I’m sad, I’m tired, I’m soooo angry aaaannnnddd I’m hungry! What’s it like up there Jimmy? Did you celebrate your birthday? If you see my momma, hug and kiss her. Tell her happy birthday! Tell her I love her, tell her I’m sorry...for the hell I gave her.... for so many things! I’m no good today Jimmy. The words are just hard, the tears, I’ve cried until my head is throbbing...I think my eyeballs even hurt... and my heart is so sad! You gonna tell me to knock it off huh, that letting it take over doesn’t help anything and to kick some f****ing rocks, stomp my feet... do something ....anything but this shit! I’ll try! I think I’m gonna get off here now, maybe just go back to sleep. I love you Jimmy Bell, and I’ll miss you forever! Click your heals for me today my friend, I don’t think I’ve got it in me ! All my love!

Happy 45!! Lord give my boy a BIG ((((HUG)))) for me.. one day I'll get to HUG both y'all..

Morning kiddo.. want to update you on Nico. Doc said all good and the sore on heal is gone. Thank God for me.. he'll get a cast on next Friday and bout 6-8 weeks no walking. Think he little bored, ready to go back to work. He's a good worker. I'll be talking to ya later. Love and hugs.

It's late but I hear there no darkness in Heaven so I know your awake. Nico surgery went good. Doc says all 98% perfect, of course I'm sure Jesus already filled u in. He was scared but very brave. He's ur boy for sure, very high pain tolerance. I'll try sending u a pic of his heavy metal foot on fb. . Just happy it over and he can get healing. Give God a ✋ and BIG THANK YOU JESUS. I'll keep you in the loop. Luv ya.

Hey you, how's Fall in Heaven . Well Nico fell Friday and broke his leg, kinda same way you did. He see orthopedic today so since you see God and Jesus ever day ask them to give doc knowledge to fix his leg without surgery. . He's like you, tuff and high pain tolerance. Remember day it happened to you. I'll let u know what we find out. Luv ya kiddo.

Something about the weather changing and Fall that always seems to make me thinking about you. It is still to hot though and that is a drag! I was just laying here somewhere between taking a nap and my kid wanting me to watch a movie with her. I guess I’ll go watch the movie! She’s a good kid....11 going on 20 ha. I think it’s because her and I are together so much and when not me, her sister (17) and all her friends. I am homeschooling and she keeps me on my toes for sure. I wonder what you would think of them, and of course, what you would think of me with kids... I was never having kids, getting married and I absolutely did not believe in true lasting love. I would rather hang out with you , Lloyd, Curtis and a select few than be all stuck somewhere and not get to go... makes me laugh at some of the times that I left people/places just for that reason! I think I was just so jaded by what I had been through, everything that I had seen and just had my own idea of how I wanted my life to be. Free, I really liked to travel but only with certain people, I know you know I was weird about that and why. Wanderlust... I wanted to see places, experience everything but ehh I went a few places and couldn’t stick it out. Remember when I went to L.A? I was going to live there and leave all the... mess behind, run away from all of it. I went under the guise of visiting but I ha actually planned on staying. You knew that though. You said I would be back. And I was. Turns out I wasn’t made for a place like that. I guess I am just all sappy with these memories because I am getting old.. tomorrow I will be ...wait for it...47 ....gasp! I actually caught myself complaining the other day and caught myself...and maybe that’s what also brought you to mind. I was about to complain about getting old when you were never even given that chance...it is actually a privilege to grow older each year, to be alive. To watch my children grow and to love my husband. To love my family, and to be loved by them right here growing older. Something that was denied to you and yours (all of us). I miss ya. I seen that your boy has broken his leg... he looks to be a strong young man but I’m sure it hurts so bad and also scary. I hope that he is ok. Gosh this has gotten long again, you don’t mind do you haha I can see you rolling your eyes n rubbing your head. That’s ok. I guess that’s all for now, I miss you my friend... I truly do. Stomp around a little bit, we need some rain and cooler weather and I’m ready to watch the trees turn and become beautiful and vibrant and smell the cool crisp air n maybe the smoke from an old wood stove. I’ll be seeing ya!

Ring Ring Ring goes the

Was reading devotion just now and LOVE what it said: Believers in Christ don't die they "Fall asleep In Christ". Like that thought, you are asleep In Christ, and gives me Hope someday I will Fall asleep In Christ and then at the Resurrection of Believers we will see each other again. ❤

❤ U..

