Letter to my Baby Girl
May 5, 2011
Dear Kierstyn,
Even before you were born, I knew I loved you. The first time I held you in my arms was the most precious moment of my life. I felt such love for you – more than can be put into words, more than you could ever imagine. And though it seemed impossible at the time, I grew to love you more and more with each day of your life. From the moment I first saw you, I knew your beauty was like nothing I had ever seen. And yet, somehow, you became more beautiful with each passing year. As you grew, I realized you were just as beautiful on the inside. You were so bright, witty, funny and kind. You had such a beautiful spirit. I was so honored to be your mother. It was the greatest achievement of my life. Whenever one of us had a problem, we would always pull through it together. I always felt like we were two parts of the same person. With you gone, I feel that most of me died as well. I never knew that pain like this existed. We were closer than any mother and daughter I’ve ever known, and for that I am so grateful.
I always called you my Baby Girl no matter how old you got. I remember telling you that even when I was 100 and you were 80, you would still be my Baby Girl. Unfortunately, we never made it that far, but please know that even though it seems we are apart, there is an invisible string that binds us forever and you will always be my Baby Girl.
I feel such guilt that I failed you. I’m your mom – it’s my job to protect you from everything. This time I didn’t, and for that I am eternally sorry. Please forgive me. I hope you are at peace now. I wish I could be there with you to make sure you are OK. I will never forget all the good times we had, all the love we had for each other. Even though you left way too soon, I feel I experienced as much unconditional love , happiness and joy as people who spend an entire lifetime with their child.
I would give everything I have to spend five more minutes with you, to hold you in my arms and tell you how much I love you and always will. I miss you so much – your smile, your laugh, your scent, the funny walks you used to do, your sense of humor, your love, your way with animals, hearing your beautiful voice calling me Mommy, how you wanted to cuddle in bed with me when you were sick, holding hands while we were out walking. There is nothing in the world that could replace those things. I love you with all my heart.
Good night Baby Girl, Mommy loves you.