Hi beautiful soul.

Thinking of you with much love today Laurel.
Missing your beautiful huggable shell that held your heart & soul.
But feeling so close to your beautiful soul today....

I have nothing but happy thoughts of being with you on this date. 

Miss you Sweetpea. 

Papa

Happy birthday, dear one. ❤️

Remembering and celebrating you extra today, on this 40th anniversary of your birth! Your life is such a gift to all who knew you, and your bright light shines on.

This morning, I started my day by lightning our family chalice in your honor, and sharing one of your enduring gifts with Paul and each of our babies, Regan Laurel, Elijah and Xavier, to take a little moment to tell them each that I loved them, and why they are each so amazing and special to me. Thank you for all you taught us. I love you.

Dearest Laurel, feels a bit strange to leave you notes here, when we can communicate more directly, but in case this also works: thank you so much for being part of my life and all your support. I'm so grateful for our connection. Love you xxx

Happy 40th Birthday to your soul Ms Laurel. I just spent some time, once again, going through the pictures & the videos here. Paul S, we are forever grateful for your beautiful video montage that you created back in 2011. It brings much joy & such deep remembrance. This is just one way I enjoy reconnecting with your memory and your spirit Laurel.... 

A dear friend of mine who lost her son when he was just 4 years old, told me at the time of his passing, was that her greatest fear was because he had been on the earth such a short time, people would forget he was even here. I have not forgotten sweet Justin. And sweet Laurel, I will never forget you!! Your passion, compassion, intelligence, kindness, and sense of humor were all amazing to witness!! Many shared memories & stories shared relate to this. But none better than Paul's story of the deeper way you helped your friend Sophia when she was hospitalized. Not just visiting & not just cheering her up, but sensing her pain & her needs. Not just with her injury, but with what she was missing in medical school classes....seeing the bigger picture. Empathy was a super power of yours!! 

This would have been your 40th BD, a "hallmark BD". I am hoping that on some birthday of yours soon, we can have a big group friend/family celebration. A time when that even though we miss you and will always have that hole in our heart, we can focus less on the sadness of your departing, and more on the joy that YOU WERE HERE!! A time to share more pictures, more memories and more stories together!!  Because those of us who knew & loved you know that this kind of sharing is healing & beautiful. 

Love you forever & miss you for always, Aunt Mary

Hello Sweet Pea. 

You're 40. I'm 80. 

I have good thoughts about you every day. Thanks for that. 

Love,

Papa

Happy Birthday Laurel,

it's your birthday here in little NZ, I still have only a partial idea of the little bits and pieces that added up to you choosing to come to this unlikely country where somehow I was lucky enough to meet you and to be a part of your life.

Still miss you every day, some days too much to function. I'm forever grateful for the experiences we shared, for the things you taught me, your wisdom, and for your boundless compassion... and for all the little things like the way only you could make me laugh.

Candle meditation this morning, that's one you taught me too. Catchya round

Dear soul & light of Laurel,
I remembered you on April 9, 12 years since your passing. But was just back from a trip to Florida & Disney with our grands that was wonderful & magical & completely wearing. And also busy prepping food for family dinner & thinking of you....
I have been communing with Uncle Mike's soul whenever I do my yoga, & now, I also commune with yours. I can even sometimes feel my shoulders relax more, remembering your sweet shoulder massages. I enjoy this time of incorporating the light of both your beautiful souls during my meditation & mindfulness. I know your positive energy is still alive & well in the universe, not sure in what form, feel it, see it. In Regan Laurel & in all those who loved you & learned from you!! Love you forever, Auntie Mary

❤️

Dearest Laurel -- Holding you in my heart every day, but today, even more. 12 years -- it doesn't seem possible.

As I shared some grief and loving remembrance with Regan Laurel today (who just turned 11.5!), I told her how her passion and sense of humor (and wise, old soul) reminded me of you.

My Regan is growing so fast. The coexistence of both an emerging, beautiful life and and the growing space of loss, by nearly the same measure of time, feels quite surreal. Bitter and sweet.

I sense that you two would have had such a special connection, had you both been able to be here at the same time. I grieve that you cannot be. But I strive to continue to hold, carry and help pass along your light, to my girl, and others all around us. Love you, always.

