So your sister Jordan was getting ready for your birthday party and Aubri  Wanted to  know where they were going So Ali said  Aubri we're going to Uncle Jonathan's birthday party And Aubri says why, he doesn't even Wive(live) in this town !!( Shes 5 and still has a lisp going on,) Lol... then Ali had to explain that you're in heaven and we are celebrating for you here on earth! Oh how we miss you

32 years ago.. that s how long ago you made me the happiest momma in the world. The most handsome perfect baby boy was handed to me this morning 32 years ago.... you changed my life forever and made me a better person...your hugs and words of encouragement my dear Son are so truly missed please ..please know your Momma loves and misses you so much...Happy 32nd Birthday my Handsome Angel....

Happy Easter Uncle!!

On monday we were getting ready for mass, and Aliana asked me where we were going so I told her to church and she said "where Uncle Jonathan is" I said yes, she said good.. so we get there and Jordan is getting her out of the car and she says are we at the church with Uncle Jonathan and Jordan says, yes.. and Ali says are we going into the church or where Uncle Jonathan is first, and Jordan says to see Uncle first, and Ali says, OH GOOD, cuz Uncle Jonathan is funny he tells me lots of jokes and I love his jokes... when he makes me laugh!!! 
She DOES KNOW YOU SON... you have been with her since before she came into this world I just know it.. I just wish they could know you here on earth :(

She points to your picture everytime she is at my house... i know you keep her safe, .... she too, will know all about her Uncle....

I believe she knows you because you visited with her before we even got to meet her... she was born 3 months after you were taken from us, but,  she knows you.. Thank you for watching over her...:)

She remembers you scaring her with your motorcycle helmet... her Untle Jonthon...you were such a funny man... 

Your  beautiful nieces, they always talk to your pictures, they will grow up knowing you even though they didn't get the honor of you being here on earth with them, Jaiden got to meet you here but misses her Uncle and his motorcycle helmet :)...

Baseball was the love that they all had and they shared many games together, Joe Samario, Joanathan Hernandez, Freddy Palomino, and David Vasquez. They had a blast and were all great ball players. I bet Jonathan plays baseball in "Heaven" we will never forget you Jonathan.

We know from the time we are young that one day a family member will be taken from us, but we never really think it will happen we are never prepared for it, there isn’t a course you can take to help you prepare for that awful day, and even if there was it still wouldn’t be enough! You know it will happen, you just never think It will, at least not until you are "old enough" to understand to coupe and to be “prepared” and honestly no amount of time, age, or wisdom will have you ready for that moment…

I still remember that EXACT moment the moment I answered my phone the exact tone in my mother’s voice the exact words she said, I remember running out of work, the hazy drive to the hospital, not knowing what to expect. I remember it all just like it was yesterday, getting there sitting in that room all alone not knowing what was going on, and then I saw him, I saw his hands, his strong, loving hands I just starred at his hands , fingers still flickering at that time. I couldn’t look at anything else, I didn’t want to, I remember asking him to talk to me to yell at me to do anything… they escorted me out of the room and finally after what seemed like an eternity my grandma showed up.. Hysterical of course and at that moment I knew I had to be strong I could hear my brother’s voice telling me to be strong, to comfort… after that more and more family showed and then friends… I remember I all the pain, the hurt, the confusion, and yet the comfort! The comfort in knowing who my brother was what he stood for, his LOVE for everyone as was apparent in the number of people all around that hospital!

He understood how to be a good brother, a great brother… we have so many memories from being children playing outside, to teenagers and him coaching me through my very first hard time, him not allowing me, my mom or sisters out of the house looking a hot mess, ha ha and then there was our talks, our talks about love, about God, and about children, I had always thought I had disappointed him until one day he sat me down and let me know how proud he was of me how strong I had become and how much he loved me and just wanted me to be happy!! I will cherish those moments that at the time seemed like everyday life, our egg throwing fight lol our wrestling in the rocks :) my brother and that smile, that BEAUTIFUL smile!! 

At his funeral we were reminded of how magnetic his personality really was how loved he was, the church was flooded, the love was felt! He touchedso many lives he helped so many people and it was shown that day… Jonathan relocated to a much better place I know this, I can sense it! He is with us looking down on us and laughing, crying and rejoicing with us, all of us in every moment… Death comes like a thief in the night and NO one is immune! Don’t waste time in pettiness and misunderstandings, LOVE with your heart wide open like my brother did! Live like there is no tomorrow and Laugh like it is your last breath… cherish those WONDERFUL memories, those GREAT times and most of all that BEAUTIFUL smile that never seemed too far away!

Today is November 11, 2011.  I realize November 11th is a normal day for most and to those of you who this date holds no significance for will more than likely disregard this note without a second thought.  But for those of you who think of November 11th and are immediately jerked into that component of your being that withholds heartache, I welcome you to take a look into my mind in remembrance of what was once so lovely. 

This day, November 11th, marks two years since the death of Jonathan Hernandez. 

