JackO
This memorial website was created to celebrate the life of Kathy Lanier. Please share your memories, photos, and thoughts.
There will be a memorial service at May Memorial Unitarian Society (http://www.mmuus.org/) on February 19th, 2011 at 3:00 p.m. with a reception afterward in the church social hall.
Kathy loved California poppies, but only in the fields, so in lieu of flowers please donate to your favorite charity.
Tributes
Leave a tributeJackO
I'm in Syracuse for your birthday this year. Jason and I have been renovating the Harwood house and thinking about you - we are definitely our mother's children when it comes to DIY! Meeting some of the old neighbors who say "oh, you're Kathy's kid? - she was a great lady"
And you were a great lady
It's a sunny winter's day. I imagine that you and Judi would have just moved to Aptos for a few months to escape the gray February days in Syracuse. With all the rain, it'll probably be a beautiful spring in Aptos. Yes, you are definitely smiling ...
Lorene
I’m in the cottage in Aptos, remembering your 70th birthday gathering. I was so sure we’d be celebrating your birthdays for decades to come…
Lorene
I think of you often, whether it's when I'm folding a king sized, fitted sheet which you taught me how to effortless manage, or when I am wearing my cozy LL Bean robe that you sent to me in December of the year I was pregnant with Liam with a note that simply read "For cold nights up wih baby"...
I share memories of you with the boys often so they can hold in their hearts your thoughtful nature, your practicality, and your tireless motivation when it came to getting things done. How very much I miss all of these things.
I thought of you again, just the other day, when Jason and I were reminiscing about when we first met in college and I would hang out at his apartment after he'd left for class. I'd sneak a few peanut butter and chocolate chip oatmeal cookies from this mysterious shoe box lined with waxed paper. After a while I had eaten so many that I tried rearranging them in order to disguise their depletion, but ended up having to confess, worried he'd blame his roommates! And so many months later while visiting you and Judi in Syracuse, tasting those same cookies, freshly baked, and how it instantly transported me back to Jason's college apartment and the red, waxed paper-lined shoebox. I thought, at that moment, and for the many years that followed, when Judi and you would carry in from your Toyota Camry a box filled with tins and tins of those homebaked delectables, "THESE are the COOKIES!"
My memories of you are many and come so easily - often unexpectedly, but are always welcomed and bring a smile to my face while at the time a pang in my heart, for you are so very missed by all of us...
This has been a crazy year - if we made a movie you'd find the plot contrived and illogical. So many times I wondered "what would mom do?". I feel so lucky to have a mom who still helps guide me though the world.
missing you
Lorene
You still bring smiles to my face often when the memories come. You're wisdom and friendship are still with me in spirit. Loving thoughts.
For the first time I forgot this was the anniversary of your death. I guess that's a good thing, because now I'm just happy on your birthday. Still missing you every day.
Lorene
I’m driving home after visiting Jason and his family. Judi came down for a few days- the drive takes a bit longer than when you were driving :-). You’d be amazed how big the boys are! Jason has lots of projects that need finishing and could really use your cajoling....
We miss you
Lorene
Am I right, is it only 5 years today? It seems like an eternity. You are forever in my thoughts for all sorts of meaningful reasons, with love,
Barbara V
I suddenly realize you will always be one year younger than I! You are in my thoughts today, dear departed friend.
With love forever and ever,
Barbara
we were mere striplings, when we lived in the co-ops in Berkeley,
when Lorene was born, when you came to visit in a VW bus. Judi
was a truly wonderful surprise, a perfect person for you at last.
It's been four years and I'm finally writing without having to stop
and weep. love you always, Rene
You are ever present in my thoughts, no matter the years.
In loving memory from your friend,
Barbara
Joy Carlson (Scott's mom)
You gave guilt no moral privileged position, nor did you see any value in pain. But what would you do with grief?
Grief born of love and care and friendship, and deep sympathy for Judi, Lorene, Jason, your family, your world of friends, a universe without you -- though through you richer, better, and in promise, hopeful.
Donna Nelson
Jaime Gerber Baitsell
Gerber/Osborne/Dipboye/Baitsell "Clan"
Although our paths crossed less in these last few years, my memories date to the 60s at MMUS and the house on Edgehill.
Kathy led a varied life and brought joy to her family, friends and community. She will be celebrated and missed by many.
My thoughts are with you.
Mary Ann Zeppetello
It was all reflected in her contributions to life and to those she helped when they needed her. She will be missed and never forgotten
Rosamond Rudy
Leave a Tribute
JackO
I'm in Syracuse for your birthday this year. Jason and I have been renovating the Harwood house and thinking about you - we are definitely our mother's children when it comes to DIY! Meeting some of the old neighbors who say "oh, you're Kathy's kid? - she was a great lady"
And you were a great lady
It's a sunny winter's day. I imagine that you and Judi would have just moved to Aptos for a few months to escape the gray February days in Syracuse. With all the rain, it'll probably be a beautiful spring in Aptos. Yes, you are definitely smiling ...
Lorene
From Saturday, February 19, 2011
All who knew Kathy, Mom, described her as tireless. Whether it her social work, physical labor or just being a mother her inexhaustible drive to help, is without question.