A week before the Boston Marathon. I remember Boston 2011. 

You're always a special part of my Boston week. 

It's been slow around here. Mom just got back from a week at the cabin. I missed her. 

I miss you. 

Love,

Papi

laurellove, happy belated beloved :) todayz my dadz birthday & tho i hadn't planned it, it feels pretty purrfect that i was moved to send some love out into the universe 4u both... i like to think that on some level of the beyond, u2 hav crossed paths... each time i come to leave u a lovenote i first read other entries from others who loved u so dearly, & it just kindles my heart knowing how ur still around, infusing laurelove into all of us. i lol while reading ur friend zach's entry recalling ur declaration that matzoh ballz make a great snack, no soup needed, HA! sooo hilariously true. i'm thinking it could be taken to the next level: nonsoup matzoh ballz dipped in CHOCOLATE, riiight?! "voila...observe & savor this purrfect marriage of saltysweetserotonin my friends... genius? maybe... deeelicious? heckyah!" now i can picture ur awesome smiley-eyes laughing along w/me :) & speaking of geniusness... your cousin jess shared a quote by jamie anderson that was read @ your uncle mikes serviice that i found absolutely BRILLIANT: “Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot". whatta beautiful truth that is. endless love 4u sweetness, xoxokimmers

Belated Happy Birthday Beautiful Soul!! On Jan 28 I was busy helping a dear friend
who had a cardiac ablation for atrial fibrillation, spent the day with her. A Laurel type "mission of mercy".  I knew you would understand. Then home briefly, then over to spend the night with your mama so we could get up way early to fry grufus & make soup for the Pfaffinger post holiday gathering.

We had some technical difficulty that made some of our German fry bread come out pretty funny looking, it went way "off the rails". You would have found it quite hilarious!! 

It is hard to believe you left us almost a dozen years ago....but on or near your birthday, I love to look at pictures, watch Paul's awesome video montage & immerse myself in everything that was so beautiful about you....remember you with joy in my heart....the ache of missing you does not go away, but the joy of remembering you is still just as beautiful. You put so many beautiful pebbles into the pond of life, and they are still sending out so many beautiful ripples to all that knew you.  Thank you for that.  Love you always  Auntie Mary

Happy birthday, dear friend. ❤️

♡

Happy birthday, Laurel -- Love you, always.

Happy Birthday sweet woman who shares my birth date…you are so missed and so loved…fly on the wind and shine like a star today…see you again soon…love Georgie and John

Happy birthday Sweet Pea. I've been thinking (good thoughts) about you lately. 

Take care. 

Love you. 

Papi

Holding onto your light in the darkness, sweet Laurel. Miss you, love you always.

Thinking of you, my dear. ❤️

Laurel, was just watching your video, and seeing all the pictures you & Owen
did with cousin Jack's school project of "Flat Jack", & taking "him" on tour all over New Zealand warmed my heart & reminded me to ask for lots of positive energy from your sweet soul & from his dad, Uncle Mike's sweet soul to merge with our good wishes & energy emanating from this side of the earthly divide, for Jack today, as he faces some really big challenges. Thanks Love.

My Dearest Soul,
Hey sweet Laurel, thinking of you today, I do on many days, but on anniversaries the thoughts go longer, deeper. I miss you so & miss the "kick ass" & positive energy that you could be bringing to this world chaos. We need so much more of that beautiful brand of positivity. We get on the "upside" of Covid only to see Putin rain down terror on Ukraine....it does make ones heart hurt!!  It makes no sense.... But thinking of you & your big heart & big brain & kindness & your outrage for the unjust, all of these things help me smile, & help me soldier on for you, & with you!! So I will sit with that for awhile. I sent money to Drs Without Borders again, as well as World Central Kitchen, International Red Cross, UN Refugee Agency, Unicef, & others that already have an operational presence in Ukraine & it's border countries helping refugees. I have a sense that you are there, helping out with love energy.
Sending my love out into the universe to you today. And feeling yours.
Auntie Mary

*sigh* You don't even know about the 'cabin'. Mom went up there last night, but will probably come back today (to the condo, which is also new to you). She likes to be home with you on anniversaries. 

