THE THREE BOYS

By Ronald Auslander

For Michael and Jules…The women in our lives

And the wind that took our breath away…

Through the glass, the pampas

Dissolved and shimmered,

Like the reflection in a green pool…

The wind brushing the surface,

The sky perfected blue.

The grass looked like the sea…

On fire with red trees

Pacing like lions,

Then ghost like dolphins…

Rising as blue leaves.

I remembered the orange sky

Shimmering in the west,

Distant lightning somewhere

Beyond the sea---

Only the walls remained,

Gates open and unguarded,

Far from the sail-spin of dreams.

Outside, starlight illuminated

Everything in cold clarity:

Navigating older age by the green sea

And long gone stars and shores—

Even as it was only a memory

Of the land once more.

There in the night,

Thunder and whispers of

The mythic children we were—

Men to boys and back again…

Pondering...

Eyes cast to the wine-colored sky.

Horizon to horizon—

Gray men in sandstone

Climbing the spires

Like the white crowned cliffs

And towers of silver streets…

Tango dancers in silhouette…

Visions in blossoms of

Crimson and gold,

Pulsing with our lives,

Exhaling a sigh of youth as

Sunbeams penetrated the

Vanishing clouds.

At dawn,

The ocean glowed like flame…

Fire spreading on the other side of

Time,

The depths of the sea…

Eyes now like lakes.

One day in the deep place

Beneath the world in shallow breaths,

The zenith crested beside the scarlet fjords,

Irregular outcroppings of silver surrounded

The vast expanse of moon-white darkness—

The towers of ocean…

A rush of thunder—

The ship’s wings beating

In the cold south wind.

Three women holding storms

As old men rained laughing tears…

Sipping wine and green-spiked tea…

Overgrown boys setting the universe in

Legends and lullabyes.

Moving past our dreams—

All the bright lights of time

Moving past purple mountains

Filled with lights spearing upward

Like violet icicles—

The nights melting our days,

Our shadows rising

Until the flight toward

Sunrise could begin.

I will dream about it.

Of boys to men and back again.

Of travels sunward beside painted trees

And high places near

The end of the world

Where the final magic blended in

The brilliance of the moon

Until hemispheres were bridged

By oceans of time….

The following comments are taken from emails and texts I’ve received in the two days following my Dad’s passing: 

It is incredible how one man could significantly touch and impact so many people around him.  He had a heart big enough to share and an emotional capacity to connect with friends, family, and even acquaintances in meaningful and everlasting ways.  I am incredibly lucky to have had him as my dad for 49 ½ years.

To me my dad was my parent, best friend, mentor, cheerleader and role model.  He was there for me whenever I needed him no questions asked.  Whether it was the story I had to tell him as soon as he walked in from work before he could even use the bathroom or, as an adult, a problem I was trying to get through at work my dad was always there for me to offer a shoulder to lean on.  He always had the best advice.  After my first teary high school break up he told me it was a good thing that I was able to experience sadness as I would never feel a 10 if I had not experienced a 2.  Unfortunately dad I am now registering negative 10.  

My dad taught me the values of hard work and always staying focused.  He said always strive for the golden ring, whether it relate to emotional or financial goals.  Although I grew up in Great Neck and lived a charmed life, all gifts came with a lecture about how lucky I was and how my dad had shared a bed with two brothers growing up on Barnes Avenue in the Bronx.  This would often lead to feisty conversations where my mom would try to intervene and tell me to just accept the lecture and get my way but I told her that would take all the fun out of it as debating and negotiating with my dad was one of my favorite pastimes. 

Although my dad fully supported my academic and professional pursuits, he was also a traditional type of guy and was worried that I was too focused on my career and wouldn’t settle down and give him grandchildren in a timely manner.  So in typical Big Julie fashion he went on a mission to find me a man.  I started getting calls from strange men telling me they had met my father in the men’s room at work and wanted to ask me out on a date.  I would often ask  these young men after meeting my  5’6”  300 lbs. father,  what motivated them to call me?  After a bit of research, I learned that the bathroom meetings was his due diligence to insure they were  jewish.  Once they passed that test, he would bring them into his office and give them the third degree.  If they got through his inquisition, he would show them pictures of me in a hot pink bikini and tell them if they took me out and didn’t think I was the best thing since sliced bread, he would buy them lunch for a month.  Although I didn’t want to go out with any of them, I told them I would say I did so they didn’t miss out on the free lunch.

