My sweet Rachel , 4 years have gone , I will never forget you , and this day. Miss you forever ❤️❤️❤️

Happy Birthday Mom. I just ate a cupcake for you, and I really wish it was one of your very own cupcakes. Man how I miss your cooking and baking. I can't believe 3 years has passed already.. how is that even possible? How have I been without my mom for 3 years? Peter turns 2 on Thursday and I still can't believe you're not here to watch him grow up. I always show him your picture and tell him "that's your nanny" and now he points to it and says "nana nana" he even kissed and hugged your photo yesterday. He will always know how wonderful you were because you will live on through the stories I tell him. Lately I find myself watching all these shows about mediums because I just so desperately want to talk to you. I want to know that you're okay and that you're proud of me. I'm trying so hard to be the best mom I can be for Peter, but some days are so hard. I just wish I had your reassurance. I miss you so much and I feel like I'm not the same woman I once was. Losing you has changed me. I hope to god that I live to an old age because I can't put Peter through this. It's absolutely the worst thing a person can go through and I can't imagine not being there for my son. I'm getting off track here.. I really just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and I wish I could be celebrating with you. Love you always and forever my little mommy.

Amanda

Thinking of you today and everyday. Hard to believe it’s already been three years. Your family misses you.

Dear Sweet Rach, as it is almost Christmas , I’m thinking of us and our beautiful times we had , our family , you decorating , cooking , shopping, wrapping presents , you made everything special , miss you so much as I’m writing this , love you ♥️

Dear Sweet Rachel,
Summer is almost over , I can remember all the beautiful times we had , places we went , all I have to do is close my eyes , And your there with me again , miss you ,

Mom,
Yesterday was your birthday. I think of you all the time, but even more so on your birthday. I miss you so much and wish you could be here to see your grandson turn 1 tomorrow. Being a mom has been truly amazing, but also so very hard without you. It's difficult not to think about how different things would've been. I just hope I'm making you proud. Hope you had some birthday cake with Aunt Marge, your brother Joe, and Pop Pop.
I love you mom ❤

Thinking of you today on your birthday and every day. Miss you. 

Dear sweet Rach, this was a very hard week for me and our family, everyone was thinking of you , remembering you , for all the love and happiness you brought into our lives , the sweet memories will always be with us forever..Luv U.

Mom,
I can't believe it's been 2 years already. I still remember the day you passed so vividly in my mind. Losing you was the worst day of my life. So many people are celebrating birthdays and special things today, and I just hate this day. It's the day I lost my mom, my best friend. Being a mom made me realize so many things. I love Peter more than anyone else in this world, and I would do literally anything for him. It makes me realize just how much you loved me. It's a different kind of love. One you can only explain when you have your own child, and now I understand. I know why you called me "baby girl" right up until the time you passed. I am still your baby girl, and I wish you could meet my baby boy. It's kind of strange how things work out.. I lost my best friend (you) then I gained a new one (Peter). I still believe you sent Peter to me. He was just what I needed in a time that was so horrible. He gave me something to be happy about, to look forward too. When I'm thinking about you and having a bad day, his little smile makes it all better. I know you felt the same way about me. I miss you so much mom. I miss everything.. spending time with you, our lunch dates and shopping trips, cooking and baking with you, going for walks, talking on the phone, hanging out in your hot tub, going to the auction, going to tea houses.. so many things that I'll never get to do with you again. I cherish the time we had together but it wasn't enough. I still need you. I will always need you.
One day we will meet again, and until that time I'll try to be strong without you. I love you mom.
Love, your baby girl

Dear sweet Rachel, the holidays are hard without you especially Christmas , there is not a day I don't think of you. You made every day special , and took great care of our family. I did some decorating this year and it brought back memories of us together , our love we had was one of a kind , and I will never forget you, and keep you in my heart forever.

