Today would have been the twentieth anniversary of our relationship. Mahal, I love you and I always will.

Mahal,

The day has come again in my life, but I can no longer share it with you.

Happy anniversary to the person I love the most! I wish we could have shared the joy, but the universe had other intentions. I will never forget the love you gave me!

I miss so much, mahal

911 days without you, mahal. My heart is still bleeding without seeing you every day. I love you and always will.. I am strong today because of you. May I continue to be strong. Because, to be honest, I still cry mahal... and it's difficult for me to live alone. I may appear to be smiling, but I am in anguish.

Hi mahal!

It's 15th! Yes.. It's that time of the month again. Every 15th of the month, I really miss you extra. I love you so much! Please come visit me in my dreams tonight!  love you, mahal.

Hi Mahal ko,

We spoke about you the entire night. We recall the good times we had with you. How you were when you were happy, angry, or drunk. You will never be forgotten in our hearts. We will never forget you. I'm relieved that they remembered you. They kept asking whether someone had replaced you in my heart, and I had no idea that all of our male friends would serve as my tatay/kuya last night, and assured me "it's okay Ge, if meron na... pero WAG muna dpa ko handa" hahaha that's Peng talking. He has no idea how to treat the man daw, if he ever does.
"Pakita mo muna samin, Gege, Kailangan makilatis muna namin yan kasi promise namin kay Jhe kami bahala sayo" your BFF adds.

Bonding with our friends makes me happy, but it also makes me sad. Seeing our friends with their partners and children sometimes multiplies the agony I'm feeling; I'm not jealous, I just feel more lonely.

I love you, mahal. I love you and Scarlet so much.

I miss you, not just once in a while, but every minute of every day. I miss your smile, your beautiful soul.
I miss you in the quiet moments, and in the crowded rooms filled with laughter.
But most of all, I miss the joy that you brought into our world.

I miss you a lot, mahal.

Hello, mahal! I miss you! I always miss you! I know you're always keeping an eye on me up there with
our beautiful baby, Scarlet. I hope I will always make you proud. I'm still doing my best to live this life. This new existence that I'm not accustomed with.

I chose to let your belongings go today. And believe me there’s no easy way to do it but I did it for my own healing. Tears will constantly flow.

You will always be in my heart. ♾️

THANK YOU MAHAL!!! I'm at a loss for words! Of course, you are aware of everything that is going on in my life. I truly believe you are still guiding me in this life. I may not see you, but I know you're there. So thank you, thank you for being the anchor in the midst of life's storms. Yes, you gave me an anchor necklace since we started dating, and perhaps I now understand why. Blessings have been pouring in lately, and I am grateful. I'm at a loss for what to do next. Now the fog has lifted enough for me to see things a little differently, I’m able to see that this period of time is serving a purpose. I’m just not sure what that purpose is quite yet. So, please continue to guide me. I miss you.

I love you Son so much, I always think of you, always in my heart, I always call your name stuck in my mind, Sometimes, I really don't know what's happening to me, I just want to sit down just to think of you for couple of hours then my tears burst, as I recalled all those painful experienced we all had, still fresh, as I can see everything even I close my eyes the struggled you had, but I'm trying to be strong for the family we love ... Please help us your our best angel up there missing you so much❤️

Mahal ko,

I hope this finds you well…I’m not holding up good at all. I don’t know how to cope with losing you...or how to heal the wounds that I can’t see.

I don’t know how to be me without you...and didn’t realize how empty the world would feel without you here.

Now that you’re gone I feel so alone…so isolated…and so sad.

I’m finding it hard to do anything other than think about you. Everyone tells me I need to let you go…but that will never happen...I can‘t and won’t do it.

I can‘t stop thinking about the fact that I won’t see you again…ever, at least not here on Earth.

Honestly…I don’t know how to fill the void that you’ve left.

The place you had in my life is empty and all I have left is a giant hole in my heart. I know that nobody else will understand how we loved to be together…just doing the things we loved to do.

Nobody else can fill the hole in my heart…because no one else deserves that spot…because no one else is you
.
Here’s the thing…I’ll never stop loving you, missing you, and wanting you back.

But I’ll be strong…because I know you would want me to be…and I’ll move forward as best as I can…being as brave as I can. I’ll be looking for you in everything I do…and every place I go.

I know that you’re watching over me…and still loving me…and for each breath I take…I’ll take one for you.

You’ll always be a part of me...and I’ll always treasure our time together.

I’ll never forget.

I know that you’re at peace now, and I pray that you’re happy, and when the day comes that my journey here is over…I know you’ll be saving a seat for me.

I love you…still.

Mahal, my heart feels heavy right now. I miss you everyday. I miss your random ways of making me feel loved. I miss sharing everything with you. I miss everything that has something to do with you even the pain that we had shared. I was never prepared for this! I wanted you back in this life!!! I know I have no control over this that’s why I’m a mess right now and I hate it! I hate everything!!

