The other day my brother in law asked me if I had known Joey as long as I have known Diane. No, I said, I have only known him for 40 years! I remember the day I met Yehudi Joseph Silverberg. He was wearing striped engineer overalls with a lavender t-shirt and he had full head of long curly hair that came out to here. If he made that kind of impression on me, you can imagine what it was for Diane!
There was no question about their love for each other – there were however challenges in their relationship. Joey’s parents were upset that Diane was not Jewish. Diane did convert, and on August 21, 1975 they were married. Diane was a teacher and Joey worked at Sam the Camera Man. Times were tough financially, but they were together and that is what mattered. When the children were born, things began to change. Joey was working for his father and the family rift was slowly closing.
To Joe, family was everything. He loved his children and would do almost anything for them. Almost anything did not include changing diapers though. It became a joke. If Joey was left to look after the kids when Diane came home their diapers would always be wet and full, their poor little bums red. Joey would always say “She just went.” Joey wasn’t a hands on Dad; he didn’t play games with them, or take them to the doctor or to the park. However once they were walking, talking and toilet trained, he would take them to the office on Saturday morning – a trip to McDonald’s as part of the outing. And always he would talk with them.
I asked Alyssia, Amanda and Alaina what quality, value or trait did they get from their Dad. One of the things was how long it took to get ready in the morning! Even his friends from the Rady Centre noticed. They called him Slow Joe. It took him an hour to get ready. He would fuss and preen and primp moisturizing his body and making sure his hair was just so. Even after he got cancer and started shaving his head, he would shampoo his “hair”. When Lanie was going to the distributor he asked her to get more shampoo. “Dad” she said, “I hope you are not still using conditioner!” He was sort of – he had switched to Moroccan oil. The lack of hair took 15 minutes off his getting ready time – only 45 minutes a day now!!
The girls, and just about everyone else I spoke to described Joey as fussy, particular, methodical and exact. He liked routine – up at 5:30 to go to the gym, dinner at 6, bedtime at 10 (11 on Friday and Saturday). He was very precise about some things. Even his clothes were organized. He wore them in rotation. When he died Joey still had “not so new – new clothes” in his closet still with the price tag on that had not made it into the rotation yet!
For someone who thrived on routine it is ironic that he was also so relaxed about time. It was a major sticking point in the marriage. Joey time - For Diane being 10 minutes early was late, for Joey 20 minutes late was early.
Joey had many friends. Diane describes him as a social butterfly. He could schmooze with anyone about anything - and in that way was very much like her father, whom he adored. I may have been one of Joey girl – friends (not to be confused with girlfriend), but judging by his contact list he collected many more of us over the years!
Joey was surrounded by woman. He loved it. A friend of the family thought it might be good to even the odds a little and bought a boy hamster for the girls to keep Joey company. That was great until Hymie turned out to be Hymette! When they got Pez Joe made sure he was not a she!
It was easy to talk with Joey. He was a good communicator. He had a dry wit and always spoke with conviction. It was never a dull conversation.
Joey was a peacemaker. He believed you do whatever you have to do to hold the family together. If you don’t work at it, communicate with each other, the family will drift apart – And that to Joe was the worst that could happen. Having experienced and survived a family rift – Joe was determined he would not let that happen in his family again. This family first and foremost value is one deeply ingrained in all three girls. Sure they fight with each other and with their Mom, but heaven help the outsider who hurts or harms anyone in family.
Family to Joe was not just about being related by blood. To Joe and Diane it included friends. If you wanted to belong you could. The entry fee – loyalty and love.
Joe was very generous about a lot of things. He had control issues however with his car and his computer. In 40 years I never once drove Joe’s car. And until yesterday I had never sat at his desk nor used his computer. Diane too was kept from those bastions as well.
Joe was not known as a cook. His repertoire was very limited - Kraft dinner, hot dogs and bbqing. His specialty was nuts and bolts. He made them every Xmas/Chanukah season. Sick as he was, he even managed to make them this summer for Alyssia and Chris’s wedding. THAT IS THE KIND OF GUY JOE WAS.
Joey would tell you his best feature was his hair. For almost everyone else, it was his laugh, his smile and/or his twinkly eyes.
As a business person, Joe was tough but fair. His employees were dedicated to him. Many worked for his father and for Joe for a very long time. When Joe closed the company down, he made sure that all the workers who wanted jobs had them elsewhere.
Joey’s prime hobby was his family. Though not always patiently, he would go shopping with the girls and Diane. “Oy”, he’d say, “again?” In addition to shopping with the family, Joey liked golf and was a very good photographer. He was also a good golfer, except for the year his t-off swing went awry and the ball would go flying backwards. We teased him a lot about that.
One of Joey’s special talents was his ability for fall asleep anywhere, anytime, for a few minutes or a few hours. Kids could be screaming, the TV could be blaring the vacuum whizzing in the background – lying down, sitting up – it didn’t matter. Nap time was nap time.
At 40, Joe’s solution to his mid life crisis was to join the Y. He went religiously six (6) days a week and made a whole new circle of friends.
Joey and Diane had a good marriage. They started and ended each day with a kiss. Diane said she knew if Joey had left the house in the morning because when she woke up her lips would be covered with Blistex from his goodbye kiss. He made sure family knew how he felt. Everyone conversation ended with “Love you kiddo.”
Joey dealt with his cancer as he dealt with everything else in his life. He wanted to know as much about it as possible. He researched what he had, and what he could do about it. He knew he did not have a good prognosis. You can never tell about time with cancer, but he sensed it would not be years. He hoped, but still he set realistic goals. He wanted to be there for Alyssia and Chris’s wedding and he wanted to see his Grandchild. He accomplished both those things.
When it became apparent Joey would not make it to Victoria for the birth of the baby Diane set up plan B. Cathy and I were chosen to step in for Joey and Diane. Just after the baby was born I went to Victoria help out and get the house ready for when the new family came home from the hospital. Cathy followed and looked after them once they did come home and even flew back to Winnipeg with them on Friday, the first day Amanda was able to fly back with the baby.
During those first days of Alexandra’s life Vasile and I took many pictures of her and sent them to Joey, so he could see pictures of his granddaughter. And, thanks to modern technology Joey even has some “face time” with her. Even though he could not be with her in person, he could see her and hear her.
The end came quickly for Joe. The journey from a great check-up to death was less than a month. He spent almost the last two weeks in the hospital. But he never spent the time alone. Family and friends gathered around – first to offer hope and encouragement – then to offer support and help in the transition between worlds.
Joe died peacefully and with great dignity. For those of us lucky to be with him near, at and after the end, it was a great privilege.
He will be mourned and missed by many. He will not however be forgotten. He left us with our memories, his wife Diane, his daughters Alyssia, Amanda, Alaina, son-in-laws Vasile and Chris, and granddaughter Alexandra.
To “MY PAL JOEY’ on behalf of all us. Thank you, and rest in peace.
