Joan - my big sister, my friend, my confidante – what a wonderful life and a truly special legacy.
On our “sister” trips together, we talked often of our childhood. We are 6 years apart so when I was born, our Mother said I was like Joan’s baby doll. She would put me in her doll stroller and always want to help care for me. We shared a small bedroom and the same bed until Joan was 17. She would always tell me that it was not much fun for her – her little sister, hot and sweaty, always wanting to cuddle at night, and getting into all of her things. If it bothered her, she must not have said anything to me as I only remember a feeling of love and affection from those early years. Many vivid memories - playing together in the basement – Joan was the “storekeeper” in the fruit cellar and I would go “shopping”, her reading me stories, playing board games or cards, teaching me how to play the piano, making crostoli or fritters with our Mom, decorating the Christmas tree. I can honestly say I don’t ever remember a harsh word or argument between us which is a testament to what a kind and caring big sister she was and what a huge influence she had on me and my outlook on life.
With her marriage to Ray, and the birth of Andrew and Neil, I was a very happy sister-in-law, auntie and babysitter, and learned from Joan’s example what it meant to be an awesome wife and mother. Once Joan moved from Thunder Bay, our busy lives took over and we would call each other often and see each other on special occasions.
We had the most wonderful opportunity to rekindle our sisterhood in 2000 on our first trip to Paris together. It was like meeting your best friend again after a long time apart – sharing the same passion for art, food, and the sights of a magical city. We don’t have many photos of us from these trips – but way too many of meals, fountains and architecture!! One of my favorite memories was walking along a quiet street in Paris at the end of the day. Shops were closing and as was our habit, we stopped at every pastry shop to gaze at the mouthwatering creations in the window. In one Patisserie, we saw two young women fussing over a tray of pastries, an as we imagined tasting the delicate flavours we watched as they abruptly dumped the entire tray into a garbage bag. We looked at each other and gasped in horror! What a terrible waste – maybe a little stale by the end of the day but we would have eaten them, probably all of them, no problem!! We couldn’t stop talking about it all the way back home and it became one of our special stories. We had such a good time we went back the next year, and then a couple of years later with our niece, Jennifer, and then again once more just the two of us. And in between we even snuck in a summer getaway in Victoria, B.C. We shared many unforgettable experiences and I so wish we could do it again. We talked about everything, sharing all of our ups and downs and, as anyone close to her will know, after a conversation with Joan you were left with a feeling of peace and contentment. A special gift she gave freely.
In caring for our parents in their last years, I was so grateful for Joan’s expertise as a nurse and her dedication to them. We always laughed at the fact that she usually ended up in Thunder Bay when it was the coldest. The day before our Dad died, as we were changing places at the hospice, he called us over near to him. He spoke softly and we were expecting some final words of wisdom, and boy did we get them! Always the joker, he said: “I want you to remember that song – Don’t cry for me, Argentina”. And of course we both started crying, and laughing at the same time. As I said goodbye to Joan at the airport in Toronto last December after our trip to Thunder Bay, we both knew that it might be the last time we would see each other. We hugged, said no good-byes – only “til we meet again” – and then simultaneously quoted Dad with “Don’t cry for me Argentina”. It was a final tearful laugh together.
In her farewell weeks in January, I can only think of how her beautiful qualities fully bloomed – spiritual, caring, brave, selfless, practical – and my heart fills with love. Joan’s heart carries forward in all of us who knew her. She is with us forever.
