It was probably the first part of March of 1983 and I couldn't wait to arrive at my Dad and Step-Mom Cindy's out East of Benton so that I could see my new little half-brother Joshua Joe Eldridge.  He was laying there with a little danty white shaw blanket and was dressed in a little soft white sleeper.  I wanted to hold him so bad...mind you I was only 12 at the time.  And I wasn't so sure how my step-mom was going to react to that but she scooped him right up off that bed and had me sit down and handed him right to me.  I think I held him forever!  When he started to cry I knew I would have to give him up but when he started to cry she took him and changed his diaper and I'm pretty sure it was cloth!  WOW...a cloth diaper with plastic pants over them, don't see that to often anymore.  Then she handed him right back to me and she fixed him a bottle and it was the playtex nursers with the bags..and then she allowed me to feed him.  I was in heaven.  For the next few years when I was there for visitation I spent all my time with him,  I felt like a little mommy.  Things changed and he was no longer in my life and I checked in time to time but didn't have much contact until he found me on myspace.....many stories where exchanged and I learned a lot and I'm so proud of the accomplishments he was able to make in his life.  So when something like this happens it makes you think about life.  Do the things you need to do for tomorrow may never be here to do them.  Your big sister...Billie Jean