This memorial website is created by Donald Trisdale, his husband, in memory of our beloved:

                                   Ken Barry Dyches                         

Barry passed into eternity December 29,
2010, after a courageous battle with terminal brain cancer known as melanoma. Barry celebrated his 72nd birthday December 12, 2010. His passing shocked many and left our world with one less loving, caring and loyal individual. We shall remember him FOREVER.

All memorial tributes are deeply appreciated and can be individually created BELOW the guidelines.





Also, guests/members can click on the tab "STORIES" located above and add a personal story. Photos are permitted to be added. Add photos by clicking on the TAB "GALLERY" OR "ADD PHOTOS" on the right side of the page.





Begininng of another year; 10 years without you December 29, 2020! Unbelievable!


I am so saddened and sorry for the pain you experienced for me. Nine years later, I feel you, touch you, and enjoy all the memories you created for us. I love you Barry.

Christmas Eve, Christmas Day.....Yes, I love you and yes it is a difficult time even after nine years. The church activities, parties, and sharing time with so many people we enjoyed over the years are such glorious Christmas gifts. Yet, the loneliness and sorrow I feel is helplines and weak as I move to the glorious day without you. Holding your hand in Church, and praying together, and saying to each other “I love You”, hearing that voice of security, warmth, and never ending love is breath taking even after nine years of not hearing your words.


TODAY, came so quick, another year.HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Alone, yet surrounded by so many love ones who knew us.  I know we are both here together, were we would had been by now with each other on our island settling back and enjoying the “good life.” I got us here this year. We are all here now — Listening to a song that came out a few years ago, entitled, “ Pontoon “ by Little Big Town; a song made for us drinking a few beers on a special day. Barry, I love you so much, and after 9 years, I can’t hardly stand it still not being with you especially on this day. I am trying so hard to accept our faith that life is eternity, but it is challenge. I just want to be with you. Life is nothing anymore without you. I promised you I would go on, but I have failed that promise. I am still so mad, and miserable with life without you. Sorry, sweetie. I will keep working on it. Today, a special day and I am so thankful I was a part of your life and so loved by you..  Of course, playing our song tonight, “Sea of Love”.  How much do I love you? More than my life or any measurement of life. My heart is so full tonight. Does anyone understand except YOU!  LOVING YOU FOR ETERNITY! ... We are at home, you, the babies and me and even J.C. You know were I am and you are with me. This will be our final resting place on this beautiful earth GOD gave to us. Took me nine years to get us here, but I never gave up, struggled, prayed a lot for help, and kept focused. We are now home on earth, and we will both be home eternity in the future.


We would have celebrated our 43rd anniversary, December 10th 2019. In some ways it has been a long nine years since we celebrated together the moment/day we join our lives together. It wasn’t enough time to enjoy our togetherness. I miss you so deeply. Still trying to understand the why’s’ and what ifs’, but continue come back to the reality that I won’t see you till we are united in GODs house and then it will be for eternity. So my faith will get me back to you and that is all that matters. I love you, miss you, and always thinking about YOU!
always, especially on this special day, DEC 10, 2019. Happy Anniversary!

A blessing so many happy full days together giving thanks and being grateful for the love we shared. I will never stop loving you and missing your love.


37. REMEMBERED MAY 10, 2019 .........
MEMORY TONIGHT -A SPIRITUAL FEELING.  Tonight, not a special night for most, but some spirituals swirling about within me and feeling your presence.  More intense tonight than usual, and this spiritual feeling woke me. Are you near? I feel your presence - all day actually. Ended up becoming extremely emotional tonight. Maybe because after nine years, I opened a bottle of red wine we won at a NASCAR Jeff Gordon Auction. Sometime ago in the moves after your new journey I broke one of the Jeff Gordon’s red wine glasses. Kept the broken one, and it sits next to yours, and I used your glass. The corks are becoming dry, plus I just for some reason wanted to have a glass of red wine - a stirring of feelings for you! You are here tonight. Listening to music, and for some reason many of our songs are playing. The music is a streaming wi-fi songs that are played random. Guess you are playing, because one after another are all the songs we listened to as you drove me to work, as we drove watching the world past by our car windows. A very powerful spiritual evening. Thank you my darling angel Barry. I love you, and miss you so and very deeply.

Thinking of our wonderful valentine memories of years past. Each were so special. I love you and always will. You are forever my Captain Valentine.”

Though I live with this empty feeling everyday, it is more prominent today. At 2023 on this day, 8 years ago you entered eternal life. I would get in bed with you, and kiss a final goodbye. I would play that moment in my mind forever. As our dear enduring friend, Pam stood and witnessed this passing, catching me afterwards, hugging me, and then she said a final goodbye as well. Then she left the room to fetch the nurses. We had our last final moment together, but not so fast - we have so many more in dreams, and moments I knew you created.. This all plays out in my my mind constantly. I love you so Barry. You are so missed my darling.

Christmas 2018. Thinking of you and where we were eight years ago. Time growing short as WE (PAM AND I) watched you sleep peacefully (breathing heavenly) in the hospital bed. You had gone to sleep a few days earlier, and sharing with me it was time for me to make the decisions. You closed your eyes and you never spoke again. A moment in time I shall take with me forever. I knew what you meant, and as I looked at you indefinitely, and I thought.....well, I will keep that to myself, since you already know.  I am sure you heared me tell you continuously I will always love you forever, and I do.  Enduring moments, and I hope you heard Pam and I talking till the end. You are and will always be my super hero, and the best Christmas present I ever received in my life. "GOD BLESS YOU BARRY" and I LOVE YOU MORE THAN EVER.

