A Tribute to Kotha
We are deeply saddened by the passing of Kotha a few days ago (January 21, 2014). However, we can’t help, but imagine, Kotha telling us in her characteristic manner, “Don’t be sad, I had a great life; have some fun on my behalf.” This was the spirit Kotha always embodied.
Our interactions with Kotha and Peter revolved around the activities of the Newcastle Tamil Sangam (Tamil Association). Both of them were an integral part of the Tamil Sangam for three decades. Not only they functioned as the Presidents and Executive Committee Members of the Association, but more importantly, they were ever-ready volunteers, willing to help with any task at hand. Their extra-ordinary ability at organising events, together with their willingness and generosity in spending their energy, time and other resources, immensely contributed to the well-being of our community and the activities of the Tamil Sangam.
We witnessed another side of Kotha almost ten years ago when my father was admitted to the Hospice at the Mater Hospital, where Kotha was working as a volunteer-assistant, helping and serving the patients and their carers/relatives during the most difficult period of their lives. When my father died, she looked after everything that needed to be done at the Hospice, and then helped us tremendously with the funeral arrangements at home. I understood later that Kotha immensely helped a few other friends under similar circumstances. For us, this defined Kotha – a person who was ready to go to any extent, with her extra-ordinary capacity for empathy, courage, generosity and helpfulness, to help people at their most difficult times.
When we met Kotha during the 2012 Tamil Sangam Christmas function, she appeared somewhat weak and frail (illness had already taken some toll), but still on high spirits, as ever. She praised the cultural performances of our children that night, and then in her typical fashion, said, ‘she was fine, still eating and enjoying, and had nothing to complain about’.
Next time we saw Kotha at the Hospice towards the end of 2013, this time not as a volunteer helping others, but herself as a patient. Before our visit we thought about what to talk to someone who was truly in her last phase of life (after the treatments concluded), even recalling what we read from books on this topic; but, none of these had any relevance when we visited Kotha at the Hospice. Fortunately, this was one of her good days (health-wise), and we ended up talking for almost two hours. She wanted to talk more about us, our children, Tamil Sangam, etc., while also clearly recalling the times involving my father’s last stage and funeral, and several instances related to Tamil Sangam. She eagerly talked about every stage of her life – ‘her parents, childhood and cousins’; ‘her meeting and marriage to Peter’; ‘her interesting experiences in Newcastle in the sixties and seventies when visible minorities were highly uncommon’; ‘her religious beliefs and non-beliefs’; ‘her travels overseas, including to Sri Lanka’; ‘her later involvement with charities’; etc. She also described her battle with cancer, and indicated that the reason she even considered the second surgery (which was not performed) was due to Peter’s poor health and to take care of him.
We were amazed to learn that she had been working as a volunteer at the Hospice for seventeen years; she said that this place was like a home to her, where she knew almost everyone. Working as a volunteer at the Hospice could be one of the most difficult volunteering jobs one could do, and obviously Kotha’s nature and values suited that, and possibly shaped by that, later on. She was completely at peace, and even at that stage, not thinking of her, but how to help others and the society. She was busy making Christmas items/toys for other patients and their visitors, asked us about the availability of any book that detailed the rituals practiced during the time of death and at funerals (she discussed this with other Tamils and Hindus in mind), politely told us not to bring flowers or plants instead contribute money to charity, and told a nurse not to throw away a bottle and waste the drink still remaining in it. The way she handled this stage of her life was nothing short of inspirational.
We visited Kotha once more on the Pongal day in January, this time together with our children. In between the visits, she gifted us a beautiful wood carving depicting a scene from Ramayana (she sent this through a mutual friend). This was such a beautiful and touching gesture, and a gift we will cherish, with good memories. We noticed significant deterioration in her condition during this visit, and she had difficulty speaking. But, her mind was still sharp, relating a few earlier events, and thankfully, she was not in any great pain. She died peacefully a week later.
We express our heartfelt condolences to Peter and Kotha’s families for their immense loss. We, the members of the Newcastle Tamil community, and for sure, tens, perhaps hundreds, of friends, acquaintances and others who would have been touched by Kotha’s generosity and helpfulness, would also be morning. But, Kotha’s life was unique and meaningful in many ways, and a life that needs to be remembered and celebrated.
Mukunthan and Anusha January 24, 2014