ForeverMissed
欢迎来到这个充满爱和温暖的空间,让我们一起在这个特别的地方纪念亲爱的小灰豆,分享我们和她的故事。

小灰豆生于1990年1月23日,在2021年3月17日离开了地球,化身小天使,守护着我们。小灰豆聪明善良,乐观开朗。幽默风趣的她总能给身边的人带来无尽的快乐。不论是家人,爱人,朋友,或同事,她都珍惜身边的人超过自己。在2019年下旬,小灰豆遇到了人生中最难的难题,在那个时候确诊了癌症。之后的一年多时间,她一直勇敢的与病魔抗争。即使在过程中承受了难以想象的疼痛和不适,她还是一直笑着乐观地面对,从未放弃,带给了身边的人很大的鼓励和感动。愿我们美丽可爱的小天使在天堂快快乐乐,健康幸福!

Welcome to our virtual memorial for Kexin Li. This is a space for us to cherish our memories of her, commemorate her life, and share our stories of her.

Kexin Li was born on January 23, 1990, and left this Earth on March 17, 2021. She was smart, kind, optimistic, and open-minded. Her humor and charm brought laughter and joy to countless people around her. Whether it was family, friends, loved ones, colleagues, she put the well-being of others above herself. In late 2019, Kexin faced the greatest challenge of her life when she was diagnosed with cancer. She fought bravely for the next year and a half. Despite her disease's progression and increasing levels of physical discomfort, she still lived every day to the fullest and never lost her optimism or love of life. She was an inspiration to those around her and a fountain of courage. Thank you, Kexin, for all that you meant to us. We know you're an angel in Heaven now, smiling down on us until we meet again.
Posted by Dauwe Vercamer on April 16, 2021
It is such a strange feeling now. Just 2 months ago I was still having active discussions with Kexin on scientific papers and how they would apply to the problems she was working. If anything, I think it really exemplifies the person she was: a dedicated, smart, hard-working person who did not want to let her disease become a blocker to making our team successful. She wanted so much to deliver and contribute to the team, because for her, as for me and the others on the team, we all really felt like an “office family”.

Kexin and I joined the team at about the same time in 2018 and in many ways, I saw her as a little sister: we would laugh about many things, gossip a bit, but she would call me out and keep me real whenever needed. Through our conversations, I also learned a bit about her family. First of all, she loved her parents SO MUCH. She talked about her mother and father very often. I remember when she was diagnosed that she was hesitant to tell them because she knew how much pain it would cause them and she just did not want them to suffer. Also with respect to her husband, I still remember her happiness when she came back from their trip to Hawaii. She tried to hide her secret date a little bit, but she could not hold back for long because she was so in love, you could see it all over her face. Throughout our conversations both before and after the diagnosis, she just loved Xiaochang more and more. Thanks for being there for her throughout this whole time, and marrying her. I know you meant the world to her.

There are so many stories and anecdotes I could share with you, but I will limit myself to two moments that really stood out to me:
1.    In 2019 we went for a team lunch in an Italian restaurant that I love. Kexin ended up ordering a pizza pepperoni as she was really hungry, but because she was ‘on a diet’, she asked the pizza to be without cheese. At one point, someone jokingly said that the pepperoni probably was just as bad, if not worse than the cheese. So when the pizza arrived, Kexin removed all the pepperoni and ended up just eating the dough with the sauce. As you can imagine, she never wanted to go back to this restaurant because the pizza was so bad ;)
2.    I also remember when I brought my son Daniel to the office for the first time. He was only a few months old and he was still very uncomfortable with other people. However, with Kexin he just felt right at home. He kept on smiling and he loved how she held him close. Kexin actually did not know in advance that I was bringing him, but when I then came back from lunch with Daniel, Kexin had gone out to a shop to buy some baby cookies for him. It is just one of the many ways that she showed how much she cared about everyone she came in touch with

As a last note maybe, I want to note some of the things the people on the team associated with Kexin: “Smart”, “proud”, “makes subtle jokes”, “thoughtful”, “Caring”, “Ambitious”, “persevering”, “vibrant”, “laughter”, “always willing to help”
Posted by 德霞 耿 on April 13, 2021
芳,对不起,我刚知道。20年7月份,你找我聊天,我以为就是简单的聊天,却不知你正忍受着病痛。我注意到你时常换微信背景墙,我以为你还是那个调皮孩子气小芳,不曾想这么多。
在我眼里,你很孩子气、很幼稚、很情绪化、很上进、很执着。
和你在一起,我真的很开心。你说我们背书包的姿势一样不着调,我很开心;你说是我陪你看的09年最后一场电影,我很开心;我们各自去大明湖,在门口相遇,我特别开心;你毕业买了两件T恤衫,要我们一人穿一件,我嘴上说不穿,心里很开心;你学业重、压力大时见到我会一句话不说,我很害怕;你悄悄离校不告诉我,我很失落。
芳,我会一直想着你。
Posted by Anupa Chacko on April 12, 2021
Kexin, you were such a patient and kind person to work with- so knowledgeable yet humble. Thank you for all that you have done for us and you are deeply missed.

Our love and deepest condolences to Kexin's family and friends!
Posted by T Johnson on April 9, 2021
I'll deeply miss Kexin's smile, laugh, and unending kindness (and patience!).

For those of us who are not scientists, she had such an incredible way of connecting with and teaching us how to make sense of what she was doing and how she was thinking. She was always eager to answer questions and explain something over and over until you got it. We'll miss you.

