I seemed to have lost what I started.  Basically, what I wanted to say was this:  Josh never had a chance when he came into this world.  By that, I mean in filling all the roles that were expected of him from all of us: me and Sherry; Pat and Don; Donna; and influencing it more than he should have, Gordon.

We all had a special place for him.  Unfortunately, too many of those roles were mutually exclusive from what he, and the others, wanted.  Or was good for him.

Like the story of the blind men describing the elephant, Josh held a special place in every life he touched.  And to all of us, he gave some, but not neccessarily all.  When all is said and done, he showed us all how much he loved his mother, and how he chose to leave by the same exit she took.

I'll try to add stories as they come to me, and maybe it will help to fill in some blanks.  I know that when Casey and I finally got to talk about what all had happened thirty years ago, we both realized that it would have been better for all of us if we would have had those 'answers' years ago.  Jack

As the nights get cooler and the moon seems closer, i feel you here. I had my 1st fire in our chiminaya last night and thought of all the times you and I and the kids and our friends and neighbors sat out there in our fairy garden dancing in the flames and listening to all your stories. Sometimes you wouldnt even come in the house at the end of the evening and you would sleep outside.! You loved to be outdoors. We had a little garden of vegetables, our pissy pumkin patch, our peppers and our fairy garden under the big tree in the backyard. You were very happy out there digging in the dirt and playing with the fire. If more people had known you this way....I love you and miss you Joshua. I can almost here Sweet Home Alabama by Kid Rock in the background LOL

Always,

Jennifer

The day he first told me he was starting to disappear I didn't believe him & so he stopped & held his hand up to the sun & it was like thin paper in the light & finally I said you seem very calm for a man who is disappearing & he said it was a relief after all those years of trying to keep the pieces of his life in one place. Later on, I went to see him again & as I was leaving, he put a package in my hand. This is the last piece of my life, he said, take good care of it & then he smiled & was gone & the room filled with the sound of the wind & when I opened the package there was nothing there & I thought there must be some mistake or maybe I dropped it & I got down on my hands & knees & looked until the light began to fade & then slowly I felt the pieces of my life fall away gently & suddenly I understood what he meant & I lay there for a long time crying & laughing at the same time~   I shared this writing with Joshua a few weeks before he passed away. He said it just about summed up everything, then he smiled and looked and me and once again told me everything was gonna be ok and he was gonna be ok. God I hate it that he is gone but im so happy he no longer suffers.

    Growing up, whenever Josh & I came across a patch of clovers he would find a four leaf clover everytime and I would ask him how he did it and he would just say "lucky".

Josh and I always related music & lyrics to life and he would quote lines from movies- one of his favorites was from Caddy Shack,
"Oh God that's all I need" he would say in his best irish accent :)  

I have  sooo many good memories of he and I driving around listening to music, (1989 -we knew all the lyrics to Sir Mix-a-Lot's album Seminar, "My Hooptie" was my favorite) and over the years I had MANY phone messages from him that were just songs playing...

One of his favorites:

Well, I don't know, but I've been told,
You never slow down, you never grow old.
I'm tired of screwin' up, tired of going down,
Tired of myself, tired of this town.
Oh, my, my. Oh, hell, yes.
Honey, put on that party dress.
Buy me a drink, sing me a song.
Take me as I come 'cause I can't stay long.

Last dance with Mary Jane
One more time to kill the pain
I feel summer creepin' in
And I'm tired of this town again...

 For 9 months I was told that the baby in my Aunt Sherry's tummy was "Cara's baby"...  So when they were taking her to the hospital to have MY baby, I packed my bag and said "Lets go". I was told " You can't go, you need to stay here with the baby sitter".  I was so mad that while they were gone, I got the scissors and cut all my hair off.