I had been thinking about you recently. Whenever I think of us together, I picture eating green tea icecream at Saji ya when we were 14. I picture pouring hot wax onto your bedroom floor to make candles, and grinding herbs to make tea from scratch. You were the most beautiful friend. Your heart was just, beautiful. I had slept on the couch the morning I woke up to the phone call that you were gone. I thought I was dreaming. I miss you all the time. I wish Luna could have met you. She's 3 and a half, and would have loved every single thing about you. I miss your voice. I miss your style. I hope someday we can have green tea ice cream again, in a corner booth, and talk about what life was like together.

Laurel,
There is an April snowstorm coming this week, fierce and beautiful, like you. Like the April snow you would have delighted in, that graced us the day we celebrated you, and said goodbye. Missing you, but holding onto your light today, and always. ❄️

laurel lovey... toasted 2u & ur ever-shining light today... with the handmade tea-cup you made for me when you were in 7th grade :) ...love4ever, xokimmers

Have been surrounded by your pictures, your words, your energy all day. The longing see you, to talk with you, to hear your laugh, to apologize, to hug you ...never fades. Sending you love and light, k-le.

Been thinking a lot about you recently, Sweet Pea. You're sorely missed. 
Love you.

You are so missed by all who love you...wish we could have seen all the goodness that your life would have given back to this world...peace and rest sweet angel...we really believe we will again see you soon...

Wish you were still here in this wild world to celebrate your 35 years today, sweet cousin. It would be better with you still in it, but we still feel your presence. I miss you, I love you.

Happy 35th Brithday most beautiful soul!! Just once again looking back on pics & videos and remembering and missing you!! You squished so much life into 27 years, more than many do in a lifetiime!! Damn, it would have been so wonderful to see what YOU would have done with the next 27, and beyound....
Your mama is traveling, and I know she likes to be home today.
I am looking forward to hanging with your dad & bro tonight.
Love you forever
Auntie Mary

Happy Birthday, beautiful soul. I actually thought about you yesterday on the subway and knew I would be getting the reminder email. I still think about you all the time.

Happy Birthday to you Laurel and to Me...Miss you...sending our Love Always !

Hello, Sweet Pea. You're 35 today. Who would've thought.... 
Mary & Jim's for fish fry tonight, with Owen. We'll all miss you. Mom is in California with MJ & Greg, just back from Ron's wedding(!) in NZ. 
Love you.

I still miss you every day Laurel. I miss your eyes, your kindness, your humour, your voice most of all. I even heard you secretly singing once, when you thought I'd left- did you know that? I miss the way the room would light up when you entered it, the way your generosity and compassion just shone through everything you did. The way the morning sun would rudely interrupt us and only then we'd realize we'd been talking all night. I miss our jokes. I miss being kidnapped from medschool; I miss your incredible strength, and years later I'm still moved by your unwavering sense of justice.

There are so many things I love about you, things I wish that I could embody better. The kindness you've shown me still ripples in the way I now see the world differently because of you, and in how so many people whose lives you touched try to pass some small amount on where they can.
 
I haven't really figured out how to do this. That hole you left in each of us is person-sized, you silly dope. And some days it's so big you could drive your car through it. I hope you are at peace, and that somehow, in whatever incomprehensible afterlife or transcendental horticulture follows this one, we all get to see you. Yes i'm still mad at you.

love u lady laurel... xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Laurel, yesterday was also Gma Vivs 91st BD so I spent a big part of my day with Gma & Uncle Bob, who came to help her celebrate.

It is so hard to believe it has been 7 years since you physically left us, left this planet. 

Whatever plane or planet you are on/in, I hope it is peaceful,
and without too many baobops threatening the roses.

I am with Paul S, in that I am still a bit mad at you for leaving us.
I do wish you would have/could have unloaded some of the pain
you carried, to lighten your load enough to stay. 
I would have been willing to carry it with you.

The light you burned while on this earth was so bright.....
with all the best or Laurel, your sense of justice & acting on it,
your kindness & empathy, your wit, humor and infectious enthusiasm,
your GIANT heart & soul & BIG brains....
these lights you burned were SO bright -

Yet I am afraid you underestimated our ability to understand
& love you just the same, and more.....
WITH your darker side or painful side & all.
Your light WAS way bright enough....it was more than enough!

