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A Spell to Remember Julian

April 29, 2022
A few weeks ago our whole family was together for the first time since Julian left us. We planted flowers in his garden and shared memories—with lots of tears and laughter. Peter and I spoke this spell we wrote.

The trees are taller and about to turn green
And you would be stretching tall too
Growing laughing running singing

But you are quiet now, not here, and hidden, Julian

Like mycelium underground
Invisible threads holding us together
In our love for and missing of you

A net of missing and grieving you
Missing kissing you, missing marveling at morels with you
Missing croissants and chocolate together with you 

But you are always with us, Juju,
As we read books to our niblings
Bodhi, Bloom, Oliver, Henry, Johannes…

As we watch your jujube forest grow 
Smell the pungent aroma of green chile 
The sweet smoke of piñon 

And travel places we dreamt of exploring with you
Where maps fail
And stars fall

We are holding the confounding reality that you are not with us now
And yet you never will leave our sides
We love you always and forevertime

—Peter and Joelle

The Last Dance

April 29, 2021
On what would be one of our last evenings together, I was joyfully surprised to have Julian invite me to dance. As our family gathering was winding down, Julian took my hands in his, encouraging me to spin around in a circle with him. Laughing hysterically, we dizzily tumbled to the kitchen floor. Julian bounced back up grinning widely, ready for another spin and tumble dance. After a few more rounds, Julian's Papa came over to see what was happening, asking me "What are you teaching my son?" ... "What am I teaching him?" I responded mock self-defense... "More like, what is he teaching us?" ...  A passing joke at the time, I now reflect on this daily while observing his absence - what has Julian taught us? The answer may be different to each of us, but my thoughts continually return to this : "Spin; tumble; laugh; repeat." ... We love and miss you forever Juju!
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Reflections from our road trip...

September 30, 2020
Three years ago this month, we had the privilege of joining Julian on an all-too-brief European family road trip. There were six of us in our caravan: Julian and his Mom and Dad, (my brother!), and my wife and our son, Bodhi. Something that we had never done before, and although somewhat impromptu, was intended to be the first of many. To revel and linger together in those sleepy shaded plazas, this moveable feast of ours would ultimately be the most amount of time we would even get to spend together with Julian. One of the greatest gifts that I believe we ever received from him was to help us see the world anew, through his very young eyes.

We first departed from his farmstead home, nestled in the rocky foothills of the Pyrenees. Heading down to the seaside town of Sête, we had our first taste of the Mediterranean, lunching in the salty breeze at the edge of a turquoise canal.

From this maritime siesta, we headed northwest up into Provence, where the lavender fields had just finished blooming earlier in the summer and were now the color of straw hay; we resolved to return again one day to see and smell those flowers in their full glory... 

In Roussillon, we caught a fuschia-salmon sunset splashing over those famous ochre cliffs. Vividly, I recall being bathed in soft velvety light, enveloped in violet-rosed luminosity. That warm, late-summer evening, we watched an amber-glowing nearly-full Harvest moon rise into a starry sky, silvering as it was slowly shrouded by wispy clouds; the moon looked so close, we couldn't help ourselves from reaching out, trying to grab it with our hands.

The road from Roussillon to Nice was more epic than we had anticipated. Down narrow winding gorges, in an unexpected thunderstorm, through ancient fortified hill-top towns and across undulating open country. Having travelled all day under dark grey clouds, it seemed that we had passed into dusk, so we were equal parts surprised and relieved when we arrived to find the sun shining through misty heights overlooking the sea. 

It has always seemed possible to me, if not probable, that newborns arrive with some memory of where they are from, and that they bring with them a special sort of wisdom or unique inaccessible knowledge that fades as they acquire the ability to speak, and becomes necessarily forgotten as an increasing awareness of being human replaces any previously formed impressions.  To try this theory, I recall playfully querying six-month-old Julian, “Do you remember where you came from?” and, “Can you please tell us: what was it like before you got here?”  Although he had no words per se, the cherubim infant returned appropriately philosophical expressions. A raised eyebrow, a quizzical coo; but whatever secrets from the great beyond he contained, he seemed to keep them to himself.