T
Posted by Inez Raharjo on April 8, 2021
I am at loss for words. Kexin was my onboarding buddy when I had my internship for the very first time at Amazon. She was always kind to me. I haven't even had the chance to catch up with her since. May you rest in peace, Kexin.
Posted by Emanuele Borroni on March 30, 2021
May you rest in peace, Kexin. My thoughts are with your family at this difficult time.
Posted by Matthew Carr on March 29, 2021
My thoughts are with Kexin's family. And, may she rest in peace.

Matt
Posted by Huilan Chen on March 27, 2021
刚得知这个信息,感到很震惊、很悲伤。小灰豆是我在安娜堡期间的同学和室友,我们一起共度了一年半的时光。这是我人生中最难过的时候,我们一起生活,一起学习。她给我带来了很多欢乐,似乎有她的地方就有阳光。我还记得她最喜欢我给她做西红柿炒鸡蛋,她也给我做过巨大的山东包子。后来一别,两地分隔,我看到她继续在安娜堡完成第二学位,又在美国找到了工作,替她感到开心。没想到以这么意外的方式离开了我们。人生有聚有散,逝者已矣,生者节哀。希望yufang一路走好,你给我的回忆和快乐与我同在。
Posted by Cong Zhu on March 26, 2021
灰豆,你是一个乐观,热爱生活和热心肠的朋友。你积极的情绪总能感染身边的人。我一直很钦佩你在治疗过程中依然保持着充足的能量, 到现在还是很难相信你离开了。 希望你在另一边都好,大家都会记住你是个快乐的灰豆。
Posted by Andrew Petschek on March 26, 2021
It seems impossible that Kexin has left our small circle and coming to terms with this loss has created a profound sadness. But it is also impossible not to celebrate the vibrant, warm, shining essence that defined Kexin and her positive impact on everyone who was fortunate to experience her presence.

Kexin was the very first science hire for our team. We didn’t know what exceptional science looked like until we met Kexin. And she was not only incredibly capable and intelligent, but she was also thoughtful, creative, and kind. Kexin and I worked across the country from each other, with me in New York and Kexin in Seattle. And even though the majority of our interactions were digital via email, text, or video, Kexin’s personality always came through. And, it was always a pleasure to see her name pop up on my screen. Looking back, I feel very lucky that I had the chance to share a meal with Kexin in one of my last visits to Seattle, just the two of us, at one of her favorite places in Seattle, Din Tai Fung. We had dumplings, (likely too many), and chatted on end about life, family, and friends.

Over time, as we became aware of the serious health issues that Kexin was confronting, her concern often seemed like it was for our own peace of mind instead. She wanted to continue to work as well as she could, even as that became more difficult over the months. She would constantly ask us not to worry and to not be too overwhelmed by the difficulties she was facing. Her valiant bravery, combined with her empathy for those around her, will always remain in my mind as the defining dual nature of her spirit.

Kexin was a cherished part of our team, and her absence leaves a void that is impossible to fill. We miss you and love you.
Posted by Cassie Wang on March 26, 2021
Hi,小灰豆!希望你现在可以自由自在,开心快乐,天堂没有痛苦,请继续做个美好的小仙女吧!一直想在这里写点什么,犹豫很久,因为我没有太多的故事可以分享,但还是很想送上我的哀悼和怀念。我们虽只有一面之缘,但我对你的开朗乐观幽默有很深的印象!你可以很快的打开话匣子,聊起我们对安娜堡的共同印象,你可以云淡风轻的说起自己出了点事故于是就拒了亚麻,你也可以细数对西雅图的喜爱让我更坚定了如果面试通过就赶紧搬过来!当时我就在想,这个潇洒可爱的女孩子,如果我能来肯定会和你成为朋友,但好像命运一直都让我们相差一步。也许在安娜堡的那几年有无数次擦肩而过却没有机会真正认识对方,而当我终于来了西雅图开始跟你在一个楼工作时,你也开始了跟病魔的斗争。这几天我看了很多关于你的故事,感觉大家眼中的你和那些回忆,还有关于安娜堡和SLU的点点滴滴都是那么熟悉那么美好。很遗憾总是失之毫厘不能跟你相处更多,更难过年轻善良的你需要去经历这么多磨难。思绪万千,还是那句,一路走好,永远开心!

Cassie
Posted by Mini Zhang on March 26, 2021
亲爱的小灰豆,
一起走过的两年安娜堡生活真的很开心,有你的记忆都是那么的美好那么的快乐。感恩你带来的温暖和陪伴。我们永远不会忘记有个可爱的少女名叫小灰豆,她喜欢看电影吃爆米花喜欢说走就走的road trip喜欢杨幂还有一身功夫。。。希望你在另一个世界一切安好,永远快乐自由。很想你。
mini和法拉
Posted by Haotian Wu on March 26, 2021
Dear Kexin,
You are fever in our hearts. What an incredible soul you were. you leave behind so many special memories. Praying that you rest at peace.

I offer Kexin's family my thoughts, prayers, and well wishes during these dark times in your life.