Mahal, I MISS YOU! I’m sorry but I am losing myself again. I’m not as strong as you think I am! I wasn’t mentally and emotionally okay! I stopped talking to people we know! I stopped sharing my thoughts and letting them know what’s happening in my life! I AM TIRED! I just want to give up on this life. I’M SORRY!

JR, where are you now? You are in my heart forever xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Don't worry,I'm ok, your beautiful, loving mom gives me the strength to carry on.

My Baby, I was away for 4 days, your always in my mind & heart, pain never goes away, trying to compose myself each time when I miss you so much I know you're resting in God's Love that I shouldn't be sad, but I can't help, because I miss you & sometimes I still can't believe that you're really gone, see you again if it's my time for me to depart, I am a bit worried about my self as I'm loosing weight bit by bit since you were gone as it's like I can be with you any time, please help me to pray, worried also about Pete your God Father, he had 3 general operations 1 general surgery, & several endoscopy, I hope he will be healed completely ... I know you're 20 months away now ... Your beautiful memories engraved in my heart, I love you endlessly Bugie my beloved son

Mahal, 669 days have passed since I held your hand and told you everything would be fine as you took your last breath. I can't believe it's been a year already; most of it has been a blur. But I know you'd be proud of me. I haven't shriveled up in grief. I'm doing my best to keep moving forward. Every night, I cry. I miss you, your love and hugs... I never thought I'd be doing this alone in this lifetime, and sometimes I wish God would just take my life. Mahal, I'm exhausted! And I can't tell anyone how I feel because they will never understand.

You've been gone for a year now. I've cried more tears than an ocean could hold as I've mourned and questioned. I didn't think I would make it through a single day without you but somehow I've survived 365 days.

Yes, 365 days since the last time I saw your sweet face, 365 days since the last time I held your hand. 365 days since the last time I kissed you. And I’ve had 365 days to prepare for this day, but I still don't have any words that adequately describe the void you've left. I miss my soulmate more than I can possibly explain.

Mahal, I just want you to know how loved and deeply missed you are. Until we meet again. ♾

My beloved Son, " J.R. Loison"when you left half of my life went with you, the other half tried to survive in this challenging world, l asked myself time & again how to survive losing you my precious child as you became my world, since your birth, the 1st time I saw you, everyone says move on, the more I can't, but trying to cope through your beautiful memories, it would never cease even through the years, l love you more than ever my baby, be happy up there, with our family, especially with your daughter Scarlet Heart, you turned 11 months today with Lord Jesus, my angel ❤️

My beloved son Bugie still, l'm trying to be ok since you were taken from us, & still the same, thinking of you day by day, I can't erase in my mind the way you fought & struggle, you tried to show that you were ok, although you're weren't, you were taken from us painfully, I didn't see you when you left, there's no goodbye, the reason maybe the pain is always here, but trying to think that you're ok, now, there's no pain at all, but I miss you so much, thank you for letting me to feel the love & care you had in your heart, my baby forever, you're always here in my heart & would never ever forget you for the rest of my life ... Be happy Up there with our Family, l love you forever & beyond until we meet again as God's promised ❤️ (This message meant for your Birthday on December 12, 2021 we celebrated your birthday in Pampanga at your sister's Farm)

I love you Jr , your spirit and I are one for I know what happens in this life and the next.
My blessed son xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I wish you were here. I wish you never had to get sick. I wish we knew sooner and could have save you somehow. I miss you! And I still don’t know how to do this life without you. I need you in this lifetime. I love you mahal.  I never imagined this 6months without you. How did I even survive?

Happy monthsary, my love. I miss you so much! I miss your hugs… i love you with all my heart and soul. One day we will be together again.

Mahal!!! I’M TIRED!!! Tired of everything!!!! My ribs are cracking from the pain under the weight of every I love you I have said to you and you can’t say back. Our story did not go the way we planned…and no matter how many times or how many ways I re-write it over and over and over, you will still be where you are and I will still be here…without you. This is just UNFAIR!!! Everything is NOT FAIR!!! Just take me with you!!!

My loves united. This was the first time you were together, Mahal. Your first time with Scarlet. But I guess you are already together up there in heaven. I hope you had a blast celebrating Father's Day with our little one. I just wish I could be there with you, but the knowledge of you two together gives me some comfort. Happy Father's Day, Mahal! And happy 9th months to pur precious daughter. ❤️❤️❤️

I cry for the life you lived and the life you didn’t..

Mahal, I never asked for this kind of life. I was handed with this kind of life without you. The hardest part for me is coming to terms with how you were so cheated out of life? I never thought bad things like this would be my reality. How can someone so full of life and hope and dreams die?