Eastbound from Nice, grand vistas of the cloudless azure coastline opened on our starboard as we made our way towards Genoa. Pausing in Menton before crossing the Franco-Italian border, we found it easy to spend time there and vowed again to return one day, to catch that city’s famous springtime “Fête du Citron”, (the “Orange Festival)”... but for the time being, we had an itinerary to stick to, and the marvels of Italy were just around the corner.

The highway leading into Genoa threads through a seemingly endless series of tunnels and bridges spanning zig-zag bluffs jutting out high above the rocky Mediterranean coastline. In the inky indigo of twilight, the richly saturated colors of the French Riviera dissolved into a more stoic monochromatism as we arrived to mercury-lit harbour lights glimmering off dark water.

Genoa is a special place: built into a half-moon cliffside encircling an ancient trading port, the streets weave out over a slanted horseshoe of curving hills. It was our first morning there, sipping espresso overlooking the bay that we discovered the delightfulness of saying, “Buongiorno Julian!”. Rolls off the tongue!  Navigating within this mysterious labyrinth together, we hunted for authentic pistachio gelato and “real pizza". Armed with tourist maps and GPS on our smartphones, the maze-like streets still disoriented us: what we had thought to have been a straight line had in reality been more like a circle, so that, after a long day of pushing strollers up and down steep and winding cobblestone streets, we were startled to discover that we had inadvertently returned back to the same place where we had started.  

After a week on the road, we had reached our final destination together, Florence. Everywhere you looked, carved marble and intricately inlaid stone. Coming from the suburban sprawl of the US, a sea of vinyl-sided mid-century split-ranches, to me, these medieval corridors were oozing with a palpable sense of longevity. Surrounded by buildings that had every appearance of having been there forever, one cannot escape the feeling of one’s own impermanence; compelling one to wonder, how long will they be here after we are gone. Reflecting on longevity with this special six-month old, along with my son Bodhi, (who was eighteen-months at the time, himself), I could not help but look at them with the implicit hope that after us grown folk had passed, these younglings would return together one day to imagine and embark upon new adventures, and maybe even reminisce about these good times of their past.

Among the many wonders of Florence, the Uffizi museum was one of the highlights of our trip. Once the “offices” of the Medici family, it hosts not only Bottecelli’s “Birth of Venus”, but also that sublime artist’s larger-than-life “Primavera”. Like a scene from a dream, Primavera depicts a nocturnal sylvan-soirée, seemingly inviting you into another world, or alternate dimension.  ...Perhaps it was beneath Raphael’s “Madonna of the Goldfinch” when, somewhat inexplicably, Julian and Bodhi began to laugh together. It was as if they were sharing an inside joke for the first time; we didn’t fully understand, but laughed along with them anyway, recognizing in that moment, they were the brightest part of the whole museum.

It is as this young adventurer that I remember Julian: riding bikes together with his cousins, searching for treasure on deserted islands in cerulean tranquility or foraging for mushrooms with his cherishing grandparents. As his parents proudly observed, their son truly contained multitudes. Tractor driver, and drone pilot; budding botanist, mycologist, and biologist; stone mason, cattle farmer; rock-climbing chocolate-connoisseur, like his Mom and Dad; dotting older brother, adoring son, affectionate grandson, a unique nephew and cousin; singer, pianist and guitarist; world traveler, dancer, and multilinguist; avec un grand joie de vivre, et un vraiment bon-vivance; a noble prince and future king. Every facet of his life, filled with such wonder-filled promise. He was so loved, he loved so much, and remains so very beloved.

Sometimes I wonder whether Time works something more like the streets of Genoa than the linear measurement we have come to embrace as a scientific constant. Now, so abruptly deprived of Julian’s tender presence, I cannot help but hope that Time is in some way more circular than we can comprehend, and that like that day we lost ourselves in those arced and ageless stone streets, we will somehow return to where we started, together again, as before. Or, like in a Botticelli dream-vision, I will always wonder about a parallel universe in which we are fêting together in the dappled shade of emerald-leaved orange groves. 

More than mourning the loss of the sweet boy we all loved so dearly, we will always be observing the absence of the amazing person that he was growing up to be. And so beyond remembering him as the incredible boy that he had become, I will also recall him in the way that he was becoming: arm-in-arm with his Mom, Dad and Sister, reveling through lavender fields in full bloom.