Best,
Haotian
Posted by Kyle Petersen on March 26, 2021
My condolences on her passing. She was always very helpful and kind, with a joyful smile. May she rest in peace.
Posted by wang yin on March 26, 2021
小芳,还记得2007年9月开学第一天,你是我见到的第一个大学同学,我们分到一个宿舍,两张床正好对着,你来得比我早一些,早就自己铺好了床铺,妈妈送我进宿舍的时候你热情的跟我打招呼,帮我铺床,说你住校很多年了,而我是第一次住校,有什么需要帮忙的尽管叫你。你虽然年纪最小却能力最强,我一直觉得像你这么厉害的学霸怎么会跟我们一个大学。我们一起去报社团,你画画特棒直接去了文艺部,之后每周末就舍我而去忙社团了。还记得一起去教室占位上自习的时光,课间溜去小卖部买猫耳朵吃,你常常抱怨学不进去,却是成绩最好的那个。记得你最喜欢看《my girl》,在你的带动下我也迷上了薛功灿,那时候你的铃声就是里面的主题曲,现在我依然会唱。得知你走的消息,我的脑海里不停的回响那首歌:
you never say goodbye
한동안 멍하니 우두커니 앉아
다시 생각했지만
멈출 순 없겠어
온통 그대 생각 할 수밖에 없는
내 자신이 미워
don't you let me go
baby don't you let me down
不是never say goodbye么,你怎么先走了呢
小芳,单纯善良古灵精怪又聪明有趣的小女孩,希望天堂里再也没有痛苦和别离。
Posted by 淑丽 赵 on March 26, 2021
小芳,已经习惯了这么喊你,昨天晚上听闻这个消息后,我的心情久久不能平复,有点恍惚,我无法想象也不忍想象你经历了怎样的痛苦、挣扎、无助与绝望,此时只能深深的给你祝福,希望你化作天使,在另外一个世界快乐幸福。
虽然已经许久没有联系,但在我的脑海里你一直是大学时候那个善良、可爱、热情的你,时间仿佛又回到了2007年的夏天……
那年的我们考入了同一所大学,在一个班,一个宿舍,你是宿舍里面年龄最小的那一个,却是智商最高,反应最快的那一个,总是能用最短的时间解决那些我们感觉很难的课题,虽然自嘲是学渣却是实实在在的学霸。宿舍里的人都很佩服你。
现在回想起来,虽然你的年龄最小,却是对自己的人生目标最有规划的人,因为你知道自己想要什么,因为你崇尚自由,所以你选择了去美国继续深造。你的努力、坚持与韧性我们都看在眼里,不同于普通的学霸,你还有很多特长,运动、画画、游泳你都不在话下,而且还能和大家都相处的很好。
大学毕业后,你只身一人去美国继续学业,我们慢慢少了联系,但是通过你的朋友圈,知道你在那边非常精彩,也有了恋爱,我以为一切会顺理成章,优秀的你值得拥有这些。没想到再一次听闻你的消息竟是永别,在人生最幸福的年华,你遭遇了人生中最大的难题。我只能以这种方式寄托对你深深的怀念和祝福,愿你的家人能够继续勇敢积极的面对接下来的生活,希望你在那边一切都好,在我们心中,你永远是那个乐观、热情、善良的姑娘。
Posted by Ritika Kulkarni on March 25, 2021
I worked with Kexin for over a year. When everyone was stressed and worried, she was always a ray of sunshine and an incredibly hard working teammate. She brought positivity and joy to our team. Her dress up for Halloween brought many prizes for our team.

We went to a women in tech conference together for a week where we discussed our present aspirations and future goals. Her goals, hope and positivity will definitely rally through everyone she has met. My sincere condolences to her family and friends.
Posted by Thomas George on March 24, 2021
Sincere condolences on your loss. Kexin will forever be missed. May her soul Rest in Peace.
Posted by Rango Hu on March 22, 2021
你来人间一趟
你要看看太阳

和你的心上人
一起走在街上

了解她
也要了解太阳

-- 海子 《夏天的太阳》

节哀。
Posted by Kexin Family on March 20, 2021
噩耗总是那么突然 愿天堂没有痛苦
愿表妹一路走好
大姑节哀

欣赏豆豆的哥哥一胡金朋
Posted by Kexin Family on March 20, 2021
娇:孩子,我和你妈妈一样爱你,你曾是我们的骄傲,过早的雕凌,使我们无法接受,但也不得不接受,这个天塌下来的现实,孩子,我无力控制住自己的泪水,我的心在滴血,孩子,如果我们能替代,我愿意,一路走好,我可爱的孩子………

爱你的文静姨

Leave a Tribute

 
Recent Tributes
Posted by Dauwe Vercamer on April 16, 2021
It is such a strange feeling now. Just 2 months ago I was still having active discussions with Kexin on scientific papers and how they would apply to the problems she was working. If anything, I think it really exemplifies the person she was: a dedicated, smart, hard-working person who did not want to let her disease become a blocker to making our team successful. She wanted so much to deliver and contribute to the team, because for her, as for me and the others on the team, we all really felt like an “office family”.

Kexin and I joined the team at about the same time in 2018 and in many ways, I saw her as a little sister: we would laugh about many things, gossip a bit, but she would call me out and keep me real whenever needed. Through our conversations, I also learned a bit about her family. First of all, she loved her parents SO MUCH. She talked about her mother and father very often. I remember when she was diagnosed that she was hesitant to tell them because she knew how much pain it would cause them and she just did not want them to suffer. Also with respect to her husband, I still remember her happiness when she came back from their trip to Hawaii. She tried to hide her secret date a little bit, but she could not hold back for long because she was so in love, you could see it all over her face. Throughout our conversations both before and after the diagnosis, she just loved Xiaochang more and more. Thanks for being there for her throughout this whole time, and marrying her. I know you meant the world to her.

