Memories of Uncle Kenneth Irvine
Shared at Uncle Kenneth's Memorial Service on November 19, 2011
In today’s society, a person’s worth is often measured by shallow criteria such as the kind of job a person has, amount of income, amount of money in the bank, possessions, appearance, level of education, etc. Uncle Kenneth did not have a high-profile job, he didn’t make a lot of money, he didn’t have much money in the bank, he didn’t own a home, he didn’t dress in designer clothes, nor did he have a college education. Based on this shallow criteria, an ignorant person would incorrectly assume that Uncle Kenneth was not a “successful” person. However, this conclusion would be entirely WRONG.
Uncle Kenneth led his life by two basic principles:
1. HEART - Leading his life by following his heart.
2. EXTRAORDINARYINESS - Never being afraid to be himself…of being extraordinary.
These two tenets, heart and extraordinariness, are the consistent threads that weave throughout all of my memories of Uncle Kenneth. I have known Uncle Kenneth my whole life, he is my Godfather. Due to my parents’ wise decision of asking Uncle Kenneth to be my Godfather, I have been fortunate to have this great man in my life from day one. Shana is my very first friend in life (literally, we are 19 months apart). I remember being around Uncle Kenneth, Aunty Donna, Shana, and a few years later, Shala, for so many events. My earliest memories of Uncle Kenneth involve riding in the gray Dodge Challenger and going with him, Aunty Donna, Shana, and Shala to circuses and Ice Capades at the Blaisdell, carnivals at St. Ann’s, farm fairs, and 50th state fairs. At the carnivals, it was the coolest experience as a little kid to be with Uncle Kenneth because he always won the biggest stuffed animals. His favorite carnival game was the milk can toss, the game in which the player tosses a softball into a giant milk can with a small opening at the top. Uncle Kenneth always won the big stuffed animal from that game. And as a child, it was the neatest thing to be walking next to Uncle Kenneth as he held his prize, which was bigger than Shana, Shala, and me. Uncle Kenneth’s 2nd favorite game was the soda bottle ring toss. A carnival experience with Uncle Kenneth often involved all of us pitching in at the end of the night to hold all of Uncle Kenneth’s winnings which consisted of large stuffed animals and many bottles of soda. If there was a prize that any of us wanted, all we had to do was ask Uncle Kenneth. If it was a kid’s game, he happily paid the money and coached and cheered us on to win the prize…even if it took many tries. If it was an adult’s game, he put on his “game face” and concentrated as he steadfastly played the game until he won the prize; all the while, Shana, Shala, and I would stand on the side and cheer him on. Being at the carnival with Uncle Kenneth was much like being with the mayor, he seemed to know most of the carnival workers and many of the attendees. Uncle Kenneth knew so many people, that when we rode the Skyline, Uncle Kenneth not only knew the worker at the boarding part of the ride, but he also knew the worker at the turn around part of the ride! Many times, his knowing the carnival workers would get us free rides! Uncle Kenneth also loved parades. Uncle Kenneth always took us to parades ranging from the Kaneohe Christmas parade to the Ala Moana parade. Uncle Kenneth would make sure that we got to the parade early so that we could get good seats, and we always stayed to the very end. At one Ala Moana parade, we couldn’t get good seats along Ala Moana Boulevard, so Uncle Kenneth drove us to the 2nd floor parking lot of Ala Moana (there’s a part of the parking lot that juts out onto Ala Moana Blvd and there used to be a huge grass planter there). Uncle Kenneth positioned us to sit on the grass in the planter and, due to his creativity, we had sky box seats to the parade! At one point, a security guard came out to initially tell us that we couldn’t be there, but he took one look at Uncle Kenneth and changed his mind and allowed us to stay there. Let’s face it, Uncle Kenneth looked intimidating; and the average person would never guess that Uncle Kenneth was a softie on the inside. Due to his love of parades, it is so fitting that Uncle Kenneth later went on to drive floats in the City & County Christmas parades!
When Shana was in kindergarten and I was in the 1st grade, Uncle Kenneth and Aunty Donna had Shana’s ears pierced. It was not long after that Uncle Kenneth and Aunty Donna took me to Security Diamond & Conrad Jewelers to pierce my ears too. I remember Uncle Kenneth, Aunty Donna, and Shana looking on apprehensively as I felt the staple gun pierce my ears. Afterward, Uncle Kenneth and Aunty Donna congratulated me for not crying, while Shana and I were happy to be matching with our pierced ears and gold ball earrings.
