This is a letter I wrote to Kyle at the beginning of his Junior year of high school. He was attending a 4 day spiritual retreat called Kairos, with most of his classmates. The school asked each parent to write a letter to their son to read while he is away.
October 2, 2016
Dear Kyle,
As part of the Kairos experience, Serra asked me to reflect on my relationship with you, what areas you’ve grown the most and how proud I am of the young man you’ve become. It’s a great way for me to stop and think about my ever-evolving relationship with you. Its interesting to me that my last letter to you was for your Bar Mitzvah and you were questioning your relationship with GOD. Here you are, 3.5 years later on a spiritual retreat with your classmates, exploring many of the same questions. Maybe you will remember that the word “Israel” actually means, “wrestling with God”. and that your Bar Mitzvah was a ‘rite of passage”. As you know, a Bar Mitzvah isn’t part of most societies or Catholic cultures so believe it or not, be proud that you have more “God wrestling” experience than anyone else in your class!
One of the things that I appreciate about your growth is how aware you have become of the world around you. Your interest in the world of business, politics, social injustices, the importance of taking responsibility, working hard in the classroom and on your sports teams and assessing risks and rewards has all been expanding in your life. I would like to take some credit for giving you so many opportunities to explore life by putting you into so many different environments for you to experience. But to put it into sporting metaphor that you will understand, we have gotten you season's tickets to as many different sporting events and teams in as many cities and countries as we could. But in the end, you were the one who developed the skills to put on the many different uniforms, pick up different balls and figure out how to be a star on nearly every field you stepped on. And that is not an area I will take any credit for. Great athletes like you have an underlying drive, passion to win, curiosity bug that drives them to try new things even if failure looms in the distance. I hope you continue to try out new things and step up to challenges that stand before you. Regret for not trying would be a crime with someone with your skills.
I would also imagine that you are seeing that your future is unfolding faster than you may realize. In only 18 months, our time together--that is, living in our home under our rules--is coming to end. Im sure there is an excitement about that door closing but while this door will soon close, the door of your future will be swinging wide open and it’s more vast than you can ever imagine. The options you are creating for yourself provide you almost limitless possibilities.
But it won’t be easy when not everyone is as supportive as you have here at home and in your school. You have had the good fortune to have lived where everyone loved you and cared about you. As you move into college and beyond, you will have to find your own way, find out who your true friends are and who has your back. Thats where I hope you never forget that If you have a problem, you can talk to me. Few things you will say will shock me and there is every chance, though admittedly just a chance, that I might have a good suggestion. And while the law will soon recognize you as an adult, I promise you that you still have much to learn.
As we both know, growing up can be very hard sometimes. Living in our house has its advantages and of course, it has disadvantages when things don’t go your way. But at the end of everyday, no matter how good or bad my day has gone, mistakes either one of us has made, things I wish happened or things that didn’t happen, I know you are my only son and someone I love with every bone in my body. Even as you prepare for adulthood, I’m shocked sometimes that I love you even more. The good news is that my love comes without strings, but unfortunately, life does not. If there are things you want to achieve, knowledge you want to gain or friends you want to make, it is entirely up to you.
Finally, as mom and I told you at your Bar Mitzvah, our hopes for you are high and true.
Continue to share your love and joy with everyone you meet and that nothing destroys the kindness in your heart.
Start every day with laughter.
Your intelligence and inquisitiveness leads you to a love of learning and new discoveries.
You follow the guideposts of honesty, responsibility and perseverance on your path to your future
When the harsh realities of life throw obstacles in your way, face them head-on and never let them stop you.
Find love based on trust and friendship and you are as lucky as I am to be with someone like your mother whose passion, respect and honesty will support you through the years;
Always hold on to your innate understanding of right and wrong. You already possess a powerful trait – the courage to stand up for your beliefs.
Be an independent thinker, regardless of the temptations to follow what’s popular.
Most of all use your talents to do something remarkable so that you will make a difference in this world.
You have brought more joy and happiness to us than you will ever know just in being yourself and giving us the pleasure of watching you blossom into the handsome young man you are today.
Love
Dad