There are so many stories and anecdotes I could share with you, but I will limit myself to two moments that really stood out to me:
1.    In 2019 we went for a team lunch in an Italian restaurant that I love. Kexin ended up ordering a pizza pepperoni as she was really hungry, but because she was ‘on a diet’, she asked the pizza to be without cheese. At one point, someone jokingly said that the pepperoni probably was just as bad, if not worse than the cheese. So when the pizza arrived, Kexin removed all the pepperoni and ended up just eating the dough with the sauce. As you can imagine, she never wanted to go back to this restaurant because the pizza was so bad ;)
2.    I also remember when I brought my son Daniel to the office for the first time. He was only a few months old and he was still very uncomfortable with other people. However, with Kexin he just felt right at home. He kept on smiling and he loved how she held him close. Kexin actually did not know in advance that I was bringing him, but when I then came back from lunch with Daniel, Kexin had gone out to a shop to buy some baby cookies for him. It is just one of the many ways that she showed how much she cared about everyone she came in touch with

As a last note maybe, I want to note some of the things the people on the team associated with Kexin: “Smart”, “proud”, “makes subtle jokes”, “thoughtful”, “Caring”, “Ambitious”, “persevering”, “vibrant”, “laughter”, “always willing to help”
Posted by 德霞 耿 on April 13, 2021
芳,对不起,我刚知道。20年7月份,你找我聊天,我以为就是简单的聊天,却不知你正忍受着病痛。我注意到你时常换微信背景墙,我以为你还是那个调皮孩子气小芳,不曾想这么多。
在我眼里,你很孩子气、很幼稚、很情绪化、很上进、很执着。
和你在一起,我真的很开心。你说我们背书包的姿势一样不着调,我很开心;你说是我陪你看的09年最后一场电影,我很开心;我们各自去大明湖,在门口相遇,我特别开心;你毕业买了两件T恤衫,要我们一人穿一件,我嘴上说不穿,心里很开心;你学业重、压力大时见到我会一句话不说,我很害怕;你悄悄离校不告诉我,我很失落。
芳,我会一直想着你。
Posted by Anupa Chacko on April 12, 2021
Kexin, you were such a patient and kind person to work with- so knowledgeable yet humble. Thank you for all that you have done for us and you are deeply missed.

Our love and deepest condolences to Kexin's family and friends!
her Life

我们的故事 (our story)

故事的开始(2019-02-16):我和豆豆通过朋友的牵线认识,然后约了一起吃韩国烤肉。不争气的我第一次见面就迟到了(哎,之后一直被吐槽是“迟到宝宝”)。虽然第一次见,但是我们却有很多的默契,我们从中午一直聊到饭店打烊,最后服务员还过来赶人哈哈。当时第一感觉就是这姑娘古灵精怪的,跟她在一起就觉得超开心,而且还好看!
Where it starts (2019-02-16): You and I met through our friends playing matchmaker. We had arranged to meet up at a Korean barbecue. I arrived late, a great first impression. (This became the butt of many of your jokes later, and I never got rid of my reputation for being late to events.) Despite being the first time meeting each other, we hit it off and found we had much in common. We ended up staying in the restaurant from the afternoon until it closed up shop and we were chased out by the wait staff. My first impression of you was that you had a unique personality, a bit weird but in a good way, and that when I was with you I felt happy.

感情升温(2019-03-01 - 2019-04-01):那时我才参加工作不久,打算去温哥华盖第一个H1B 章。倒霉催的我直接被check滞留在了加国。那时真的是孤苦伶仃,还得每天跑去星巴克加班。跟你诉苦几次后,善解人意的你立刻飞奔来温哥华安慰我。短短一个周末,我们跑遍了温哥华所有的地标和公园。这短暂的休整给了我在那段灰暗的日子里继续坚持的动力。虽然一个月没法见面,我们的感情却在每天的聊天和安慰中迅速升温。当时我就心想:这么好的女孩,我得努力争取了。
Where it grows (2019 March – April) – I had just started working and had to cross the border to Vancouver to get a visa stamp. My visa was checked for one months and I had to stay over in Canada. I went to Starbucks every day to work all by myself. When I complained about my situation to you, not only were you sympathetic, you came to Vancouver to visit me. We spent a weekend touring Vancouver’s landmarks and parks, you comforted me and lifted me out of my sour mood. Despite not being able to see each other for a month, our feelings for each other grew through talking every day. At the time I thought: this girl is a keeper.

我们在一起啦 (2019-04-24 - 2019-04-27):机会来了!我刚忙完一个重要的项目,刚好你又提到好久没出去旅行了。于是我就不断怂恿你一起出去玩,最后我们就开始了去夏威夷的一段说走就走的旅行。我提前做足了功课和你一起去parasail,坐轮船,去沙滩上踩沙子。还记得当时一个特别大的浪打过来,你吓的直接跳到我身上,然后害羞走开的样子(豆豆太可爱了!)。我还特意订了好基友结婚时去的一家意大利餐厅,穿上了帅气的西装,和你一起品尝一道道精致的小点心。在感觉时机对了的时候,我偷偷亲了小宝宝(咳咳,我不经常耍流氓的)。还记得当时你有些惊慌失措,还好经过一段时间的思索之后,我们正式在一起了。我明白你对待感情是多么的认真,但是,我会好好对你的!
Officially together (2019-04-24 to 2019-04-27) – Here’s my chance! I had just finished a big project at work, and you mentioned that you hadn’t travelled in a while. So I took the chance to plant the idea that we should travel somewhere together. In the spur of the moment, we booked a trip to Hawaii. I had carefully planned an itinerary with parasailing, boating, and relaxing on the beach. I remember one time a big wave was coming ashore, you got scared and ran into my arms, and then walked away pretending nothing had happened. (You were so cute!) I remember I booked dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant that a friend had gotten married at. I put on a nice suit, and we sampled their courses. At the right moment, I took my chance to kiss you for the first time. (I swear I wasn’t just being a pervert) You were a bit surprised, thought about it for a while, and decided that we were officially together. I understood that you took our relationship seriously, and I promised myself that I would be good to you.