Jimmy, tell Grandma Happy Birthday from me. I'll see all y'all one day.

Love and miss you bunches. Hope all y'all have a Wonderful Blessed day with God our Father.

Today your boy is not a teenager, he's a young adult and a very special one. He graduated high school, got a job, and now he is starting to learn to drive. He has accomplished so much and I know he's going to do everything he sats his mind too. I seen the love in your eyes the first time I seen you hold him and I know if you were here you would still have that same love. I love your son, he's so much like you. I love you my boy!!!

Het kiddo.. had party for Nico today along with step sister Jordyn. Crazy to think he be 20 next Sunday. I would give my life if I traded places and you been here to see him thru all these yrs. I know one day we all be eternity together but still would have been cool for you to have been part of his earthly life. He's quite the character, just like you, strange funny sense of humor, he makes me Lololol. Heart as big as the world, do anything he can to see someone else happy, he has His share of moments, he's my Joy and heart full of love. I know I will be loved as long as I'm here by Nico, he's my most important person on this earth. I love you bunches my son.... see you round like a donut.. haha

Hey kiddo, sorry didnt message you on that day, very hard day for ur ol mom.. sent you a balloon that bout far as I got. The 5 days between BDay and ur Heavenanivery are hard. I know ur ok and happy there with Grdma and Grdad but so miss u all. Some people believe y'all can see us but I don't so I'll tell I, Nico is growing up way too fast. June get be 20, as hard to think as u gone 19 yrs. He is quite the character just like u.lol. He makes me lolol. He good worker and likes his job, doesn't drive yet so I take him each morning which ok, one day y'all will see each other, that I do believe. Don't worry, Liz doing gr8 with Him and Scott is gr8 stepdad. I Love You my boy. Mom

Oh Jimmy. Another year has
Rolled around... another year of missing my friend, another year of not hearing your voice or listening to you laugh. This day always takes me back to that day and I wish so much that I could erase that day, like it never happened. I want to see you smile again, I want to listen to you and Lloyd argue lol. I miss your ... everything. I miss everything about you! My oldest daughter and her friends, just out of the blue, have started clicking their heels and seeing which one gets the highest click ha..I smile as I watch and listen to them laughing and doing it over and over... nobody does it like you though, nobody ever will! God how I miss you. Sometimes I wonder how things would be now had everything not happened? You can't believe how much things have changed... everything and everyone, has changed. Not sure you would care much for it but would have been nice to of had the opportunity to decide that for yourself! Everyone always says "Gods will" or "Gods plan" but I don't know about that. I believe in God, I've seen to many things in this life not to. I just don't understand him sometimes though and I get so mad. But that's neither here nor there ha, that's something my granny always used to say when trying to explain something I just couldn't make sense of. I could keep on writing, and I'll probably be back today to talk some more but, like I said, I have a hard time on this day and my emotions are getting the best of me right now. I love you Jimmy Bell, never doubt that...ever!

Happy Birthday to me... 65.. I would have given the last 19 yrs to you if I could have but that in God's hands. Today always bittersweet, Remind me of your Heavenversary coming up. I love and miss you.

Bet you played an April Fools joke, bet Jesus Lol. Like Tonna says "click those heels" you silly kid. When I meet you in Heaven I want to hear that screams you would scare me with and then just "lolololol". I miss it.

Was looking at your momma's pictures yesterday and it is full of pictures of your son. It is something else the way he looks so much like you...rosey cheeks and all. I don't really know what to say other than you are so much on my mind.... April is goIng to be a rough one, but it always is. People say that it gets better with time, the sadness or whatever name someone would lable this void that sets inside of us when we lose the people we love...I do not agree. Maybe we are able to compartmentalize the loss, so to speak, but I can tell you that when those loved ones pop into my mind the pain is just as sharp, stealing my breath and squeezing my heart. It will be 2 years on the 8th that I lost my mother and I still can't believe it's real. Same with you, just seems so unreal. This has kinda gotten long, so I'll wrap it up! I'll be seeing you, my friend...catch ya on the flip side.
 Ring Ring Ring goes the _____BELL!
Miss you, I truly do! Much love old friend

5am and you on my mind, thought I'd say I love you and miss you. ❤❤

Happy Christmas Eve Jimmy, bet the Bell family is having a Wonderful time in Heaven celebrating Jesus Birthday . Tell Him Happy birthday for me. Can't wait till the day I'll be celebrating with y'all again. Love you son and I'll be thinking of you and wishing you Merry Christmas tomorrow. Good night!!!

