Her Life

我们的故事 (our story)

Where it starts (2019-02-16): You and I met through our friends playing matchmaker. We had arranged to meet up at a Korean barbecue. I arrived late, a great first impression. (This became the butt of many of your jokes later, and I never got rid of my reputation for being late to events.) Despite being the first time meeting each other, we hit it off and found we had much in common. We ended up staying in the restaurant from the afternoon until it closed up shop and we were chased out by the wait staff. My first impression of you was that you had a unique personality, a bit weird but in a good way, and that when I was with you I felt happy.

感情升温(2019-03-01 - 2019-04-01):那时我才参加工作不久,打算去温哥华盖第一个H1B 章。倒霉催的我直接被check滞留在了加国。那时真的是孤苦伶仃,还得每天跑去星巴克加班。跟你诉苦几次后,善解人意的你立刻飞奔来温哥华安慰我。短短一个周末,我们跑遍了温哥华所有的地标和公园。这短暂的休整给了我在那段灰暗的日子里继续坚持的动力。虽然一个月没法见面,我们的感情却在每天的聊天和安慰中迅速升温。当时我就心想:这么好的女孩,我得努力争取了。
Where it grows (2019 March – April) – I had just started working and had to cross the border to Vancouver to get a visa stamp. My visa was checked for one months and I had to stay over in Canada. I went to Starbucks every day to work all by myself. When I complained about my situation to you, not only were you sympathetic, you came to Vancouver to visit me. We spent a weekend touring Vancouver’s landmarks and parks, you comforted me and lifted me out of my sour mood. Despite not being able to see each other for a month, our feelings for each other grew through talking every day. At the time I thought: this girl is a keeper.

我们在一起啦 (2019-04-24 - 2019-04-27):机会来了!我刚忙完一个重要的项目,刚好你又提到好久没出去旅行了。于是我就不断怂恿你一起出去玩,最后我们就开始了去夏威夷的一段说走就走的旅行。我提前做足了功课和你一起去parasail,坐轮船,去沙滩上踩沙子。还记得当时一个特别大的浪打过来,你吓的直接跳到我身上,然后害羞走开的样子(豆豆太可爱了!)。我还特意订了好基友结婚时去的一家意大利餐厅,穿上了帅气的西装,和你一起品尝一道道精致的小点心。在感觉时机对了的时候,我偷偷亲了小宝宝(咳咳,我不经常耍流氓的)。还记得当时你有些惊慌失措,还好经过一段时间的思索之后,我们正式在一起了。我明白你对待感情是多么的认真,但是,我会好好对你的!
Officially together (2019-04-24 to 2019-04-27) – Here’s my chance! I had just finished a big project at work, and you mentioned that you hadn’t travelled in a while. So I took the chance to plant the idea that we should travel somewhere together. In the spur of the moment, we booked a trip to Hawaii. I had carefully planned an itinerary with parasailing, boating, and relaxing on the beach. I remember one time a big wave was coming ashore, you got scared and ran into my arms, and then walked away pretending nothing had happened. (You were so cute!) I remember I booked dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant that a friend had gotten married at. I put on a nice suit, and we sampled their courses. At the right moment, I took my chance to kiss you for the first time. (I swear I wasn’t just being a pervert) You were a bit surprised, thought about it for a while, and decided that we were officially together. I understood that you took our relationship seriously, and I promised myself that I would be good to you.

我们一起旅行 (2019-04 - 2019-07):在一起之后,我们去各个地方旅行。我们在哈雷阿卡拉国家公园的云层之上看日出日落,在夏威夷的沙滩玩各种水上项目,在女人岛和海豚一起游泳,在坎昆的各个游乐公园探险。印象最深的是我们稀里糊涂的将租的车开进了公园卡丁车的赛道,车还夹在了狭窄的赛道中没法出来。依然清晰记得一辆辆卡丁车路过时游客们那诧异的眼神,还有偷偷拍照傻笑的工作人员。估计下次再去,可能园里就竖起了醒目的牌子(附我们的照片):别像这两个傻子一样,将汽车开到卡丁车道了。你说过:大海夕阳,都是我们的媒人。以后我们要一起走遍世界!
Travels together (2019 April-July): After we were officially together, we travelled everywhere. We watched the sunset above the cloud line at Haleakala National Park. We swam with dolphins at Isla Mujeres. We relaxed at resorts and went to tourist traps in Cancun. One vivid memory was the time we went to a go-kart park, and I drove our rental car onto the track by mistake. The car got stuck on the narrow track. The racers drove by us with astonished looks on their faces, and the workers were laughing and taking photos. The park has probably erected a sign with photos of us and a warning: don’t drive your real car onto the track like these two idiots. You once said to me, “The sun and the sea were our matchmakers. They’ll cheer us on as we travel all over the world.”