Back in the early 80’s, when the Rubik’s Cube was the craze, Uncle Kenneth came upon a case of Rubik’s Cubes. Uncle Kenneth and Aunty Donna, loaded the Rubik’s Cubes, Shana’s plastic table, and Shana, Shala, and me into the maroon Ford Pinto. We headed to the Aloha Stadium Swap Meet to sell the Rubik’s Cubes. Shana, Shala, and I were excited for the opportunity to play store in real life! Aunty Donna decided that we would sell the cubes for a quarter each. We displayed the Rubik’s Cubes on Shana’s plastic table and were bombarded by buyers while we were still setting up. We were a hit! There was a steady stream of people stopping by our stall to buy the Rubik’s Cubes. For every sale we made, I relished the fact that we earned money. For each person that came by our stall, I didn’t see a person, instead, I saw a walking quarter. At one point, a little girl of around 7 years old was hanging around our stall and holding one of the Rubik’s Cubes longingly. In a business-like fashion, I went up to her and matter-of-factly informed her that the Cube cost $ .25. The little girl looked over at her grandma who was shopping at a stall across from us. Holding her Cube in one hand, she shyly explained that she only had a nickel and slowly opened the palm of her other hand to reveal her coin. As I stared incredulously at her nickel, and mindful of protecting our little empire’s profit margin, I informed the little girl that she needed to go and ask her grandma for the remaining $.20. Uncle Kenneth observed what was happening, and gently stepped in and gave the little girl the Rubik’s Cube free of charge. As I stared at Uncle Kenneth in disbelief (he was violating our profit margin system, after all), Uncle Kenneth just looked at me and smiled warmly. With his easy smile and slight shake of his head, he reassuringly said, “It’s okay, Babe.” And with those three words, the world was right again. That was typical Uncle Kenneth, all heart.
Uncle Kenneth and Aunty Donna’s marriage ended shortly after that time. Their divorce both shocked and hurt our whole Ames clan. Normally, when there is a divorce, the in-law’s contact with the former spouse’s family becomes strained and eventually stops. That wasn’t the case with Uncle Kenneth, he continued to love me as his Godchild, even though I was never biologically his, and even though his technical connection to me (his marriage to Aunty Donna) ended. Uncle Kenneth never faded away, and he continually made every effort over the years to stay connected. Because of Uncle Kenneth’s steadfastness, the love never stopped, and Uncle Kenneth never faded from my life.
In the mid-1980’s, Uncle Kenneth showed up at Grandma’s house one day with a basketball rim. He quietly set up the rim and began showing up at Grandma’s house regularly to teach Shana and me how to play basketball. We used kickballs, soccerballs, and eventually basketballs. Uncle Kenneth faithfully showed up every afternoon after work and patiently taught us how to play. He never yelled, never scolded…he simply persisted and made it fun. One day, Uncle Kenneth asked Shana and me if we wanted to play softball. Shana was in the 5th grade and I was in the 6th grade. Uncle Kenneth then signed up Shana and me for Kaneohe Bobby Sox. Our team was the Blue Dolphins and Uncle Kenneth was the assistant coach. As a child back then, I didn’t think about the costs involved, much less the investment of time on Uncle Kenneth’s part. Uncle Kenneth simply signed us up, and paid the fees for both Shana and me. Shortly after that, Uncle Kenneth took Shana and me to Windward Mall and bought us softball shoes from Footlocker and t-shirts from Local Motion. What Uncle Kenneth didn’t know at the time was that my parents couldn’t afford to buy me softball shoes. I am still deeply touched and amazed that Uncle Kenneth bought my shoes, even though it was a big sacrifice for him. Uncle Kenneth took Shana and me to the weekday practices. Uncle Kenneth often brought Glennie to the practices as well. Shana was really good. I was terrible! Uncle Kenneth never made me feel inadequate, he simply encouraged and continued to work with me.