Hi Mom,
Where do I start? I miss you so much. My son Peter James, aka PJ was born 2 days after your birthday. I bet you had a hand in that. I was hoping he would come on your birthday, but 2 days later is pretty damn close. He is absolutely perfect in every way. I know you would've loved him. You would've been the most amazing grandma, and it kills me everyday that you can't meet him and watch him grow up. Since you passed I also lost Chloe and then Jacey. I'm not used to dealing with this much loss and it's been really hard on me. I try to be strong and go on with my day, but some days it's just exhausting. Since losing you and having Peter I get this overwhelming feeling that something will happen to me. I know that I have no way of knowing what the future holds, and I could live a very long life. For Peter's sake I hope that's true because I want to be around for him for a very long time. I want this feeling to go away so I can cherish every moment with him, instead of worrying that something will happen and he won't even remember me. It's just hard to stay positive without you sometimes. I miss hearing your voice, I miss your texts, your calls, your hugs, your cooking. I miss your advice and need it now more than ever since Peter is here. Some days I feel like I'm doing everything wrong and all I want is for you to tell me I'm doing great. 31 years with you was not enough and I feel robbed. I'll feel this way forever for the rest of my life. Peter is waking from his nap so I have to cut this short but I just wanted to say I love you and miss you. Please watch over Chloe and Jacey for me. Xoxo
Love, Amanda

I'm looking at your pictures and I am so still in love . I am so blessed to have had you in our life. Not many people can say they had a true love , like we had. All the pictures of us , are treasures I still hold, and I hold our love together in my heart forever, with memories of you. I love you and miss you honey

Mom,
Today would've been your 60th birthday. Dad, Adam, and I would've planned a big birthday bash for you. We could've celebrated with our family and had lots of food and desserts. I miss you everyday. I miss hearing your voice, your laugh, your smile, your funky jewelry, your home cooked meals and desserts, your big hugs, your great advice, I miss you yelling "I'm coming I'm coming!!" when you were about to answer the door. I miss hanging out with you and going to lunch every Saturday. I miss my best friend.
  You would've been over the moon right now, expecting your first grandchild, Peter James aka "PJ". I am only 10 days away from my due date and anxiously awaiting his arrival. I was secretly hoping he would arrive on your birthday today, but I don't think he's ready to come out just yet. I'm sorry I didn't make you a grandma before you passed. You always told me I would want to be a mommy one day, and I wasn't so sure at the time. Now I'm so excited to meet my son and teach him all the things you taught me. I know you have been watching over me this whole pregnancy, and you will be there for the birth too. I know everything will be okay because you are our guardian angel, and you will keep us safe. Love you always and forever my little mommy. Xoxoxo

Love, Amanda

I bet you would have had an amazing birthday cake and other baked goodies all set to go for your birthday celebration with your family. Or possibly dinner out or even AC or all of the above ! We are thinking of you today on your birthday and miss you today and every day.

Today my sweet Lorraine would of been 60 years old. It is still a day I will remember forever and celebrate it with you. I feel you with me , you are everywhere, watching us . This month Amanda is having little Peter. She will be a great mother , like you were . I am sure you will be by her side to protect her and little baby Peter. I miss you so much You are still my everything. I Wuv wu, honey, forever. Happy Birthday and sweet kisses .

This is a sad day for our family and friends. It’s been one year and still can’t believe you are gone. “Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard, but always near; still loved, still missed and very dear” -Anonymous
Missing your laugh, your smile and your good heart. You will always be remembered Rachel.

