When Dean and I got married in 1997, we invited friends and family to travel to Boston for our wedding.  The day before, when Dean and I were busy with the wedding rehearsal (and unbeknownst to us!), Judy took it on herself to serve as chauffeur and tour guide for a whole group of our out-of-town guests.  Everyone came back raving about how much fun they had!  Apparently Judy demonstrated how to navigate Boston traffic and how to communicate with fellow Boston drivers (nicely of course!), and then she treated them to the famous duck tour around town and on the water.  Needless to say they all had a blast and Judy endeared herself to a whole new set of relatives.  We all loved Judy so much and will forever be grateful for all the joy, love and kindness she brought to our lives.

Thoughts about our dear sister Judy Carson

(November 16, 1950 - January 12, 2021)

These thoughts are from Judy’s sisters Kathleen and Rosie, written down by Rosie:

Judy, dear Judy,

We miss you already!

When we think about Judy, we remember

            her gentle spirit,
            her kindness -  her kind ways, her kind words,
            her humble heart,
            her peace-seeking and peace-giving spirit
            her servant heart,
            her boundless, generous love.

To us, Judy was like a watered garden where you go to experience beauty and bounty, refreshment and peace.

She was a blessing in our lives.

We will always feel Judy’s presence in our lives. No matter the years, it will always seem that it was just yesterday that Judy was with us.  And why is that?  The love that we have for each other binds us together forever!

We are very thankful for dear Judy!

            “I thank my God in all my remembrance of you,” Phil 1:3

Judy’s character and virtues

            Each one of us has a unique personality yet the virtues we hold dear are learned and chosen to be of value.  From an early age, we learn by the example and the lessons taught by those who love us most - our parents. Throughout our lifetime, we continue to learn from and grow in our Lord by reading and obeying Scripture and experiencing His faithfulness, love, wisdom and truth. By trusting and obeying them, Judy glorified our God, was blessed by Him, and was a blessing to us! 

            Judy and the virtues that became part of who she was were shaped by her experiences, including her challenges and sufferings, and what she learned through them.  Yes, Judy had challenges and sufferings and she faced them with faith, grace and resolve. 

            For 61 of her 70 years on this earth, Judy lived with Type 1 Diabetes.  This is not something you can forget for one minute of your life!  When she was young, our Mom managed Judy’s diabetic care. Prepared by our dear Mom, Judy, when she reached adulthood, chose to do an excellent job diligently monitoring and managing her diabetes.  This was not an easy task. Thankfully, she never developed any long-term bad complications from it.  Like our dear Mother who had polio, Judy never felt sorry for herself, or complained about her circumstances.  The challenges she faced because of her diabetes certainly helped shape her beautiful character.  We will never know if she would have been as gentle, kind, or humble without having diabetes being part of her life, but we certainly know that these virtues were part of her and made her a blessing to others.
                                   
Gentleness

            Judy had a gentle spirit.  There is an ”imperishable beauty of a gentle spirit” (1 Peter 3:4) and for that, she was beautiful and a blessing to her family, friends and all who knew her.

            The only times I felt Judy wasn’t being her gentle self was when she was having a diabetic reaction. She’d be uncooperative and even ornery until she had something to eat or drink that would increase her blood sugar level and bring her back to her old self. During those times, I was scared and upset because I knew what had to be done but coaxing a diabetic to eat or drink during a reaction was extremely difficult.  Afterward, she didn’t remember the incident or how stressful it was for those around her.  Unfortunately, this was just a complication of the disease.

            Judy wasn’t just gentle with people but with all animals as well!  I recall Judy and our Dad nursed an injured baby squirrel but I don’t think it made it.  I don’t know why she like cats.  When she was 4 years old, a neighbor’s cat named Suzie scratched Judy from head to toe!  I’ve never trusted a cat since then, but she loved them all.

Kindness

            I can’t recall one time that Judy was unkind in her words or deeds and I knew her for 70 years!  There were times when she would have been justified to be angry, but she chose kindness and graciousness instead.  She never judged others or spoke ill of others, even if they were unkind or unfair to her.

Humility

            I recently received a lovely sympathy note from Patti, a childhood friend or mine.  She wrote  “I remember being in the cafeteria with you at Joslin Clinic when Judy was first being treated for her childhood diabetes.  Back then, she seemed  like a humble child, accepting what must have been quite overwhelming at the time. All of you had this virtue which was manifested in the lives of your parents.” Yes, our parents were humble people and of all their children, Judy was the most humble.

            Judy’s humility resulted in her always treating others with respect and grace.

Servant heart

            My parents both had servant hearts and we learned to be helpers on a team early in life.  We all had daily chores ( the sisters: drying and putting away dishes, Jay taking out the trash).  And let’s not forget the Saturdays filled with cleaning the house.  We each had different rooms and tasks, but we couldn’t go out to play until all of the jobs were completed.  (By the way, you’ll never find me cleaning on a Saturday!)

            But being part of a team as a child is a very good life experience.  You learn the importance of giving to others and accomplishing things together.  Our Mother often spoke the old adage  “many hands make light work.”