Love you son.. Happy Birthday.. miss you much. Know your having gr8 day.

Happy Thanksgiving in Heaven! Love and miss you and all the family there. Love you kiddo.

Miss you much my friend. Cold and rainy day...stomp around a little, make some noise! It is a special day after all!

Love you son.. Happy Birthday.. miss you much. Know your having gr8 day.

Good Morning son! Love you! This time of yr always brings my heart and mind to you. Fall is coming, Halloween and most special, the 19th of October, God gave me you. So many memories of fun Halloween. Making memories with your son, we love it.

Your on my mind this morning boy, just saying hey, LOVE and missing you, nothing new. ❤❤

7-4-2018... Happy 4th son watch fireworks with us from Heaven.. Love you.

Morning kiddo.. few days late but you know me, better late then never. Celebrated Nico Bday Sunday.. good time, as always missed you. Your Bday and Nico Bday HARDEST days for me. Guess cause I think how long and how much missed. Can't believe one more yr and he won't be teenager no more, be young adult. Remember when you made me feel old each Bday, I really feel old now.. lol... Love you, see you one day.

Happy Memorial Day!!!Love and miss you..
              Mom

I LOVE YOU JIMMY JAMES BELL ❤❤❤❤

Happy Angelversary, 18 yrs, never gets easy. April least liked month. Brings sadness but also joy. I miss u ever day but I love you ever day.
                                      Mom

Well here we are again, the day that you were requested to be an Angel. Although it never gets easy, you were chosen and the rest of us were left with broken hearts. No matter how many days go by I (we) still miss you but we know you are still very near!
You may not be with us body but you will always be our guardian angel and still very much loved

Well kiddo, your ol mom is 64 today! Had a lot of Happy birthday wishes. This day always bittersweet, reminder that just 5 days from now will be the HARDEST day I ever faced. Thoughts of you always put

Happy Easter kiddo... miss you bunches but know you are so Happy where you are. Tell Jesus and rest of family I love and miss them also. I'll be bringing your black jelly beans to Branson on 26th, come get them. Lol... I Love you son with my heart. Nicolas is growing into a fine young man... has a job now... know you proud of him. He loves you... y'all have gr8 day worshiping The Lord.❤

Happy Valentine's Day!! Love you bunches...

Hey kiddo, how's weather in Heaven? We got snow here, it's beautiful. You never let snow stop you. Lol.. lots story memories of you in snow. Lol... Love you!

HAPPY NEW YEAR JIMBO..... LOVE YOU BUNCHES!!!!!

Merry Heavenly Christmas to you Jimbo... know your having a Gr8 Blessed day with Jesus and all rest of family. I love you very much.. miss you but one day we'll celebrate Jesus Birthday together. Till then, tell everyone Happy Heavenly Day.     Mom, Nico, Sunshine.

Sunday was light a candle for love ones gone, I joined the group at park and little one for you and rest of family gone to Heaven. Love and miss you. .... Mom

Hey kiddo... sorry late Thanksgiving but we were always late keeping in touch... that our way. Haha. I Love you.. Almost Christmas.. see ya soon. Love mom

Good Morning, just saying I love and miss you.

HAPPY GOOD BIRTHDAY MY BOY!! I LOVE YOU!!!!
To day the hardest day of year... miss you ever day but today God loaned one of His special creation to me to LOVE and hold.
You and rest the family have a big celebration and keep that chair empty beside you for mom cause I'll be there one day. 

Wishing you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY in Heaven! Spread your wings and soar in the heavenly clouds. Love you!!!

Good Morning... love and miss you. Thinking of you. Dawn had baby Nevaeh yesterday... beautiful baby girl. At the park with Sunshine. Gotta go get Nico so will talk soon. Mom!

Good Morning my boy... love you. Jimmy, you, like Jesus, is with me wherever I go. I left your plot yesterday knowing that you are in my heart. I will see you in Heaven if I never go there again. Love you bunches.❤

Hey kiddo... please tell Grandma I'm sorry for day late but Happy Birthday!!! Love y'all.