This is Kyoko's favorite picture of her and her boy. She and Ethan (and me and Kaya) were really happy that Saturday picking Strawberries in the English countryside north of London. Taken just a few months before she passed away, I love this picture because it reminds me that Kyoko never let disease determine the arc of her story.

These are the last pictures taken of Kyoko, from a year ago. Ethan had been invited to football with his friend Rafi and Kaya asked to go with her mother on a picnic. At that point, it was difficult for Kyoko to get out of bed and walk much. But Kaya wanted a picnic. It was cold and the leaves had fallen. It felt more like London winter than fall. I suggested an indoor picnic downstairs or maybe one in the garden. Kaya wanted a proper picnic.

Kyoko could identify with the combination of sweetness and strong will of this little lady. So she knew she needed to prepare for an outing. I made sandwiches and off we went to nearby Lyttleton Playing Fields.

I am so glad Kaya didn’t go for my lame ideas for an easy picnic. I loved watching the two of them. Kyoko marveled at her girl, and Kaya was proud to have taken her mommy out, as you can see in the pictures.

Kyoko knew how to enjoy life, how to stay present with her babies. She lives on in them. 

I just had the pleasure of spending a few relaxing days in London with Nate and Kyoko's two little babies, who are growing up so fast but so well. I know how proud Kyoko would be of what special and wonderful human beings they are. Kaya was practicing for her upcoming presentation at school about her Mom's work "combatting climate change" (typical kindergarden vocabulary! and yes, that sounds very cute in that adorable English accent of hers!) for the UN, and brought her passport and UN badge in as show and tell. Looking forward to the next time I get to see them.

I MET BEAUTIFUL KYOKO AND NATE AT THE MONTEREY INSTITUTE OF INTERNATIONAL STUDIES - CA., IN 1997.

WE BECAME CLOSE FRIENDS AND SHARED PRECIOUS TIMES, INCLUDING MY WEDDING WITH REGINA - WE WERE SO GLAD THEY COULD COME DOWN TO MEXICO. WE WERE LUCKY TO HAVE THEM CLOSE WHEN THEY MOVED TO MEXICO CITY AND TO HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO WATCH BEAUTIFUL KAYA AND ETHAN GROW UP.

WHAT A NICE MOM, WHAT A NICE EDUCATION AND VALUES SHE GAVE THEM.

KYOKO'S INCREDIBLE PERSONALITY WAS A GREAT EXAMPLE AND LIFE EXPERIENCE OF SOMEONE THAT COULD LIVE WITH LOVE AND PRINCIPLES-VALUES WITHOUT NOTHING MUCH THAN LOVE, RESPECT AND TENDERNESS.

REGINA AND I COULD HONESTLY SAY THAT SHE WAS THE ONLY PERSON WE HAVE KNOWN THAT WOULD NEVER MADE A BAD COMMENT OR MADE ANYONE FEEL BAD.

WHAT A NICE PERSONALITY COMBINING DISCRETENESS AND STRONGNESS AT THE SAME TIME... AS WELL AS A ESPECIAL KIND OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE WITHOUT SHOWING OFF OR DEMONSTRATE IT DELIBERATELY...

THATS WHY WE BELIEVE SOME PEOPLE COME SHORTLY TO SHOW US HOW TO BE BETTER HUMAN BEINGS -  AND THAT KARMA IS FOR SURE SOMETHING WE BUILD EVERYDAY FOR BETTER.

WHAT A NICE AND KIND COULPE YOU MADE NATE...

NATE: YOU ARE A GREAT MAN WHO DESERVED TO BE WITH SOMEONE LIKE KYOKO AND TOGETHER YOU CREATE MAGIC.

WE WILL STAY CLOSE TO NATAHNAEL, KAYA AND ETHAN. WE FEEL LIKE FOREIGN UNCLE AND AUNT AND FAMILY TO US.