Happy Birthday!

Today, your 80th birthday, some eight years since your journey after life started. How is this possible? It is so unreal/surreal, and I have such difficulty understanding you are not here. I miss you so deeply, the pain became a numbness. Today, you are so on my mind, not much difference from any other day of the year, but today, I get to dream you were born, and came into my life for us to be one. A glorious gift given by you to me on your birthday. Barry, there is only one like you, and I was so fortunate to be married to you. You gave the gift of life, "your love". and my dearest human being. When you were alive, I could never express how deeply I loved you and appreciated who you were....still words limit my expression and lost of this gift. You were/are the best person in my life that has walked on the earth I live. I pray every day on this earth, I will walk beside you once again. I know you are here. I watch for you, and hear you with those pennies, and dimes you drop for me to find. Oh sweetie, I love you so. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Our anniversary would have been today, December 10th, 2 days before your birthday. Both dates are difficult times, but always remembered. I love you so much, and miss you more today than those first days you had to say good-bye. I use this day, like many trying to think of our good times, but being weak, slip often back to moments in the hospital and how sick you were. Barry, I know you visit alot, and I truly feel your presence; I love you being near when you can. Never stop being around. I need you more than ever. Only one request, please be there when it is time and reach out for my hand. I love you forever, forever, and forever. Today, our 44th anniversary and I am still here without YOU!. Unbelieveable.

You are always here and remembered. As we start another holiday season, my love for you is stronger than ever before. I reflect over so many wonderful holidays, and think how fortunate to share so many. Hearing your voice and seeing the smiles you shared with the world brings the reality you walked with us for years. Often I reach out and touch your face just to waken and realize it was a dream, but I am so blessed to dream of a past reality.

Today, I am 72. My day is filled with memories of being with you, sharing you with no one on previous birthdays. You always took the day off, and you would prepare a lovely breakfast, and we would watch together my favorite movie "The Way We Were", starring Robert Reford. Afterwards, a very busy day ahead full of surpries. Always, we ended with a fabulous romantic dinner, and most of the time attending a play, smphony concert, or a movie holding hands. I missed you, and the our together times, laughter, and most of all just looking at you with such pride. I can't help to think today though, when you turned 72, December 12, you only had 17 days left, and we could only share it together with you lying in bed so sick.  At that time time we did not know why this had happen so qucikly, nor why. But, since then, I have found out, you gave your life for our country being exposed to Agent Orange while in the service. All the ships you were assigned too was exposed to Agent Orange during the Vietnam Crisis/War. A substance many years later recognized by our government exposure meant most often cancer that was terminal. It was for you like so many and so early for the man I loved so much. Thank you for those nine years of Navy Service, and giving the ultimate, your life. I am and so many so indebted to your sacrifice, and my lost. I love you Liteunant Commander, and miss you everyday, but today is extra difficult.

Celebrated Harlen's 38th B.D. We shared memories of past birthdays when you were here.

 You are always my Valentine as you have always known. Using this day to remember your thoughtfulness and the love you shared with me not only on this day but each day of our lives together. We truly embraced a living, real fairy tale of respectful love for the days we endured together. Thank you. You gave me a lifetime gift. An everlasting Happy Valentine memory, my darling Captain.

Seven years ago, along with Pam, I watched you leave and I shall never forget that moment as I said goodbye to the love of my life. Life without you is unexplainable. I quit trying to understand it because I just miss you so much. Nothing is right. I love you.

Today we celebrate Barry's 79th birthday. Seven years have passed since entering the eternity gates. I miss you more than ever as everyone who you touched in life. A true giant void in the universe was created by your passing, but we shall always remember the gift of your birth that was created on this day. We all wish today we could have spent more time with you, but always cherish the moments we endured within your present. May your angel wings spread love and joy to more. You were a true blessing and for me an angel who walked among us.
We would
celebrate our 45th ANNIVERSARY ON THIS DAY. You are here with me tonight like so many evenings. I feel you.
THANKSGIVING DAY. The days before and the days after ALWAYS.
23.REMEMBERED: 4 JULY 201723. REMEMBERED: JUNE 18, 2017:
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, BARRY.I love you so and miss you.
22. REMEMBERED: February 14, 2017
Another Valentines year without you. I did not write on this year's valentine day because it was more painful than ever. It has taken me until today to write to you, plus a song, plus you visiting me today. Even some TV technicians said there are spirits in the house. Of course, I know it's you. I just smiled and said you are okay. "He wants to make sure you are not going to hurt me." It was not a good year, but they are never are even great things do happen. I just miss the love of my life, and my life is no life without you. You are always my Valentine each day. A day does not go by without you being my first and last thought. Your love still touches me as it always will till I can no longer touch your love, and then I will be with you again. Thank you for your eternal love Barry.
VALENTINES DAY...Five years after receiving a wonderful and loving messages of your love. You were the most wonderful writer of special love messages. Thank you, and I miss them so dearly. I have one of the first photographs you and I have together, and what a wonderful Valentine's gift. We can thank Francine for this great gift.
SIX YEARS (DECEMBER 29, 2010 @ 8:28 PM) since we said our FINAL goodbye to each other. A difficult day, because of remembering how ill and how much pain you ended life. I tried everything to keep your pain away. I am so sorry and miss you each day of the year. 
19. REMEMBERED CHRISTMAS 2016.....DEC 12, 2016  Birthday....
Loving you always, and forever!. You are the first, the last, and my everything.