我们一起旅行 (2019-04 - 2019-07):在一起之后,我们去各个地方旅行。我们在哈雷阿卡拉国家公园的云层之上看日出日落,在夏威夷的沙滩玩各种水上项目,在女人岛和海豚一起游泳,在坎昆的各个游乐公园探险。印象最深的是我们稀里糊涂的将租的车开进了公园卡丁车的赛道,车还夹在了狭窄的赛道中没法出来。依然清晰记得一辆辆卡丁车路过时游客们那诧异的眼神,还有偷偷拍照傻笑的工作人员。估计下次再去,可能园里就竖起了醒目的牌子(附我们的照片):别像这两个傻子一样,将汽车开到卡丁车道了。你说过:大海夕阳,都是我们的媒人。以后我们要一起走遍世界!
Travels together (2019 April-July): After we were officially together, we travelled everywhere. We watched the sunset above the cloud line at Haleakala National Park. We swam with dolphins at Isla Mujeres. We relaxed at resorts and went to tourist traps in Cancun. One vivid memory was the time we went to a go-kart park, and I drove our rental car onto the track by mistake. The car got stuck on the narrow track. The racers drove by us with astonished looks on their faces, and the workers were laughing and taking photos. The park has probably erected a sign with photos of us and a warning: don’t drive your real car onto the track like these two idiots. You once said to me, “The sun and the sea were our matchmakers. They’ll cheer us on as we travel all over the world.”

晴天霹雳,我们一起面对 (2019-08-13 - 2019-11-30):在8月某一天的早晨,你突然觉得胃痛的不行,你去了公司旁边的医院照胃镜检查。再接到你电话的时候,就听到电话那头的你已经哭的泣不成声。我匆忙跑去医院看你,然后就听到了那个可怕的消息:可能是癌症。我不知道如何去安慰遭受如此巨大打击的你,只能用简短的话语跟你说:无论发生什么,我们都一起去面对。那时候虽然心情低落,但是你依然为我精心点缀了家里为我庆祝30岁生日。我心里默默许下愿望:豆豆一定要好起来,然后我们一起过以后的每一个生日。
Thunder from a clear sky (2019-08-13 to 2019-11-30): One day in August, you had sudden abdominal pain. You went to the hospital by your office where they did a colonoscopy. When you called me, you were already crying your eyes out. I rushed to the hospital, and heard the terrifying diagnosis: it’s probably cancer. I didn’t know how to comfort you properly. I simply told you in a few words: whatever happens, we’ll face it together. Even though we were emotionally at a low point, you still took the effort to put on a celebration for my 30th birthday. My birthday wish was for you to get better, and to spend every birthday together with you.

爱在磨难中成长(2019-12-01 - 2020-03-31):几经周折,终于在医学院朋友聪哥的帮助下,顺利联系到了最好的肿瘤医院md Anderson的医生负责治疗。于是,我们一起飞去德州开始了和癌症的斗争。你开始接受放射性治疗,虽然承受了很大的痛苦,但是你一直都保持着积极乐观的态度。经过两个多月的治疗,你的病情有了很大好转,原发地的肿瘤也全部消失。我们所有家人都为你的坚强和勇敢而骄傲。这段时间,我们也有着无数温馨的细节:在我去伦敦出差的时候,你非常用心的制作了一份我们爱的纪念册,里面详细的记录了我们相识之后经历的点点滴滴。能有一个人可以这么毫无保留的爱着我,我是多么的幸运!
Love grows through trials and tribulations (2019 December – 2020 March): After a few twists and turns, we managed to get in touch with MD Anderson through a friend in the medical field. We flew to Texas to begin your treatment. You began undergoing radiation and were in a lot of pain, but you were still cheerful and optimistic. After two months, you took a dramatic turn for the better. The original tumor was gone, and you were declared cancer free. We were so proud of your courage and resilience, that you had beaten the cancer.

命运的再次打击 (2020-08 - 2021-01):德州治疗后的几个月,因为疫情我们一直宅在家里办公。虽然无聊,但是也给了我们更多在一起的时间。然而八月份开始,你开始经常止不住的咳嗽,然后上不来气,我以为这只是因为你开会说了太多话,多休息一下就好了。可是去医院照完CT才发现,是癌症转移到了肺部,直接影响到了呼吸!从那个时候起,已经遭受了命运连续重击的你,生活上也有了诸多不便。你开始需要戴着氧气呼吸,而且好几周浑身都感觉刺骨的疼痛。这四个月里医生用了两个化疗方案,但是你的病情却依然在不断恶化。每个晚上,看着你遭受这么大的痛苦,我的心里也十分煎熬。你依然在勇敢的坚持着,而且始终都面带着微笑。我知道,你是担心我和爸妈,希望能好好陪伴一下我们。我也在不断的祈祷,下一次的治疗方案会出现新的转机。然而,几乎每次见完医生,得到的都是失望的答复。
Another challenge (2020 August-December) – For the next few months after your treatment, we were stuck at working from home due to Covid. Even though it was monotonous, it gave us a chance to be together every day. In August, you began to develop a persistent cough, and felt like it was hard to breathe. I thought it was from stress and being in too many video conference meetings, but a CT scan at the hospital revealed that cancer had spread to your lungs. From that point on, life threw at you more and more challenges. Your quality of life was slowly declining, you needed to breathe with an oxygen tank, you felt pain all over your body. The doctor changed the chemotherapy on you twice, and none had the desired effect of helping you get better. Every night watching you deal with such pain and suffering, my heart broke. Yet your courage persisted, and you kept smiling through your pain. I knew you cared about me, your mom and your dad, and didn’t want us to worry. We were still hopeful that you would get better, but every time we went to see your doctor, we would be disappointed with her answers.