"Las personas más bellas que hemos conocido son aquellas que han conocido la derrota, el sufrimiento conocido, lucha conocida, pérdida conocida, y han encontrado su manera de salir de las profundidades." ELIZABETH KUBBLER ROSS

"Es sólo cuando realmente sabemos y entendemos que tenemos un tiempo limitado en la tierra - y que no tenemos manera de saber cuando nuestro tiempo se ha acabado, que entonces comenzará a vivir cada día al máximo, como si fuera el único que teníamos".ELIZABETH KUBBLER ROSS

WILL REMIND YOU FOREVER.

REGINA AND ALEJANDRO

MEXICO CITY.

Here's a picture of sweet potato -ginger muffins I just made for Christmas party.  A good friend made a specific request that I'd bring them becase she's quite a fan.  

This reminded me that I'd made them for Kyoko, and she'd request them from time to time.  Kyoko said that they reminded her of Japan - they were rich in flavor but not sweet.  As I recall the recipe was full of substitutions to make for a healthy treat.

So here's a picture to remind me to make them with Ethan and Kaya - and we'll smile

I was blessed with the chance to spend a few days with Nate and Ethan and Kaya in London last week. Afterwards, I felt I really wanted to share some thoughts here. As Nate has noted, Kyoko is everywhere - but nowhere more than in these two little kids. I saw them play together, play pranks on me (love the fake egg by the way), hug each other (a lot), protect each other against imminent dangers like the shark chasing them around the house making strange shark noises in "sharks and fishes". I saw them treat friends and schoolmates with kindness, respect and humility. I saw the intense love they feel for their dad. Said another way, I witnessed Kyoko's legacy - really, two small but wonderful legacies that will last longer than most of us reading this site now. Nate is in good hands, Kyoko.

Thanks, Nate, for letting me enjoy Kyoko's two little legacies for a few days. And thanks, Kyoko, for sharing them with all of us.

I wish I had a picture of the inside of the Bourns' door on Eugenio Sue, there hung Ethan and Kayas letters to Santa in their own words or in drawings that Santa could easily understand.  They came down only to be replaced by the next letter to Santa.  

I never asked Kyoko why this singular adornment wasn't taken down. It seemed to make perfect sense that letters to Santa should be seen every day as reminder to  always look forward to the possibility of magic and always remember the joy shared.   

  

The news of your death Kyoko was and still is a shock to me. It left me in sadness, anger and I feel so scared. We met as families because our children, Ethan, Kaya and Meike all went to Yaxcheel in Mexico City. But later on our illness joined us. After I got to know my verdict, soon many people suggested speaking with you. But you were already so kind to suggest meeting each other. There we sat, zipping our tea in the sun at a terrace in Polanco. Me, still dizzy of all the new things that were happening to me and you, calm but with a very serious face, talking about cancer. You gave me many tips and stressed that I needed to know more about what kind of tumor, the treatment and so on. We were both full of spirit and confidence to beat this disease. You were a little bit vague about your own health condition, but there was something going on again you told me, but probably it would be a minor thing. We both know from experience that there are no minor things when you have a disease like this one, but although we were different in personality we were united in seeing the things from a positive side and counting our blessings. We met during several times during our treatment and you were always so kind to reassure me that everything would be all right. But when we looked in each other’s eyes I saw your battle and your pain. But we didn't say a word about it and watched our children celebrate their parties, hitting piñatas and laughing together. 

Thank you Kyoko for being my guiding angel, you inspire me. Our thoughts are with Nate, Ethan and Kaya. We hope to meet them soon and celebrate life with them, because I think that is what you want us to do.

 

What makes the loss so profoundly painful is what was left unsaid and what was not done. There hangs over us a suffocating sense of “life is unfair” and yet Kyoko would be the first to say, that in place of this, there should be a firm commitment to stay positive, to slow down to see life as it is, not as we want it to be, imperfect but beautiful. I can distinctly hear Kyoko’s voice say my name in a way that no friend ever has, melodic, happy, and full of life. Even in our last conversation that was punctuated by intermittent coughing, her voice, demeanor, and disposition somehow evoked feelings of calm. She was graceful and beautiful and what made anyone want to sit next to her was a gentle spirit that was forgiving. I chose this picture because when looking over all of my pictures with Kyoko, I am sitting next to her, often leaning into her.