Jon was a lot of things to a lot of people, but to me…Jon was my first love.  Jon was the first boyfriend I ever had, and in being so, he set the standard for every man in my life following him.  This perhaps explains why I am single today, because no man has proven to live up to what Jon was to me, so many years ago.  Jon and I shared the love of two innocent kids, free from the tribulations that weigh down many relationships.  Some of my fondest memories of him and I together consist of simply lounging around my house reading the newspaper.  We would laugh at the stories and discuss the news contained in the articles, me sitting curled up in his lap with him turning the pages around us.  We were hidden behind our own little newspaper world, all the trivial issues that so pollute life separated from us, and we could just be, together.  When we sat behind that thin, papery wall of printed words and pictures, nothing else mattered.  It was simple and sweet, and that’s exactly what our time together was.  We could look at each other and know in a glance that us together, “Jon and Nat,” we were something special.  I can still see his smile - his perfect lips - that playful one-sided smirk that would stretch out into a big toothy grin when he’d laugh.  Anyone who knew Jon knew his smile.  I can still hear him talk… “Nat!  You’re MY girl Nat.”

In continuation of Jon’s smile was his perpetual sense of humor.  We often watched movies together and I distinctly remember that every single time the DreamWorks logo would come on screen before the film’s opening credits, Jon would point to the little boy sitting on the moon, fishing into the world, and say “look Nat, that’s me.”  It wasn’t until years later when I went to film school at USC and took a class on Steven Spielberg that I would connect the magnitude of this little moment to a greater spiritual significance.  Spielberg is a man of dreams, and within every one of his narratives rests a fairy tale, whether at the surface or buried deep within the context.  Many of his films feature either young boys or the man-child, all of whom are desperately searching for home - a return to the heart and soul of humanity.  This is what Spielberg put into the logo of his production company, DreamWorks SKG.  Years ago when Jon would make sure that I saw the boy in the moon and he’d say, “NAT look at me in the moon!” he didn’t know the history of DreamWorks, nor did either of us know that film would become such an integral part of my life, Spielberg’s work in particular.  Yet without fail, Jon would make sure I knew that he was the little boy in the moon, looking down from the skies with his fishing pole.  And while it may not have been the way any of us who so loved Jon would have liked for it to happen, Jon succeeded in his fairy tale, finding his way home in the crescent of the moon, smiling down on the world.

Part of me wants to keep talking about Jon, and I could effortlessly dedicate days to spilling out our memories onto this impersonal, electronic page, but the other part, the presiding part, wants to keep what I have left of him to myself, locking such nostalgia well within the confines of my heart, where few have gained access since Jon himself.

At the risk of sounding melancholy and cliché, I loved Jon and I will never forget him. But I realize this is not about me…today is not “wallow in Natalie’s grief day,” it is about the Hernandez family.  So I ask you, those who have followed along with my words of commemoration, to take a moment in prayer for the Hernandez family and remember Jonathan Hernandez.  

God's Lent Child
I’ll lend you for a little while, a child of mine, God said
For you to love the while he lives and mourn for when he’s gone.
It may be six or seven years, or forty-two or three
But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me?

He’ll bring his charms to gladden you and should his stay be brief
You’ll always have his memories as a solace in your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught below I want this child to learn.

I’ve looked this whole world over in my search for teachers true
And from the folk that crowd Life’s lane I have particularly chosen you.
Now will you give him all your love and not think the labour vain,
Nor hate me when I come to take this lent child back again?

I fancy that I heard them say “Dear God, thy will be done.
For all the joys this child will bring the risk of grief we’ll run.
We will shelter him with tenderness, we’ll love him while we may
And for all the happiness we’ve ever known, we’ll ever grateful stay.
But should the angels call him much sooner than we’d planned
We will brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand."
~ Author Unknown

So Grateful for the time I was Lent.....but the grief can truly be unbearable...

I don’t know how you do it.

I could not do the same.”

These often are the words

I hear as I say My JONATHAN’S name.

“I had no other choice,”

is often my sad reply.

I had to make a choice, to learn to breathe, to live,

I’ve chosen to keep his spirit in my head,

 and in my heart to keep him close,

otherwise I would just shrivel up, and choose a wish to die..

It’s way down on the inside,

where one can ever see; the hurt, the pain,

Way down deep within,

part of my heart, my soul has gone with him.

It’s when you do not see me,

that I cry my silent tears,

or feel the empty hurt inside,

because he is not here,

He kept our family close,

Which now, has sadly changed,

I miss his great big smile,

his words of wisdom too, “it will all be better Mom.. just give it all some time.

I can always clearly hear him say “Mom please don’t’ let them see you shed another tear,

My Sister’s, they still need you, to keep their hope alive,

I would choose it to be different,

I would choose to feel no pain.

I would choose to only smile,

as I say My JONATHAN’S name.

So one day when I am telling my grandchildren all about their wonderful Uncle,

And I get that dreadful question,

Nani, how’d you do it, with so much hurt and pain?

With lips still quivering, my sad reply will be,

“I wouldn’t have done it this way

if I had been given, any other “choice.”

In loving memory of My Beautiful Son JONATHAN RICHARD HERNANDEZ 09/09/85 – 11/11/2009                                                      Veronica Duran-Hernandez