When I met Alan and first introduced him to my parents I knew it would be love at first sight.  I was surprised that I didn’t get the call that night telling me they approved.  I couldn’t take the suspense any longer, so I called the next morning to see what they thought and my dad said they didn’t want to tell me they liked him because they thought he would end up like a crumpled up sweater in the bottom of my closet.  When I went off to business school, Alan suffered a basketball injury and I would train back and forth from Philly to stay with him in the hospital.  During his recovery, Alan called my dad to tell him how wonderful I was (of course he was on morphine at the time) and my dad called me and told me “poor poor al – you hooked him in a weakened state and he will be yours forever.”  Sure enough soon after Alan called my dad to ask for my hand in marriage and my dad told him that because he loved him like a son he wanted to make sure Alan had thoroughly thought the decision through because I came with a no return policy.  Thankfully my husband has lived up to his end of the bargain.

As many of you know, my dad and I were very close and spoke at least once a day.  No topic was ever off limits.  After my parents went back to Florida after the Jewish holidays in October, I was having my daily morning call during my drive to work with my dad when somehow he segways the conversation to say that he noticed that I appeared to be spreading out a bit and wanted to mention it in case I hadn’t noticed.  He told me it was up to me to decide what to do about it but since my husband keeps himself in impeccable shape, he didn’t want it to become as issue for Alan.  He told me not to waste time asking my husband what he thought once we hung up, as my husband would be too much of a gentlemen to let me know the truth.  I am so sorry my dad was not able to see the new skinnier me but I just learned that my husband did call him just this past Friday to thank him for his unusual, but much appreciated intervention.    As that implies, my dad and Alan enjoyed their own relationship and would talk about business and many other topics without me.  My father always reminded me how thankful he was that I found such a nice handsome husband who was willing to put up with me and believe me I am grateful.

My dad and I shared so many special happy moments together over the last 49 1/2 years but it was actually the difficult times that we spent together that are most special to me. My dad had his ups and downs and although an infallible superhero to most, he had occasional anxiety which could become debilitating.  Being there for my dad in his time of need and providing him with comfort and a shoulder to lean on like he had done for me all my life was my greatest joy.  We would walk and talk for hours about the most intimate topics two people could share.  He allowed me to see the fragile side of him and left nothing hidden.  It was during these times that I felt a special joy at being able to give my father just a small token of what he gave to me over the course of my life. I will never forget the emotional connection we shared during these times.  We laughed, we cried, we hugged, we sat in silence just knowing we always had each other.  These are times I will never forget.

On a lighter more positive note, I have worked with my dad from the time I was a little girl.  I would go to his office in Queens and he would give me a huge book of building owners and he would instruct me to call each one and tell them I was a real estate investor to see if they wanted to sell any of their buildings.  I was paid each day with a Carvel ice cream Sunday with double crunchies and I thought I was the best paid assistant out there.  I would go early on the weekends with my dad to make the rounds at his buildings and we would stop at White Castle on the way home which I was never allowed to tell my mom.  I loved collaborating with my dad on deals and I always picked his brain whenever I was faced with a challenge.  What I loved most of all was when he picked my brain or I introduced him to a contact who he ended up working with.  I love when he called me up to ask me to check his back of the napkin calculations to make sure my Wharton education had paid off and to make sure his numbers were right.  Of course they always were.     

My parents shared an amazing life together. They say opposites attract and that was surely the case. My mom is a smart beautiful and classy lady and he was a rough around the edges street guy.  They spent almost 53 years together and there was nothing they wouldn’t do for each other.  Together through thick and thin and the ups and downs of marriage my parents deeply loved and respected each other and set a lasting example for the rest of us.  When my mom fell and broke her femur a few years ago, my dad called me in the middle of the night beside himself.  My strong decisive dad was beyond worried.  If he could have taken the fall for her he would have.  He was always concerned for her welfare and would regularly rub her head for hours when she would suffer from a headache and never made a move without checking with her first.  Although they had a more traditional marriage, there were many times my dad leaned on my mom’s inner strength and she was always there for him.  My mom’s life will never be the same, but with the love of her family and friends I know she has the strength to move forward and live her life the way my dad would want her to.  All he cared about was her happiness.    

My dad loved and lived for his family.  He loved his grandchildren dearly and loved spending time with them.  Although there was a lot of group time with grandpa, he had a special individual relationship with each one.  He related to each of them in a different way and it was the highlight of his day to speak to his grandkids on the phone often catching them on their way to school.  As Madison has shared, he was quite fond of writing letters to his grandkids in creative ways.  He loved shopping with Rebecca and Madison, golf outings with jason in Florida and going to sporting events with Matthew and Jeff. He loved having the grandkids come to visit especially this most recent trip where he got to watch Madison and Jason interact with their significant others.   

My dad is the patriarch of our family.  Our go to guy for problems big and small.  He has left a major void in our family that will never be filled.  For me, I have lost my dad, best friend, mentor, cheerleader and role model all at once.  Losing him is devastating and at this moment I feel that a piece of me has died and will go with him.  I know in time the pain will fade but his memory never will.  He will stay in my heart forever and will continue to guide me in whatever I do.  What I will try to take from this experience is the need to treasure and appreciate every day, to take nothing for granted and to live life as my dad did with no regrets.

