Judy passed away on January 30 2014 at 4:30pm from complications due to her life long struggle with muscular dystrophy. Living in a nursing home in Kapolei and with the help of hospice services, she died peacefully and without pain. On the last day there were many visitors, but at the end it was just Judy and I as she waited for everyone else to leave.
My mother Judy went into the nursing home in July 2007 and it was a difficult transition for both of us. She gave up much of her independent life and I became her advocate and administator. Being that she had an unbeatable spirit, this was just one more obstacle to over come. She made new friends, fashioned beautiful christmas ornaments, studied her books and fought back the pain.
Two days before she died, while visiting I fell asleep in a chair next to her bed. I awoke to find her awake and watching me wide eyed. She said to "come and lay down" and I said "I'm ok". Still being a mom she replied "no you're not". On the last day my wife arrived and told her it was all going to be ok and that she would take care of me. Minutes later she passed.
I was supposed to be taking care of her and all this time she was caring for me. Her absence is larger than I was prepared for. I wander the house now without energy or direction to do anything. The hole in my heart is so large that I will never be the same. I will miss her always.
robby
*On June 4th 2014 at 10:30am, Judy was laid to rest near the slopes of Diamond Head. Wanting for us to be together again one day, Judy requested her last name be changed to Hangai on the stone. And so it was done and one day I will join her.
robby
Today is January 30 2015 and it is one year since my mothers passing. Even after a full year, it's still hard to believe she has left us. I still have the urge to pick up the phone to call her and discuss events of the day. I will always miss her.
robby
January 2018. Has it been 4 years? Mother once told me that when she's gone, I'm going to miss her. She probably said it after one of our epic political arguments. And she was right. I do miss her more than ever. Now that my wife is suffering stage 4 cancer, I more than ever need her wisdom and compassion. All I can do now is to reflect upon her strength and grow from her example. I will always miss her.
robby
Tributes
Leave a tributeI love you Theresa Cuyar
to work with her and to have some deep conversations with her. She lives with you forever and i know is always watching over you. That is the special lady and mom she was and will always be in spirit. Her positive spirit will never die and will always blanket you as you need her. Take care. i will always remember Judy in a special way and know that i was blessed to have known her. Her heart and positive energy in the world lives on in many of us whose life she touched. Thank you Judy for sharing your life and energy with us. Take care my friend. Continue to watch over Robby.
This month is Evelyn, my moms, one year death anniversary.
I always appreciate Judith's reminder and the music played.
We all must leave this earth one day; but the tribute you have done for your mom will be with us always !! LOL
Mark
My mom passed peacefully on January 2nd, 2017. I will remember her always; and all that I learned form her about living & loving life.
As with you Robert I will miss her; but feel her love daily. Thanks for being a part of my life : Robby and Judy !!
Your mom is always with you, looking after you. I know that. Our parents may leave us physically, but they are always with us, spiritually and in our hearts. I will always cherish the conversations I had with your mom. She was a gem that no one could out shine in her caring and giving ways. Take care of yourself and your family. Remember, your mom is always there.She always has your back . love, selina
I feel like I know you now; and am grateful that you are in Peace today.
Robert keep carrying on like you do. Both of you are inspirations to me and countless others. God bless you.
Mark
Susan
Happy Birthday My Big Sister Judith.
Love and Miss you sooo much. Muuuah! :-*
I will always remember the *Good Times* we shared together.
When you scold me, like a big sister does. I loved it because you care.
When we heading out for a stroll. We could not decide where we should go to hang out since we been there every weekend in Kapolei mall.
Our favorite spots was.
1. Longs, looking in every isle checking out the sales, thinking what should we buy to take back for snack, & Looking at Birthday cards see if they had any funny ones so we could laugh together.
2. McDonald"s time for lunch we stop to get Fish Filet, & Coffee, Black for you. Chicken wrap, and my coffee with a special French Vanilla creamer for me. (yup! I could hear you saying, thats not coffee you drinking). It's more creamer than coffee. We laugh out loud.;-0.
3)Safeway, we then check out their Beautiful flowers arrangements, and their cold turkey sandwiches & Oat meal cookies. :-)
My Big sister, I can go on and on about all the wonderful memories we shared together, scolding, laughing and sad when time for me to leave. you. How time flies by when we are together :-).
My Big sister you will always be with me in my heart no matter where you are, *I Love You*.
No more pain or suffering *You are in the Lord's Hands*.
Love you soooo much Your Little sister Lei
Happy Birthday My Big Sister Judith.
I miss you so much my big sister.
I miss stopping by at Ka Puna' Wai' Ola to see you
We have so much special memories together, my big sister.