我们结婚啦 (2021-02-08):你在我们的纪念册中写到,在亿亿众生中遇见你,相遇,相知,相恋,相爱,是你这辈子最幸福的事。而我也想对你说,我也会倾尽我的一切去爱你,守护你,无论遇到多么大的困难。于是,在2021年2月8号的这天,在父母和好友陈小瑞couple的见证下,我们宣读誓言,交换戒指,正式成为了彼此的Mr & Mrs Right。过去两年,我们经历了一段非常美好的故事,而婚姻,让这个故事更加完整丰满了。
We’re married! (2021-02-08) – You wrote in our scrapbook, “Out of billions of people, being able to meet you, know you, like you, love you, was the best thing that happened to me in my life.” I wanted to tell you, that I would give you everything, to love you, protect you, through challenges large and small. Thus, on February 8th, 2021, we got married in front of our parents and close friends. We said our vows, exchanged rings, and officially became Mr. and Mrs. Right. In the last two years, we wrote our love story, and getting married completed it.

永远的遗憾(2021-03-17):你在2月25日接受了最后一次化疗,医生告诉说你剩下的时间不多了,可能只能活到六月,当时我停下了所有工作,希望能好好陪伴你,然后继续寻找新的方案。3月8号周一再见医生,因为周末你的咳嗽好转了很多,医生说可能还剩六个月,虽然只是多了短短3个月,却让我感到也许还有一些希望。然而之后的几天你又开始咳嗽不止,心率也不断升高,周四再见医生,追问之后才得知你可能只剩几天到几周了。这突如其来的变化让亲人们彻底没有了准备,几个月的假期刚批准但能陪你的时间却所剩无几。最后一周的时间里,我晚上不敢入睡,就怕睡着了会见不着你最后一面。在3月16号晚上,你的意识开始不清醒,而且血氧经常开始不断下降,我和你妈妈一整个夜晚都在不断的尝试唤醒你。而每次你醒来说的一句话,都是“对不起,对不起”。也许是看到我和妈妈太辛苦了,之前努力坚持着要多陪陪我们的你,最后无意识的动作却是拔氧气管。在3月17号的下午,你带着微笑离开了地球,变成一个小天使去守护我们了,就像之前我们守护你一样。
Eternal regret (2021-03-17) – You had your last chemotherapy session on February 25th, 2021. The doctor said you didn’t have much longer, maybe a few months. I took a leave of absence from my job, hoping to be by your side and help you search for new treatment options. On March 8th, after you had felt a bit better that weekend, we went back to your doctor. Her prognosis was 6 months this time. Even though it was just an extra 3 months, I felt a bit of hope. But over the next few days, your cough got worse and your heart rate kept rising. When we saw the doctor again that week, she told us you had a few days left, at most a few weeks. This abrupt news took all of us by surprise. We had planned for a 6-month, but our time left to be together was suddenly compressed. In those last days, I couldn’t fall asleep each night, afraid that when I woke up in the morning you would be gone. On the evening of March 16th, you started fading in and out of consciousness and your blood oxygen levels dropped precipitously. Your mother and I would try to wake you up. Every time you came to, you would repeat “I’m sorry, I’m sorry”, Perhaps you felt you were putting too much burden on us, needing us to take care of you. Your last action was to pull your breathing tube out of your nose. On March 17th, in the afternoon, you left us with a smile on your face. You became an angel to take care of us from up above, just like how we took care of you.

豆豆,我爱你,你永远是我生命中不可分割的一部分。虽然遗憾我们没能早点相遇,但是能有一个人可以这么相知相爱相互陪伴,这一生也值了。如果有来世,我们许愿要永远在一起,就像你说的那样,一生一世一双人,健健康康,快快乐乐!
Kexin, I love you. You will forever be an inseparable part of my life. I wish that we could have met earlier, but in being able to meet you at all, to know you, to love you, I am fulfilled. If there is an afterlife, let’s vow to always be together. Like you once told me, two hearts, one love, happily ever after.

好友眼中的豆豆(from friends)

2011年的时候,小灰豆飘洋过海来到了美国,也让天南地北的我们相聚在了陌生的国度。念书的时候,这个一直自称学渣的风一样的女子其实是个暗藏的勤奋努力的学霸,时常抱怨课业太重但总能在最短的时间内写完,完成课业的同时还担任着助教的工作,总是悄悄跟我们嫌弃学生们知识点掌握不扎实。我们喜欢聚在一起吃饭吐槽,聊八卦。每每聚餐都会听到她明朗又魔性的笑声,只要有她在,聚会都变得格外的轻松愉快。毕业之后的她,顺利地找到了很好的工作,老板也对她格外赏识。工作日上班,周末刷剧或者到处溜达就成了小灰豆的常态。在附近的我们也总是会趁周末聚在一起,亦如上学的时光。
In 2011, Kexin travelled across the ocean to the U.S. to study. We were both strangers in a distant land when we met. At school, she was self-deprecating about her abilities but we could see that she was actually a very smart and hard-working student. She would grumble about the workload, but finished her assignments faster than us and still somehow find time to work as a teaching assistant. We would regularly meet for group dinners, where we gossiped and she grumbled about how her students' homework assignments reflected that they weren't grasping the concepts. At those dinners, her laugh would light up the whole room and her very presence meant everyone could relax and lighten up. After we graduated, Kexin found a great job locally, where her smarts and work ethic were immediately recognized. We all worked on weekdays, but on weekends we would still fall back into old routines to have dinner and hang out.