Kyoko was the friend who was always willing to try something new, even if the plan wasn’t perfect. There were so many times I would call to ask if she wanted to go on an adventure with me, and she always said yes, from outdoor food markets, Mexican beaches, water skiing in Valle de Bravo, Tecali – a town known for it’s marble many hours away from Mexico City - lunches in Polanco, San Angel, lunches and floating mariachis in Xochimilco, BBQ with friends, Desierto de los Leones, to our children’s birthday parties at places like La Granja. And from looking over pictures from many stages in her life, there is a common thread. Kyoko did not balk at change; she left Japan to study in the US, and she lived in Brazil, Washington D.C., Mexico, and London.

I had more plans and many adventures in mind for our families and even for just the two of us, and it is inconceivable that we are not going to raise our children together, laughing, crying, and supporting each other as good friends do. There is no denying that there is a void. I find my mind drifting during the day to her and wondering what more I could have done or what I could have said to strengthen her resolve, but I am comforted knowing that she knew how many of us loved her, albeit from afar.

My deepest condolences go to the three she loved the most. I witnessed, as so many have noted, a mother and wife who dedicated herself to the happiness and well-being of Ethan, Kaya, and Nate. Small gestures like preparing the best lunches in all of Mexico to the ultimate act of love, fighting to live. As I told Kyoko’s parents before I left London, I loved their daughter. She was kind, loyal, and beautiful. She will be missed.

Kyoko was in therapy when I invited her to join a fundraising campaign to provide specialized treatments, kidney transplants, brain implants, heart surgies and such to marginalized populations.  ... As if she needed more to do. But as with everything Kyoko was involved in, she participated fully.  So many were taken with her at the breakfast sessions, and other events.  Kyoko's way of participating was infectious and one was moved by her grace as she took up the cause for others' health.  Since then, I've been asked constantly for my beautiful friend.      

This was our last lunch by ourselves at Dumas, it was quick since she was settling up everything for London, I was telling her about my plans and my last romance and she was telling me about the house hunt and all the things she had to get ready for London. I was so happy that we had time for ourselves, I missed her even when she was blocks away from my job at the time, and every time I had the opportunity I showed up at her house. I was so lucky to have that time for us…

When I met Kyoko, I am pretty sure she was pregnant with Ethan. She told me how non-maternal she was, how nervous she was about whether or not she would have a maternal instinct when her son was born. Well, Kyoko dear, you put us all to shame! What a mom you were!! Thoughtful, conscientous, loving, detaillista...you always managed to make the time to craft a beautiful and creative school lunch, make/adapt halloween costumes, take your kids on fun outings, organize all kinds of after-school activities, and keep track of everything all at once. Your kids are such a reflection of you - beautiful, kind, funny, clever, warm, smart, playful, empathetic...but they both have you beat in the cheeks department :)

Preparing for Rose and Brian's Farewell party.

These are pictures of Kyoko and Nate during their younger years. They were displayed at their baby shower. From the left, the first and third photos are of Kyoko, and the second and fourth photos are of Nate. I remember how excited we all were to see these pictures of both Kyoko and Nate! These beautiful pictures were a glimpse of what was to come, Ethan and Kaya! 

More baby shower games

Baby shower, Christina, Lulu and Kyoko

Getting measured up.....

Playing games at Kyoko's baby shower. She was pregnant with Ethan. The girls got together to plan her shower. We were all very excited for her and Nate.
Mexico City, 2007.

Celebrating Kyoko's birthday with friends, August 2007, Mexico City.

This was taken during a day trip with friends outside Mexico City. September 2007

Just last night I was reminded of Kyoko's way of providing boundaries or small corrections for her children, it was just a glance - sometimes a with the tilt o her chin, that provided full information.  So compenetrada was Kyoko with her babies.

I got that look a time or two and realized that enough was enough of whatever fun or idea was on my mind.  

