The last Christmas we went over to my mom's house, during our visit there, my mom said she wanted to get something. She went to her bedroom, and I waited there, looking up at the shelves near the ceiling, all around her room, that she had knicknacks on. She got a doll out. It was her porcelain doll (which John had gotten for her in Germany), which had black hair and a dress with a apron with lace on. She said it was for Sarrina, and I was to save it for her, to put it up where she couldn't play with, for now. That turned out to be the last time Sarrina saw her. I often had wished I had had Sarrina hug and say goodbye to her grandmother, but she, with a young child's energy, had run ahead to go.

The last time I saw my mom on Earth was when I went to bring over her Christmas gifts. When I got there and saw her, she said she was usually asleep then (in the late evening), but God made a way for me to see her, one last time. Because she said that her best friend, Lavinia, had called her about something and Mom had been waiting for her to call her back. So she was awake. So when I got inside, she decided to open one of her gifts, which was a White Tea body spray (she loved tea), which she said she'd use in the car! (I was thinking about how it used to smell of fast food french fries in there! :) Funny!) She was so excited and happy. I noticed the framed photos of me and others on her end table while I was there. Then, she told me goodbye, stood back and looked at me. It was outside of her door, a little cold (she had no coat on); she stood back, and said, "Let me have a look at you. I love your hair!" (I had just gotten a haircut.) (When I went to Goodwill after she died, and heard Big Chill in the store, the cashier told me, "I love your hair!") Then she went and got her large black umbrella and gave it to me to keep. Later, I thought the black was symbolic of her passing. She waiting outside of the gate while I got in my car, saying, "We should get together, during the evening, which is better for me"; I was confused: I think she meant during the day. When I drove away, I saw her, walking oh so slowly up the steps into her house. It seemed it took a while. That was the last time I was to see her here.

After Mom died, I didn't know it yet. I decided one day to go to Goodwill (we often went to the thrift store with my mom growing up--usually Value Village, the one in Burien. This Goodwill was in Burien, WA, too). I was there, looking for books, and some music came on in the store. It was "Summer Breeze", a song from the 70s, which for me gives me a memory of my mom and me riding in the car when I was young. After that song, "I Heard It Through the Grapevine" from the movie Big Chill came on (Mom's favorite). She used to listen to that song while cooking and dance to it. Good memories for me there. These songs I felt were definite signs from Mom, after she had passed.