As our song tell us, "you're my first, my last, my everything.The only one like you, there could not be another like you." I love you. Were did the time go for us? Missing you more than ever, and our tradition of having breakfast at the Bel-Air Hotel to kick off our special day. Remembering the anniversary that morning at the Bel-Air when we met our favorite actress Meryl Streep. She hugged us both! 
Tis the season again, and difficult times of the year without you. It is coming up six years Dec.29, 2016 since I last saw you; of course, I see you each day in my memories and talk to you daily. I miss you and so lonely without you! It is not a real life without you. I travel often, but the reality where ever I go is without you and knowing that makes its so sad. Still, in disbelief, you are gone.
15. REMEMBERED January 19, 2016.
-Misty, our beloved BOSTON TERRIER, the LOVE OF OUR family passed at the age of 10.
Your still my loving and FOREVER VALENTINE.
ANOTHER THANKSGIVING DAY WITHOUT YOU...Found OUR SONG: "SEA OF LOVE"...How many times did we think of these words when I was at Berkeley and you in Nashville - separated by distance.We both thought the week would never end till one of us flew toward each other. We purchased American Airlines those three months.
11. REMEMBERED: December 10, 2015
42nd anniversary. Our birth...Its been five years, and I am still in shock without you, sometimes not believing you're gone, and other times realizing reality. Guess you know how much I miss you; of course, the hardest day is near, your birthday. But, today, it was our day, and we had so many special memories of this day. Never forget the morning of our 35th anniversary when we had a loving morning at the Bell-Air Hotel, relaxing outside having the most extravagant breakfast one could think of eating; setting in our round booth overlooking the beautiful swans in the pond, and then looking around to see one of our most famous movie stars, Meryl Streep, who looked up at us, hosted a glass and toasted to us. Our waiter who we had known for years, had shared with her we were celebrating our anniversary. She sent us a note, telling us congratulations. What a morning - a never unforgettable moment absolutely loving, a celebration day. Thank you, darling. I love you then, now, and forever. Thank you for everything, but most of all,  your unconditional love for our entire life together.Your Sport, Donald.
Anniversary. LOVE YOUCAPTAIN. 
My best gift ever was YOU!  Have fantasies of the door opening and there you are standing with your loving smile, and telling me, " I'M HOME!
FIVE YEARS WITHOUT YOU...Like yesterday in so many ways. Where are the days, I KNOW NOT. Each day I watch for you with the flag, the hummingbirds, and often feel your presence. In MY HEART I know you are near. I love you for eternity.
Your still my loving and FOREVER VALENTINE.
4 yrs now passed. Sad memory!
Another year, again, thinking of you the day you were born. Love YOU ever so much!
As long as I live without YOU.........I love you, Barry...Thinking of you the day you were born.
Where does the year go? Thinking of you on the day born.
1. REMEMBERED: JAN 1, 2011.
Started a new year without you. I can't stand it.

Posted by Donald Trisdale on December 31, 2019
January 01, 2020.....Thinking of you like always, but today - You know! Our day to watch those football games. You would be so proud of Clemson this year. Headed to the championship. Scott, our South Carolina friend is giving me hell wanting to know were is Bama. He always saying Barry would be so proud like I wouldn’t know. You know how I feel without Bama being there. We always had fun though - Your ACC team, and my SEC team. What crazy fun!. Missing those treasured moments. Love you, Donald
Posted by Helen Steers on December 29, 2019
I'm thinking of Donald today and his loss of you, Barry.
Donald knows that you are beside him always.
You are both in my thoughts.
God Bless.

Posted by Joe Arnold on December 28, 2019
I will remember Barry and Donald forever. They were so instrumental in my life and came into my world at a perfect time. I had just spent two grueling years on the front lines of the war against the AIDS epidemic. I was surrounded by so much death and suffering that I needed a monumental shift in my professional career.

I had the good fortune of being hosted by Donald and Barry at a gay tournament in San Francisco. They were the most gracious and loving gay couple I had ever met. The strength of their love was undeniable. It was strongest bond I had ever seen.

Because of that chance meeting, they offered me a job to work with Donald at one of the psychiatric hospitals Barry was in charge of. that launched me into a gratifying, 10 year career in the psychiatric health care sector.

I will never forget Barry’s goofy laugh and infectious, innocent smile. He was a gentle giant with a huge heart!

My heart goes out to Donald who I know suffers every moment of each waking day. Fortunately he is able to dream about Barry every night. I know this provides him some comfort as he waits for that monumental time when they are reunited in heaven.

Thank you Barry for everything you have done for The hundreds of people in your life, and of course, for me. You were truly one of a kind!

