Eulogy - read by O-T Fagbenle
Ah, Kunle could bring people together - with his 60million mega watt smile and that laugh that would delight you. Son, father, husband, brother, cousin, uncle, friend and extraordinary in his many achievements, Kunle was, and continued to be for all his life, greatly loved and admired. The road here? It wasn’t easy.
Adekunle Fagbenle was born in Lagos Nigeria to Titi Ekisola, in her family home.
The first of 12 children of Mr Tunde Fagbenle, Kunle was the first of many in numerous ways. It is difficult to do justice in this brief time to the boy and man that Kunle was, but I will try.
Kunle was born on 17th May 1969 to star-crossed lovers whose union was not meant to last. The baby became a young boy in the bosom of his mother’s family until the age of 3, when he was reunited with his father with whom he lived until the tragedy that was his siblings’ mother’s death. A distraught and distressed Tunde took the 7 year old Kunle and his siblings, Banke and Dokun and packed them off to respective family members: Banke and Dokun to Uncle Layi in Ibadan, and Kunle to his maternal grandmother’s in Lagos. Kunle loved Alade Edu, as he affectionately called her, deeply… she was his first true love.
Though the young Kunle was adored and cared for by his grandma and cousins - he was confused, and felt terribly abandoned. The father he worshipped, had gone in an instant, and he had been stripped away from his beloved younger siblings. It was a such a difficult time for the young child, and the road was not to get much easier. Kunle lived intermittently with his father’s and mother’s family until 1983 when he permanently moved from his mother’s to live with his father and his new wife, Ally Bedford, who Kunle loved dearly and affectionately came to call MOTA - in the fabled 5, Morris St., Yaba, Lagos.
Morris St. was an open house, and here Kunle was the centre of it in many ways. His cousin Lola became firm friends with Kunle, and he developed and nurtured close relationships with his other Ayeni cousins. Notably, he grew very close to his Uncle Dotun, his father’s younger brother - with whom he found a kindred mischievous spirit.
Morris saw the young boy become a young man. He cultivated his love for fashion, music (Diana Ross and Michael Jackson were two of his favourites - and Kunle loved to dance) and darts. And as he shot up in height, he developed a love for food, claiming his alarming rate of growth meant he need extra portions of everything to feed his starving frame!
The fire in Kunle’s belly burned bright but his nomadic and unstable childhood had left an indelible mark on the sensitive young man.
His feelings of loss meant that Kunle loved intensely and with a passion, he also needed to be loved… and seen. He feared abandonment and rejection and clung tightly to those he loved, Kunle was such a loyal soul. The conflict in his heart played out in many ways: some funny, some dangerous, always daring and all belying that spark of ingenuity that was the mark of the man. He would play pranks on his peers, family and strangers wherever he saw fit. He never saw why rules needed to be followed to the letter, and would look for ways to challenge the boundaries where possible.
Although troublesome, Kunle was ambitious and sought ways to make an impression wherever he could. He was an extrovert, a physically expressive and consummate actor - you couldn’t help but be mesmerised as he recited the verses from his favourite Shakespeare play ‘Julius Caesar’. Then of course there were his numerous escapades, ‘borrowing’ his uncle Layi’s motorcycle and car at the age of 14 and teaching himself to drive… and crashing of course.
Kunle was possessed of a fierce intellect, but it was one that required nurturing to stimulate. By the time he moved in with his father, it was clear that the schooling system had failed him. As unbelievable as it is for those who know Kunle, he struggled in his learning - he would play truant often… he was just not motivated to study, nor was he in a school that fostered his growth.
This was all to change. His father had entered a new relationship with a determined table-tennis champion, Engore Toun. Antoun (as she’s known) knew someone who pulled the strings to get Kunle into St. Finbarr’s - the school that transformed his life.
There he made firm friends with Charles and Harrison Molen, and Tayo Agbe-Davies, these were to become lifelong friendships, amongst others from Finbarr’s. He also made friends in the neighbourhood, and you would often find him, Charles, Lola and Lolade taking trips to the ice cream parlour, ignoring the begging and pleading of his younger siblings to tag along. Ah, but Kunle was very protective of his siblings! Even when shooing them away he had his eagle eye on everything they did, following them wherever possible, trying to prevent all upset.
The gap in Kunle’s education meant his father, fiercely opposed by Kunle, took the decision to drop him back from Form 4, to Form 3. This was a calamity for Kunle who already stood head and shoulders above his 15 year old peers. To be sent back to Form 3 with his juniors? No. That was a humiliation too far, a huge blow to a proud, handsome young man, but was nevertheless the spark he needed to become the man he was destined to be.
Kunle’s father and Antoun made him several promises of money and a ticket to America if he aced his exams. As soon as Kunle was told this - that was it. It was like a light had been switched on and Kunle revealed his brilliance. Form 4 saw Kunle - who was well behind his peers - fly well beyond them. By the age of 16, the leader that Kunle was meant to be began to take a front and centre position. He became a prefect in his final year, and was pleased as punch that he had his own office and key. He breezed through his exams, gaining straight As.