            Many memories of Judy as an adult involved working as a team to help each other out in times of need.  As sisters, we could count on each other, no matter what the need.  I remember Judy and I scrubbing  the exterior wall of the porch on Park Ave before Kathleen and Jason moved in.  We wanted little Jason to have a clean, safe space to play in.  Crazy?!  And I think our Dad helped Kathleen hang wallpaper in every room of her and Jason’s new apartment while our Mom took good care of Jason.  I remember Kathleen and I helping Judy  pack up for their move from Arlington to Brighton and Kathleen, Judy, and our Mom helping me with my move from Lexington to Acton.  Judy and I painted my dining room and Kathleen made beautiful curtains for our new home.   I remember the three of us sisters cleaning our childhood home for the final time before selling it, as well as cleaning and clearing out Jay’s apartment after his death. (And thanks to Clay for cleaning Jay’s bathroom and floors.  Kathleen & I agree that he did an outstanding job, one that we did not want to do!)  I won’t forget the meals made with love by Kathleen and Judy when I was recovering from various surgeries, or my special  times driving Judy to and from her chemo treatments. 

            Yes, we worked well as a team.  One of the most important jobs we did together was to provide loving care to our parents in their old age.  We shared the care of our Dad for many months in 1996 and care of our Mom for 10 years until her passing.  We couldn’t have done this without each other doing their best to help.  In addition to tenderly caring for Mom and provide for her basic needs, each person on our team had special assignments (Judy took Mom to the doctors because she was not intimidated by them and had good medical knowledge.  I did the finances.  Kathleen was the overseer  of it all!)   We all did our part to provide the best care to our loving parents. And we did it because we all have servant hearts, just like our parents had.  Most, but probably not all of the time, we did it without disagreeing, grumbling or complaining.

Peace-seeking and peace-giving spirit

            I don’t know if Judy’s gentleness, kindness, humility, and servant heart combined that led her to seek peace and give peace, regardless of the situation.  With fairness and forgiveness, Judy always tenderly, lovingly brought us peace.

 Judy’s early life

            Kathleen and I have many wonderful memories of growing up with Judy and Jay in the 50s.  As a child, Judy was the baby of the family, a happy little girl.  We do recall times when she was mischievous (like doing artwork on the cellar walls using a crayon and not admitting to it) and times when we were very sad for her (having to live with diabetes was one).  Kathleen recalled the times Judy got into trouble for being caught wearing one of her sister’s outfits - “Collegetown” A-shaped skirts and matching sweaters which we had purchased using money we earned at our jobs. During our high school years, Kathleen and I left the house earlier than Judy and didn’t return until evening because of our work schedule.  When Judy “borrowed” our clothes but failed to put them back where she found them and Kathleen and I noticed, oops! we would get mad at her!

            I remember Dad receiving the call confirming Judy’s diabetes diagnosis; he cried!  Beginning at age 9,  Judy had a more regimented life than her older sisters.  It definitely is difficult for a child to navigate life with diabetes and Judy’s life wasn’t as happy and carefree after her diabetes diagnosis. We can still picture the saucepan on our stove with test tubes Mom used to test Judy’s blood sugar “level.”  Our parents didn’t permit Judy to do things that her 2 sisters did, and we feel bad about that, even though they had good intentions.  Kathleen and I had lots of fun participating in the drum & bugle corps and working at Winchester Hospital during high school years.  We were happy that Judy was able to go to camp - Clara Barton Birthplace Camp -   which was a very positive experience for her.  It was where she had fun with other girls who had

Type 1 Diabetes and where she learned to be a good swimmer, which she enjoyed throughout her life.

Judy all grown up!

            After high school, Judy went to Katherine Gibbs School and learned to be an excellent secretary.  I couldn’t believe that many years later, she still used her shorthand to keep notes! 

            After struggling to find her way during her early 20s, Judy became a Jehovah Witness and that changed the course of her life.  She faithfully studied the Scriptures and lived to please our God.

            Throughout Judy’s and Clay’s marriage, Judy was a faithful helper.   She used her secretarial skills to contribute to the family income.  She would do  many things to help Clay with his business.  I seem to recall her not just taking on cleaning jobs, but snow shoveling and learning later in life how to clean marble! 

            Judy and Clay were married for 40 years.  Judy always said she felt very loved.  She told me that Clay told her every day of their marriage that he loved her very much.  That’s a wonderful assurance and blessing!

Judy loved being a mother and she was a wonderful mother to Stephanie. I know she wanted more children but her diabetes and age were too challenging for that to be a reality.  She was just very thankful that she had a sweet, kind, healthy daughter. They had a good life together as a family.  They shared a faith and purpose that helped them to get through many challenges, including health challenges, with grace and hope and love.

Final thoughts

            We know you will fondly remember dear Judy, her beautiful spirit and heart, the goodness and love that marked her life.  She was a great blessing to Clay, Stephanie, the Morris family, the Carson family,  and her many dear friends. Even up to end of her life, she was gracious and kind, never complaining.  She lived a beautiful life of love for and service to her family and our God.

            In reflecting on Judy and what she meant to you, we ask you to consider Matthew 5: 2 - 12, Jesus’ teaching on the Beatitudes.  “Blessed are the (   ) for they shall ( ).”  Yes, Judy had a blessed life because of who she was and how she lived.

“So now faith, hope and love abide, these three, but the greatest of these is love.”  (1 Cor 13:13)