Memorials from friends

September 11, 2020
From Jon’s entire circle of friends in Princeton, we grieve deeply the loss of Julian Tao Knipper. All of our love and strength is with Jon, Eugenie, Bloom, Julian’s grandparents, aunts, uncles, and counsins. For those of us blessed enough to have been graced with Julian’s clever charm, we will cherish it forever. For those of us who didn’t yet have the chance to meet him, there will always be an absence. We hope for peace and closure for all of those close to Julian.



Elle est bonne la viande où tu es ?

September 11, 2020
Mon petit Julian 

Je me souviens d'un repas dans ta maison, ton Daddy avait cuisiné de la bonne viande au four avec une sauce super bonne ! Mais toi, tu avais déjà mangé ton repas préparé par ta Maman.
Qu'à cela ne tienne : tu t'étais joint à nous pour un 2nd round, où, tantôt assis sur les genoux de Daddy, tantôt sur les genoux de Maman, tu avais dévoré la viande à pleines mains ! Tu en avais partout mais tu souriais à pleines dents ! Et en voyant le dessert arrivé, tu es évidemment resté à ton poste ! 
Tu avais à peine 2 ans je pense et tu savais déjà ce que c'était que de profiter des bonnes choses de la vie ! Un vrai petit apprenti épicurien .... qui avait encore tellement de chose à découvrir. 

Jon, Eugénie, mes amis, je ne cesse de penser à vous et je vous envoie ma force. 

Famille Miras Cimbe

September 9, 2020
Cher Julien.

Aujourd'hui la vie nous oblige a te dire au revoir, pour te revoir dans le ciel quand on changera nous tous d'état de la matière.
Depuis lundi... tu nous rappelles avec ce malheureux accident la faiblesse de notre existence, on s'en souviendra toute la vie de toi, de la chance de t'avoir vu courir chez toi et chez nous, et avec le regret de ne pas avoir pu vivre d'autres aventures avec toi et avec tes adorables parents.
Depuis lundi la vie nous a arrache un petit morceau de notre innocence, car personne pouvait en avoir plus que toi et tu t'en vas, dans ton sommeil, avant nous ¡quelle triste nouvelle!.
Tu nous rappelles aussi que la vie doit continuer pour nous et qu'on doit prendre soin de nos familles, de nos copains de ceux qu'on aime.
Juste te dire que l'amour c'est la seule lumière qui ne s'éteint jamais et que tu brilleras toujours dans nos ames.

Nos plus sinceres et douloureuses condoléances a tes papas Eugenie et Jon et a ta petite soeur Bloom.

Anne Jorge et Diego Miras Cimbe

'Twas the night before Christmas

September 8, 2020
The Christmas of 2019 (Julian was 2 years 8mo old), I remember reading ‘Twas the Night before Christmas, every night, for 2 months straight, because that’s the book Julian wanted to read again and again.  He wasn’t even 3 years old and he could recite almost every page of that book.  At first filling in words with prompts from daddy … “not a creature was stirring not even a …..”  “MOUSE!” He would shout.  But after the second or third week of repetition he would continue unaided on some pages, often coming out with the full phrases “the MOON ON B[R]EST of the NEW FALLEN SNOW [gave a lustre of midday to objects below]” ... [“when what to my wondering eyes should appear? But a miniature sleigh..”] “ ...AND EIGHT TINY RAIN-DEER!”  Of course his favorite page was the last one.  As we drew near to the end of the book the anticipation would build.  When I reached the second to last page [“so he jumped to his sleigh and to his team gave a whistle, and away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight….”] He would interject: “No daddy! C’est pas toi qui va dire, c’est moi! - “No Daddy, it’s me who gets to say it!”.  So I would pause, turn the page, and he would shout “MERRY CHRISTMAS… TO ALL AND … TO ALL… A GOOD NIGHT!”
September 7, 2020
Le chéri de maman, durant le confinement nous avons presque tous les jours fait la sieste ensemble, câlins et bisous qui me manquent terriblement 
September 7, 2020
Julian toujours partant pour une aventure, on a passé des heures à vélo dans les landes, une fois embourbés pendant 2 h dans un chemin ensablé, toujours de bonne humeur!
September 7, 2020
Maman & Julian shopping for school and Bloom’s birthday, we were so happy to spend that time together, we got new shoes, that he will never get to wear, we bought a paw patrol cup and a little notebook, he will never use, and his favorite part was looking for gifts for his little sister who just turned 1yo, he was so happy to choose two, but he never got to give her the gifts, as he died a day before school and 6 days before her birthday. Je t’aime mon amour ❤️

On va se baigner cul-nu, Juju ?