About that time, in the mid-80’s, Uncle Kenneth took Shana, Shala, and me to not one, but two Menudo concerts! That’s right, MENUDO. Shana liked Charlie, and I liked Robby. After work, Uncle Kenneth picked us up from Grandma’s house, took us to Ala Moana Woolworth’s Restaurant for a quick dinner, then we jetted off to the Blaisdell for the concert. Both times, Uncle Kenneth patiently sat, with his arms crossed, amidst the screaming hordes of preadolescent and teenage girls and their mothers, and endured the 90 minutes of Spanish/English songs. In spite of the onslaught of idiocy and estrogen, Uncle Kenneth never complained…although he looked perplexed at times. In true form, Uncle Kenneth also bought us souvenirs at the concerts…our Charlie and Robby pins and posters. Mind you, Uncle Kenneth went through this ordeal not once, but twice!!!
Over the years, there were many times in which Mom and I would be eating dinner at Kaneohe Zippy’s on a weeknight and we’d see Uncle Kenneth there eating alone. Uncle Kenneth would always wave and we would wave back. And without fail, Uncle Kenneth would always quietly pay for our bill before leaving the restaurant. Each time, Mom and I would find out that Uncle Kenneth bought our meals after he left.
Uncle Kenneth’s presence never faded from my life. There were so many times that I would be walking home from school, and then I’d hear, “Tash! Tash!” and look up just in time to see Uncle’s smiling face and waving hand as he passed by with his crew in the City & County truck. Sometimes, he’d instruct the driver to stop on the side of the road just so that he could chat with me for a few minutes; Uncle didn’t care that his crew was waiting. He made me feel important. When I was in college, my part-time job was with Pflueger Honda on Ala Moana Boulevard. Uncle Kenneth’s work yard was located in the block behind Pflueger Honda. Every time Uncle Kenneth drove by and saw me, he would stop to talk story. Uncle Kenneth would literally stop on the road, without worrying about the cars behind him that had no choice but to stop as well. While Uncle Kenneth asked me how I was doing or how my Mom and Dad were doing, he was oblivious to the fact that the drivers behind him had to either wait for our conversation to finish or drive around him. Some drivers would get angry and would be ready to say some type of verbal assault to Uncle Kenneth, but every time they got close enough to see Uncle Kenneth, they would think better of it and quietly endure the inconvenience. Uncle Kenneth had no idea that these dynamics were going on. He was simply focused on talking with me. That was just like Uncle Kenneth, to go through all that trouble for me and think nothing of it. Both times that I graduated from UH, Uncle Kenneth attended my graduation ceremonies. I never formally invited Uncle Kenneth because I didn’t want to cause awkwardness between him and Aunty Donna. Looking back, I think that Uncle Kenneth knew this because he showed up to both of my ceremonies and happily waved and cheered for me, and quietly disappeared when the ceremonies were done. That was just like Uncle Kenneth – all heart.
At countless times, Uncle Kenneth would tell me, “I love you, Babe.” And with those four words, the world was right again.
As a parent, I’ve come to realize that time is a precious commodity. There is never enough time, especially when it comes to spending quality time with my family. From this perspective, I have a deeper level of appreciation for Uncle Kenneth and for all the love, energy, and time that he invested in me. Thinking back to when Uncle Kenneth and Aunty Donna were separated and later divorced, the time that Uncle Kenneth had with Shana and Shala became especially PRECIOUS. And yet, he still continued to graciously include me, which meant spending his time and resources on me as well…even though he didn’t have to.
Uncle Kenneth did not have a high-profile job, he didn’t make a lot of money, he didn’t have much money in the bank, he didn’t own a home, he didn’t dress in designer clothes, nor did he have a college education. Based on this shallow criteria, an ignorant person would incorrectly assume that Uncle Kenneth was not a “successful” person. However, this conclusion would be entirely WRONG. Uncle Kenneth followed his heart and invested his love, energy, and time into making people happy. The turnout for today’s service is plentiful, and I know that this turnout represents just a fraction of all the lives that Uncle Kenneth has touched in a meaningful way. As such, my conclusion is that Uncle Kenneth lead a meaningful life thereby making him successful.
Uncle Kenneth, I will miss your smile, heart, and extraordinariness. I will miss hearing you sing and play the ukulele and half-moon tambourine. I am saddened that I will not be able to see you, and that my children will not be able to know you…temporarily. I rejoice in the fact that we will meet again in heaven. I rejoice in the fact that you are with our heavenly Father and that your life is full of everlasting joy. No more pain, no more discomfort, only joy. I am comforted with the fact that you are with your parents and Aunty Sweetheart. Rest in peace, my dear Uncle Kenneth. We will meet again. And with these four words, the world is right again.