晴天霹雳,我们一起面对 (2019-08-13 - 2019-11-30):在8月某一天的早晨,你突然觉得胃痛的不行,你去了公司旁边的医院照胃镜检查。再接到你电话的时候,就听到电话那头的你已经哭的泣不成声。我匆忙跑去医院看你,然后就听到了那个可怕的消息:可能是癌症。我不知道如何去安慰遭受如此巨大打击的你,只能用简短的话语跟你说:无论发生什么,我们都一起去面对。那时候虽然心情低落,但是你依然为我精心点缀了家里为我庆祝30岁生日。我心里默默许下愿望:豆豆一定要好起来,然后我们一起过以后的每一个生日。
Thunder from a clear sky (2019-08-13 to 2019-11-30): One day in August, you had sudden abdominal pain. You went to the hospital by your office where they did a colonoscopy. When you called me, you were already crying your eyes out. I rushed to the hospital, and heard the terrifying diagnosis: it’s probably cancer. I didn’t know how to comfort you properly. I simply told you in a few words: whatever happens, we’ll face it together. Even though we were emotionally at a low point, you still took the effort to put on a celebration for my 30th birthday. My birthday wish was for you to get better, and to spend every birthday together with you.

爱在磨难中成长(2019-12-01 - 2020-03-31):几经周折,终于在医学院朋友聪哥的帮助下,顺利联系到了最好的肿瘤医院md Anderson的医生负责治疗。于是,我们一起飞去德州开始了和癌症的斗争。你开始接受放射性治疗,虽然承受了很大的痛苦,但是你一直都保持着积极乐观的态度。经过两个多月的治疗,你的病情有了很大好转,原发地的肿瘤也全部消失。我们所有家人都为你的坚强和勇敢而骄傲。这段时间,我们也有着无数温馨的细节:在我去伦敦出差的时候,你非常用心的制作了一份我们爱的纪念册,里面详细的记录了我们相识之后经历的点点滴滴。能有一个人可以这么毫无保留的爱着我,我是多么的幸运!
Love grows through trials and tribulations (2019 December – 2020 March): After a few twists and turns, we managed to get in touch with MD Anderson through a friend in the medical field. We flew to Texas to begin your treatment. You began undergoing radiation and were in a lot of pain, but you were still cheerful and optimistic. After two months, you took a dramatic turn for the better. The original tumor was gone, and you were declared cancer free. We were so proud of your courage and resilience, that you had beaten the cancer.

命运的再次打击 (2020-08 - 2021-01):德州治疗后的几个月,因为疫情我们一直宅在家里办公。虽然无聊,但是也给了我们更多在一起的时间。然而八月份开始,你开始经常止不住的咳嗽,然后上不来气,我以为这只是因为你开会说了太多话,多休息一下就好了。可是去医院照完CT才发现,是癌症转移到了肺部,直接影响到了呼吸!从那个时候起,已经遭受了命运连续重击的你,生活上也有了诸多不便。你开始需要戴着氧气呼吸,而且好几周浑身都感觉刺骨的疼痛。这四个月里医生用了两个化疗方案,但是你的病情却依然在不断恶化。每个晚上,看着你遭受这么大的痛苦,我的心里也十分煎熬。你依然在勇敢的坚持着,而且始终都面带着微笑。我知道,你是担心我和爸妈,希望能好好陪伴一下我们。我也在不断的祈祷,下一次的治疗方案会出现新的转机。然而,几乎每次见完医生,得到的都是失望的答复。
Another challenge (2020 August-December) – For the next few months after your treatment, we were stuck at working from home due to Covid. Even though it was monotonous, it gave us a chance to be together every day. In August, you began to develop a persistent cough, and felt like it was hard to breathe. I thought it was from stress and being in too many video conference meetings, but a CT scan at the hospital revealed that cancer had spread to your lungs. From that point on, life threw at you more and more challenges. Your quality of life was slowly declining, you needed to breathe with an oxygen tank, you felt pain all over your body. The doctor changed the chemotherapy on you twice, and none had the desired effect of helping you get better. Every night watching you deal with such pain and suffering, my heart broke. Yet your courage persisted, and you kept smiling through your pain. I knew you cared about me, your mom and your dad, and didn’t want us to worry. We were still hopeful that you would get better, but every time we went to see your doctor, we would be disappointed with her answers.