I greatly appreciate the outpouring of love and support from all my friends and family.  I am so lucky that many of you knew my dad and the special relationship we shared and this has helped me through this exceptionally difficult time.  Although I am sad that I didn’t have closure and the opportunity to say goodbye, my wise husband has taught me it is actions not words that are important and I know the relationship I shared with my dad far surpasses the need for a spoken goodbye.

Dad – I promise to live life the way you would have wanted me to, remember family is everything and we only have each other and above all else to take care of your one true love MOM.  So enjoy the journey wherever you are.  Take on and conquer your new world like the strong warrior that you are.

I will love you forever – goodbye dad

Hello. For those of you who do not know me, my name is Jason, and I am Randi’s son, Jules’s grandson. I thank you all for coming today not only to mourn the loss of a great man, but to celebrate a remarkable life lived. When I reflect upon my grandfather’s life, so many thoughts and words come to mind. But I think one word really sums up the man he was and the man he will always be and that word is exceptional. My grandfather was an exceptional man who lived an exceptional life. The word “exceptional” has two different meanings. The first meaning of the word is “genuinely unique”. My grandpa was different from most other grandpas. His unconditional love was rare, and his ability to share that love to everyone was an admiration. He also had a very unique skillset, list of hobbies, and a smile that just lit up the room. The second meaning of the word exceptional is “extraordinary or outstanding.” There is nobody in this world as family oriented and selfless as my grandpa Jules. That I can say with confidence. He would do anything for his colleagues, for his friends, or for his family at the expense of his own happiness. When you were around my grandpa, you couldn’t help but want to smile and laugh and just be happy.

I want to share a quick story with you all today that I think reflects just how amazing and exceptional grandpa Jules was. Most of my one-on-one bonding time with my grandfather in the latter stages of his life came on the golf course. He taught me to love the game and the time we spent together on the golf course will never be forgotten. The experience I’d like to share is from last winter, my grandpa and I were out for our usual 18 holes. I don’t know how many of you have gotten a chance to see their beautiful house but the backyard overlooks the entire 16th hole, a par 3 thats about 165 yards. After a long hot day we pulled up at the 16th hole, and their house came into view. I will never forget that every time we pulled up to the hole, my grandpa would make a remark admiring his own house, saying something like “houses like that one don’t exist even in heaven” or “I think they’re going to kick me out of the community for making all the other houses look so terrible”. My grandpa liked to line every inch of the landscape of his house with unique flowers or plants or some sort of decoration, which often led to disputes over the “property line” with his next door neighbor; needless to say, they were not on great terms. Now, the way the layout works, it is near impossible, if not impossible to hit my grandparents house. Their neighbors, on the other hand, are slightly farther down the hole, leaving them a little more exposed. Still, it would take quite the slice to even come close to the house. To put it in perspective, my father, who I have coined “the King of the Slice,” has come close countless times, but has never actually hit their house. Anyway, when we got to the hole my grandpa challenged me who could get the ball closer to the green, or the “dance floor,” as he liked to call it. I took my shot and put it on the green. My grandpa said “that was a shot a pro would make”, but unfortunately for me, he was the Tiger Woods of all pros. He teed the ball up and stepped up to hit it, 7 iron in hand, as I watched on attentively from the golf cart. He took his swing and off the ball went, very high in the air, headed toward the hole. The path of the ball, however, began to change, and it began to tail off to the right very very quickly. While the ball was tailing, and it became apparent where it was headed, my grandpa turned and faced me in the golf cart, and began to cringe and wince. We both know what was coming, but neither of us wished to watch. After a few seconds of awkward silence, we heard a series of loud clunks as the ball bounced around on his neighbors rooftop. It must have bounced 5-6 times, each time accompanied by a wince and small noise from my grandpa. At this point I had already lost it I was in tears I was laughing so hard and he says to me, very calmly, “Jase, I think it would be best if we didn’t play this hole,” and we ended up backing the golf cart up 3 holes to get out to a street just so we wouldn’t have to pass by the neighbor’s house that my grandpa had hit.

Stories like this, of the fun we had together, of the laughs we shared, of the memories made, and of the life lessons I learned from him are what I am going to remember most about grandpa Jules. In closing, I’d like to share a sentiment my grandpa would always share with my family and me. He would say “I’m an old man and sooner or later my maker is going to come for me. When the time comes I wont fight it, I’ll welcome him with open arms and be happy with the life I lived and proud of everything I have accomplished.” Well, grandpa, the time has come, and you certainly have a lot to be proud of. Who would’ve thought that a young man from Pelham Parkway, growing up on Barnes Avenue with close to nothing, could live a life and become a man as exceptional as you were. I love you, I’m proud of you, I’m going to miss you, and I want you to know that you are forever a part of me. I know you’ll be watching over me and I promise I’m going to make you just as proud of me as I am of you.