It has been nearly 4 years since you passed little man. A whole 4 years, sat here thinking of all the things you would have learnt to do over the years... All them birthdays Christmases which were spent standing over your headstone wishing things would be so much different. Not a day or hour passes where I don't think of you. And I know mommy does too... Your baby brother and sister are growing up. Oh how much I wish you could be here to play with them. Nearly 4 years since I seen your precious face, held you close, kissed your tiny lips. Yet the memory of you lay in my arms hasn't faded .. The heartache hasn't eased... The tears haven't stopped flowing .... And my love for you only continues to grow. It breaks my heart knowing you won't be at my wedding. Knowing you will never get to meet your nieces and nephews. There's so much your going to miss and I know I can never change that. But I know your looking over me always. They say there is a reason they say that time will heal but neither time nor reason could change the way I feel. I feel empty... Incomplete without you baby boy. I would give everything and anything to have you back!! I'm trying to make you proud, honestly I am, I know I need to stop arguing with mommy :(... I know you wouldn't want me to be sad, I'm trying to stay positive but it's hard knowing someone I love so much is no longer here, but I also know that nanny Sheila and all the other Angels are taking such good care of you. And one day .. Soon enough .. I promise you we will meet again. And make up for lost time. Spread your wings and fly my darling angel. Wait for me by heavens gates my beautiful baby brother... A moment in our arms, a lifetime In our hearts.  Leah misses and loves you more than you could ever understand. 

I came across this poem on the SANDS website and was incredibly moved by it. As Joey's nanny I know I now walk in different shoes to those I walked in before, but I also know that my pain (as awful as it is) is nothing when compared to that of Joey's mommy. I dedicate this poem to Shelly and all the other angel mommies out there. xxxxx

An Ugly Pair of Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.

They are ugly shoes.

Uncomfortable shoes.

I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.

Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.

Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes.

They are looks of sympathy.

I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.

They never talk about my shoes.

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them. 

But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.

There are many pairs in the world.

Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.

Some have learned how to walk in them so they dont hurt quite as much.

Some have walked in the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.

No woman deserves these shoes.

Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.

These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.

They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

-Author Unknown-