June 9, 2015
June 9, 2015
havent wrote on here for ages doesn't mean I don't think of you coz infact my granny I do, a lot... missing you more than life itself to the point my chest feels tight when I think of you.. still cant get my head round the fact that its been 4 years the grief still feels like yesterday.. but forever not seeing you.. will always remember the good things you said In life and all the things you learnt me..some things you told me that you told no other you may have left my arms my angel but those special words you told me that night have and will never leave my mouth or mind...it hurts thinking about them but what doesn't, as you said lifes a bas*ered take everyday as it comes and dodge all the sh*t god throws at us,he does it to see just how strong we are..with you by our side that's very strong granny..my mind becomes blank when I think of all the things I want to say about you and to you because I should be saying all this when I see your beautiful face again..as I said before my granny your friends weren't friends and if they was were the fuck are they now!! because i ca swear none of them "friends" go to your grave..none go see grandad...none have been there for us all grany they was just nosey jelous cunts out for what they could get..you dont need them and neathier do we because you was better than them my granny and you always will be...and neathier are half this poxy family trying to be something there not coz I can tell you if you was here it would be totally different there just making c*nts of themselves they all need a good SLAP!!! if they was any people that cared why don't they mention you now ?? was just out for what they could get and that's all there good for but who cares youll be up there smiling down on the people you are most proud of I can name 5 people of top of my head that you most defenitley wont be but im hope one of the 1s your proud of my angel...not only was you my granny you was my hero,my mother,father,bestfriend,my rock my shoulder to cry on and my fists to reay on ;) and now my angel in the sky,now ino why they called you wonder women in the millshaws ey;) cant wait till we come of holiday just so I can give you the grave you deserve you will larveeeeee it as you would say... going to get of now my beautiful and listen to some tunezz;) hope you have heaven rocking just like you did our home..grandads okay btw still a pain in the arse but whod change him..ey NOONE!! he misses you princess just like we all do ;) and I hope hes got you smiling like a star up there.. I remember clear as day the day you died that one big massive star that was on its own in the middle of the sky and used to appear to what it looked like right above our house always said it was you watching down on you but now theres never one star on its own they come in groups now;) guess its you all settled In with everyone under your wing eyy..that's how I like it..hows rocker up there okay I hope bet he was glad you went to look after him like you always did poor man bet you have him running of his feet and grafing like a man as you would say!! hope to heaven your bossing that beautiful place up there just like the millshaws..QUEEN you was my granny and I shall live up to your name with PROUD!!! I shall not stand up and I shall not back down I was taught to stand my ground and that is exactly what I will do throughout life with both your hands on my shoulders..its been hard lately due to another bastered family but ino what you would do if you was here....MAKE THEM EAT THERE FRONT TEETH LOT OF THEM.. wouldn't have took no shit would you babygirl..just do me a favour and make there life hell haunt the cunts they need it anyhow just wish you was ere to drop the cheeky cu*ts in line prove you didnt take no gloyts...:) will never ever ever forget that 2 years you went threw 2 years full of pain will never ever forget granny..never it will haunt me forever and I no that one day I will sit down and tell my children that story..and just how amazing there granny was..just like me they will remember you just a shame you never actually got to see me grow up and witness all the things that's happened and are going to happen, ino it will upset you not seeing us grow up but my children will no you as the brightest star in the whole sky and will look to the sky at night nd say "goodnight granny" just like I did.. it hurts thinking about it but I promise you we will never forget you angel ever...its not I don't post on here because ive forget its still the fact my mind CAN NOT come to terms with the fact of my heart been ripped out all over again while typing this..:'(..you never got to meet dawson earthier..wish you did because ino you would be so proud of the outcome..although youd have him doing the garden and all kinds poor boy would have no hands left on him,its okay you can demand on him when were doing up the grave after our hols ;p going to be a mini "lorna" me my granny and you no it..will never ever ever ever let you memory slip ever..and them words yu told me tht night while watching one born every minute and you said looking over the gigs with a big grin..." would you like it if I died in your arms" then giggled..my reply was "errr noo" sadly the 2 days after which felt like 2 years of grief we lost you:'( you don't understand what I would do to have had you in my arms while you was slipping away but you basically did ;'( this is what upsets me granny because this family make me out to be a bastered when it was me who was by your side for non stop 2 years of absolute grief and pain..i was 12 when I made that ponecall to the ambulance while practically saving your life at the same time:'(..it was hard but I did it.. I was the one who bathed you..took you to the toilet,got you dressed,got up in the middle of the night to get you drink of get you on the toilet or clean out all your leg and bandage it.. I didn't do that out of need my angel I did that out of PURE LOVE..i was too young to go threw that but I did.. to this day I don't no what actually happened it happened way to fast granny one minute you was okay the next you was screaming in agony..i don't understand still we never actually got no awnsers we just got handed a death certificate and a "im sorry theres nowt we can do" in my eyes that wasn't good enough but we was to HURT,BETRAYED AND RIPPED TO ABSOLUTE PIECES to even fight back;'( I don't no if one day we will ever get justice or even awnsers to why st James's sent you home without examining you because in my eyes if they will have done you would have been sat with me eating a big fat magnum right now=)) im going to have to go now granny need to sort the ferrets out hahahah love you and I miss you more than words will ever ever come to explain...you may be gone from my arms but never from my heart love you angel mmmmm wa wa wa goodnight and godbless.... xxxxxxxx I love you xxxxxxxx