Cabins & condos. Life goes on. 

But, some things never change. 

Love you & miss you, Sweet Pea.

Thinking of you today - and still so many days throughout the year. It’s hard to remember Maine and not think of you…laughter and joy and lightness. My heart aches to think that you aren’t here…and yet the world is such a messy place these past couple of years I know your heart would hurt watching it.

I’m a mom now - and about to have our second girl. I think of you and hope the girls will find a friend one day that lights up their heart and their world the way you did mine. May you be smiling down somewhere in heaven. Love you L.

I'm a day late, Sweet Pea. Very busy yesterday. But you were with me the whole time. 

There's such a big hole where you were. The pain isn't as sharp as it was before. But, I always long to be with you. We all do. 

Take care,

Papi

Laurel -- My, how time flies, and how the world changes. Your light still shines bright.

Tony and I sang again together, at Unity, for another celebration of life in our family, and another aching loss. I really didn't know if my grief, both fresh and raw for Mike, and reawakened and compounded for you, would let me get through it. But, gratefully, the sense of giving this small gift in gratitude and honor of your beautiful lives carried the moment, however bitter, bittersweet.

A few weeks before, the last time I got to see Mike here and say goodbye, Tony and I went to sing Mike and Gail's love songs to them one last time. I knew it would be heart-wrenching and beautiful and tragic and lovely to try and give them both this gift -- the gift, Gail told me, of one more romantic night, that made it easier to say their goodbyes. (Be still, my heart.)

I didn't know we would also be sharing that intimate moment with other loved ones -- your parents and mine, our aunts and uncles, Gail's mom, all over Zoom. (Ah, you don't know what Zoom is.) Anyway, Tony took me by surprise when he started us off with your song, You Can Close Your Eyes. I couldn't look at anyone, for fear that my grief for you both would just overflow, like two colliding rivers and I'd be a puddle, and couldn't make it through.

Yet I just sang my love, for all of you. Every time I sing that song, I think of singing it with you, on our rock under the stars, in the Boundary Waters. "You can sing this song, when I'm gone..."

And I do ...I mostly sing it as a lullaby to my babies. I couldn't often get through it without tears when I tried to sing it to Regan or Eli, but with Xavier, our youngest baby, we sing it often. He asks, "Mama, is this a you and me song?" Yes, baby. A you and me song, and Laurel, too.

Your love and light live on, in countless ways, great and small.

A lot has just poured out of me right now... So much has happened since you left.

At Mike's memorial, we reflected on Jamie Anderson's wisdom: “Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot."

Almost eleven years later, we grieve not being able to give you our love, at least not in the same way. Yet I try to let all that grief; deep down, reawakened and compounded by our new loss, be transformed into even more love to give to all those around us that you loved too, or most certainly would love, if you got to be here on this earth, together. It's yet another way I see and feel your beautiful light live on, my brilliant cousin.

Happy Birthday Baby. So glad your were born. I spent the day looking a pics (you are very photogenic!) - so many sweet memories - and playing your music - so many sad songs. You once told me in a dream that you were alive and well and living in Colorado. That is a great choice! I love you more than all the rocks in the Rocky Mountains. Sending you a warm hug where ever you are Sweet Pea. K-le ma 

Happy Birthday dear soul!! I still miss you so much 11 years from 2011....in some ways it seems like an eternity, yet when I watch Paul's lovely videos & look at your beautiful pics, it seems like yesterday that I was able to hug you for real. Enjoying our perfect "bach" near the perfect "Birthday Beach"!!
Well done, Ms Laurel!! 

I made another donation to Drs Without Borders in your honor. With recent
events in Afghanistan, & around the world, we needs Drs like you even more. With this crazy Covid virus, too. Heroic Drs & nurses & aids are demonstrating that real super heroes really don't need capes. They just need people to get vaccinated!!!

This may have already been noted, but I remember when cousin Jess told you she & Paul were expecting their first child, you shared with them what a beautiful circle of life it was - that a new life was coming into their life, just after their losing Paul's dad. Well that baby, Regan Laurel, was born 9 months later on September 28. So she shares your birthday date & your middle name. Another lovely circle of life.....

