Eulogy for Liliane Gurspan, “Mom” / “Grandma Lily”
Leba bas Yaakov Yehoshua vi Freyda
By: Suzy Gurspan
June 11, 2006
Yesterday afternoon, Shabbat Parashat Naso, at approximately 3:45 p.m, my beloved mother-in-law, Lily/Leba bas Yaakov Yehoshua vi Freyda passed away—halcha l’olama.
We are all still in shock—numbed—in disbelief that her illness seized her from us so quickly—despite her very fierce battle.
I cannot believe that she is gone.
I now remain the sole “Mrs. Gurspan,” a title I proudly shared with Mom/Grandma Lily for almost seven years.
Anyone who knows me has heard me say on many occasions, “Boy, did I luck-out in the ‘in-law’ department!” I was truly blessed to become not only Mitchell’s wife but also Lily and Wally’s daughter-in-law and part of an amazingly warm and loving family.
As soon as Mitchell and I became engaged, Wally and Lily requested that I call them “Dad” and “Mom.” Such a transition is not always a comfortable one for a person, but being who she and Dad were, it was simple for me.
Mom always treated me with such warmth and care—always making me feel special. On every birthday, Mom would purposely purchase a card that said, “Happy Birthday Daughter-in-Law” so that she could cross out the word “in-law.” Tammy does the same with “sister-in-law” cards. Such an act is very special.
WHAT MADE LILY SO SPECIAL NOT ONLY TO ME BUT TO ALL THOSE WHOSE LIVES SHE TOUCHED?
She was compassionate to family members and friends. We can all think of specific people that Lily cared for selflessly in many ways.
She was always eager to relay compliments and positive feedback to people. She wanted to make people feel good and proud of themselves.
Her closeness to her entire family and steady contact with everyone—checking in regularly to see how everyone was doing and following up on their lives. Her calls and ours were often “telepathic.” Frequently, as Mitchell or I called their home, Mom or Dad was in the process of calling us.
Lily exuded a warmth, love, and exuberance upon entering a room and had an ability to make anyone she spoke with feel like the only person in the room.
We admired her incredible generosity in every possible way.
She had an amazing memory—recalling details of stories we had shared with her as well as people’s names. She inquired weeks or months later about neighbors we had seen or spoken of—remembering their names and children’s names.
She had a very positive attitude about life: “Everything will all fall into place” was one of her favorite sayings. Her trust in Hashem was paramount in her life.
She always inquired about the well-being of my family members.
She had a keen memory of everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries.
Her devotion to her sisters, brothers, brothers-in-law and sisters-in law—Uncle Arnie and Aunt Esther, Uncle Bernie and Aunt Diane, Uncle Jerry, Aunt Annette, Stan, Marion, Shelley, and Barbara, and her children and grandchildren.
On Shabbos yesterday while consumed with thoughts about what was transpiring at the hospital inNew Jersey, I sat with Mitchell’s and my daughter, Marcy, in a rocking chair reading books to her. Marcy asked me for a blanket so that we could be “snugglier.” I reached behind myself and realized that I had grasped the beautiful blanket crocheted by Grandma Lily for Marcy after her birth. All of Lily’s grandchildren and grandnieces and grandnephews received her lovely crocheted handiwork as baby gifts. I had no idea how this blanket had found its way to the chair. I had not seen it in ages.
WHAT WILL I MISS ABOUT MOM’S PRESENCE IN OUR LIVES?
“A gut voch, a lechtig voch, a freilich voch, a mazeldik voch, with nachas, parnasa, and all good things.” This was a weekly ritual. She would bless us after Shabbos each week with these words, and we would reply, “Amen, and to you, too.” Last Saturday night, we didn’t have a chance to speak after Shabbos because it ended so late and Mitchell and I went out. On Sunday morning when I spoke to Mom, I asked her for the bracha which we had sorely missed the night before. It was the last time I ever heard those words from her.
Lighting Shabbos and Yom Tov candles with her. I thought that
I took a while to complete all my prayers that go along with candlelighting only to find Mom standing beside me for quite a while longer praying fervently…
Hearing her “theme tune” each time upon seeing our daughter, Marcy.
Watching her get down on the floor (despite the challenge) to play dolls and matching games with Marcy.
