When you say to someone who has lost a child , you must put this behind you and move on with your life I am wondering in what way did you mean that? Perhaps it is something we need to start asking you.. We are continuing to live our lifes, and it should be explained to us in terms that we can understand.. Put this behind you, is the part I really have a problem understanding.. What are we to put behind us ? Our life? Our memories ? Or the fact that we had another child ? The fact that they have died ? Are you telling us we must totally forget those things and go on as if our children never existed ?? I think it is time to ask you to define exactly what you are saying.. You want us to go back to the passed and return to being happy.?? Give us back our children and we will do that.. But since you cannot return the things that made us happy , how do you expect us to do that ? Forget them ? That would be to say they never had no value in our lifes...For me..what you are saying is that they lived for no reason.. Their lifes had great value , whether you choose to recognize it or not.. It is thoughtless and insensitive thing to say to someone who has lost the most important part of his or her life.. When you see someone who has lost a leg, or an arm, would you say you must put this behind you and move on with your life ? No matter how much time has passed would you believe this is an appropriate thing to say to them ? Why then when we have lost something more important to us than our arms, legs, or our lifes ..would you feel it is appropriate to say it to us ? Don't you realize we would gladly give those things to have them back again or say it to someone else..when you are talking about us , as if you must find some way to blame us for our grief that is even worse..this is one of those senseless statements made by people who do not stop to think of how ignorant and how foolish it is.. If you must speak that way, at least think it through and define what you are saying.. Is that person holding a job or raising other children..? Are they sharing a marriage and doing the normal things in their lifes ? Then how are they failing to move on with their lifes ? Is it because they are still grieving ? That does not stop us from moving on with our lifes ~~ life continues whether we want it to or not ~~~ we have not stopped living...!! Put what behind us ?? Have you forgotten anyone of your children ?? When they move away from home do you stop remembering them ?? Have you forgotten all the special days of celebration or the foods they enjoy when they come to visit..?? Why would you believe we should and how are we to do that ? Explain it to us..! I believe it is time for some honesty and we need to examine what is being said.. I believe the truth is you cannot deal with our unhappiness .. You are still looking for that person that you knew before tragedy hit our lifes..Can you return to the person you were two years ago..? or four years ago ..? Or anytime in the past..?? No, none of us can.. We are shaped by the circumstances of our lifes and there is no going backward.. We do move on with our lifes..Forever changed and forever different but still we are moving on.. We simply cannot move backward ..back to who we were before..We can no longer be the joyful, happy people that we were once were..We have suffered pain that you can never comprehend and we pray that you never do..We are forever changed and if you feel that you must say things for our own good , at least think it through and define what you mean by it.. So before you open your mouth, and totally ruin your relationship with your friend, do think it over.. We didn't want to lose our loved one...It happened..
In Memory of John
10/23/73...5/26/01