September 5, 2020
Julian,
Il y a un mois, vous êtes venus, tes parents, Bloom et toi, passer quelques jours à la maison dans le sud de la France, en pleine canicule. Milaa, notre fille de 4 ans, a passé son temps à te taquiner : elle ne voulait pas te prêter ses jouets, elle voulait s'asseoir sur les genoux de ta maman... Pour autant, tu es resté patient, joyeux et toujours partant pour démarrer un nouveau jeu.
Quand elle t'a proposé "on va se baigner cul-nu dans la piscine, Juju ?", tu n'as pas hésité  et il vous a fallu 2 minutes pour vous déshabiller et partir dans l'eau ! Je vous ai accompagnés et on a joué, on s'est aspergé, vous avez tellement ri. Je vous arrosais avec le tuyau d'eau et vous courriez tout nus, l'un derrière l'autre, vous mettre à l'abri sous un petit parasol en gloussant comme des petits fous.
Ces moments là sont la definition du bonheur pour moi, le bonheur simple et brut. 
2 semaines plus tard je perdais mon fils ; 10 jours apres, la vie t'arrachait a ceux qui t'aiment.
Notre monde ne sera plus jamais le même sans vous... Mais ces instants resteront ceux dont je me souviendrai pour toujours.

Mon Juju

September 5, 2020
Tu étais mon Chouchou, ma beauté, mon énergie. Tu m'as offert tant d'Amour, tant de joie, tant de fou rire. Tu m'as donné la force d'être forte. J'ai été émerveillée et surprise par ton intelligence, ta malice, ta curiosité, ton vocabulaire, ton humour et ta compréhension.
J'ai été et je serai toujours si fière de toi. Aujourd'hui je suis orpheline de ton Amour et tous ces bons moments, donne moi la force de les ré-inventer autrement.
Je t'Aime tant

gaufres au colalat

September 5, 2020
Avec la crème et la gaufre au colalat j'ai réussi à te faire dire que tu étais juste le "Chéri de Tata". Quant on te demandait" tu es le chéri de qui?" tu répondais du tac au tac "le chéri de  Tata". Mais quand tu as réellement compris ce que ça voulait dire et que tu as vu qu'à chaque période de  vacances les gaufres t'attendaient tu as vite répondu "le chéri de Maman".
Évidemment une Maman ne rivalise pas avec une gaufre ni même une crème à la vanille

La montagne

September 5, 2020
Tu te souviens l'été dernier à la montagne où on avait loué un poney pour 1/2H pour que tu puisses monter dessus! Ben rien à faire...Tu l'as promené pendant 1/2H le poney était ravi et nous on a bien rigolé.

la crème

September 5, 2020
Autre rituel et peut être le plus important, la crème.
Tu adorais cette crème (catalane sans caramel au début) une fois je t'ai servi du couscous dans le ramequin à crème pour que ce soit plus facile à manger et tu m'avais dis "Tata elle est où la crème, ça c'est pour la crème!". Tu avais 2 ans 1/2 et entre les 2 événements c'était au moins écoulé 2 mois. Tu avais une mémoire incroyable.
September 5, 2020
Quand tu venais aux vacances passer quelques jours il y avait le rituel du bain avec les figurines des Schtroumpfs, c'était indispensable. Une fois tu m'as fait retourner à l'école pendant les vacances parce que j'avais eu le malheur d'utiliser les Schtroumpfs et qu'ils n'étaient plus à la maison.

Julian in Italy

September 4, 2020
A friend’s of Jon and Eugénie’s wedding in Florence,Italy gave us the opportunity to spend time with sweet little 5 month old Julian. We never tired of walking the streets looking at the wonders and carrying dear Julian. The delicious pasta and fresh vegetables each night were certainly a bonus.Such a sweet memory!