在2016,小灰豆终于下定决心逃离中西部的严寒,摇身变成了亚麻大牛,来到了她喜欢的西雅图。她说庆幸到了西雅图因为在这里遇到了她的那个他。地理上的距离没有让友情淡薄,而且微信让距离显得不再那么遥远,我们还是时常的联系着,也总是找机会去各处旅行。我们的手机里存着小灰豆各个时候温暖的消息和美美的照片。小灰豆这一生都敢爱敢恨,又古灵精怪的,像一个善良的小精灵,还喜欢收集各种可爱又美好的东西。这些溢出来的美好回忆会一直一直陪着我们每一个想念小灰豆的瞬间。小灰豆,以后靠你这个善良美丽小天使罩着我们啦!我们大家会一直想念你哦!比心。
In 2016, she made the decision to move to out West, landing her dream job at Amazon in Seattle, a city she loved. She remarked to me later that she was remarkably lucky to have the opportunity to move, because Seattle was where she met her other half. Our friendship became long distance but it did not fade. We still texted and called often, and found opportunities to travel together. Our phones filled up with Kexin's warm messages and pretty photos. She lived her entire life unafraid to love and show her emotions. Her vibrant and sometimes quirky personality, combined with her love of collecting trinkets and cute items, made her seem like a kind-hearted elf. These happy memories fill my mind every time I think about her. Kexin, we're counting on you to watch over us from up above! We will keep you in our hearts forever.

父亲给女儿的祭文 (from dad)

玉娇,我之爱女,从来到走,你在这个世界上仅仅生存了31年,来也匆匆,去也匆匆。你的生命如此短暂,这是家人做梦也不曾想到的。一时间,我们真的难以接受!因为你的走,爸妈才真正体会到白发人送黑发人的悲惨。
My dear daughter, 31 years passed from the day you were born to the day you left us. You came out of your mother’s womb quickly and you left this Earth quickly. Your life was too short, something we never would have imagined in our wildest dreams. Right now, it is hard for me to accept. Your mom and I are experiencing the deepest tragedy – that of a parent having to bury their child.

玉娇,我之爱女,是可恶的病魔夺走了你年轻的生命,是老天爷不公剥夺了你在这个世界上生存的权力!那天,从微信里看到你去世的噩耗,全家人都为失去你而恸哭,精神上绝望到了极点,我和你母亲更是痛不欲生,哭的死去活来。爸妈的脑子里一片空白,不敢相信这是真的,像是在做噩梦,老觉得天在旋地在转,好像天要塌下来似的。

由于自己把便血当痔疮的误判,待到你的病情确诊是,已经是直肠癌中期了。可是你还在安慰我们说,美国现在医学发达是完全可以治好的。因此家里人都为你祝福,为你祈祷求神保佑。可怜我的女儿呀,你还是离开了我们。
My dear daughter, a terrible illness took away your young life. If there is a God or higher power, he has unfairly deprived you of your right to live out your life on Earth. The day we received news of your death, our whole family cried. Especially your mom and I, we have never felt such pain, we cried until our eyes were dry. My mind is blank now – I can’t believe this is real, like I’m living in a nightmare. I feel like the sky is tilting and could fall any moment. When you received your colon cancer diagnosis, you reassured us that American medical care was the best in the world and you’d be cured. We were hopeful and prayed for your recovery. Yet, you still left us.

玉娇,我之爱女,在德克萨斯州肿瘤医院化疗,放疗期间,有你的母亲日夜护理,耐心伺候,还有你男朋友晓畅的日夜守候,不厌其烦地照顾,你的情绪很稳定,病情不断好转,最后到直肠上的癌瘤全部消失,全家人都在为你高兴,觉得你终于熬过了这一灾难。

可是,那天,你发微信告诉我,最近经常咳嗽,憋得上不来气,让医生看了说可能肺里出了问题,需要做CT确定。结果,经过CT检测是复发转移到肺。厄运再次降到你的头上,这是我们全家都不愿意接受的现实。由于疫情原因,德克萨斯去不了了,只能在西雅图的医院就诊。可是经过三个疗程的化疗,都没有成功,靶向治疗配不上型,一次次失败,是你的病情不断没有好转,反而日益加重,身体一天不如一天。我曾几次做工作让你回国接受治疗,你都没有同意。我想你可能是不想离开晓畅的原因吧。直到医院放弃治疗后,让晓畅与你说并同意一起回国接受治疗时,你同意了,天津肿瘤医院疫情防控部的接收信,包机等都办好了,就等美国医生给开的允许上飞机的证明了,可是太晚了,你已经上不了飞机了,回不了国了。
My dear daughter, when you were undergoing cancer treatment in Texas, you had your mom and your then-boyfriend Xiaochang by your side, taking care of you. When you were declared cancer-free, our whole family rejoiced, believing you had overcome this challenge. But, one day, you told me you had started coughing, and that the doctor believed something was wrong. A CT scan revealed that tumors had metastasized to your lungs. Misfortune had befallen you again, and we found it hard to accept this reality. Due to Covid, you had to continue your treatment in Seattle. But this time, the chemotherapy didn’t work, and your condition got worse and worse. I had made preparations and asked you to come back to China for treatment, but you never agreed, probably because you didn’t want to leave Xiaochang. When the Seattle hospital gave up on your treatment, you finally agreed to come back to China for treatment. I had arranged for a hospital to accept you and chartered a medical flight. But it was too late – you won’t be getting on a plane and coming back home.

玉娇,我之爱女,你孝敬父母,尊敬长辈,善待朋友,体贴别人,做事追求完美,总是想着我们。现在,你走了,爸妈真不敢相信好人一生平安了!
My dear daughter, you had filial love for your parents, you were respectful to your elders, kind to your friends, thoughtful of others, and you always kept us in your thoughts. I don’t know how your mom and I will live out the rest of our lives without you.

