ForeverMissed
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My Mother

February 27, 2015

It has almost been 1 year since my mom's passing. There hasn't been a day or a night that I haven't thought about her. Dreams come nightly and she is in every one of them. Everytime I wake up because I feel the dream is so real or there is such a dawning moment when I know that she is gone, there is a favorite memory I go back to. It's Christmas time and I am four years old. Most people may think the human mind is too young to retain memories at that age, but I completely remember. Right down to the pajamas I was wearing. My mom always wanted to give me everything she could and that Christmas was no exception. it was the second year my father wasnt around so we made it our own. I remember us setting up the antique wooden chairs all aroung our tiny living room, lighting up the christmas tree and playing a melody of christmas carols on the cassette player while we danced in our pajamas with homemade tambourines. I remember stepping over one of the antique chairs and stopping. I stopped and turned arounf to look at my mom and tell her that I thought this was the best christmas ever. It was. To this day, it still is.

You, see, too everyone who knew my mother, she was a giver. A lover. A hardworker. A friend. And yes, a really good fighter lol. As I quote one of our favorite movies (which we also loved to hate because it could describe us so well), Even when she's difficult, when the fight is too much, there's something about her, some romance, some power. She's absolutely herself. No matter how hard you try, you'll never get to her. And when she dies, the world will be flat, too simple, reasonable, fair. Life will not be the same without her. I will not be the same without her."
Mona Simpson, Anywhere But Here

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