Together in Florida

September 3, 2020
Last November the whole Knipper family got to be together for several days in Florida. Peter and I were ecstatic to be with our niblings who are so often far away. We cherished moments snuggling on the boat, flying kites, dancing with Bodhi, holding baby Bloom, shopping for Julian’s favorite food—chocolate—making and eating scrumptious meals together. Julian was Bodhi’s shadow, following him around the house, echoing “How was your day?” and extending arms to offer a hug. One of my favorite memories from the trip was near the end of a big party to thank all those who built the Knipper house. Jake, Mary, and I were sitting by the swimming pool when Julian came scampering up. He proceeded to strip completely naked and climb in the water. One of the guests, a little girl in a pink lace dress and high heels, looked longingly at the pool and was about to join Julian when her dad led her away. To be honest, I was glad for an excuse to dangle my legs in the water in the middle of a fancy shindig and a crowd of strangers. We played and splashed until Eugenie shepherded Julian off to bed.

Peter and I were planning to visit the farm in France this fall before the pandemic changed everything. And now our whole world has turned upside down. We’re holding Julian’s memory close to our hearts and looking out at life through his enchanted eyes.

Pour Julian

September 3, 2020
Chers Eugénie, Jon, Bloom,

C’est avec une immense tristesse que nous avons appris le drame ayant frappé votre petit Julian. Le temps d’une courte balade à Fourmigueres, nous avions eu la chance de le rencontrer et de découvrir une belle âme, un magnifique garçon, très beau et heureux. Nous avons pu voir Julian se régaler des pâtisseries Mazas, et aussi son attention envers sa soeur, la réconfortant gentiment lorsqu'elle était tombé de sa chaise. Parti trop tôt, nous espérons qu’il repose en paix là où il est, et nous vous adressons toutes nos condoléances et pensées solidaires pour cette terrible épreuve.

Avec toute notre amitié,
Joachim et Emna

September 2, 2020
Please accept our condolences for your devastating loss.  Though we did not have the pleasure of knowing Julian, we've known the Knipper family after meeting "Buelo" Jim at work over 20 years ago.  At a dinner last year, Jim extolled the sheer delight of being a grandfather, saying how he didn't have to "do" anything with a grandchild, but simply "all you have to do is love them."  We know that your little boy was deeply loved indeed.  

Your whole family is in our thoughts and prayers as you grieve the loss of your dear son.

--Kathy, Bill, Ian and Talia

Pour toi, Julian.

