Mom,
   I am not sure where to begin. Today you would have been 54 years old. You have no idea how much I miss you. How much I just wish you were here to be able to tell you all that is going on and have you give me advice about what to do. I don't want to be without you mom. It's getting harder and harder every day and nothing is making the pain go away. I wish I never moved out and hurt you the way that I did. How different my life would have been if I had made different choices. Now I sit here as I am and wish that I could go back in time and make everything better. Maybe if all of us kids would have been home you wouldn't have given up on yourself. You wouldn't have let go. We all realized what we gave up after you left this world. We all regret several of the choices that we made.
  I am not sure if there is ever a way for you to forgive me for all of the pain I have caused. Damn! I've got to get to the cemetery and see you. I am not able to stay away forever. It is something that I have been putting off because I do not want to deal with the emotional crap that is gonna happen when I do.
  I thought that staying with you was going to keep me from being happy and I was wrong. There is no doubt that I needed to stay living with you. I know that a boy needs his father and that is what I was going through at the time and needed him but not more than I needed you as I thought. I am truly sorry for everything. Just know that despite everything, I will always love you. You will always be my mommy and I will always be your Kota Buggy-Butt lol! I love you so much and I miss you more than you will ever know!

Hey mom! Today makes 14 years! How thentimenhas gone by. It would have been better if I was able to spend it with you. But I know right now you are in heaven looking down on us and wishing you could be here also. Several things have happened since you left. I love you mom, always and forever.

My dearest mommy. I love you deeply, more than you know. I know there is a lot going on with Joanna and all of her issues but she is still loved despite all of the things that she had done to me. I have to try to remember all that she has done for me. They kicked me out of the website but that is alright because now I have my own dedicated to you. This is going to be better because now no one can threaten to kick me off and take down your page.. I love you Mommy and i will be by to see you soon.