Hugs my dear friend,


Posted by Irene Wingfield on December 27, 2019
Love you so much, Donald. I know your precious Barry is watching over you... you are always in my heart...
Posted by Evie Palicz on December 27, 2019
I can’t believe it has been 11 years since you left us. I think of you and Donald often. I recall with fondness our many gatherings at your beautiful homes. I know you’re watching over all of us, especially Donald and Harland. You are all so very much loved.
Posted by Donald Trisdale on December 26, 2019
It will be nine years December 27, 2019 when we laid together in that nursing bed, your eyes closed, and most likely I hope your hearing still possible. The nurse told me that afternoon, your breathing had worsen, and time was near. I crawled in bed with you and I talked to you like you were conscious. I knew you were passing, but I couldn’t let you quite go yet. So the night worn on, even I called for food to be delivered. As the food was being delivered, I looked at you, and saw what I hoped I would never see. You had gone with JESUS. I never said a word to Pam, and we set down and tried to eat, but Pam looked at you, and without hesitation, told me Barry is gone. She knew what I had already realized. I got back in bed with you, and I hope you heard what I said only for us to hear. It stills resonates with me even to this day, nine years later. Afterwards, you then left me and went with JESUS. In shock even I knew it was coming, and still in the same state of mind. Time stood still, and has been seen you left even though I get older every year. A big year for us both. I love you Barry, and love you more than I have ever thought possible. You, are my life and always will be. I love you so.
Posted by Donald Trisdale on December 24, 2019
Merry Christmas, my darling. Watching you decorating our Christmas tree the last time is a treasured memory. I often wondered why that night I did not help you; I was so mis arises by you, and now think, not knowing, or did I know I would never see you decorate a tree again. I just set their, enjoying ever moment, laughing, sharing a glass of champagne as you struggle with that tree, commenting why so a big one. When you finished it was a fifth avenue display treasure. You were so so good at this. Harlen and I enjoyed your craftsmanship of creating such beauty. Of course, I miss it even to this day. No decorations since your last creations, either than a purchased tree that I finally erected two years ago. You were so beautiful and made our home so warm. Thank you. I love you Barry for eternity. Donald Trisdale
Posted by Francine Martin on December 12, 2019
Thinking of you today, dear Barry, on our in over are missed and loved.
Posted by Donald Trisdale on December 10, 2019
HAPPY BIRTHDAY my darling. You were the best, and you made me a better person, like so many. We said good bye so early, and we are recognize our lost, but what you gave us we carry it as a treasure for eternity. You still are the most significant event in my life and most likely others. You came my way, and put your mark in my soul. I treasured it everyday. I can’t wait to see you again, and my faith is stronger than ever thanks to you. I finally got were we were headed. I made it this year, and I am so happy, because I know you are here, and I am getting closer. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLING. DONALD
Posted by Donald Trisdale on December 10, 2019
DECEMBER 10 2019
You always had a special way of remembering those you loved. The time you would spend sorting, and reading every card in the store till you located the “perfect card”. Each card was from your heart and the individuals who received it never knew the amount of time you spent selecting their true card. It was a special gift. The ones you selected for me were always perfect for the occasion, or just the moment. I know how much time you spent and how important it was to you to select the right card. I miss those cards and their sayings, and I am sure those who were lucky enough to get one, misses them too. They were always more than SPECIAL. One of many reasons why I love you so much, miss you and thinking about you. Happy Anniversary. Love, blowing kisses, and my spiritual hugs. Donald
Posted by Donald Trisdale on November 20, 2019
Thursday, 28 November 2019
So much has happen this year, and the year has not ended. I made it finally to the spot we had so dreamed and talked about spending our last days together. You are with me, and I know it spiritually. I look out over GOD;s beauty, and see your face, as goose bumps make my arm hairs rise thinking of you as I reach out to touch you. As I give thanks for this Thanksgiving Day, it is because the wonderful gift of love you gave. No one can be admired more for the love and kindness you provided for so many. I am so grateful and blessed I shared you with so many. I love you forever, and forever, and forever and beyond my passing. I miss you so much Barry.
Posted by Donald Trisdale on May 26, 2019
I love you for YOU, your SERVICE, (on this Memorial Day, May 27, 2019) and devotion/dedication to our country and our family.
Posted by JUDITH FONG on May 12, 2019
I have been in Knoxville for the past several days to attend my niece’s graduation from UT. If i’m not mistaken, Barry came from Knoxville. Really pretty small city, approachable, and alive with music, art, and the university. Wanted to tell Barry that I made it here—and say that I could imagine living in Knoxville; except for the humidity it feels welcoming.
Take care. /judith
Posted by Donald Trisdale on May 10, 2019
Spiritual feelings tonight. Thursday, May 09,, 2019. Read my remembered day. So powerful tonight. Feeling your presence ever so strong. Off to bed now, and hopefully its a night of sleep with dreams of YOU. I love you forever, forever, and forever, and miss you for ever, ever, and forever !
Posted by Donald Trisdale on March 18, 2019
Our first song we endured and one that stole our both hearts, Barbara Streisand, the song we would later make our life foundation...."The Way We Were". Fortunately, she would be in our first movie we saw together, and held hands, "A Star is Born".
Posted by Donald Trisdale on December 28, 2018
As I dream of our together life, I realize today will be eight years since I last actually physically saw you (December 29, 2010 - 2023hrs). I see you every day, and definitely in my dreams if they are dreams. I hope they are NOT dreams. You are everything I dreamed about, and still, do, and you made me complete. Thank you for such love you gave. It sweeps me on the magic carpet toward YOU!
Posted by Donald Trisdale on December 21, 2018
I had My own notion of grief
I thought it was a sad time
That followed the death of someone you love.
And you had to push through it
To get to the other side.
But, I'm learning there is no other side.
There is no pushing through,
But rather,
There is absorption,
And grief is not something that you complete
But rather endure.
Grief is not a task to finish,
And move on
But an element of yourself.
An element of your being
A new way of seeing
A new definition of self.
Posted by Johanna Dunning on December 14, 2018
Hello Barry, sorry I am late, but even I was overseas I remembered your birthday, as you are in my heart every day. Will always remember your laughter and the love you had for Donald and friends. Donald is doing ok but will never be whole without you. Can you blame him? You remain our #1 hero.. Love you forever my friend.
Posted by Pam Wickles on December 14, 2018
Happy 80th Barry!
Thinking of you and all the fun Donald and I had with you and Bob on our trips. Such great memories we'll always treasure.
Love, Pam
Posted by Joe Arnold on December 13, 2018
My thoughts and prayers go out to you Donald as you celebrate Barry’s 80th Birthday. He truly was a gentle giant who is loved by so many, especially you. His kindness for others was beyond compare. His goofy laugh was infectious and it always made me enjoy whatever we were doing, that much more.
He was taken from us much too soon but hopefully all of the wonderful memories you have of him will carry you until you finally re-connect with him in the afterlife.
Posted by Lee Miller on December 12, 2018
Happy birthday Barry
in heaven, forever hea!ed
Our Donald still loves and misses you
But your presence is often revealed.
Posted by Irene Wingfield on December 12, 2018