The beatuiful ripples you made in this pond of life still go on
& on in wonderful ways.
And I am trying to throw more good pebbles in this pond in
your honor/memory. But I would rather be throwing them in WITH you.

Love you forever
Auntie Mary

darling Laurel, I so hope you're somewhere light, happy, warm, and that you can feel all the love coming your way... I miss you!
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Quiet day today, Sweet Pea. 

So many of us are thinking of you today -- & every day. 

Memories fade. But, I miss you more, not less. 

Love you.

Hey Crazy Precious Girl...hope you are keeping everyone on their toes where you are at...Miss you...sending love and hugs on the wings of His Angels

Thinking of you with love today and always, sweet Laurel, as I snuggle my youngest baby. You were the one who first observed Regan would be a "circle of life baby," and all three of them have been, actually. Regan Laurel carries on elements of your fierce and beautiful depth of spirit in her own way, no doubt. I grieve not being able to share in motherhood along with you. But you remain present, because we hold you and keep you present, in so many tender moments.

Happy birthday, Sweet Pea. You're always on my mind.

Happy Brithday to Laurels spirit, Laurel's soul!
You sent a lot of beautiful energy out into the universe
while you were with us, and I often still feel it,
run into it....it is a good thing!
But having you here with us would be way better.

Sometimes I try to picture your beautiful face right before
I fall asleep, in hopes that I might get to see you in my dreams.

Always loved and cherished Laurel Floral
Auntie Mary

Happy 34th birthday, Laurel. I wish you could know my babies, and they could know you. I miss you much, but I continue to be grateful for your beautiful spirit. Love you, always.

happy birthday darling Laurel! your light is still shining and I love you with all my heart xxx

Happy birthday, dear Laurel.

Happy Birthday Sweet Pea - Spent the day communing with your beautiful spirit. Love remembering your sensitive observations, winkie hands and wicked sense of humor. Dedicating a weeks worth of random acts of kindness to you -- since you sprinkled them liberally wherever you went.

Thinking of you today, Laurel, and searched to find this memorial site. Sending love and peace. Such fond memories of a beautiful soul.

All the hugs,
Caitlin



(Caitlin Smith Frevert)

dearest Laurel, I'm sending a big warm hug and am trying to not be sad (like you requested) but I miss you too much! There's sooo much I want to share with you... But I know that even if I cannot see it, your light still shines brightly!!

Hello, Sweet Pea. 

Grandma Viv's 90th birthday party today. As with so much else: mixed emotions. 

You've touched so many so much. We all miss you. 

Love,

Pappy

hugs&love 4ever sweetpea

Dear Spirit of Laurel,
I went to try to find this website on your BD, & because my link to it was
tied into my now extinct work email, I could not pull it up just by searching your name. I was so sad. Thought maybe page had been taken down. Then got link from your mom...so relieved....
It is such a solace to see these photos, videos and
stories, notes, tributes all together. It is the closest I can get to being "with you" in a more tangible way. I commune with your beautiful spirit
often, too. But this physical "Laurel space" is so special!

I am sad, when I think what would have been your 33rd just having passed that there are not any new pictures of you to add. Damnit!!

For some one who often hated to have her picture taken,
you were so photogenic....so beautiful inside & out.

I know your brother, mama & papas hearts ache even more on these anniversary days. You are SO missed. 

We marched for you in DC/Womans March
the week before your BD & tried to show the appropriate amount of rage! Please send us your rebel energy, we are going to need it!
Love you forever, Auntie Mary

laurel-love.. happy belated birthday my sweet.. u visited me ina dream last nite.. u were standing sooo tall.. ur hair was beautiful, wild & free.. just like u.. bounding towards me w/a smile that made ur eyes squinty like mine, haha!.. ur arms wiiide open & comin' in 4a huuuge hug.. &when i woke i could still feel ur warmth & our hearts beating together.. ur 4ever in my heart.. love u laurel, xoxoxo kimmers

Baby of mine (you use to sign all of your notes to me, 'Your Baby') I miss you so much! Went through two boxes of your stuff on Saturday, along with two boxes of tissues. So poignant to see all your hard work (calculus, French, bio, A & P notes, carefully written and tabulated, next to all your expressions of love for others, next to so much obvious pain.) I miss your sense of humor, your laugh, your sharp mind, your wit. You would have loved being at the the Woman's March. Since we need women with your passion and style right now, I will think of you there with us, being our Guardian and Guiding Angel.

