This memorial website was created in memory of our loved one, John Demmert, 62 years old, born on November 16, 1956 and passed away on February 11, 2019. We will remember him forever.
John was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a cancer of the plasma cells, in March of 2016. He fought this brutal cancer for almost three years before it eventually became stronger than his body. His tenacious, fighting spirit was never diminished however. He always kept a firm, "I will conquer this beast" attitude and never lost his sense of humor. He loved to joke around with everyone and consistently set goals for himself to work towards.
In time, the cancer began to form masses in the lining of his spinal cord, which eventually caused him to become paralyzed from the waist down. Still, he refused to throw in the towel and was determined to gain use of his legs again one day. However, many sessions of radiation had little to no effect on the tumors, and the cancer continued to take a toll on his body. After developing pneumonia for the fourth time in six months, coupled with a bad urinary tract infection, his body simply could not take the beating any longer.
John was surrounded by a multitude of family members and close friends in his final days. He was immersed in their love and support until the very end.
He is survived by his wife of 35 years, Patty, and daughter, Dana (creator of this website). The loss and heartache we feel is devastating, and is felt by all who loved him (which is undoubtedly a LOT of people). He will live on in our hearts forever though, and we will keep his spirit alive by sharing stories, reminiscing on memories, and partaking in the things and activities that he too loved so dearly. God has a plan none of us can see or understand, but He has gained an amazing angel recently and we are thankful that John is in a place completely void of pain or suffering.
John - We love you so, so much. You are in our hearts, forever & always.
Tributes
Leave a tributeMissing you on today and wishing you could meet your great-niece Serena. Life has been a wild ride for me lately and I sure would love to have a conversation about it all with you. You were always easy to talk to and be real with. And I appreciated all of your good advice and words of encouragement.
All I can say is that this past year has been the most difficult 12 months of my life. If I said I handled all of it with grace and strength, I'd be lying. Even now, a year later, I find myself struggling more often than I anticipated.
I don't know when things will start to feel easier. Or at least more manageable. I know the grief will is something I will carry forever, I just hope some day the weight of it feels a little lighter. A little less crushing.
You are so missed by so many people. I love you always.
If you can, keep watching over me. I need it.
John....one year ago today, in the early morning hours, we said our final good-byes to you as you left this earthly life. Our hearts were broken that day, and they're still trying to mend themselves today.
We love you so much, and miss you every single day. We always will. XO
I missed you yesterday. I miss you today. I will miss you tomorrow. Sending you all my love, John. Today, and always. XO
It was not an easy day. I don't imagine it ever will be. Seeing all the posts online, everyone spending their days joyfully with their fathers or getting the chance to at least talk to them.
It doesn't really feel fair that I'll never get that experience again. I'm only 28 and thinking about all of the Father's Days I'll have to endure from here on out makes me ill. It makes my heart hurt in ways I don't know how to convey to anyone.
So I celebrated you quietly, on my own, which is what I needed.
I was in Ohio that day, but I made sure to bring some of your ashes with me. It was an overcast, rainy day which ironically fit my mood pretty perfectly. I went off on my own and spread them under a small tree. That way, you can be apart of that tree as it continues to grow and I'll always know where to find you when I'm in Versailles, Ohio.
Missing you, Dad. Thinking of you always.
Happy Father's Day.
HOW WE SURVIVE
If we are fortunate,
we are given a warning.
If not,
there is only the sudden horror,
the wrench of being torn apart;
of being reminded
that nothing is permanent,
not even the ones we love,
the ones our lives revolve around.
Life is a fragile affair.
We are all dancing
on the edge of a precipice,
a dizzying cliff so high
we can't see the dark ravine.
So we must cherish them
without reservation.
Now.
Today.
This minute.
We will lose them
or they will lose us
someday.
This is certain.
There is no time for bickering.
And their loss
will leave a great pit in our hearts;
a pit we struggle to avoid
during the day
and fall into at night.
Some,
unable to accept this loss,
unable to determine the worth of life without them,
jump into that black pit
spiritually or physically,
hoping to find them there.
And some survive
the shock,
the denial,
the horror,
the bargaining,
the barren, empty aching,
the unanswered prayers,
the sleepless nights
when their breath is crushed
under the weight of silence
and all that it means.
Somehow, some survive all that and,
like a flower opening after a storm,
they slowly begin to remember
the one they lost
in a different way....
The laughter,
the irrepressible spirit,
the generous heart,
the way their smile made them feel,
the encouragement they gave
even as their own dreams were dying.
And in time, they fill the pit
with other memories;
the only memories that really matter.
We will still cry.
We will always cry.
But with loving reflection
more than hopeless longing.
And that is how we survive.
That is how the story should end.
That is how they would want it to be.
John, we're all slowly learning to survive without you. It's not easy. It's definitely a process. But all we can do is keep pushing forward...one day at a time. Thinking of you today & always. I Love you with all my heart...now & forever! XOXO
But today is not that day.