我们结婚啦 (2021-02-08):你在我们的纪念册中写到,在亿亿众生中遇见你,相遇,相知,相恋,相爱,是你这辈子最幸福的事。而我也想对你说,我也会倾尽我的一切去爱你,守护你,无论遇到多么大的困难。于是,在2021年2月8号的这天,在父母和好友陈小瑞couple的见证下,我们宣读誓言,交换戒指,正式成为了彼此的Mr & Mrs Right。过去两年,我们经历了一段非常美好的故事,而婚姻,让这个故事更加完整丰满了。
We’re married! (2021-02-08) – You wrote in our scrapbook, “Out of billions of people, being able to meet you, know you, like you, love you, was the best thing that happened to me in my life.” I wanted to tell you, that I would give you everything, to love you, protect you, through challenges large and small. Thus, on February 8th, 2021, we got married in front of our parents and close friends. We said our vows, exchanged rings, and officially became Mr. and Mrs. Right. In the last two years, we wrote our love story, and getting married completed it.

Eternal regret (2021-03-17) – You had your last chemotherapy session on February 25th, 2021. The doctor said you didn’t have much longer, maybe a few months. I took a leave of absence from my job, hoping to be by your side and help you search for new treatment options. On March 8th, after you had felt a bit better that weekend, we went back to your doctor. Her prognosis was 6 months this time. Even though it was just an extra 3 months, I felt a bit of hope. But over the next few days, your cough got worse and your heart rate kept rising. When we saw the doctor again that week, she told us you had a few days left, at most a few weeks. This abrupt news took all of us by surprise. We had planned for a 6-month, but our time left to be together was suddenly compressed. In those last days, I couldn’t fall asleep each night, afraid that when I woke up in the morning you would be gone. On the evening of March 16th, you started fading in and out of consciousness and your blood oxygen levels dropped precipitously. Your mother and I would try to wake you up. Every time you came to, you would repeat “I’m sorry, I’m sorry”, Perhaps you felt you were putting too much burden on us, needing us to take care of you. Your last action was to pull your breathing tube out of your nose. On March 17th, in the afternoon, you left us with a smile on your face. You became an angel to take care of us from up above, just like how we took care of you.

Kexin, I love you. You will forever be an inseparable part of my life. I wish that we could have met earlier, but in being able to meet you at all, to know you, to love you, I am fulfilled. If there is an afterlife, let’s vow to always be together. Like you once told me, two hearts, one love, happily ever after.

好友眼中的豆豆(from friends)

In 2011, Kexin travelled across the ocean to the U.S. to study. We were both strangers in a distant land when we met. At school, she was self-deprecating about her abilities but we could see that she was actually a very smart and hard-working student. She would grumble about the workload, but finished her assignments faster than us and still somehow find time to work as a teaching assistant. We would regularly meet for group dinners, where we gossiped and she grumbled about how her students' homework assignments reflected that they weren't grasping the concepts. At those dinners, her laugh would light up the whole room and her very presence meant everyone could relax and lighten up. After we graduated, Kexin found a great job locally, where her smarts and work ethic were immediately recognized. We all worked on weekdays, but on weekends we would still fall back into old routines to have dinner and hang out.

In 2016, she made the decision to move to out West, landing her dream job at Amazon in Seattle, a city she loved. She remarked to me later that she was remarkably lucky to have the opportunity to move, because Seattle was where she met her other half. Our friendship became long distance but it did not fade. We still texted and called often, and found opportunities to travel together. Our phones filled up with Kexin's warm messages and pretty photos. She lived her entire life unafraid to love and show her emotions. Her vibrant and sometimes quirky personality, combined with her love of collecting trinkets and cute items, made her seem like a kind-hearted elf. These happy memories fill my mind every time I think about her. Kexin, we're counting on you to watch over us from up above! We will keep you in our hearts forever.