Happy Heavenly Birthday, dear Barry. It breaks my heart to see how much your precious Donald misses you. You were a wonderful man, who lives on forever in the hearts of those who loved you---who love you still.... God bless you, Barry, and your beloved Donald and Harlen.
Posted by Ralph Diaz on December 12, 2018
Happy Birthday Ken. Heard so many great stories from Donald.
Posted by JUDITH FONG on December 12, 2018
One of my own fears has always been that after I die, I might be forgotten. Then you realize that when you are loved, you never ever leave people’s hearts. Such is the case for all of us who survive you.
I will be in Piedmont and Berkeley for the holidays - the area our old haunts. Do you remember the ice cream shop with all the unusual flavors? Dinners at your house? And the conversations about children? yesterday.
Love u
Posted by Francine Martin on December 12, 2018
Thinking of you today, dear Barry, on our shared day, when you would have turned 80. You were a gift to our world. Rest in peace, my friend. Continue to look after Donald, whose love for you lives on.
Posted by Irwin B. Katz on December 12, 2018
Wishing my dear friend, whose memory will remain with me forever, a warm and sincere wish on this day, on what would have been his 80th birthday.
I pray for Barry's continuing place close to God especially during this Christmas season and for health, peace and happiness to Donald & Harlan now and in 2019!
With Warmest wishes,
Posted by Donald Trisdale on December 12, 2018
I hope the following helps YOU with the lost of a love one:
I had my own notion of grief
I thought it was a sad time
That followed the death of someone you love
And you had to push through it
To get to the other side.
But I'm learning there is no other side.
There is no pushing through
But rather,
There is absorption
And grief is not something that you complete.
But rather you endure.
Grief is not a task to finish,
And move on,
But an element of yourself -
An alternation of your being
A new way of seeing
A new definition of self.
Posted by Donald Trisdale on December 12, 2018
DECEMBER 12, 2018........
Missing u on your special day. Wanted to send you a birthday message of how much I love you and miss you.
I will love you forever, forever, and forever.
My heart is so broken. Love Donald, your sport.
Your card from Birthday Alarm: (not sure how to create a link?)
"Dreaming of a life of yesterday". My taste in my mouth is of your love. We fell in love so naturally, and I don't believe it was mysterious, but meant to be. We had looked for each other for so long, missing each other my seconds several times, and then a magical time occurred, and our lives finally intersected. Unknown it would be short even though we enjoyed our journey together for 42 years. But it seems like only no more than a few. Life and time are so difficult to understand, especially TIME.
Every moment I spent with you was a treasure. Never wanted to close my eyes, because I did not want to miss you for even a moment. I wanted to stay in the moment forever, never sleeping. Now, my dream is gone, and when you were here, I never missed a smile, a hug, and the desire for it never ends. I hope it was not just a dream. Now, I seldom close my eyes or sleep because I want to make sure I am alive, believing it happen.
Posted by Donald Trisdale on December 7, 2018
You were always such an optimist. Always positive, and showing your feelings and emotions who you loved. I was so lucky to have you love me so deeply. You shared your love so many ways, but on our anniversaries you made sure I would know the extent of your love. You would plan a wonderful day to share together - the best gift but always were more. A beautiful day guarantee, flowers, not one card, but sometimes up to five, and then there was dinner, a very special moment in our life. But some years included a surprise breakfast at the HOTEL BEL-AIR.........WOW is still the experiences we enjoyed. There is nothing that can top those experiences. Okay, maybe the supersonic Air France flight to Pairs, France. We did live a magical life together because of YOU! Forever, Donald Trisdale
Posted by Donald Trisdale on November 22, 2018
As the California wildfires rage this year, it brings back so many horrific saddened memories and trauma we experienced on October 28, 1996, when similar fires destroyed our house and another 483 houses in Laguna Beach. I had forgotten why I had not used more pictures of your youth and our life, but everything was destroyed on that day. Our lives spared but life pictures gone. My heart aches for so many today, and so many lives lost this time. We along with everyone else survived our fate with the firestorm. We were blessed.
Posted by Donald Trisdale on November 22, 2018
Woke this morning and there you were in my soul and mind. Another Thanksgiving, and the wonderful memories we shared over the years. It has not been easy, but my thoughts and reflections keep me together. I miss you so much, but ever so grateful we had each other as long as we did. I love you so and never ending missing YOU!
Posted by Donald Trisdale on April 8, 2018
Just dropped by to tell you how much I love you, and miss you as I do each day. Harlen came by and stayed a few days to celebrate his 38th birthday. As usual, we were quiet, but we enjoyed our time together. He looks at your picture a lot, and I often wonder what would he ask me if he could. I find myself telling him," I know, we miss him. It is not the same as it was when Barry was here." I think he understands. He hugs me a lot more these days than in past, and most likely thinks what is going to happen when I am gone. As we talked many times, and never came up with a resolution that satisfied us both, I still don't have the answer. I am still hoping we will figure this out before I come. He celebrated his 38th B.D. We had a nice dinner and I shared some funny memories of all three of us. Hope you heard me. Harlen left today, headed back to Los Angeles, and I feel so alone without either of you, but I know you are near. I love you, and so miss you. Watch over him as I know you do each day. I know when you are here.Forever, I love you.
Posted by Donald Trisdale on February 13, 2018
This eight year of missing you continues to be difficult, and especially on this day - Valentine's Day, February 14, 2018. We used this day to share a moment in time that would become a lifetime. Some years we shared dinner at home, others in a special place, in an LA restaurant or fly to San Francisco to dine in a restaurant.This year like the last seven, I will spend this day without your physical presence and alone. However,, I will have you in my heart, mind, and soul, and your spiritual love. I know you are near. I love and miss you do much.
Posted by Donald Trisdale on January 8, 2018
Just to let you know and everyone else, I wore your CLEMSON T-SHIRT for the first half the night Alabama and Clemson played 2017. CLEMSON was the defending champion. Of course, as you know, I had to wear my Alabama shirt the second half, and Bama won to move on to the championship game with Georgia. JoAnn and I tried to yell for Clemson, but you know how I am about BAMA. I could see you with the Clemson band, and I pointed out to myself, there is the man I love so much.
Posted by Johanna Dunning on December 30, 2017
Love you always and remember our times together. Give Donald the strength to continue his brave journey in 2018. You will be forever in my heart.
Posted by Donald Trisdale on December 24, 2017
THINKING of YOU and the many times we shared Christmas Eve across the world. Tonight, Harlen and I are home reflecting those times and your outstanding smiling face. We miss you so much; As you know, I still not sure what I am doing without YOU.
Posted by Irwin B. Katz on December 15, 2017
A bit belated but still no less sincere, I am remembering my dear friend Barry on his birthday. Our previous celebrations come to mind, particularly when visiting with his wonderful parents and brother Denny in Donalson, Tennessee at the outset of the Christmas holiday time. Eating at Uncle Bud's Catfish restaurant on Old Lebanon Road (not sure if it's still there?) was a treat for this Yankee from New York City! I can feel Barry smiling down at me as he, laughingly, told me to take the flashlight to find my way to the restaurant's "privy/head" in the back of Uncle Bud's. Continue to rest in peace my friend. :-)
Posted by Irene Wingfield on December 14, 2017
Dear Barry,

