Larayna is my only child. And very exceptional. So kind and loving. So smart and intuitive. The best daughter a mother can have. I'm so grateful for her and all our time together. She is my everything. I wanted to be the best possible mother to her. I wanted her to have a happy childhood. Her cancer battle and my grief clouded alot of memories, but they come back.
We loved the outdoors besides the bugs. Larayna did not like bugs but luckily only had to deal with them when they were outdoors. I remember having to chase a fly out of the house when she was young. She was like heck no. I sure got it tho. Momma to the rescue. I'm not afraid of anything when I can protect my daughter. Momma will save you. She made me strong and responsible.
We loved going to parks, especially ones with swings. I would push my daughter and then run in front of her and try to dodge her legs. All we needed was each other. I would even get my big ass on the swings and ride to. She would push me. We loved road trips. She was always deejay. We had similar music taste and was open to hearing new music. She expanded my music list. My Spotify still have her labels. I'm Mom and she's Rayna with sunflowers around her name. We loved going to the ocean. We would sit in the sand. And she would search for seashells. The tiniest ones were her favorite. Those hard to find ones. I found alot of peace watching my daughter in her zone and hearing the waves crash. The ocean use to excite me thinking about how powerful it is. And what's out there unexplored.
Sadly now when i think of the ocean, I just picture myself walking out far to drown myself.
That's how my thoughts are without my precious Larayna. I try to remember I used to like this stuff. She loved to go to pizza my heart after the ocean. Her favorite was the pesto pizza. I like combination. We always bought her a t shirt there. She had every style. I have gone since she passed and ate a pesto pizza bc I just couldn't order at our favorite place without getting her favorite. This breaks me. Another slap to my face that my daughter died. I just can't handle this. Even now, the heartache is unbearable. I literally have to stop bc my body decided to make me vomit. And now the physical pain is taking over. God if only cancer never entered our lives. I needed her to live 100%.
I wrote this on our fb page last year.