When reflecting on my childhood that description “Tireless” is ever so pertinent. Those of you who didn't know or don't remember, I was a trying child. You see, at a very early age I became aware of my rights …
the right to say no
the right to refuse without comment
the right to refuse with comment
the right to say "I don't care"
and most importantly the right to argue non-disputed subjects.
I was not going to do anything until I had a full deposition on exactly how the request, or reply, or non-disputed subject reconciled with my rights.
A typical exchange might start with me asking Mom a question such as: “What's for dinner?”
Mom replied: “We're having spaghetti“
My retort: “I don't have to eat spaghetti”
Mom calmly responded: “Your right you don't, but that's what's for dinner.”
As an adolescent absolutist I proclaimed my rights countless time. Typical decrees included:
“I don't have to pick up my clothes”
“I don't have to wear boots in the winter”
“I don't have to go to sleep now”
“I don't have to, take a shower, brush my teeth, wear shoes, do my homework, get my hair cut ….
And each time, Mom allowed me..helped me to realize why I should do something even if I didn't have to do that something.
Doing things because you should not because you're required, is how Mom lived. This simple juxtaposition, should do vs. have to do, was the underpinning of my mother tireless efforts. You should do that which is helpful.
This "should do" drive didn't stop with family members. Mom's friends knew best not to mention a yet to be completed project within earshot, lest you were prepared to complete said project. You see, to Mom, unfinished tasks hung like an albatross around the neck of ones conscience. And mentioning a chore in front of my mom was no different then asking her out right for help. You concluded you should do the project now just do it...completed the task, free your consciences. And Mom was always there to lean on....to help bear the load...to motivate by doing.
Professionally, Mom was just as tireless. In Mom's mind her “clients” were not anonymous problems with case numbers but rather people with names. People who needed help...help unburdening their consciences so they could feel the freedom of less worry. Day after day, year after year, 24-7,365, Mom was on call. And when the government systems bogged down, Mom, just did it herself. It was the clients-the individuals who needed her time and help, not the agencies. Although she officially retired fifteen years ago she still remained active in many of her clients' lives.
This leads me to ask; what drives a person to tirelessly, inexhaustibly volunteer everyday for these labors ... to help strangers, family, friends...
to help her ridiculously stubborn son to gain new perspective ...
to help friends paint their house or move to a new home or organize a garage, basement or attic...
to help a returning soldier navigate government bureaucracy to receive the medical assistance he needed...
to help the grandson of a client from 30 years ago get into college...
to help a homeless man find an apartment, reestablish his identity and start rebuilding his life...
or year after year restock a freezer with homemade casseroles, cookies, and of course, spaghetti sauce...so her son and his wife wouldn't be burdened with making dinner for her grandchildren... Let me restate that..she replenished with homemade casseroles, cookies, and spaghetti sauce...replenished with love.
For her, Mom was doing what should be done, lessening our physical, mental and intangible loads.
Mom was; alturism, amity, charity, compassion, empathy, generosity, goodness, heart, kindness, mercy, sympathy..love...mom was humanity.
And in the grand notion of humanity, the pay it forward, geometric progression, the cascading-light notion of humanity, where one kind action leads to a dozen more equally kind actions...that cascading-light grew a little less bright two Sundays ago.
I, too have fond memories of Kathy while my son was attending Fairmount Children's Center in the mid 80's. I remember one of the last times I spoke to her regarding my older son. I needed to talk to someone, so I called Kathy and asked if she could meet me after work. I worked at Syracuse University at the time so we met at the Burger King across the street around 5pm. I needed to speak to her regarding my teenage son. This visit was on Kathy's own, private time. But she took the time to talk to me because I needed someone to talk to. I remember her saying to me regarding my son, "He will be okay Mary. He has your values and morals." She was right. This son will retire from the Army in 4 years as an E9.
I will never forget you Kathy Lanier. You have touched my heart more than you will ever know. Thank you for the memories. God Bless, Mary Stuhler (Donegan)
Frogging
Kathy and judy visited us several times while I was recovering from a fractured femur. One Saturday I was lamenting about a lack of frogs in our small pond. I wanted to go froggin' on my crutches but that was not allowed. So Kathy said she would go frogging with Barbara amd Judy would keep me company. Kathy was always up for anything! Had she been to catch frogs before? No! But how hard could it be?
Kathy and barbara headed to the swamp with two nets, a garbage bag and big boots. When they arrived at the swamp the two women waded out into the water and stared quietly for frog heads to pop up from the water. Barbara explained that one needed to be very fast and that going under the frog usually worked best.
Kathy was determined and headed to a deeper location where she had seen several frogs. The muck on the bottom was thick and liked to keep one from pulling their foot up. But nothing stopped Kathy!
Barbara had made several grand attempts with no success. Kathy now had a frog in her net and was clutching it to her chest. Barbara quickly got the bag and Kathy grabbed the frog and dropped it into the bag. She headed right out again as the swamp water began leaking into her boot.
Next thing Kathy knew she was sitting in the swamp with her arms in the air laughing. Barbara went to help but Kathy stood right up. Now both women were laughing. Kathy was wet and smelled of swamp. The giggling continued as Kathy caught two more frogs. Barbara caught no frogs but she told Judy and I the story which is and always will be one of my favorites.
We are missing you so much Kathy Lanier!
Love and Hugs, Rebecca and Barbara