父亲给女儿的祭文 (from dad)

My dear daughter, 31 years passed from the day you were born to the day you left us. You came out of your mother’s womb quickly and you left this Earth quickly. Your life was too short, something we never would have imagined in our wildest dreams. Right now, it is hard for me to accept. Your mom and I are experiencing the deepest tragedy – that of a parent having to bury their child.


My dear daughter, a terrible illness took away your young life. If there is a God or higher power, he has unfairly deprived you of your right to live out your life on Earth. The day we received news of your death, our whole family cried. Especially your mom and I, we have never felt such pain, we cried until our eyes were dry. My mind is blank now – I can’t believe this is real, like I’m living in a nightmare. I feel like the sky is tilting and could fall any moment. When you received your colon cancer diagnosis, you reassured us that American medical care was the best in the world and you’d be cured. We were hopeful and prayed for your recovery. Yet, you still left us.


My dear daughter, when you were undergoing cancer treatment in Texas, you had your mom and your then-boyfriend Xiaochang by your side, taking care of you. When you were declared cancer-free, our whole family rejoiced, believing you had overcome this challenge. But, one day, you told me you had started coughing, and that the doctor believed something was wrong. A CT scan revealed that tumors had metastasized to your lungs. Misfortune had befallen you again, and we found it hard to accept this reality. Due to Covid, you had to continue your treatment in Seattle. But this time, the chemotherapy didn’t work, and your condition got worse and worse. I had made preparations and asked you to come back to China for treatment, but you never agreed, probably because you didn’t want to leave Xiaochang. When the Seattle hospital gave up on your treatment, you finally agreed to come back to China for treatment. I had arranged for a hospital to accept you and chartered a medical flight. But it was too late – you won’t be getting on a plane and coming back home.

My dear daughter, you had filial love for your parents, you were respectful to your elders, kind to your friends, thoughtful of others, and you always kept us in your thoughts. I don’t know how your mom and I will live out the rest of our lives without you.

My dear daughter, your father is filled with anger right now. Anger at an unfair God that placed such misfortune on your shoulders. Anger that modern medicine is so advanced, yet it was unable to cure your disease. Anger at how we were careless and thought everything would be fine, and missed the best window of time to get you treatment. And anger at myself, for any role I had in all of this.


My dear daughter, rest in peace. Don’t worry about us, your mother and I will remain strong in our remaining years. We will sweep your grave and honor you. Your family will never forget you. May you keep walking peacefully on your journey in the afterlife.

-Your father, Lianqing Li

我眼中的豆豆 – 来自妈妈 (from mom)


1990年1月23日,我的宝贝豆豆出生了,3.4公斤,小小的好可爱, 是个腿细长的小美女,腿长长的,手也长长的。刚出生的时候对妈妈充满依恋,也有点顽皮呢,一直哭直到护士把她放在妈妈的怀里,才停止哭闹。
On January 23rd, 1990, baby Kexin was born at 7.5 lbs. She was such a cute girl, with slender legs and dainty hands. She came out instantly attached to mom and showed her naughty personality when the nurse took her away by continuously crying, only stopping when the nurse put her back in mom's arms.

As a toddler, Kexin took a liking to art and crafts. She went to preschool at 2 and a half years old, where she liked to play with clay and make people and animal figures. She gained a reputation at school for being nimble with her hands.

5周岁7个月的时候,豆豆开始上小学了,豆豆勤奋好学,善于表达自己的对生活的感悟,多次取得双百的成绩,荣获三好学生, 以全年级第一名的优秀成绩升入小学四年级。豆豆也喜欢用画画来表达自己,三年级的时候,她的绘画“我的家园”荣获国家三等奖,五年级的时候,画了“一颗爱心连着一个小男孩和一个小女孩,”主题为女孩男孩都需要被关爱和呵护。

Kexin started elementary school before she turned 6. She was a diligent student and became one of the top pupils at her school. Her love of art remained, and she became adept at channeling her emotions through artistic expression. Her artwork received awards in national art contests.


Kexin had a strong will and always put other people first. In middle school, Kexin had a bout of appendicitis. A week after the surgery, she wanted to go back to school. She told me, "Mom, I'm ok. I want to go back to school. You should go back to your school, your students are waiting for you." Her academic excellence continued through high school and college.

Throughout her childhood until she left home, Kexin was always helpful around the house. When she saw me upset, she would come give me a hug and make funny faces until I was happy again. I will always remember her funny faces, and I hope she is still making them, wherever she has gone on to now.

You will always be my baby, mum loves you forever!