But it's the compenetración, her connectedness, which moves me to write.  Kyoko was a Montessori mom or an over-achieving Asian mom, as you prefer. Her school-lunch molletes for Ethan's class were complete with individual Tomás Moro flags; she attended his soccer games with a jersey bearing the name of her favorite player.  Kaya was the most beautiful ballerina, and the months she spent at home with her mom last Spring and Summer made them a seamless pair. 

With just hours to go to their departure, Kyoko and Nate arrived at their going away party, a car filled to the brim with some purchases and other gifts.  Kyoko was making a major move amidst a tough round of chemo; I knew she was exhausted but she exuded joy and confidence in her new adventure.  The house was noisy with friends, music and celebration, with kids running up and down the stairs, breaking open the Sully piñata and playing well into the night.  Kyoko drifted to the kitchen where she sat for a moment, commenting that she needed take in all of the sights and aromas of this meal made for her.  She didn't miss a thing.  What a gift she's been.

 

This picture shows beautiful Kyoko while we were both studying in Monterey. I remember her as such an incredibly kind, sweet, and witty person - I always loved spending time with her talking about our studies and everything else, as I always felt so comfortable and at ease in her presence. Of course I also remember her talking about Nate (very fondly!) for the first time, and I thought they were such a beautiful, perfectly matching couple. To hear about her illness and passing makes me so incredibly sad, it is difficult to express all my sorrow and sadness. Nate, Ethan, Kaya, you are in my constant thoughts and in my prayers. I will never forget Kyoko, and I am deeply grateful for having had the privilege to know her. My deepest sympathy.

I tell this little event which my daughter-in-law told me because it made me laugh so hard.  My daughter-in-law was speaking with Kyoko and she asked Kyoko if she would like to go and sing some Karaoke. Kyoko's response was immediate:  "No. Karaoke is why I left Japan."

Kyoko and I met for lunch in Polanco on occasions - sometimes with Nate, but sometimes he wasn´t invited :)  As much as we both loved having lunch with Nate, at times we just wanted to enjoy some girl talk. It was wonderful getting to know Kyoko. It was like savoring a great novel, just a couple of pages at a time. Each time I would try to read more than a couple pages, but she was so darn good at turning the tables on me and making me spill the beans about my life!


This picture was from a lovely lunch at Tori Tori - a wonderful Japanese restaurant in Mexico City -  to celebrate the end of her first round of treatment. She looked beautiful and strong and just so composed. She was a wonderful friend, no matter what was going on in her life. Kyoko fought incredibly hard, with such grace, strength and immense love for her family.

Nate's parents - Randi and Phil - were fortunate and pleased to be asked to walk Kaya and Ethan to their first day of school in East Finchley (London).  Kyoko was not healthy enough to do so, and Nate was working.  This photograph by Randi was made on that first day after the school day concluded.  Kyoko wouldn't be denied the pleasure of walking home with her daughter.  Somehow she gathered the strength to do so.  Randi was there, too.  

This is a wonderful photograph of mother and daughter after school on the first day of class.

The last visit with Kyoko and Nate holds such fond memories for me because it was a mini MIIS reunion with some local friends.  We caught up on what we all had been up to after graduation, ate lunch, had fun with young Ethan, and enjoyed a lovely afternoon with one of the most wonderful people we knew, our friend Kyoko.  Seeing Kyoko that day with her first baby was heartwarming and precious. 

Some pictures don't have a story behind them, so much as a really warm feeling - when I see this picture, it transports me back to this time, one of many weekends while we lived in Mexico City when Kyoko and Nate would join us for a beautifully pointless trip to some place (I cannot come up with the name of this one no matter how hard I try!) outside the city to let the kids frollick around while Nate and I ate like pigs, some of us (not naming names) drank more beer than strictly necessary, and Kyoko and Christina kept more watchful eyes on the kids as they ran near the various barrier-free precipices around us.

Ethan was excited for the whale watching but got seasick, and then stuck, sweaty, to mommy for the whole trip...saw a bunch of humpbacks

Quick picnic in Central Park. Kyoko was in NY for work at the UN, and dad was chasing E around as he learned to walk. June 2008