I know that you are in Heaven smiling down on your loved ones, especially Donald and Harlan. I know they miss you terribly everyday. Sending a hug to you in Heaven....
Posted by JUDITH FONG on December 14, 2017
I don't really feel you have passed on to another life... I have so many memories of our years together. Because our work was so challenging and difficult, we both to pulled hard on the oars. And by doing so, we formed a bond AND a friendship borne of trust and mutual respect. And not surprisingly, a deep affection. You were one super individual. I just wish you still here. PS. You looked so handsome in your TR7.  xo/Judith
Posted by Lee Miller on December 13, 2017
I learned that Barry loved to make martinis and boy were they strong!
He probably learned from Heaven that I dumped mine in the kitchen sink when he wasn't looking. He was so sweet.
Posted by Pam Wickles on December 12, 2017
Thinking of you today and wishing you a Happy Birthday Barry.

Love Pam and Bob

Brrrr. It's snowing here!
Posted by Francine Martin on December 12, 2017
Thinking of you with love dear Barry on this day we share....Happy Birthday!
Posted by Johanna Dunning on December 12, 2017
"I love you Barry and you are in my thoughts today and always. You will never be forgotten. Always in my heart..
Posted by Donald Trisdale on December 6, 2017

Barry is remembered on this day for his birth - December 12, 1938.

Your parents and family were joyous on this day. They were blessed with an angel. So many milestones experienced and gifts given during your life. Fortunately for me, a miracle occurred two days before your birthday, I met the angel of my life.Your birth I soon realized would be the greatest gift I would ever receive "HALLELUJAH !".

I will celebrate this gift each day of my life and always remember this date.