Kunle had come into his own. An intellectual giant, leader and man of the people.
During all of this, Kunle discovered a new love. Basketball. He dreamed of becoming like the Nigerian superstar basketball player, Hakeem ‘the Dream’ Olajuwon. He even had a pair of sneakers signed by the Dream himself, that he held dear. At 6’6 and 17 years of age, Kunle fancied himself flying to America and playing in the NBA, so the promised tickets to America held that dream. The visa process was arduous, but Kunle’s father persevered and Kunle was finally surprised one evening with a visa and tickets to travel to the States with his father - oh how Kunle rejoiced! His father recalls him hitting his head against the ceiling fan in his joy!
In January 1988 following his graduation from St. Finbarr’s, Kunle flew to America with his dad, initially staying with his Uncle Supo in New York. Kunle was touted from high school to high school until one thing became crystal clear: despite his height, Kunle was not built for basketball!
But we know of Kunle’s doggedness and determination - he was going to make it, and if it wasn’t basketball, it’d be his brains. He persuaded his father to let him move from New York to Baltimore to stay with his childhood friend Charles who had moved to the States a year earlier. Charles, Kunle and later Harrison lived together in Baltimore for two years. The three of them were brothers and thick as thieves, hailing each other with the fond nickname ‘egbe’ when they needed to make a quick exit after some escapade or another.
Once Kunle was settled he insisted his father send his younger brother, Seyi, to live with him in Baltimore - this insistence was typical. Kunle loved hard, and he loved big.
In the USA, the feathers in Kunle’s cap grew exponentially. He exemplified scholarship, excellence and achievement in all areas. The ambitious young man, whilst studying for his first degree at Coppin State University, became a multi award-winning business-man, making and losing two fortunes before the age of 25. Alongside his successful businesses, Kunle was President of the Coppin Student Senate in 1990, holding this position for 2 consecutive terms. Kunle was a pathfinder, an entrepreneur extraordinaire and a man of grand vision.
At the heart of all of this however, remained the gentle and compassionate soul that Kunle was- he took care of people whenever and wherever he could.
Renowned for never forgetting a birthday, he made the effort to let his loved ones know how he loved them and thought of them often. To top it off, he was generous to a fault. The tales of Kunle stepping forward to be there, financially, physically or emotionally for others abound. From mentoring young entrepreneurs, to ‘dashing’ money to people willy-nilly, to ensuring he showed up at graduations, birthdays, weddings, funerals- whether of friends or family - with that big smile and his arms open. Kunle’s largesse was limitless. If Kunle had - you had. He delighted in surprising loved ones with unexpected gifts and parties. Ah, and Kunle could throw a party! He loved to have a good time, and to offer this to others also.
Kunle was an honourable man. This sense of honour and desire to make an impact in the world led him in the Spring of 1991 to pledge to the prestigious Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc. Once again, Kunle discovered his brothers for life, and found Kobi Little, who became his best friend and confidante. Even as a pledge amongst other examples of excellence - Kunle stood out. His regal kindness and enduring loyalty brought out the best in his brothers, and the admiration of his AKA sorority sisters. It was during his Pledge to the Alphas that Kunle was taught ‘If’, the poem by Rudyard Kipling -the Alpha mantra for reflection and wisdom. You have heard this poem today, and all who knew Kunle will testify that it speaks truly to the heart of the man.
For Kunle, family was perhaps the thing that exemplified him the most. Kunle was a family man. He adored his family. His numerous cousins, parents and siblings were the jewel in his crown and he could be heard to boast proudly of them when he spoke to others. He cared variously for his younger siblings and insisted on standing in for his father when his father’s wife Buki went into labour with his younger sister Temi, in 1992. He sang Buki songs and soothed her through the pains; that he could do that on behalf of his father brought Kunle great pride and joy.
Kunle loved his family deeply, but he also loved the land that had nurtured him to manhood. America was truly the land of promise for Kunle and where half his heart lay, until the disaster that was 9-11. A draconian review of immigrants to the US was conducted and an inconsistency in his history meant that, in 2002, Kunle was asked to leave the country and reapply for his citizenship from outside the US. This was devastating for him.
Recently graduated Juris Doctor in Law at the University of Maryland, and having being the first lawyer of Nigerian descent to receive a Professional Legal Excellence Award in the USA, as well as embarking on several new business ventures - his promise was cut brutally short, he was forced to leave the US without a penny to his name. Though Kunle’s American Dream was not to be realised, he had blazed a magnificent trail and his many siblings and nephew boldly followed. Kunle’s siblings truly stood on the shoulders of a giant.
