Baba,

Omg...I can't believe I'm doing this! I miss u sooo much!!! This is not how I'm suppose to be talking to u.  I want to see u, hear ur loud voice, smell u and touch u. Baba I wish for u to come home all the time. Not just for me but for everyone. Everyday I think of that tragic day and how I wish I could change it.  If only we had came over that night for dinner u would of closed early. Because u always came home early when me and the boys were there...I'm so sorry!  Ray wanted to come over that night, but I told him the boys were tired and we didn't come. I should of listened to him.  When Candace called and told us u were robbed and shot, Ray ran out the house and left me with the kids. I just prayed and Roman saw me crying and asked why.  I told him that Jido was sick and we would see u in the morning. Never in a million yrs did I think u wouldn't make it, ur so strong and would never leave us!  As soon as I saw Ray's face I knew u had passed away and fell to the floor with the baby in my arms.  We rushed to the hospital and the drive there I was still telling Ray that u would be ok. That u would never leave mama!  U would never leave us!  I can't believe this happened to us...I swear a part of mom died with u. She is sooo lost without u and at the same time trying to be strong for all of us.  Baba, she needs u more now than ever please protect her and guide her.  She's always crying, but I bring the boys over everyday to help distract her. Vivian and Candace miss u dearly and hate being home because it reminds them that u won't be coming back.  Vincent and Kevin have stepped up to help mom and all of us. U would be so proud.  Ray was like a third son to u and he misses sitting next to u at the dinner table. Having ur long talks and drinking together.  Roman and Preston ask for u all the time.  Roman doesn't understand, but I told him ur in heaven with God.  He said he wants to come to heaven and see u.  When I tell him he can't, he gets upset. I tell him ur too far away, but to talk to u everyday.  He says he does, but u don't answer him.  He misses u and doesn't understand where u are or why u would leave him.  Today he asked me when u are going to barbecue for him.  Poor Preston he just wants his Jido to come home and bring him balloons.  When the phone rings, he's always yelling Jido, Jido.  This is so sad...u are the best grandfather.  I just pray that they will remember u and we will all do our best to make sure they do.  The my boys are lucky that they got to feel ur love. There is one moment that stands out in my mind,it's when u were crawling with them in their tunnel, all three of u were having so much fun.  They love u and miss u so much.  Baba, it's so hard for me to think that I will never see u again. Who's going to yell at me and call me crazy. Who's going to tell me and bother me to eat. Who's going to walk me to my car every time I leave ur house.  I miss that the most, because I would always yell at u for not wearing a jacket or that I didn't need help.  But baba I did need help and I'm sorry for yelling at u.  You are a wonderful dad, you always protected us and watched over us. You spoiled mama, Viv, Candy, me and my kids. How r we going to live without you?!?!? This is going to be the hardest thing we will ever have to go through, please help us and guide us.  I know u will always be with us and that if u had a choice u never would of left us.  U did not deserve for ur life to end this way!  Baba I love u and miss u!  Please visit us in our dreams. 

LOVE YOU ALWAYS, Brenda