Starting to process this devastating loss has helped throw into sharp relief the indelible impact just one person can have on so many lives.
Kathy transcended the traditional boundaries of the Coach/Rugger relationship in all the right ways--she showed up for us over and over again in ways sometimes our own friends, family, and even selves failed to. For me personally, Kathy treated me with relentless love and respect. She always made me feel safe and welcome to express whatever I was experiencing, without qualifications, and she was never, ever patronizing (even when I was being dramatic...). Despite the immense gap in our age and experiences, we shared a friendship filled with laughter, great music, impromptu dance sessions during our frequent Blue State chats, intellectual openness, and a willingness to talk about hard things when necessary. And that was all outside of our extra time working on my ball handling etc., extra time Coach was always willing to provide for her players. There are so many moments--good and bad--that I could mention where Kathy helped guide me in a positive direction, even if she wasn't aware of it at the time. When my favorite aunt passed away suddenly an ocean away, it was on Kathy's couch and through the comfort of her big bear hugs that I let myself feel real grief for the first time. When I got into law school, Kathy was the first to buy me a celebratory pint (or three). One time when practice was cancelled, she even showed up with the entire team to support me at one of my a capella concerts--signs and all! On our long bus rides to away games, my favorite part was always when I would inevitably go up to the front to sit with Coach and talk her ear off about random stuff. We talked about gender and athletics so often during those bus rides that she even started coming to my Gender and Sexuality course! I will always cherish Kathy's open mind.
Kathy also modeled true leadership to me, and I am constantly striving to apply all that I learned from her in my own life and career. She exercised authority without domination, placing us all on common footing to achieve a shared goal. She inspired us to push ourselves and achieve more than we could have imagined without her unyielding faith. And she would let you know right away when you let her down, but she would never do it in a hurtful way. She had so much tact that you could feel her disappointment as your own, and it would push you to live up to your potential--something Kathy had a gift of seeing in others long before they could see it themselves.
I've been using the past tense to describe her and her impact on my life so far, but Kathy's passing does not make her a figure of the past. Far from it. Kathy continues to live on in every single person who had the honor of meeting her and, for us lucky bunch, knowing her well. Kathy remains my Coach, mentor, and my friend. I love her, I'll miss her, and I'll keep striving to live a life as special as hers.