It's been two years, I don't even know how to put into words everything that I feel for you still, everyday. I am angry, I am sad, I am still the lost little girl, but I'm not as broken as I used to be. I've grown up, are you proud of mr daddy? I worked really hard and got two jobs, I got my own trailer, but I'm not gonna buy it because I'm waiting to buy the house I really want, are you proud daddy? Jax, man jax is SO FRICKING AMAZING, he's smart and loves to sing, I guess he might get that from you, he's still in the small side but you wouldn't know it if you asked him, are you proud daddy? Ramon is struggling, I don't know what to say, he's at the age I lost my way and I don't know how to be here for him but I am trying, I'm trying to support him without getting angry and losing my temper, I don't always succeed but I'm getting better, are you proud of me daddy? Mason is amazing in everyway I don't tell him as often as I should, he's so smart and wise sometimes, he takes care of me, I know it should be the other way around, but I am trying to be stronger for him too, I'm worried about losing the relationship we have though as he he gets older, are you proud of me daddy? I lost the job I worked so hard to get but it was because I had an opinion and I didn't stay quiet because I don't deserve to be mistreated, are you proud of me daddy? I bought a car, a REAL CAR, from a dealership, it's insured registered and completely in my name for the first time ever, and it's the car I wanted, it's not a mustang but it's prolly best I avoid the mustang until I'm a little better behind the wheel but I'm almost ready to take my test to get my license, are you proud of me daddy?

I have learned how to do things alone, to stand on my own two feet, and to stand up for myself and the people I need to protect, are you proud of me daddy? Cause that's all I wanted, I wanted it with everything that I am for you to see me and be proud, not embarrassed to say" yeah that's my oldest, she doesn't quite have it together, but she tries". I wanted you to see me, for who I am not hate me for the pain your mother caused.

Are you proud of me daddy? Cause I am, I am proud of how far I have come in these two short years, so much has changed, I am proud of who I am, who I will become, and proud of who my children are and who they will become,but even better, I am teaching them to be proud of THEMSELVES and who they are NOW. I hope your proud of me daddy, cause I will never know.

It feels like forever and just yesterday. I still talk to you, I watch our shows and think how you might comment  my heart is still broken,  half is missing. Life is still here. It continues but it lacks the shine you put on. I love you so much