It’s also hard to accept that I won’t grow old with you & that you will be forever 35.

Thank you for your unconditional love, mahal. I MISS YOU, MY LOVE. Please help me heal because I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to be with you. 

Everyday is just the SAME, same day without you. I don’t think time is gonna heal this broken heart.

I know everyone will eventually die.. but never thought in my 30’s I will be this broken! God knows how much I miss you.

My daily life: wake up, survive and sleep. I literally stopped feeling like myself. I liked who I was with you and I’m worried that version of myself is gone forever.

I love you, mahal ko.

Mahal, today is hard! Please help me get through the pain. I am trying to cope by being grateful for all the good times that we’ve shared but I still feel weak, lost and empty. I need you back in my life. I will never be okay. NEVER! I want my old life back! Why do i have to experience this kind of pain? Why do I have to go through all of these??? You and Scarlet are my life.. I want you both back in my life. THIS IS TOO MUCH! I can’t bear this alone!

I miss you a little extra today, mahal. I miss our talks. I remember the time when we always talk about life and we asked each other questions like what are the things we were afraid to happen and you told me that the only thing you were afraid of was “living without me” I guess that’s why you had to go first. But how about me? I was also afraid to live without you mahal, but here I am still living the nightmare since you left me. And I’m still in pain. Will I ever stop feeling this kind of pain? I want you back, mahal! I want you and Scarlet back in my life. I can’t to this alone. I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH!!!

Thinking Of You BUGIE, today is your daughter SCARLET'S 7months up there, you've been together for 3 months now, you're both so precious to us all here on earth, praying for your happiness being together without pain don't worry about us you're with us day by day our angels. It's truly difficult for us you left behind. Let us be sad & weep for you both, God sets the time for sorrow and the time for joy, the time for mourning, and the time for everything There Is A Season. One day we'll see each other again l just believed, for now just watch over us be by our side, we love you both more than ever.

BUGIE It's already 3 months since you were gone & there's nothing new since, but to think of you continuously as I'm always alone, although l can't sleep & can only afford to try to eat a bit l still try my hardest to cure myself, because I know I have to survive in this most painful experience in this life, I still have lots of questions that no answer, I lit a candle yesterday when your sister Joni & Arjhie came over, there's pain in my heart as I can't forget even a bit of your painful journey to be with your with your daughter SCARLET, that's keep rotating in my mind before you finally gone out of this world. God knows that l has so much love to give as a mother, mother in law & grandmother, because I love you so much, I am always happier to see you happy. Please be happy up there with your daughter & be with us our ANGELS you're both engraved in my heart forever

3 months without you, but it still feels like it was just yesterday. The amount of pain is still unbearable. 
I am trying so hard to keep going, Mahal. I am struggling to maintain some sort of normalcy during this difficult time. I still wish that it was just a bad dream. I know I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN. They tell me I’m one of the strongest person they know, but I hide from them that it takes every ounce of effort to get through a day in one piece, and that I smile every chance I get to keep myself from breaking apart. To most it sounds dark, and they won’t understand. Each step I take, each day I survive, gets me that much closer to you. It feels impossible to plan for the future, but that is a day that I look forward to. I love you so much, Mahal! 

I miss you as soon as I wake up. I miss you when I’m about to sleep. I wish you’re always here next to me. I miss your cuddles. But I MISS YOU THE MOST. I love you, mahal ko.

I miss you mahal ko, my best friend. My world.
Thank you for your love and loyalty and for the amazing life you have built with me. I will always carry your heart with me. I love you so much, forever and ever. Until we meet again my love. I’ve witnessed how you’ve fought so hard for your life. Thank you for fighting for me, for us. You’re a fighter, a warrior. I will never forget you. I will find my way to you in the next life and every life after that. I hope you are with our precious daughter. I miss you both so much and it kills me everyday for feeling this way.

Bugie, I tried to cope day by day even in my darkest & sleepless nights hoping that you're happy up there with your daughter. I'm still the same since you were gone because I miss you, I miss your call, video call & for being thoughtful, l still has the face mask you gave me so that l can breath easier, l love you for your caring way, I love you both up there RIP with God's Love, our forever guiding Angels

It's Easter but my heart is still broken l always think of you & your beautiful memories & trying to be composed, to be alright day by day, but the truth, even if I pray time & again, the pain was already engraved in my heart & I doubt would be healed a lifetime, it is because I am a mother & I love you so much, l always wants to be the best mother for you, but your life was very short that I can't believe all the time, can't control my tears from falling, sometimes life is so unfair & cruel, you have a lot to achieve in life, have a complete family with your wife & your daughter, would be great, very sad the way you left us, May this Season of Christ give me some hope & lift me up. I hope you're happy with your daughter up there this Easter under God's love, I love you both so much

I MISS YOU, MAHAL!!! I’m still lost and broken. I don’t know the reason why I’m still breathing. I AM BARELY HANGING ON. People tell me I’m one of the strongest person they know, but I hide from them that it takes every ounce of effort to get through a day in one piece, and that I smile every chance I get to keep myself from breaking apart. They don’t see the endless trail of tears that drain my body and soul each night and paint my sheets when my head hits the pillow. They don’t know the pain of my aching heart. If only I could love you back to life. Life will never be the same without you.