To reflect my love for you on this day, I honor your special day with special Christmas songs you enjoyed for so many years and I celebrate so many wonderful memories of your birthday by reading special written love cards, and messages so elaborately were written.

The only gift I can honor you with is the memories you gave of yourself. This gift is greater than anything I could ever purchase, create, or engineer.

I shall take a trip down Memory Lane today like I often find myself doing to celebrate, reflect, and enjoy the gifts created by your life, and enjoy all the memories of your life, and our life.

Each day is a treasure chest of your love - REMEMBERING WE ARE STILL ONE!
Posted by Donald Trisdale on November 27, 2017
Our anniversary; yes, it would be our 45th. It was like yesterday and yet the journey over the highway has been so long and difficult since you left. But, I love this day and will always because it was the day we gave birth to our never-ending love for each other. You were/are the greatest person I ever met in my life. Of course, you know that, and I knew I was loved like no one else. You knew how to give, and you gave it all. I know that, and will never, ever, forget that love. I remember it each day of my life, not on this day only. How could I ever forget. You etched it in my soul. I love YOU!
Posted by Pam Wickles on November 25, 2017
Thinking of you and thankful for the days we spent together.

Love, Pam and Bob
Posted by Donald Trisdale on November 20, 2017
ON 23 NOVEMBER 2017:

I see the joy and pain of so many people our age. I see why so many are so lucky to have each other at this stage of life. We were not that fortunate like so many. Won't deny it's not tough being without YOU because it is, and the hardest part of living life is to continue my journey alone. Days are empty no matter my life involvements, and what is so difficult nothing can, nor anyone do anything to resolve the emptiness except the ending. We had the one-lifetime love and there is no cure for this type of pain. One of us had to face it alone to endure.

This year has been another horrific roller coaster ride. Now, I understand why I had to learn to ride the roller coasters with you and Harlen. Tried some major life changes, and unfortunately, all ended with a crash. However, at least I tried

The year has almost passed again, another age year, and my eyes awaken to the thought it is soon to be the seventh year (December 29, 2010) without you. Still, I think this is a very long nightmare. Could it be? Wish we could both awake and it would be over. Unless some unexpected event occurs, guess this nightmare will continue. No matter the outcome, my love for you is never ending, nor the hurt of NOT having YOU in the PRESENT.

Went to a memorial service in San Diego for a flight attendant a few days ago. A lovely celebration and beautiful day to be out to sea. I see again why we enjoyed the sea and its solitude. Of course, I could see you on your Navy ships in uniform hustling about doing drills. The Navy needs you for sure this year like I need YOU every year.

As her remains were given back to the earth, the sun glowed slightly above the water line with fiery reds, oranges, and blue colors. Just at the moment, her ashes touched the sparkling ocean water, a rushing wave hit the boat, and above me were awesome heavenly flatten, silky clouds that zig-zag across the sky. I could sense your whereabouts, and felt you; I totally forgot I was on the boat and could not hear any sounds. The flatten whiten fluffy cushion see-through clouds were like angels who had spread their wings visibly above us. I know you gave us that moment.

I felt you had taken Ann's hand to ensure all is well. I became so spellbound not realizing I did not hear anyone even losing my whereabouts. I gazed into the sky and then back into the deep dark crystal sparkling ocean water feeling I was the only one on the boat floating, rocking, and watching the every growing wave sweep a life away into another time. Hence, I see how this nightmare I endure each day will finally end for all of us

All of sudden I heard cries of my name and finally realizing someone was yelling my name from the other end of the boat. I turned, and the moment I had felt was swept away into the breeze - gone. But, the moment was somewhat captured with a friendly photograph and then I felt some arms wrapping around me with an enduring hug. Then the tears gushed like a casting waterfall as I turned back into the wind looking beyond the horizon and listening to the rhythmic ribbon sound and a smell of the boat's engine. My eyes glazed with a shield of swelling tears as the waves swept you both away.

I love you so and you know how much I miss YOU!
Posted by Donald Trisdale on July 5, 2017
4 JULY 2017

Hey Sweetie,
Just thinking of all the times we shared with the fireworks, and how scared our babies were. We would put them in the car and turn on the radio, and drive them around for two or three hours. We would stop have enjoy the lights, with the radio on so loud, so they would not hear the fireworks sound. We would laugh what we had to do to keep them from freaking out. Harlen thought we were crazy. Maybe we were, but we had fun. Oh, how I miss you. Why is it this way?
I love you,
Posted by Donald Trisdale on June 18, 2017
Remembering what a great person, great husband, great son, great best friend, great manager, and great loyal individual with super being traits as human integrity, honesty, and fairness. I miss you so much everyday, but today on father's day as well.. You were also legally my father. We did whatever we needed to do, to not let anyone or anything interfere with our lives. I love YOU, MISS YOU....HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.
Posted by Donald Trisdale on May 26, 2017
Thinking of you! Playing some songs that remind me of you and me!
I love you, but you know that. Wow, I am tired not being with you.
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Recent Tributes
Posted by Donald Trisdale on December 31, 2019
January 01, 2020.....Thinking of you like always, but today - You know! Our day to watch those football games. You would be so proud of Clemson this year. Headed to the championship. Scott, our South Carolina friend is giving me hell wanting to know were is Bama. He always saying Barry would be so proud like I wouldn’t know. You know how I feel without Bama being there. We always had fun though - Your ACC team, and my SEC team. What crazy fun!. Missing those treasured moments. Love you, Donald
Posted by Helen Steers on December 29, 2019
I'm thinking of Donald today and his loss of you, Barry.
Donald knows that you are beside him always.
You are both in my thoughts.
God Bless.

