Christmas Graveside.
Today Mom and I went to your graveside. I know that you are no longer there but its the only place where we can honor your life. We had the entire trunk of my car filled with Christmas stuff to decorate with because it was your favorite holiday and this year is going to be the first year we will be without you. I dont really know how we are gonna manage getting through the day but im sure that your spirit will be among us. Mom worked really hard the past month gathering up all sorts of decorations and small christmas trees, she decorated each one and took the time to hot glue it all so that it wouldnt come apart with the wind. It looked beautiful. She chose not to decorate at home this year, and neither did Joe....their hearts just werent ready....my heart wasnt in it either but with the kids, I really didnt have a choice. Jeffrey really is pitiful Johnboy.....I dont think the room has been touched in a year....nothing has been disturbed, not even the clothes you had laid out for college hanging on the bathroom door. Its all just collecting dust and dog hair. He keeps saying that hes going to do something about it but that time never comes. I think that in some way he thinks that if he were to get rid of your clothes or pack up some of your belongings that he would be betraying you. I know that you would not want him living this way. I wish that there was a way that you could let him know that its ok to start packing things away and its ok to get rid of the clothes, you wont be back to get them and you certainly dont need them where you are, those clothes have now been replaces with beautiful flowing robes. Well I am going to go for now, I need to work on getting more stuff ready for the trip. I am taking the kids to Orlando for the entire week before Christmas so that they can go to universal studios and islands of adventure and see the grinch and all of that. I know that your smiling from that news because you were always one for taking and doing things with the kids. By the way, they are all doing great.....we all have our ups and downs but we work through them and keep on trucking. I guess im going to go for now, I think I said that once already but I just miss you so much that I could go on forever. I love you and Miss you. Keep watching over me and my ducklings as we travel through our life and we will be together again one day.
Love,
April