玉娇,我之爱女,爸爸恨啊,恨苍天不公,不幸为什么会降临到你的身上;爸爸恨啊,医学如此发达,却没有能治好你的病的良药;爸爸恨啊,恨大意没能及时发现耽误了你治病的最佳时机;爸爸恨啊,恨给我之爱女带来不幸的一切。
My dear daughter, your father is filled with anger right now. Anger at an unfair God that placed such misfortune on your shoulders. Anger that modern medicine is so advanced, yet it was unable to cure your disease. Anger at how we were careless and thought everything would be fine, and missed the best window of time to get you treatment. And anger at myself, for any role I had in all of this.

玉娇,我之爱女,放心的走吧,不要再挂念着我们,爸妈会坚强的活下去,爸爸会去给你扫墓,看看你的。

安息吧,玉娇。家人永远不会忘记你,永远愿爱女玉娇一路走好。
My dear daughter, rest in peace. Don’t worry about us, your mother and I will remain strong in our remaining years. We will sweep your grave and honor you. Your family will never forget you. May you keep walking peacefully on your journey in the afterlife.

父亲李连庆悲悼
-Your father, Lianqing Li
Recent stories

灰豆,再见!

Shared by Cui Guo on March 26, 2021
亲爱的小灰豆:

好久不见!终究没有等到你的微信回复。

缘分好奇妙,我们都是山东人,一见面就很投缘, 从未见过面的两个人却有不少的共同好友, 这让我们更加亲近。第一学期的秋假,你刚买了新车,把我从公寓里骗出来说要一起去学校学习,刚上车你就变卦了,然后却横冲直撞地上了高速,直奔北密。我哭笑不得,就这样心惊胆颤的,我们来了一次说走就走的旅行,随心所欲,无所顾忌!我们的性格截然相反,这是我永远不会做的事,你带我实现了,像是打开了新世界,异常的兴奋。开车累了,我们稻田边停下来,享受着秋日的安宁,那个下午,和你一起,我发了第一条朋友圈,期望着未来的美好。

再后来的圣诞节,我们两个拉上阿黄和文意,从不同的地方奔向了加州。我嫌弃你那时候的车技,直接抢了你的驾驶员身份,不料却在高速上兜兜转转,在漆黑的盘山公路上龟速前行,你第一次露出胆怯的小表情,和我认识的那个风风火火的女子好不一样。时间太久了,已经不记得旅途中发生了什么,今天鼓起勇气翻了翻相册,我们一起去了环球影城、迪士尼, 从拉斯维加斯跑到洛杉矶,你拽着我去画彩绘,拖着我一遍又一遍地坐过山车。照片里,还是那个无忧无虑的你。

我好像从没听你抱怨过什么,每天都好像很开心。搬去西雅图之前,你来找我,你突然跟我说你烫伤了,做饭的时候一锅油泼到了腿上。我吓坏了,你却乐呵呵地跟我描述,自己一个人在急诊哭的惊天动地,吓坏了所有医生病人。我很难过,作为好朋友,没能成为你的依靠。我想看看你的伤势怎么样,你轻轻一笑,随意的说一生‘都好了’。其实,你也有伤心难过、脆弱无助的时候,只是你不想别人为你担心。

小灰豆,你好像默默地在我人生里留下了无数的美好。我会珍藏在心里,会像你一样,勇敢地、快乐地、潇洒地生活。

亲爱的小灰豆,再见了!

呙萃



给善良阳光的豆豆

Shared by Haotian Wu on March 26, 2021
小灰豆, 你的善良和阳光照耀着身边每一个人,尤其是AVL的同事。还记得大家在Sushi Sekai 聚餐和以及在安娜堡咖啡厅学习,探讨职业发展的快乐时光. 我们会记得聪明伶俐,善解人意的你. 你总是用淡淡的微笑回应生活中精彩与挑战. 虽说大家都相继离开AVL,各奔前程, 但是AVL饭团不会忘记你,无论你在天堂和人间.你是一个有担当的人,我想你一定是嫌弃世间太小,无法展现你大爱大能,所以你化作天使守护大家.逝去的便是永恒的,这是人类追求的最高形态.你是善良完美,所以提早回到天堂,愿你安息.

你的同事,朋友,AVL 饭团一员,
昊天  

纪念最可爱的小芳芳

Shared by wang yin on March 26, 2021
小芳,还记得2007年9月开学第一天,你是我见到的第一个大学同学,我们分到一个宿舍,两张床正好对着,你来得比我早一些,早就自己铺好了床铺,妈妈送我进宿舍的时候你热情的跟我打招呼,帮我铺床,说你住校很多年了,而我是第一次住校,有什么需要帮忙的尽管叫你。你虽然年纪最小却能力最强,我一直觉得像你这么厉害的学霸怎么会跟我们一个大学。我们一起去报社团,你画画特棒直接去了文艺部,之后每周末就舍我而去忙社团了。还记得一起去教室占位上自习的时光,课间溜去小卖部买猫耳朵吃,你常常抱怨学不进去,却是成绩最好的那个。记得你最喜欢看《my girl》,在你的带动下我也迷上了薛功灿,那时候你的铃声就是里面的主题曲,现在我依然会唱。得知你走的消息,我的脑海里不停的回响那首歌:
you never say goodbye
한동안 멍하니 우두커니 앉아
다시 생각했지만
멈출 순 없겠어
온통 그대 생각 할 수밖에 없는
내 자신이 미워
don't you let me go
baby don't you let me down
不是never say goodbye么,你怎么先走了呢?
小芳,单纯善良古灵精怪又聪明有趣的小女孩,希望天堂里再也没有痛苦和别离。