I cried more, missing you more today, visiting the beautiful memories of you deposited here. I am sure this is because my heart is more tender & open so soon after the loss of our youngest brother, & dear friend, your Uncle Mike. I have no doubt your beautiful souls are communing in the way they can & do. I miss you both so much.  But I also know how lucky I was to have you both in my life, and that you both put so much beauty, love & inspiration out there in the universe. And we still feel it....we feel you. Love Auntie Mary

I think of you often, Laurel. Strange considering you’ve been gone so long, I guess, and it had been years before that since I’d seen you, but it is true. We met at Maine Coast and stayed friends after. I had such a crush on you but you weren’t interested. Somehow we got through that.
But I think of you whenever I make matzoh balls—do you remember how we decided that they make great snacks and there’s no need for the soup? Or whenever I think about Carleton or McCallister. You came with me to see those colleges but really I just wanted to spend more time with you so rushed through the visits. Carleton has a chapel at the center of campus? Blech, let’s skip the tour and just go hang out! I was impressed by your driving skills and also your (then new) gps! We listened to Dar and Ani and some unknown spoken word poet I forget now. We got hair cuts in the little town that Carleton is in and they did a decent dykey haircut. I was thrilled. I think of you whenever I see someone with perfect curls like you. And I think of you when someone in my life is sad, or worried. We had so many cuddles and deep conversations, and I wanted to make things better for you. I’m sorry none of us could. Happy birthday, my friend. I wish you could have stayed around to see how we all got older and found our own versions of peace. Sending love.

Played some Shoshoni tunes today and remembered our trips there. Such sweet, sweet memories. You are an amazing, strong, courageous soul. Sending you love wherever you are. your k-le ma

Feels like 10 minutes. 
Feels like a century. 

Life goes on. Leaving for a mountain holiday with most of your aunts & uncles tomorrow. As per usual, it will be pleasant & bittersweet. 

You're with us all, always, Sweet Pea. 

Miss you. 

Love,

Papa

A decade has passed since you left this earth. So much life has happened since then. I was carrying my first baby, my Regan Laurel -- my circle of life baby, you said, while the deep grief was still fresh with the loss of my father-in-law. And then, a whole new searing grief, losing you. 10 years. The world is so changed. And yet, your light is with us still.

On this day, this anniversary of letting you go, we are still holding on. Today also happens to be heavy with other losses close to my heart...but also, other new hopes. Holding it all while we move forward in this world. And as we travel on, I also hold sacred the gifts you left us. Your deep passion and compassion. The way you taught us to take the time to tell those you love exactly what you love about them. And your light, leaving the world behind a better place because you were in it. Grateful for the time we spent here together. Love and miss you always.

Dearest Laurel,
It is hard to fathom that it has been 10 years since your passing.
Miss you so. We miss the unique & beautiful light you brought to this world, but we, and the world, are better for it.  We are changed, not just because left us, but because you touched us.....thank you for that beautiful touch.
Stay in touch...

laurellove, sweetest of sweet, another kookookwazy month behind us & i’m not lookin back! i choose 2believe our future will be brighter & lighter, filled with great efforts to communicate, understand & help each other... i imagine sitting across from u, pondering together all that’s happened in this last year... we’d cry... & jokingly say “if everyone inda world were just like us, itd be such a perfect place!”... then... we’d laaaugh at our unmatchable humility ;)
love u fer always,
ur kimmers

Love and miss you much, dearest cousin, today at always. Your spirit, compassion, spunk, fierceness, and caring is so much needed in this wild world.

"Beautiful, beautiful, no other name
I knew from the moment you came...
Happy Birthday Baby!"

I Love You Such Much, k-le ma

Hey Dear Laurel,
Happy 37th BD you beautiful spirit✨. I miss your hugs, your shoulder rubs, your smile, your laugh, your big heart, your dry wit!! 
We could use a good dose of your wit & wisdom in these trying times. I enjoy communing with your spirit, which I can feel near me in many ways on many days,
But it's not as great as in "real time"!!
 