September 2, 2020
Mon petit Julian, je sais que tu ne sais pas encore lire mais ce n'est pas grave, ce message t'atteindra j'en suis certaine.
Tu ne me connais pas, tu m'as oublié, je suis partie quand tu étais tout petit. Mais moi je me souviens très bien de toi, je t'ai aimé avant même de connaitre ton prénom ou de savoir la couleur de tes yeux. Je t'ai connu alors que tu n'étais qu'une petite bosse sur le bidon de ta Maman ! Je t'ai vu arrondir sa silhouette et j'ai attendu avec impatience de pouvoir enfin voir ta frimousse. Tu es né la veille de mon anniversaire, quel beau cadeau en avance pour moi ! Sois sûr que dès que j'appris ta naissance j'ai sauté de joie car ta Maman, qui au départ n'était qu'une collègue, est très vite devenue une copine puis une amie chère à mon coeur. Je suis venue te voir aussi vite que j'ai pu, tout petit bébé à la maternité.
Et tu as grandi, jours après jours, semaines après semaine. Daddy et Maman ont recommencé à prendre du temps pour eux, pour escalader par exemple, et j'ai eu l'honneur  d'être une babysitter occasionnelle. On en a fait des câlins.. on a joué ensemble, tu ne voulais pas dormir et je craquais pour toi, impossible de te laisser pleurer dans ton lit. Alors on lisait des histoires et on jouait avec des petits tracteurs et des petites voitures. 
Je ne suis pas fan de foot, mais pendant cette période la France a gagné sa 2ème étoile, j'étais avec toi ce jour là, pendant que tes parents escaladaient des sommets pas très loin. On a regardé le dernier quart d'heure tous les deux, car c'était un moment sportif historique et je voulais que plus tard tu saches que, même sans t'en souvenir, tu l'as vécu en direct! Je t'ai fais dansé sur notre victoire et tu rigolais dans mes bras. C'était un beau moment que je chérirai toujours.
J’espérais te revoir bientôt, en cette fin d'année nous voulions venir vous rendre visite. J'avais très hâte de voir ta bouille de grand garçon, de t'entendre enfin parler vraiment, en français ET en anglais ! Je comptais sur toi pour me présenter à ta petite soeur que je ne connais pas encore et pour me faire re-visiter ton territoire en y plantant de nouveaux souvenirs heureux.
Mon petit coeur, j'ai passé mon lundi soir à pleurer, sous le choc de ton départ. Il y a des choses qui ne devraient jamais exister, jamais arriver. Mais je crois que la vie ne tolère pas la perfection, ça ne peut pas exister, c'est la seule raison qui explique que tu doives partir si tôt. Tu appartiens au domaine des anges et tu nous aura fais grâce de ta présence furtivement pour qu'on se rappelle que l'Après n'est habité que de pureté, comme toi. Je ne peux pas concevoir qu'il puisse en être autrement.
Si tu l'acceptes, j'ai une dernière mission capitale pour toi, petit loup. Veille bien sur ta famille qui t'aime tant car ce sont des gens extraordinaires qui méritent un bonheur sans limite. Sois la plus belle étoile dans le ciel, la plus douce caresse de l'eau du lac au printemps, le plus agréable souffle de vent l'été, le meilleur parfum de l'automne et le plus éclatant flocon de neige hivernal. Sois là chaque jour et chaque instant avec ta bonne humeur, ton courage et ta force. Tu ne pourra jamais être bien loin car tu restera dans nos coeurs.
Tu me manquera toujours, Julian.
September 2, 2020
Jon and Eugenie, thank you for taking the time to create this beautiful page to honor your dear son.I only knew Julian through the stories of Jim and Teresa (Julian’s beloved Buelo and Abue) and by the lovey photos posted on Facebook.It is clear that he was a special little boy and that he touched many during his brief time here on earth.You, Bloom and your entire family are in my prayers.I remember Julian each day at mass and will continue to do so.May God bless you all. 
Bill McCandless

September 2, 2020
Dear Knipper Family,
Our sincerest sympathy and condolences on your heartbreaking loss. The Knipper Family is one of great love and kindness and I cannot even begin to imagine your grief. Know that the love and caring of friends surround you at this time. Our prayers are with you.
Nora Sirbaugh and Bob Holmes

Sweet moments with Julian

September 1, 2020
Pretending we were French animals and dinosours and eating everything in sight, yum!

Mexican food and walking the highline in NYC when you were itty bitty (theres a picture of us on my refridgerator) 

Finding the only patch of plant life in a New Jersey parking lot and making sure you stood right in the middle.  Your mom said you were a true farm boy

Video chats about the lake and eating soup

Sur le pont, champ-ign-on, on y mange, on y mange

Playing cash register at Auntie vache’s house and looking for the clé, it was always missing. 

The gentle, nurturing brother who and always made sure sister Bloom was part of whatever fun was happening around her.

Trip to Ireland

September 1, 2020
In the spring of 2018 Julian made a trip with his parents to Kenmare, Ireland where he was the first Knipper of his generation to visit our second home at The Park Hotel.  He was a big hit and quickly made himself at home and was the focus of much attention.  We all went for hikes...walked downtown...and bellied up to the bar at night.  Inbound and outbound by helicopter he was the precious and beloved passenger of our dear friend Liam.  All in all another a host ofincredible warm memories of my life with my precious JuJu..

Gigi's quilt

September 1, 2020
I remember when mom was making a beautiful quilt for little Julian. She worked hours and hours with such great love creating a beautiful blanket for him to snuggle in. She knew that Eugenie was having a boy, so she created a farmer boy blanket which included a tractor and a bunch of farm animals. She was so proud of the quilt and so happy to make it for him and send it off to France!