Kunle moved to the UK that year to begin the process of reapplying, certain he would be back to the States in a few months, but the Bush administration remained stubborn and slow in their processes - and Kunle found himself having to start all over again which as always, he did with great determination and aplomb. Kunle strove to establish himself quickly in the UK and his personable nature garnered him fast friendships; we pay our respects to two of his dearest, Justin and Kunlo, who sadly also passed on recently.
Kunle was a romantic. Some people assumed Kunle would be a ladies’ man given all his attributes and talents, but this was not so. Typically he was shy around women, if however, he fixed in on one who he felt was his match, he made no bones about making it clear that she, and only she, was the focus of his amour. Kunle loved hard, and he loved well. He met his wife-to-be Liz in 2006 and wooed her doggedly. Here was a woman of great beauty, a caring nature, an intellect and a charm to match his - she was the one and there was no way he was letting her go!
With Liz, Kunle was blessed to have his adoration of family transform in the most beautiful way when he had children of his own. Our prince, Justin Alexander was born in September 2008, and you could not have seen a more chuffed father. Kunle’s warrior princess Tamilore Gabrielle followed in March 2011, by which time Kunle and Liz had returned to live in the States.
Ah but Kunle adored his children! Being a father was the peak of his personal achievements and he wanted to provide his children with a life he didn’t have, and make them unerringly proud of their father, and of their lineage. This desire to reach the highest of heights for his children had bittersweet results.
Kunle threw everything into gaining the fortune, status and prestige that he knew was rightfully his - to the detriment of time spent with his children. When he could, he would dote on Justin and Tami, and they adored him too. However, his inconsistent presence in their lives and inability to give them a life of leisure was a great source of sorrow for Kunle, he would tell himself that eventually his efforts would bear incredible fruit and he could be the ever-present father he’d always imagined himself to be.
In 2014, he moved back to Nigeria to pursue his fortunes where he felt at home and where he felt that he could win - and win big - for the sake of his family, and threw himself into the rat race.
Though Kunle was incredibly popular and sociable, his apartment full of people… there was a sense that he still felt alone. The ghosts of his childhood continued to haunt him as a man and he battled these fiercely, sometimes losing and sometimes winning, but never giving up. Kunle always had one scheme or another on the go, another way to make the fortune he sought, and get the recognition he deserved.
Kunle was persuasive and many of his ideas were ingenious, but the fates being what they are, determined that Kunle must continue to be forged in fire.
In the last months of his life, Kunle began the ambitious journey into politics, embarking on a career he felt he was built for, and one in which he could make the greatest influence, including changing the lives of people who had been unjustly treated. The combination of his business interests and intention to run for office was stressful.
The time his business and ambition were taking up meant that in the last few months of his life, Kunle stopped playing the tennis he so enjoyed and rarely spent time with his friends in leisurely pursuits. Kunle was determined that his ambition to enter politics would be realised, though many feared that his gentle nature was not meant for such a ruthless pursuit.
Sweet though he was, Kunle could be known to flare up bitterly at the injustice of it all, and in the same breath say ‘ah, but I am trusting and thanking God’. And it was God who provided him strength in the last few years of his life.
Kunle’s cautious but determined rediscovery of his Christian faith- following a history of philosophical musings on the nature of God, religion, and belief -was a quiet one, he truly wanted to know God for himself and without the trappings of expectation.
Never one for consistent church-going, Kunle began more and more to dedicate his precious time to worship and prayer, in which he found great solace.
In Nigeria, he regularly went to church with Antoun, with whom the bond had deepened. In fact, the Saturday 13th May before his birthday, Kunle accompanied Antoun to church and mischievously got up when the minister called for the ‘May babies’ to come to the front… taking his place amongst all the young children…. ‘am I not a May baby too?’ he said.
On his birthday, May 17th 2018 - Kunle seemed to be more preoccupied than usual. He dashed in and out of Ikoyi Club where his friends were waiting to celebrate with him, and let them know he had not time that day, but on another day they would celebrate properly.
On May 18th 2018, Kunle’s father received the call that is indelible in his and my memory. Kunle calling from Nigeria to let his father know he was having a medical emergency. Confusion ensued, and people were dispatched here there and everywhere to attend to Kunle, to no avail. Kunle - father, son, brother, cousin, nephew and friend passed away that night at 11:15pm from hypovolaemic shock.
This feels like an unconscionable injustice. How does a man with so much to live for, so much to gain, and so adored and admired get snatched away so cruelly? We may never know, but we should let Kunle’s mantra when he hit tough times ring on in our ears ‘I am trusting and thanking God’.
Kunle’s legacy will forever live on, in us, in his extended family and friends, the many lives he influenced, and most of all in his beautiful children, Justin and Tami.
And so we gather today, to salute Adekunle Abayomi Olalekan Fagbenle for all that he was: heartbroken boy, mischievous teen, groundbreaking young man, mesmerising presence, pathfinder, majestic soul, ever loving son, husband, father, brother, cousin, uncle, friend. Big Brother Kunle, rest well. We salute you.