Happy birthday dearest Laurel! I wish I could say 'come back please'... miss you so so much. Love you forever!

It's been another year, Sweet Pea. We all miss you so much we ache. But, our life goes on. We work, play, and travel. And we reminisce. You're with us always & always will be. 

You're especially on our minds today. 

We love you. 

---------

Hey readers: If you're still at this after five years, you may appreciate this. I'm not much good with cell phones. With luck, I won't answer. Call 'my' phone (651.470.7066) & listen to the message.

Dearest Niece Laurel, 

Loved coming here to this space today and looking at the pictures. You are still so missed. Spent a few days with your Mom, aunt Mary and Jessica, they were here for the women's march on Washington. You would have loved it, they are all women who miss you very much!!!

Happy birthday, dear Laurel. Missing you today, and always. My wise, deep-souled little girl knows your name (that she share as her middle name), she knows some of your stories, and I feel she senses your essence. I deeply wish you could know each other, and that your were here to snuggle my joyful, sweet baby boy too. Life does go on, but your absence will always be heartfelt.

Sweet Laurel ... Happy Birthday to you and me...your essence is all around us...but we still miss you so...we love you always

We went to a wedding -- for Hilary's son Gordon (& Emily) -- on the anniversary of your death. Talk about mixed emotions! So happy for them. Missing you so much. It was nice to have you with me there. 

Love you.

Happy birthday Laurel. Thank you for your glowing light. Miss you a lot.

laurel-love, happy birthday... so much has happened in the kim-family this past 9 months... dad, youngmee, & grandma have moved onto their next great adventure... &as i write this... my heart feels warm w/the thots & hopes that u.r. all together in a beautiful, sunny, peaceful & loving place... miss u, love u 4ever & beyond... xoxokimmers

dearest Laurel, i love you and miss you sooooo much! there are so many things i want to tell you and ask you and laugh with you about...
i hope you can feel all the love coming your way xxx

Dear Laurel, on today what would have been your 32 birthday, missing you and your life force in this world! Thinking of the joy you brought to all those you encountered in your life and know that they are all missing you as well! Love you, aunt Karen

We think about you every day Sweet Pea. Miss you a lot.

Laurel - such a profound space you've left in my heart. Missing you and loving you, today and always.

Laurel, feeling your spirit & cherishing that feeling...
missing you & missing being able to hug you,
missing your passionate banter,
you made a huge ripple in the pond, and the circles
just keep going out there.....love you forever Auntie Mar

Sweet Laurel...I hope you are sliding on rainbows, and jumping from twinkling star to twinkling star...you are 32 today...and I am 63 today...soon, before you know it...I and the rest of this crazy Pfaffinger clan will be there with you...singing and just plain having such fun...you are deeply missed dear girl...and I know you can feel the great love we have for you...love you to the moon and back...forever in our hearts !

Happy Birthday sweet woman. I miss you so much... love, k-le ma

Happy birthday, dearest Laurel. Thinking of you and your bright smile today.

My dear sweet,

When you left us I didn't know there was a heaven. There are so many days when I wake up thinking of you - how you still burn as brightly as the cold wintery morning in Maine when we met almost 15 years ago. I sing the lullabies you lulled me to sleep with - taking their word as inspiration. I think of mitochondria and Chuck Norris and how all these later when my friends call me Boo, it all comes back to you. I think about red winged blackbirds and poetry. I think about fucking bill and field notes. I think about sheep and hand written letters. I think about understanding when no one could. And I guess I just hope that wherever you are - you can feel so deeply within all the souls that you've touched, and that that legacy lives on...and so so profoundly. I still can't find the words to convey the fibers you've woven yourself into within me. I just feel them - one part gratitude to the 5 ginormous parts profound loss all mixed together and inextricably linked to the strands of me. I love you and I miss you and your bouncing hair and twinkling eyes. Keep shining love please keep shining

Love to you, beautiful soul.

Laurel, I just sang "You Can Close Your Eyes" to Regan Laurel as a lullabye tonight. I'll always cherish the memory of you and me singing that song together under the stars in the Boundary Waters. Always in our hearts...