Mom,
  Last year on this day Adam called and gave me the worst news of my life, that you had passed away. Scott was home early that day because he was supposed to take me to an appointment. I remember just yelling for Scott and instantly falling onto the floor. I just can't believe one year has already passed.
  So much has happened in the past year. I've had times where I reach for the phone to call you, then I realize I can't. I'm sure you already know this but I had to put Chloe down recently. That was so incredibly hard for me and I just wanted to see you, talk to you, hug you.. anything. When I put Chloe down I felt like I lost a piece of you all over again. I remember the two of us going to get Chloe from Lorinda's house when I was just a teenager. It was such a happy day for me, and you were there to share it with me. Chloe was always your cat too, then when I moved out he came with me. I always just felt as though Chloe tied me to you and now he is gone too. I hope you were there waiting for him when he crossed the rainbow bridge, and that you will take care of him for me until I can see you both again.
  I'm sure you know this as well, that Scott and I are expecting a baby boy in May. His due date is 5/13/20 and I'm hoping he will arrive on your birthday. His name will be Peter James Giebler. For a long time I thought I didn't want children, or I would go back and forth. After losing you I realized I needed to be a mommy. There is no stronger bond then mother and child, and you showed me that love everyday. I hope I can be a wonderful mother to my son, just as you were to me. I know how badly you wanted to be a Grandma, and it's heartbreaking that you won't be able to meet your grandson. It's also heartbreaking for me to go through this without you. I can just see you at the store buying all kinds of baby items, and telling everyone you're going to be a grandma. I wish you could see me and my baby bump. I never thought I would be one of those cute pregnant ladies but my bump is so cute. It has been a pretty easy pregnancy for me, and I'm thankful for that. Maybe you have something to do with it.. all I can tell you is that your grandson will know exactly who you were because I will tell him all about you.
  As excited as I am to meet my baby boy, I want him to stay in my belly as long as possible. We are going through some crazy times right now. If you were still here I know you would be flipping out over this covid-19 virus, since you had so many underlying health conditions. It's spreading like wildfire, tons of new positive cases everyday, people are dying. My job closed for 2 weeks as of Wednesday and I'm going to continue to stay out until the baby is born. I can't risk getting myself or this little guy sick, and other people won't listen and just stay the hell home. If this continues I fear that we will be put on lockdown. I never imagined something so crazy could happen, and it's terrible timing to be pregnant with all of this going on. It's very sad that I can't even be happy over my pregnancy lately, I'm just scared and stressed out. My baby shower was cancelled and I can't see it being rescheduled right now. I'm sure my maternity photos will get cancelled. I'm so disappointed that as a first time mom I'm missing out on these exciting things and that I can't celebrate my baby. I understand why everything is being cancelled, but that doesn't mean I'm not disappointed. I Just wish I could talk to you about all this, you always knew exactly how to calm me down. Hopefully when I come back and write to you again I'll tell you that everything worked out fine.
  I miss you so much Mom and think of you everyday. Life is so different without you, it goes on but it's not the same. I still read your text messages on my phone, I hear your voice, and some nights I dream of you. If there's one thing I have learned this past year after losing you, it's that I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I was. Love you always and forever.

Your daughter, Amanda

One year ago today I brought you to doctor Mills and he sent us to the Hospital Er . I am still in denial That you are gone .I miss you so much , and think of you every day ,our life ruined, by hospital .I love you dearly and want to be with you . Holidays are not the same without you and I hurt deep inside my heart thinking of all we did .We are expecting our first grandchild in May , his name is going to be Peter Giebler. I know you will be there with us when he is born .Adam is also graduating college, you were always proud of him and so am I. Well 2020 seems to be a bad year with this covid 19 virus, please watch over our family and visit us in our dreams we all miss and love you. I am lonely since we parted, and hoping to find someone to be with, not to replace you, just to help me enjoy the time I have left until we meet in heaven and be back together for eternity.Wuv Wu. That was our silly way to say love you.

Mom,
Today is my 4 year wedding anniversary and also exactly 6 months since you passed. I'm missing you and thinking of you today. I can just hear your voice telling me "happy anniversary honey!" I missed getting your card in the mail today. You always wrote such heartfelt words and always sent a gift card for Scott and I to go out to dinner. No one will ever be as sweet and thoughtful as you were, always putting everyone else's happiness before your own. I wish I could give you a big hug and kiss today and tell you how much I love you. Rest easy my little angel mommy.
Love, Amanda