Posted by Joe Arnold on December 28, 2019
I will remember Barry and Donald forever. They were so instrumental in my life and came into my world at a perfect time. I had just spent two grueling years on the front lines of the war against the AIDS epidemic. I was surrounded by so much death and suffering that I needed a monumental shift in my professional career.

I had the good fortune of being hosted by Donald and Barry at a gay tournament in San Francisco. They were the most gracious and loving gay couple I had ever met. The strength of their love was undeniable. It was strongest bond I had ever seen.

Because of that chance meeting, they offered me a job to work with Donald at one of the psychiatric hospitals Barry was in charge of. that launched me into a gratifying, 10 year career in the psychiatric health care sector.

I will never forget Barry’s goofy laugh and infectious, innocent smile. He was a gentle giant with a huge heart!

My heart goes out to Donald who I know suffers every moment of each waking day. Fortunately he is able to dream about Barry every night. I know this provides him some comfort as he waits for that monumental time when they are reunited in heaven.

Thank you Barry for everything you have done for The hundreds of people in your life, and of course, for me. You were truly one of a kind!

Hugs my dear friend,


Recent stories
Shared by Helen Steers on December 12, 2019
I think of you and Donald so often Barry.  I miss you when I'm in my garden, thinking of you when you lived on Grand Avenue in Piedmont. We had so many special times together.  Jim talking with you both over the fence, the parties and the times we went out for dinner in San Francisco. Carys still thinks of you and remembers the times we would get together.
Love to you always,

Vacuum Cleaner of the Universe

Shared by Donald Trisdale on December 12, 2019
We were fortunate to meet Johanna Dunning who owned a designer store in Oakland on Grand Avenue. We found the store on one of our walks, walked in to actually order some window coverings. She was very busy on the phone, and never even acknowledged us. We left. The next Saturday, we tried again, and to ur surprise she was the most talkative individual we had ever meet. I absolutely fell in love with the most crazy German woman in the world and a husband who was more crazy than all of us put together. Anyway, we became such great and loving friends, Barry and I became the godparents of the most smartest, loveable children in the world. How they got that way, I don’t know. But we were close and still to this day we are Uncle Donald and Barry and even now with their children. However, the store was a mess, and actually not clean. Barry was a fanatic about vacuuming. (at one time we had six vacuums), so on Saturdays while visiting Johanna, he would vacuum the store while she and I giggled. Barry cleaned that store every Saturday, because he would watch us both be laughing at something that Johanna had done or NOT done. He loved his vacuum cleaners, and love us so having so much fun. He shopped for vacuum cleaners on a Europe vacation we did. Yes, we came home with a vacuum cleaner. He was the best, world’s best housekeeper. Your right, I never cleaned the house, because he would beat me too it. Our home, her store was spotless. I love you so much Barry. Thank you for everything in my life. You made it perfect. Donald

DECEMBER 12 2019

Shared by Donald Trisdale on December 12, 2019
There are so many stories, so I wish I could share, but they may be inappropriate but they were private moments. So sorry everyone; can’t share some of those special moments. They were only for us.. Anyway, one I can share. Here goes...My sister had come to visit us when we lived on Grand Avenue, Piedmont, CA. We had planned a train trip on the famous Amtrak Chicago bound train, from Oakland to Reno, NV. We had reserved a private stateroom, and was looking so forward to traveling through the Sierra Mountains, along Interstate 80, that my father had actually built 10 miles of near the summit. Well, Barry, on that morning of departure, and his persistent to maintain the best yard and grooming of all shrubs on Grand Avenue, elected to get on a ladder, and trim a tree near the front porch. Unknown to me, and I could not find him to let him know its time to go to the station, I found him 10 feet off the ground on a ladder trimming a tree. Just as I was about to go into a drama mode, a hissy mode, here he comes right at me falling with the ladder. I started to scream, and of course sister and neighbors came out of nowhere, and here was Barry on the ground. He jumped up, and stated, “ I am okay”. Wrong. He could not walk. My sister is now in drama mode, I am crying, and the neighbors are trying to help. Barry says, we are still going? I said, what? even back then “what” was used. I said we are going to emergency room, no urgent care then. He said, “we will miss the train”. You can imagine what I said. Anyway, off too the emergency room, and fortunately, no broken bones, but when I found out that and only crutches were needed, I told him to get up, we are not missing that train. Blessed his heart, he did not say a word, or blink, and got up on his crutches and tried so hard to maneuver but he got on that train. I shared this because he was the kindness person, and most loving individual in the world, and he was not going to disappoint me, nor did he ever. I got him on the train, paying the conductor to help me, got him several drinks, laugh a lot, with me saying, why were you on the ladder on the day we are going to Reno? His reply is why I loved him so much - I wanted the yard to look nice”. How can you ever be upset with someone who loves you so much and works so hard to please you. I apologized for my comments, and hug him and he grabbed me, and said, I love you more than you will ever know. He did. What a man? I am so lost without him? Hope you all understand....