When you could not return to your apartment #1302.
No matter where you go I will be there for you.
I love riding the bus, so it was no problem for me.
I remember the times we stroll across the mall in Kapolei.
We were steady customers for Longs, McDonald's, & Safeway.
We laugh, we cry, and sad when time for me to leave you.
You always worry about me, like a big sister does and I love you for
caring about me. You are a family to me and my kids.
They all remember you and ask about you.
I know you are resting, and you are in the Lord's Hands.
No more pain or suffering. Jesus Loves You.
I Love you Always and Forever your Little Sister Lei
I didn't know your mom, Robert; but through this lovely tribute to your mother I feel like I have known you both for many years. Love, Mark
I will always treasure and cherish the times and conversations I had with your mom. Such a special and wonderful person. So, knowledgeable, forthcoming, honest, and genuine. From the first day i met her, she made me comfortable in interviewing her about her condition and her struggles, but more importantly how she overcame most of them and found ways to cope and continue to not just help herself, but help so many others in life and at VR. She was a terrific lady that I learned so much in life from and will remember her always. Take care of yourself Robbie, your mom will always be with you, in your heart and yes, she is always watching over you and your family. She was so proud of you and she raised you well. Thank you for sharing this memorial. My heart fell when I learned of her passing. love, selina
I was very privileged to have known your mom both professionally and as a friend. She cherished and appreciated you so much, along with all things in nature: plants, sea shells, dogs, nature's beauty; Japanese art, books, haiku and the many people she came in contact with...What made her so special was her humility and her fearlessness in speaking up and defending what she believed in. She will be truly missed and will always hold a special place in all of our hearts.
I just learned of Judy's passing. We worked together at VR in the 90's. She was an indomitable spirt, a good friend, and one of the best counselors I've ever known. I am sorry for for loss but know how blessed you were to have her as a Mom.
A person can tell how successful in life they were, by the amount of people that attended your funeral and that have remembered you. Truly Judy, you have touched a lot of people and your life a very success. My heart goes out to you and your family. Aloha
Thank you for sharing this beautiful tribute to your mother. She was very supportive of my family when our mothers were roommates in
'08-'09. Please know that your mom's kindness and caring ways were so helpful and much appreciated.
With all of your stories about your mom throughout the years, I feel as though I knew her. Your memorial in her honor touched me deeply. Sending you and your family hugs and positive energy as you heal.
Jannine
Thank you for leading me on the right path and for teaching me so much. I am extremely heartbroken.
From that first day in the Summer of '74, Gwen & I knew you'd be special. And what a special classmate, co-worker & more importantly a friend you've been. There is too few left at VR that had the privilege of knowing you. But know that your belief in people & your sense of doing whats right, will carry-on. Rest well my friend, I will love you always.
I so enjoyed your beautiful spirit when visiting my shop in downtown. Loved having conversations with you. You are no longer in pain. Spread your wings and fly to heaven knowing you are so loved and will truly be missed. May God bless your family with comfort and peace in their hearts. Aloha Oe!
With every story you tell and every memory you share, your mom lives on thru you....
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I love you Theresa Cuyar
A new journey
This is a story about Judy's last moments. In the last days before mother died, she was quiet and motionless. She never opened her eyes and didn't speak. Powerful pain medications were employed to keep her as comfortable as possible. At this point all I could do is sit next to her and wait. From time to time I would lean over and whisper "i love you" into her ear. Without making a sound, her lips would motion the same back to me.
During her last moments, her eyes opened. Her face was bright with amazement as she gazed up at the ceiling. Eyes filled with wonder as they darted about trying to comprehend the vision before her. By the look on her face, I could tell she was being greeted by loved ones. The invitation to start another journey, to enter the universe, or to bask in the glow of love. I dared not make a sound as to interupt what was happening before me. A few seconds later, her face went dark and her eyes closed as she took her last breath. In that last breath, Judy's body heaved up from the bed and with a loud cracking sound left her earthly confines.
At that moment I could tell she traveled to another state of being. I feel comforted and priviledged to witness that there is another existence where loved ones will be together again.
Coming home
After mother passed and was cremated, I brought her to my home. After she spent several years in a nursing facility on her own, I wanted to bring her home to be with family. A table was set aside for her urn, pictures, and flowers. We lit candles for mother everyday of her stay. For a few months our home felt peaceful and warm with her spirit filling every corner. And it was nice.
To all her friends
While sorting the pile of Judy's books, a piece of paper fell to the floor.
"I went out to find a friend,
But could not find one there;
I went out to be a friend,
And friends were everywhere!"
Mother always finds a way to speak to me.
robby