We finally voted out Trump, but he unfortunately left behind a wake of riled up evil, so working on fortitude to help
promote good & kindness, fairness.
Hope you can help ❣️

Love ya & miss you
Auntie Mary

We love coming to this page on January 28...for we get to celebrate our love for you, and remember the precious person you were and still are in the Heavens out there...may your spirit always bless those family and friends that love you so...as your life and these pictures of you bless us today. We miss you, we celebrate you, we love you...Uncle John and Aunt Georgie

Hello, Sweet Pea. 

You've missed so much. Trump has come. Trump has gone. We're in a pandemic. All of it would have been easier with you here adding your 2¢. You know I still chat with you often. But, I miss doing it live. 

I've been thinking lots about you.  I miss you. I love you. 

Papa

Laurel, I of course thought if you on April 9, but than I think of you often. Hard to believe it's been 9 years since you left us.
I imagine you would be a strikingly beautiful 36 year old physician throwing yourself headlong into helping with this global pandemic. Going to send a donation to Dr without Borders in your honor, as they are carrying the torch for you in many corners of our globe.
April 9 was also Gma Vivs 93rd BD. 15 or so of the local Pfaff clan gathered in the Alley below Gmas 3rd floor window with songs & signs.....in a blizzard. Brief but spectacular Celebration quarentine style! Miss you, can't see it hug you, but can still feel you...& Still love you forever
Auntie Mary

dearest Laurel, I hope you can feel all the love coming your way! we're in crazy times and as with so many topics I'd love to hear your thoughts on it all...

My Regan Laurel and I visited Laurel's grave briefly last Sunday, on our way home from Interstate Park on a brilliant day to get some fresh air. It was a sweet little visit. I think about it from time to time, but man, while Regan sat with me on that bench, whatever it is about my girl's sprit that reminds me of you, Laurel, was definitely present in that moment. Her life has nearly been as long as your death. Sometimes, whatever it is I feel that connects you two is just so salient to me.

Anyway, with all this craziness in these most trying times, I just wanted to pause and hold space for you, our sweet Laurel. I love you and miss you.

*sigh* 

Self quarantined.
Packing to move.
'Improving' 528 before we do. 

Quite times. 

Miss you, Sweetheart. 

lovable lovable laurel,
guess what?...in korean-age, i’m 50 this year?! wha-wha-whaaat?!?!?! i can hear u saying in ur wiser-than-ur-years way, “oh kimmers, it’s not how old u.r, it’s how old u feeel :) “... then u’d follow it w/one of ur biiiiiig looong laurelhugs...
i’ve been in korea w/mama kim since this past Sept...she has cancer & i wanted 2b w/her thru her journey. she finished chemo this month & is doing SO well. she’s a shining light just like u...
while i’ve been here i saw the oscar nominated korean film “parasite” (sooo cwaaaazyyy!)...
it reminded me of all those nites “our posse” would gather at my place, snuggle-up onda couch & sprawl onda floor to watch foreign films & laaaugh&screeeam together, haha! ohmigosh, those were suuuch funtastical times ...so strange how it feels like sooo long ago AND just like yesterday?
u live on in my heart my love
happy birthday
xoxoxo ur kimmers

Laurel, your birthday is a time I like to celebrate my memories of times with you.
I can still feel the warmth & glow of the bright light you blazed for 27 short years!!
I can still feel your beautiful spirit in so many moments & places. 

Yes, our current politics would engender so much rage from you!! But you were good at turning your sense of I justice into action, so I need to ponder how best to do that right now....please send me some inspirations!!☮️
 
Miss you forever, love you forever❣️
Auntie Mary

Happy birthday, dearest Laurel. The world is a pretty crazy place at this moment. Yet love and goodness and light still abound. We could sure use yours right about now, but your light shines on. Love and miss you, today and always.

Happy birthday, Sweet Pea. 

I'm sitting in the waiting room of Phillips Eye Institute (where Owen had his second eye surgery) while Mom gets her second cataract surgery. Her first went very well. We're fortunate to have access to all of this. Docs are pretty important people, eh? 

You said "Never sell 528."  Well, that too may change (soon). 

We go through major life changes. Most of our lives are mundane. You are in our thoughts through it all. We love you & miss you sweet heart. 

Happy Earth Life Birthday to you Laurel...Heaven is so Blessed to have you there...though we miss you, we know we will join your spirit soon...Love & Hugs, Uncle John & Aunt Georgie