SCARLET HEART 6th month Today UP THERE ...Time & again my heart is broken, I can't believe that you were going, just to think about you, my tears flowing, because, I terribly miss you Son & ask the Lord our God to help me, one day in my next life will be together & would never leave you again.You were away for 2 months & 5 days today, while your daughter SCARLET welcomed You there, being there ahead of you, I believe you're happy together, lighted a candle for you both We Love You Both Always ❤️❤️

My beloved Son Bugie, two months today since you were resting with the Lord our God, days pass so quickly, yet day by day always fresh in our hearts & mind experiencing sleepless nights, we love you so much as well as Scarlet Heart, we just want to believe that the Lord loves you more as He carried you both in His Arms that console our broken hearts & knowing that you're with us our beautiful Angels above. Thank you for all beautiful memories you left behind, can't control my tears from falling each time because I terribly miss you, oh help me God!

It's been two months since you’ve been gone. A day hasn't gone by that I haven't thought about you and the light you brought to the world, and I love you so much for that. You made me smile every time I saw you, even if you weren't having a good day. Even in the midst of all of your pain, you put me first and did so much so I would be left with all of these great memories with you.

I still feel like you should be here and there are so many things I wanted you to be here for, but I know that you are always watching over us, even as I am typing this. You loved and cared for our family for so long and now you are with a God who will love and care for you forever. 



I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, MAHAL.

I hope you had a happy Wedding Anniversary with your daughter Scarlet. Bugie, I can't help myself not to think about you, sometimes still I can't believe that you were gone for good, truly difficult for a mother like me, you are an extension of my life & I miss you, just console myself & pray that one day l'll see you again, Love you so much.

Happy 6th Wedding Anniversary, Mahal ko! This day has got me feeling a lot of emotions, mainly a mix of happiness, sadness and grief. Happiness because I got to spend a better part of 17 years with you, and sadness because I won't be able to anymore. Mahal, the day I married you was the best moment of my life, and even if you're gone, I will always cherish and be thankful for this day. I miss you everyday, but moreso today. I miss the highs and lows of our lives. I miss our K-drama nights and our heart to heart talks. I miss being your wife. I miss the feeling of being wanted. I miss everything about you. A part of me wants time to speed up, just so I could be with you sooner, but another part of me wants it to go backwards, so I can spend it again with you. I wish I could celebrate this day with you, even just for one last time. I also wish that I'll have the strength to go through so many other firsts without you. I cry for all the future moments that you'll miss, and I hate that I will continue to grow old, but you'll forever be 35. But I will keep going on Mahal. One day and one small step at a time. I still dream of growing old with you, and even though it will not happen anymore, my heart is still thankful for the time it was loved by you. Every day without you I die a little bit inside, but your memory and love continue to revive me. I love you, Mahal ko. ‍♂️‍♀️

40 days. 40 of the hardest days of my life. It has been 40 days of life without you, Mahal. I know you are in a much better place now, though, and somehow it gives me comfort and relief knowing that you will never get hurt or feel pain again. Like the pain that I constantly feel in your absence. But don't worry my love, I know in time I will be okay. I will continue to live with the memory of you in my heart and soul. Fly high, Mahal ko! 'Til we meet again.

Today is February 24, 5th month when your daughter SCARLET HEART were taken from us, & you my dearest son JR Loison "Bugie" followed her just last month, January 19, 2021, Cremated on the 24th January, we love you both so much, but God loves you more just rest in His loving arms our Angels, we'll see you again if time for us to depart.❤️

I still find it so hard to believe that you have been taken from us , so young and so much still to achieve in life.
              
Nahihirapan pa rin akong maniwala na kinuha ka sa amin, napakabata at napakaraming makakamit pa rin sa buhay.
can we forget you?
never! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My precious son JR Loison Castillo "JL Castillo" my dearest "Bugie" we love you so much, It's difficult to accept that you were gone, the pain is like endless at the moment, I hope this is just temporary, as we want to remember the good times we all shared with you. See you again "Bugie" You will live in our hearts forever your memory will keep us going, you'll be our Angel.

One month today since you were gone, (February 19, 2021) now you're with your daughter Scarlet Heart, I'm sure you'll be happy together RIP both of you, My Beloved Son & Beloved granddaughter, In God's Loving Arms, I am so Proud To Be Your Mother as well as Grandmother Love You Both So Much my Angels