I miss you, Dad.
I missed you yesterday.
I miss you today.
I will miss you tomorrow.
You are forever in my thoughts, and will always be in my heart.
All my Love, Patty
XO
Written some sixteen-hundred years ago, it’s as if it were written just yesterday with John in mind. Every time I visited with John over the years, he always mentioned how he had the best job in the world at Clearbrook. It was never about money or status, but rather, what he could do to help those who are less fortunate. It’s as if Augustine had somehow been able to peer into the future and had been watching John the past twenty-five+ years at Clearbrook, when he crafted these words.
Funny the things we never realize we'll miss so damn much until they're gone. I've still got two of your voicemails saved on my phone from 2016 when the Blackhawks were playing the Blues in the playoffs and it ended up going to game 7 (Blackhawks lost but man was it a great series). I missed your calls because I was out watching the game at a bar and at the time I felt terrible that I missed those calls. But now I realize that maybe it was a blessing in disguise, because now I'm still able to hear your voice yell "KANERRR!" It'll never be the same as getting to answer another call from you, but I still cherish those voicemails more than any possession I own and smile (typically along with some tears) every time I hear them.
Missing you.
Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space. Maybe we should trust that, even if we can't understand it."
This quote is from one of my favorite movies of all time - Interstellar.
Love is something we will never fully understand. There are only so many words that can describe its depth and intensity. It's too big for that. It's just something that we innately feel even if we don't understand it. Love isn't stopped by miles of separation. Age has no effect on love. Neither does death. Even when our loved ones are gone, we continue to love them just as hard as we ever did, even though we are aware of the fact that they will never be physically returning to us. Love has no boundaries or limitations.
I go forward into the future, the unknown... but knowing that no matter what, my love for my dad will never waiver. It will be kept sacred in my heart until the end of time. It is unbreakable.
I love you, Dad. Always.
But I'll see you in the sky above
In the tall grass, in the ones I love
You're gonna make me lonesome when you go..."
Leave a Tribute
Missing you on today and wishing you could meet your great-niece Serena. Life has been a wild ride for me lately and I sure would love to have a conversation about it all with you. You were always easy to talk to and be real with. And I appreciated all of your good advice and words of encouragement.
Happy Birthday, Dad
First Tattoo Without My Dad
Today I got my first tattoo without my dad being by my side. Maybe it's a strange thing to bond over, but it's what we did. Right when I turned 18 I told my dad I wanted to get a tattoo. He didn't fight me on it or tell me I'm too young and I should wait a few years, he simply told me that he would take me to the place he went to get his so he knew I was getting it done by legitimate artists who he could trust and who did great work. And from there, he ended up being with me for not only my first tattoo, but my second and third as well. He really enjoyed coming to keep me company, make silly faces at me when I was wincing in pain, and chatting it up with the tattoo artists. Maybe it's not the typical father-daughter bonding you tend to think of, but it was our thing.
Tomorrow will be one month already since he's been gone. It's still hard to believe. I struggle every day with comprehending what has transpired just since the beginning of the year. But today I decided to get a perpetual reminder printed on my body to fight with every ounce of strength I have, no matter what darknesses or tribulations come my way - just like he did. No matter how tough it gets, don't go down without a fight. Give it everything you've got, and then some. This has always been one of my favorite poems, and now it's meaning really hits home. The final lines of this poem read:
"Do not go gentle into that good night,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
So this one's for you, Dad. I miss you so incredibly much.
John would go to great lengths for those he cared for
My favorite memory of John involves our shared love of Bob Dylan music.
When I was in high school, I had an emergency appendectomy. When John came to visit me after my surgery, he was very apologetic. He had purchased tickets to a Bob Dylan concert, and planned to take me, but now it appeared that I would be unable to attend, because of my recent surgery. This would have not only been my first Dylan concert, but my first concert ever. I told John I was going to go, even if I had to go on a stretcher.
Our parents were, of course, against my attending the concert. I, on the other hand, was adamant.I was going. Despite the trouble this was bound to cause us both with our parents, John never tried to talk me out of it.
The night of the concert, I snuck out of the house, and John picked me up. We left without giving our parents the chance to object. We arrived at the Chicago Stadium, and I looked dauntingly at the cement staircase that led to our 2nd balcony seats. I was warned by the surgeon to avoid stairs for at least a month. John and his friend BJ formed a Boy Scout Four Handed Seat. To make this, each bearer grasps his left wrist in his right hand, and the other bearer's right wrist in his left hand, with the backs of the hands uppermost. I was able to sit on the seat their clasped wrists had created, and they proceeded to carry me up all the stairs, so that I could enjoy the show.
This was not the only time I would break the rules in order to see a concert with John, but it was my favorite. It was a wonderful example of how John would go all out to do something unselfish and generous for someone he cared about.