Hello, I’m Susan Ford-Pfeiffer and as my dad always said…I’m the favorite daughter. Partly because I’m the only daughter but its impact was never lessened by that.
I think the best expression that encapsulates who my dad was, came in a letter I found a few years ago. After a long and detailed rant over the type of service he didn’t want he wrote the following:
“I prefer a simple, short inexpensive and casual service. I would like it to be more of an informal gathering rather that a big Boo Hoo formal thing. In order to get any attendance at all, I am looking into door prizes, a dance band, and a lobster buffet. (hey, hey)”.
As a little girl, I loved to run into my parent’s room as they were getting ready for the day. My dad had a variety of games he would play with me in the mornings before he headed off to work. Usually, I’d ask my dad to do the same trick. He’d tell me to close my eyes and all of the sudden I’d hear the soft thud of something bouncing on the carpet. Then he’d tell me to open my eyes and low and behold there were coins that had magically appeared before me on the ground. For the longest time, I thought he really knew magic. As I grew older I think we both knew that I had uncovered the origin of the trick which was simply taking change out of his pocket and throwing it on the ground while my eyes were closed, but he continued to do it …and I pretended to be shocked and amazed, just for fun. That’s a great memory.
While I remember my dad as one of the hardest working people you’d every meet, I also remember that he really had great balance. My brother Larry has put together some amazing family tree information and compilation dvd’s of our family film for us for decades. This last week we’ve been watching them a lot. The theme of your childhood plays out so clearly. The cameras only came out during family events and it was so fun to watch the pattern of three families that joined together all the time to celebrate life; The Jacobs, the Wrights, and the Fords. We were together at the beach, the lake, birthday parties, backyard picnics and of course all of the Easters, July 4th, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years gatherings that played out year after year for decades. Watching the film Dad is always there; dressing up, bobbing for apples, being silly for the camera and just plain having fun. My oldest brother Larry and my cousin Donna celebrated their birthdays together for many, many years and you always see my dad in his suit and tie hanging out at their parties. Whether it was on the merry-go-round at Kiddy Park or at home with all our school friends he was always home from work, in the middle of the day, in his suit and tie, to attend. Celebrating birthdays was something that always remained important to him. He was always a stickler for making sure it was celebrated on the exact date.
Travel was important to him as well. I remember learning when he worked at Joske’s his job in menswear required to him to travel to New York, the Far East, the Middle East and Europe. One of his jobs was to select the fabric and designs for the menswear sold in 400 US stores the parent company owned. He always took the time to pick out special items for mom and us from each location. Many of them are still displayed in my childhood home. He developed a great love for travel during those years and wanted us to experience and enjoy it as well. I think that’s one of the reasons taking family vacations was so important to him. When we were children he planned out road trips to New Mexico, Colorado, the Grand Canyon, all over. I have great memories of sliding down the dunes at White Sands, going to Pikes Peak and riding motorbikes in Santa Fe. Some of the most fun I had was on ski vacations. Even the second worst blizzard that Cuchara, New Mexico had ever experienced was a blast. It was important to him that we experienced different things. Now on these trips, Dad had unwittingly developed a favorite word to describe the scenery when we traveled. He’d look at the mountains or the dunes and he’d say “Isn’t that picturesque?” Of course being kids we picked up on the pattern and used it to lovingly mock him throughout the years. When any of us saw something, even a dead animal on the side of the road, we’d say “Hey dad…isn’t that picturesque?” and he’d get this slow sly grin on his face. Dad had developed a post-vacation tradition as well. After a family road trip, we’d come home and then head back out down to dad’s favorite place...Port Aransas, TX. He’d traveled all over the world but Port A held a special place in his heart. That trip was post-vacation decompression. I think all of us children have a special place in our hearts for Port A…eating at the Seafood and Spaghetti Works restaurant, fishing off the jetty or the pier, deep sea fishing for Bonita, walking the beach picking up shells, popping man of war. Good times.
Dad worked hard and like so many men of his generation he found, perhaps too much of his identity in the successes or failures of work. Being the entrepreneur that he was he continued a pattern throughout his life of learning a business within a company and then setting out and doing it on his own. He did that in menswear, real estate, consulting and even delivering newspapers as a boy. After his stint with menswear at Bruners and Joskes he opened a beautiful high-end men's boutique he called Lawfords. I remember being there as everything was crafted and put together and the grand opening. It was gorgeous. He built it to such a success that he had offers to be bought out by some who wanted to franchise it. He would tell me later that the worst business decision of his life was not selling when it was at the top. He felt his emotional attachment to the store clouded his business sense at the time when he turned those offers down. Unfortunately, the economy turned and he later had to close the store. It was the darkest period of my father’s life. He wasn’t able to separate the failure of a business venture with personally failing and he ultimately never recovered in many ways from that. He pulled out of all the big family gatherings and became more and more isolated from anyone but immediate family. I was much older and had gone through the opening and selling my own business before I really understood how much of a toll that took on him and why he had pulled out life in many ways. I came to understand that he had taken on a personal shame from that event and I wished I had understood it sooner. It would have explained so much.
Until I was able to review his life in such detail this past week it never really hit me what a family man he was. He loved those grand-babies so much too…every single one of them that came along, whether by birth or through marriage. He never made a distinction. There wasn’t a time I went to visit him in the last 10 months that he didn’t ask me if I could bring Molly home with me from Houston. He just loved babies! He would stop people with little ones in the stores and ask them if they’d be open to a trade…a lawn mower for their baby. It always generated such fun and laughter.
One of the best things I got from my dad was an ability to teach. He didn’t even need to try, it was in his blood. If he was talking he was teaching some life lesson or how to understand value versus price or identify the difference between overall price and cost per unit when purchasing something. When I opened a retail store he was able to lavish all his knowledge on me and it was great fun.
For much of his life, Dad had considered himself an agnostic. He said, “I couldn’t figure out which of the 12 major and 200 minor religions had the right answer”. We had many discussions on it throughout my adult life. When we’d head out to church he’d say, “Say hello to JC for me”. And I’d say, He’s right here dad. Just say hello to Him, Jesus is always listening.
He always welcomed a prayer and we prayed for him often, especially when he was the sickest. Although his sickness the last five years was a great hardship for him and for the family, especially my mom, it was also a great blessing in many ways. Though his physical and emotional weakness he allowed a softer side of himself to come through. For about a year he was only able to communicate through writing and he expressed to each child that he loved them. You can know that your father loves you by his actions but somehow…if you’ve never heard the words … the enemy can mess with you and make you doubt that love. But we got to hear it and read it so we can never doubt his love for us.
Just a few months before his passing my mom asked him if he wanted to make Jesus Christ his Savior and Lord and he said yes. He prayed the prayer of salvation with her. I knew he had to come to it on his own and I believe, primarily through the example of my mother’s servants heart and selfless giving to his care, that the God we serve, the God of Christianity, was the one he chose to follow. I’m so relieved and elated that I’ll get to see him again one day because of my mom’s bravery and obedience to the Word. My family will get together in the near future and accomplish his last directive…to scatter his ashes in the surf at Port Aransas. One last road trip with dad…perfect!
I hope you got to understand and know my father a little bit better and I want to thank you all so much for the many expressions of love concern and kindness shown to us during this difficult time. It means the world to all of us. Thank you.