Seeing her daven in her short-sleeved robe with the long sleeves showing beneath.
Hearing her say, “Wal? Where are you?” and hearing Dad say, “I’m HERE, Lil!”
Hearing her hearty cackle and exclamation of “SHE’S A PANIC!” or “SHE’S A HOOT!” whenever we shared any of Marcy’s humorous anecdotes with her and Dad
Picturing her with a frying pan in hand making scrambled eggs, macaMoni (as it was called by the kids) and cheese, and hamburgers
Her spinach pie, chicken soup, apricot chicken, spinach lasagna and mashed potatoes that she always felt the need to remind us would taste better if we put the gravy from the apricot chicken on it.
Her Grandma-Lily “foolproof” lullaby, “LOO-LEE-LOO-LEE”
The daily8:30 a.m.call I’d make to Dad and Mom on my way to work every day. It evolved very naturally and was a special part of my day when we caught up …. Once a friend wanted to call me in the morning at8:30. I told her it wasn’t a good time because that was my special time for my call to my in-laws. “You call your IN-LAWSevery morning??!!” she asked. “Yes,” I replied. “I really lucked out in the in-law department. I enjoy speaking with them every single day.”
Lily’s beautiful complexion and the way she deftly applied her lipstick and lip liner.
Her elegant look with her signature strand of pearls
Seeing her read Judaica books and Rabbi Blech’s works on Shabbos mornings.
Sharing that first a.m. cup of coffee with the fat-free hazelnut coffee-mate creamer.
Noting that only she (and Dad) could get away with calling Mitchell “Mitch.”
Her love of poached eggs.
Her admiration of Tammy, Richie, and Mitchell and all that they are.
Mitchell and I were truly grateful that Dad and Mom spend Pesach with us in Boynton Beach, Florida. The first pasuk in Parashat VaYetzeh states, “Va-yetzeh Yaakov mi-Be’er Sheva Va’yelech Charana.” Rashi explains that the departure of Yaakov is mentioned because “yetziat tzadik mimakom oseh roshem.” The departure of a righteous person from a location leaves an impression there.” Mom/Lily left an imprint everywhere—including our community inBoynton Beach,Florida. Friends of ours always commented how Dad and Mom were so warm, and they noted the close relationship we shared.
The very first email I received after Shabbos last night was from our rabbi, Rabbi Sholom Ciment. “How’s Mitch’s mother?”
Many calls and emails came in last night expressing not only condolences but an awareness of Lily’s vitality, radiance, and warmth.
Mitchell, my wonderful husband….
You are who you are with all of your notable and unique traits because of all had been cultivated in you by Mom and Dad.
Tammy,
The love that you experienced from Mom you return so openly with devotion to others and to your community inEast Brunswick. This too must have come from Mom and Dad.
To all my aunts and uncles and relatives who were with Mom in her final hours—thanks for your devotion and your chesed shel emet as your kindness to her in her final hours cannot be reciprocated.
Dad,
I love you, too, and haven’t minced words over the years expressing this to you and to Mom. You were a truly devoted, loving, and patient husband—traits that I see and admire in your son, my husband.
Mom passed away on the exact date of the 5th yartzheit of Aunt Annette, her beloved sister after whom we named Marcy Chana.
The date that Mom was admitted to the hospital was June 5—the English date of Annette’s passing. Now what is the probability of that occurrence?! Now they are together in Gan Eden.
This coming Shabbos we will celebrate the Bar Mitzvah of Benji, an occasion that Grandma Lily will be present at in spirit and in our hearts. She was so proud of his laining that he had practiced for her, and she wanted more than anything for this simcha to take place unaffected and unencumbered by her own struggle.
Benji,
We love you and, while we will miss Grandma Lily’s presence immensely, we will rejoice knowing that she will be present in a different way—so proud of you, David, and Laurie.
All this was written on my6:00 a.m.Jet Blue flight today. Each thought and memory came to me with great ease. I thank Hashem for gracing me and us all with Mom’s/Lily’s/Grandma Lily’s presence in our lives.
Dear Mom,
Mitchell, Marcy, and I love you and will miss you and will always strive to incorporate all of your midot into our lives.