Today is a very difficult day for family and friends. Thinking of Rach today on her birthday, Thinking about her maybe celebrating in Atlantic City or a dinner with her husband and son, daughter and son in law or having a birthday cake with family and friends. “Today we celebrate the life you lived, and blessing that you were to us during your time on Earth. We remember you. We feel you. We keep you close in our hearts. We sip your favorite drink, taste the food you loved, we remember the simple things you enjoyed. Today in your honor we celebrate and remember you. “
“Birthday wishes sent to you from your family and your friends, we miss and love you dearly, your birthday is not forgotten and your memory lives on as we celebrate the life you had even though you are gone. We will always love and miss you and remember you every day. “

Mom,
I have been visiting your page each day but have been unable to write anything. It feels like if I write something to you then I'm acknowledging you are gone, and I still don't want to believe that you are. How can MY MOM be gone at such a young age? Nobody ever thinks it can happen to them, until it does. It all seems so unfair.
   I go through many different stages each day. One minute I feel "okay", the next I'm crying because you or something that makes me think of you pops into my head and I just lose it. After that I feel so angry, angry because you are gone, angry at you for leaving me. I know that's very unfair for me to say because it's not your fault, but I just feel like how am I supposed to live the rest of my life without you? Every girl needs her mother, no matter what age they are. I hope you aren't upset with me that I didn't really stay by your side on the day you passed. I just couldn't bare to see you that way. I want to remember you smiling and full of life, not laying colorless on the floor. Not many people know how stressed and anxious I get, sometimes over nothing at all. I think I get that from you. I'm a good actress and seem like I have it all together, but most of the time I don't. Just a week before you passed I had a nervous breakdown because of all the stomach issues I was having, and I called you crying and said I couldn't leave my house to pick up my medicine. You and dad came to the rescue, but mostly you because you are the only one who can calm me down. You made me a PB&J sandwich and told me "get it together and don't cry at your husband when he gets home." You were loving but in a tough way at times, and I needed that.
   Losing you makes me question everything. I keep having these thoughts like "what's the point of it all?" and "am I really living my best life?" It makes me sad to think that you didn't live your best life. You didn't have the greatest childhood, or adult life for that matter, with all your pain and suffering with your multiple health issues and surgeries. I think many people thought you were exaggerating and that a lot of it was in your head. Your death proves that was not the case. You did the best you could, you had your good days and your bad, a lot of times more bad than good. You even managed to go out and get a job, when most people in your position would never even think of doing so. You loved your job and you were good at it. You didn't make much money, but the money you did have you spent it on Adam, Dad, and I because you had such a big heart. I just want you to know that even with everything you had going on that you were the most amazing wife, mother, and my best friend.
   I have so many fond memories of you growing up. You took me to get my first cat as a present for me starting kindergarten. I now have 7 pets living in my house. You taught me how to love, even the smallest creature. You always dressed me in cute little outfits and did my hair. You never really told me no, and if you did it was very rare. I had all the newest barbies and baby dolls, so many toys that you and dad had to make me a "playroom" just to fit everything. You let my friends sleepover all the time and would make us snacks and let us stay up and watch movies. You taught me how to be a real kid. Not like these kids nowadays who just play video games. You would take me out in the street and let me roller skate, you let me climb trees, you taught me arts and crafts, you helped me learn to ride my bike, you taught me how to swim. You would swim in the pool with me when we lived on E 3rd street and and I would be out there for hours and hours with all the neighborhood kids, but you never made us get out. We would still be swimming in the dark. I also remember all the BBQ's we had living at E 3rd street and all the delicious food you made. I remember our family vacations to Wildwood every summer. You and dad spent sooo much money at the boardwalk buying Adam and I whatever we wanted. Paying for food, toys, rides, arcade games, we would bring home a crap load of prizes that we won with tickets and tokens and it was probably all junk we could just buy at the store. It was just the thrill of it all winning it at the boardwalk, and you loved to see us happy. When I got a little older you let me bring a friend to Wildwood, and you gave them $100 of their own to spend on the boardwalk. I really miss those days and spending them with you.
   Fast forward a bit to when I was a bratty teenager. I wouldn't listen and would talk back to you but you always put up with my crap. You were still the cool mom and would drive my friends and I all over to different concerts. You let me cry in your lap when my first boyfriend broke up with me, you told me not to worry I would have many more boyfriends. You were right, you were always right about everything. You told me that one day I wouldn't be a bratty teenager anymore and you and I would be very close. Of course you were right about that too.
  I moved out when I was 20 and I feel like that's when we really started to connect more. Living at home we would butt heads a lot, but living just a few minutes away made all the difference. We would hang out all the time. Up until the day you passed we had weekly lunch dates on Saturday's. It used to be one of my favorite days of the week, because I would see you for lunch and then we would spend our day together shopping. When the weather got nicer, like it has been now, we would go to the flea markets. Saturday's are no longer one of my favorite days of the week, because now I am reminded that I can't spend them with you.
  Your birthday and mother's day are coming up and I don't know how I am going to deal with that. I was planning to take you to a tea house on mother's day. That's something that we started doing together and you really loved it. It was so much fun tasting the different tea's and desserts. It's strange how things I used to love to do, and places I loved to go, I'm trying to avoid now because it just doesn't feel the same anymore. I don't know if I want to go to the tea houses, or even Longhorn as it was your favorite lunch spot. I don't even want to go to stupid dollar tree. We went every week to pick up our odds and ends and the cashier asked me where you were the other day. I just can't deal with that. At least not yet.
  How will I get through the holiday's without you? I would help you decorate your house for Christmas and we would make the menu together. You are the reason I love decorating for the holiday's. Your house always looked so wonderful and welcoming. What about the food? I can never cook or bake as well as you did. I keep telling myself that if I have to cook for the holiday's I will, Dad and Adam need a nice home cooked meal. It will just never live up to yours. A few days after you passed I was at your house looking through some old photo's, and there was a container on the counter with 4 cupcakes in it. My stomach was absolutely killing me but I ate your cupcake. I even took a picture of it. I knew it was the last of your desserts I would ever eat, and that broke my heart.
  What really breaks my heart is that you won't be here for all the important milestones. I'm so grateful that you got to see me get married but you won't be here to see Adam graduate, or get married, or to see dad turn 60 and retire shortly after. You two were supposed to retire together and move to Vegas. You won't be here if I have a baby, and you wanted so badly to have a grandchild. Scott and I are still unsure if we want kids. You not being here makes me feel even more unsure. Who will I go to for advice? Who will babysit? Who will plan the baby shower!? At the same time losing you makes me feel like well how could I NOT have kids? You were such an amazing mother to me and such an important part of my life, I feel that I could be a wonderful mother too. I also think about if something ever happened to Scott or I that I wouldn't want us to be alone during such a difficult time. So much to think about.
  I ordered a ring that says "mom" and I had a locket made with your picture in it, that way you are always with me. I had Scott put up 3 shelves in the kitchen where I placed your urn, some memoirs, and pictures of you. I put you in the kitchen because it was your favorite place. You loved cooking and baking and I figured this way you can watch me cook and bake too. I really hope you are somewhere watching over me, because there has to be something after death. I refuse to believe that you are just "gone."
  I could go on and on for days Mom but I will leave you with this. I will try my best to take care of Dad and Adam. I will try my best to be strong and live my life to the fullest, because I think you would want that for all of us. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I already decided that if I ever do have a child, and it happens to be a girl that I will name her Rachel, after you.
  Love you always and forever my little mommy. Xoxoxox, as you would say.