Searching for mushrooms

September 1, 2020
When Jim and I were visiting in France in May 2019 we had so many delightful memories with Julian. He was spending the morning at one point searching for his beloved mushrooms! He had a special little basket that he would take along and diligently searched all over. But no luck… Later that day we went to the store to get some things for dinner. Right inside the door was an entire display of mushrooms! “Champignons!!!!”He shouted and of course we filled up a brown paper bag right away with a special treat for him. As a matter of fact that became our mantra while walking around the entire store!! Cham pig non.... Cham pig non!!! It’s a French word I will never ever ever forget! Julian you, of course,are my teacher for so many things...limited French but also Joy, love, living life to the full. I will never eat a mushroom again and not think of you.ove you forever
September 1, 2020
Prayers for you as you walk, crawl, kneel, on this painful painful unimaginable road.   What a beautiful happy fun adventure turned into  indescribable pain.   The day you never thought would happen.  The day you thought would be filled with all things other.    All of us carry you and your family now, most especially those of us who have also suffered loss.   When a new month begins with such hope and plans, the joy of beginning nursery school as a "big boy" and all that the opening of a new chapter brings, and then this.  God holds each one of your tears.   And our tears for you and with you.    Of course I will do as much as I can to honor your beautiful son.   ( I know your parents from St. Paul's Church, Princeton.)

“ I’m relaxing”

September 1, 2020
The last day on Marco, while his mom and dad packed up to leave, Julian joined me and Abue in the hot tub.  Being November, the pool was a bit cool, but the 99 degree hot tub was just perfect.  Julian loved being in the tub with us and knowing he had to leave us soon, was dragging out as much time as he could with us in the tub.  So he started telling us where to sit so he could snuggle with us and just kept saying, “I’m relaxing.”  We were laughing so much as he tried to squeeze the 3 of us together on a step and place his feet up on a float so we could relax together.

But soon the time came for him to get out and dried off and within the hour they were backing out of our driveway with Abue and I having tears down our cheek...knowing how much we would miss him..

Sunrises on Marco Island

September 1, 2020
There are so many memories of being with beautiful JuJu...and blessed we had a week together on Marco, FL last Thanksgiving. When Julian arrived he proclaimed that he would be sleeping in my room.  So we placed a blow-up mattress on the floor and made a nest for sleeping.  About an hour before the sun would rise I would hear the whisper, “Buelo, you awake?”  And I would climb into his nest where we would just take ten minutes to cuddle and tell each other how much we loved the other.  Then Julian would whisper, “Got to go pee-pee” - and I would agree.  So off we would go to the bathroom, afterwards, with a smile in his eye he would say, “Sunrise?”.  So, wrapped in a blanket to keep the cool morning air in check, he would sit on my lap, cuddled against my body and we would keep each other warm and wait in silence, allowing our love to flow between us and for a half hour wait to see the sunrise and we would give awe to the wonder and beauty around us.

No longer will there be a Florida sunrise from our home where I will not be holding Julian in my broken heart and soul.  But I know he now has an eternity of beautiful sunrises and will be with each of us, every day...

Please feel free to add stories or your memories to this page

September 1, 2020
-Jon and Eugenie

The Accident

September 1, 2020
Friends and Family - There was an accident at the farm and our son, Julian, was killed, yesterday. A heavy cattle barrier that was (apparently) negligently mis-welded by the construction company who built our barn, broke off from its post, the barrier crashing down and falling on his head and neck. Eugenie and I were alongside with him and there was nothing we could do. We think he passed away in my arms on the very short car ride to the hospital. Even arriving at the operating block of the ER within 15 minutes of the accident, their hour+ of attempted resuscitation efforts ultimately failed. A posthumous scan showed that the base of his skull was severely and (probably irreparably) crushed in the accident. He was unconscious immediately and I can only pray he died without pain, and that he can find peace wherever he is. 
He was 3.5 years old. Today, 1 September, would have been his first day of pre-school. He was so excited to go to school today, and not the "creche", because he was now a "big boy".
He is survived by daddy, maman, and his little sister Bloom who turns one this week.
Eugenie and I, and our family, are in total shock, and welcome your prayers or words of kindness. Please feel free to share our site, https://www.forevermissed.com/julian-tao-knipper/lifestory, to leave a message in kindness here as we collect our memories of our only son.

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