Today is the day you would have turned 29. What color would your hair have been? Or would you have shaved it all off again to raise money for some good cause? Would it still be styled the same or would you have gone to the barber and changed it again? Would you still have Krissy or would her Prissy self have gotten you to move on from her? Would you be doing some overhaul to the KatBug? Would you and Squish still be with me or would you have found your dream place already? Or would you have just moved out because you were always such an independent little thing? I know life would have been different if you were still here....and I wish you were. I wish I was still standing on the sidelines watching the love between you and your little girl. I wish those phone calls were still coming in and the posts were still being made that let me know I needed to call. I wish you, Sasha and the big dumdum were still exploding my back door. I wish I could hug you and see your smile grow across your face. You would have loved Hocus Pocus 2. I wish it wasn't just Squish I was teaching how to use the wringer washer. (Oh my Gawd, you would have enjoyed watching your baby with that one!) I wish you were here to help teach her how to ride her bike and how to do make up. I think, even you, would be amazed with how much your little girl moves like you, uses phraseology like you...sleeps like you. SMH, the way I found her sleeping this morning - SO you! I STILL say you guy's arms should be detachable when you sleep. I love and miss you all the time. Happy 29th birthday as a free entity.

I can't believe we are coming up on another christmas, excuse me, winter solstice, without you. This one is no easier than the last. I am still not sure what happened. I may be getting closer to the truth...I don't know. All I know for sure is, you didn't deserve what happened.

I remember the last winter solstice I had with you. One of the things you had told me was you couldn't cook a hard boiled egg and I am no help because I always fudge it too. So I bought you a fake egg you were supposed to throw in the boiling water with the eggs. We were all excited for it that maybe it would help and one of us would finally be good at it. You called me when you tried it and told me - "Mom, that thing don't work!" Oh well, I tried. That was the same year I couldn't wait to give you one special gift I had made for you and ended up giving it to you early. It was the baby blanket with all the family photos on it. You loved it and it made you cry. I knew it would mean a lot to you and you proved that with putting it somewhere it would be protected...in one of your trucks. (It's now on your bed.) You were so cute that year with your gifts. Watching you open them is still etched in my memory. You wanted more storage containers, so I got you a set. Your Dad had kept your big pot you used to make your skettis in. You were really bummed about that, so I got you a new big pot. You were thrilled! I know you used it often because you told me and I found it in your dish drainer. You had recently used it and washed it right before we lost you. (It's now in your truck waiting for the day Squish is ready to cook so she can, in some way, cook with Mommy.)

You are deeply missed Baby. Every. Day. ...and still loved. So. Very. Much.