   I still can't believe that you're gone so soon. Before I could graduate college, before Amanda could give you the grandkid you wanted, or before Dad could retire and spend much more time with you. Looking back on your life, most people wouldn't think much. Grew up in poverty in a poor family that moved frequently, was a high school dropout due to bullying, a victim of molestation, had many health problems, had a learning disability, never had a good job, didn't have many friends, and you felt as though some family members didn't love you like you loved them.
   But to me and many other people that knew you, you were one of the greatest people on this planet. All my friends that ever met you loved you and wished they had a mom as kind and funny as you. Whenever my three best friends would come sleep over, you would make us all nachos even though the meat was expensive and I'd insist it wasn't necessary. Even though you were over 50 years old and hadn't had a job in years, you got part-time, minimum wage jobs at Burger King and Panera Bread to buy whatever you wanted and you'd spend the money on Amanda and I. You'd treat Amanda to lunch and you'd put $40 into my account every paycheck while I was at college even though you didn't need to do either of these things. You'd spoil Amanda, Dad, and I rotten with your kindness.
   When I was younger I didn't treat you as well as I should have. By the time I got to college, I realized what a great mom you had always been to me and I felt terrible about the times I would tell you to go away or get mad over something insignificant. But I never apologized before you left, only treated you a bit better. When I found you in your recliner, I already knew that you were gone instantly. I had to lift you out of your recliner and you were so heavy, not because of your weight, but because of the weight of my own regret and shame. I regretted not having the chance to spoil you like you did to me when I would get my degree and a good job. I regretted not giving you roses while you could still smell them. I could have done so much more for you when you were alive but I didn't. I should have cherished you every day that I had you but I didn't. When they took you away, the house felt so cold and quiet and it still does. You'd always talk loudly to yourself and blast the TV volume watching shitty TV shows that you liked. You were the one that warmed up our house and made it such a great place to live.
   The day after you died, I looked through the fridge for some food. I found a peanut butter jelly sandwich that you made for me. It was the last thing that you made for me that I would ever eat. I cried the entire time I ate that sandwich, but it was the best PBJ sandwich I had ever ate. I felt like you were somehow telling me not to sad over your passing. I'll try not to be so sad over you being gone, but no promises. It was my 21st birthday the other day and although I got so many thoughtful wishes from family, I still cried since I didn't get one from you.
   I know you were very religious and you'd be angry whenever I said "goddamnit" or said God wasn't real. Don't get mad, but to me your early death at 58 confirms that God isn't real, as he wouldn't take such a perfect wife and mother away from the family she wanted her whole life so soon. Don't worry though, I do believe that a person isn't really dead until their memory is gone. I promise that as long as I'm still alive, hopefully at least another 60 years or so, I'll always remember you and keep you alive for as long as possible.
   I'll miss all the little things. The misspelled grocery lists and notes you'd leave on the kitchen table. The texts from you every week while I'm at school saying you couldn't wait to see me. How you'd make me give you a hug and kiss before I left to go anywhere. How you'd always bring me snacks and drinks when I was in my room. Even though I'm your son, I'll never be as kind of a person as you were. The whole family on both sides misses you dearly. Dad, Amanda, and I especially so. Dad stayed by your side until they took you away and I said a final goodbye right before. All I can do now is live the best that I can and in a way that you would be proud of. I have to become the man that you always thought I was.
   I'll love you always, Nache. Wish you could read this.

Gretchen as my dad used to call you, we have gone through a lot of things together: like when you used to live with us in Freehold and we would go to school together in 4th grade.  How we would play house in the chicken coops and get head lice then having crew cuts because we could not get rid of them. One night in the 1986-87 we stayed on line at drug fair waiting for Bruce Springsteen ticket to go on sale. the next morning they opened and we were the next group to go in and they sold out. we had so much fun together. Although we drifted apart in the 90s I had always thought of you and wondered how you were doing. I forgive you for ditching our friendship because you could never ditch the love I had for you and your family. We might not have talked in years but I know in my heart you loved me to. I will miss you . RIP my sweet niece. you will forever be in my heart.                                     
                                                I love you.
                                                Aunt Rocki

My beloved Aunt Rachel, as time is going by I still cannot fathom how you Aren’t here. As we mourn for you, one thing is for sure. You gave us an amazing life to celebrate. You gave us more laughs than we can count and more photos than we can fit into albums. These are the things you were loved for, Plus so much more. I am so grateful that you came to my bridal shower and heckled is with funny questions like “oh girl you better invite me over for dinner now!” And “when youz having kids? How long ?” I’m so thankful that I had one of your hugs and kisses on Christmas Eve. I am holding on to those memories. I miss you already, but thank you for being such an amazing woman. Rest Peacefully Angel, xoxoxoxox