ForeverMissed

This memorial website was created in memory of my sweet baby boy, Lucas Alexander Redman, who was born still on the 18th of October, 2010.

Lucas, please know that I love you more than life, and I will always hold you in my heart, my sweet baby. Forever in my heart. We will be together again, God willing, and I will hold you in my arms forever.

Posted by Shauna Cox on October 18, 2020
Happy 10th Birthday in Heaven <3 Lucas <3 You are Loved, Missed, and Remembered <3
Posted by Shauna Cox on October 18, 2019
Happy 9th Angel Birthday <3 Lucas <3 
Posted by Shauna Cox on October 18, 2018
Happy 8th Angel Birthday in Heaven <3 Lucas <3
You are Missed <3 Loved <3 and Remembered <3
Posted by Layna Schwab on October 18, 2018
Happy Angelversary Little man. Fly high and let your Mommy feel your presence today and every day.
Posted by Shauna Cox on December 21, 2017
Merry Christmas <3 Lucas <3
Posted by Elizabeth DePue on October 18, 2017
Always loved, never forgotten.
Posted by Shauna Cox on October 18, 2017
Happy 7th Angel Birthday <3 Lucas <3
Posted by Sara Redman on December 24, 2016
Merry Christmas Eve to the most precious gift I will ever receive. It's been six years and I often wonder about the little boy you would be if you were here. Sending all of my love to you today and every day, my Little Man. ❤
Posted by Shauna Cox on December 22, 2016
Merry Christmas in Heaven Lucas <3
Posted by Liz DePue on October 18, 2016
Although it's been six years, I still think of you often and wonder about the little boy you would have grown into. I know you would have been a fine little man because you had the best mommy and she would have raised you to be a wonderful person.
Posted by Misty Corliss on October 18, 2016
Little Lucas- this day is never easy for anyone, especially your momma. Wrap her in your arms and let her know you're always with her. I know you're in Heaven with my little angel Gabriel waiting for us. Happy angelversary little one .
Posted by Shauna Cox on October 18, 2016
Happy 6th Angel Birthday sweet <3 Lucas <3
Posted by Shauna Cox on October 19, 2015
Happy 5th Angel Birthday <3 Lucas <3

((Hugs)) Sara
Posted by Misty Corliss on October 18, 2015
Happy Angelversary dear Lucas! I'm sure you and my Gabriel are flying high watching over us!
Posted by Liz DePue on May 9, 2015
Dear Lucas, thinking of you on this Mother's Day eve and wishing you were here to give hugs and kisses to your sweet mommy. We will love you forever.
Posted by Shauna Cox on December 24, 2014
Merry Christmas Lucas <3
Posted by Liz DePue on October 18, 2014
Happy Birthday in heaven, dear Lucas. So hard to believe it has been four years. Thinking of you and your sweet Mommy today and always. With love forever, your Grammy.
Posted by Misty Corliss on October 18, 2014
Happy 3rd angelversary little one. Watch over your mommy today as she misses you like crazy. I hope you and my little
One are enjoying the good things up in Heaven. Hard to believe it's been 4 years!
Posted by Shauna Cox on October 18, 2014
Happy 4th Angel Birthday <3 Lucas <3 You are missed, loved, and always remembered!
Posted by KATSURO MORIYA on October 18, 2014
Happy 4th birthday Lucas. Enjoy your birthday cake and playing with the angels up in heaven!
Posted by Valerie Ludtke Ruddle on December 25, 2013
Merry Christmas Lucas!
Posted by Sara Redman on December 25, 2013
Merry Christmas in Heaven, sweet baby. Mommy loves you and misses you so much! I wish with all my heart that you were here with me, today and every day. <3
Posted by Liz DePue on December 25, 2013
Merry Christmas in Heaven, sweet grandson. You are the most precious gift ever and I cherish your memory!
Posted by KATSURO MORIYA on December 25, 2013
Marry Christmas Lil man. I am very sure you are enjoying opening awesome presents Santa brought you for an Angel boy like you! Play, laugh and enjoy!
Posted by Shauna Cox on December 24, 2013
Merry Christmas Lucas <3 I will be lighting a candle tonight in remembrance of you.
Posted by Shauna Cox on November 27, 2013
Precious Lucas may you have a wonderful Thanksgiving in Heaven. You are loved and missed <3
Posted by Misty Corliss on October 19, 2013
Happy 3rd birthday little man! Thinking of your family during this time. You and Gabriel watch out for each other til we get there!!!
Posted by Shauna Cox on October 18, 2013
Happy 3rd Angel Birthday Lucas <3 <3 <3 You are so loved and missed. You have the most AWESOME mommy in the world and I am so grateful for her friendship!
Posted by Sara Redman on October 18, 2013
Happy 3rd Angel Birthday, Little Man! Today was the first time that I actually celebrated your birthday, without crying and feeling awful. I love you and miss you so very much, Lucas. Thinking of you today and always, Mommy <3
Posted by Liz DePue on October 18, 2013
Dearest Lucas, your Grammy sends you love on your Third Birthday in Heaven!
Posted by Liz DePue on October 15, 2013
Thinking of you tonight, dear sweet baby boy, and of your beautiful mommy. We will always love you. Grammy.
Posted by Sara Redman on October 11, 2013
Thinking of you, Little Man...October is an awful month for me...I can't believe that you'd be almost three years old in a few days. I love you, my sweet Lucas!
Posted by Shauna Cox on March 29, 2013
Happy Easter in Heaven Lucas <3
Posted by Shauna Cox on February 14, 2013
Happy Valentines Day, Lucas! You are Loved and remembered <3
Posted by Sara Redman on December 24, 2012
Merry Christmas, Lucas. Missing you today, and always. All my love to you, Little Man!
Posted by Shauna Cox on December 23, 2012
Merry Christmas Lucas! <3
Posted by Shauna Cox on December 16, 2012
Remembering you today Lucas! Thank you for the sweet little light you are to everyone. <3
Posted by Sara Redman on November 30, 2012
Missing you and sending you my love, sweet Little Man. I wish you could be here with me and your Grammy this Christmas. We will be thinking of you, and I pray that you feel our love. You were the most amazing gift that I will ever receive in this lifetime, Lucas. I love you more than I can ever express.
~Mommy
Posted by Shauna Cox on November 19, 2012
Happy Thanksgiving Lucas! <3 So Thankful for your Mommy's friendship.
Posted by Jessie Ruddle on October 31, 2012
Remembering you on this Halloween Day, little nephew. Hard to believe its been two years. Sara, I hope you are having fun tonight. Don't be sad. Wherever Lucas is, I'm sure he's happy.
Posted by Kristin Harrison on October 18, 2012
Already two years-- still so heartbreaking. My heart is with you, Sara :( much love
Posted by Shauna Cox on October 18, 2012
Happy 2nd Angel Birthday Lucas. <3 <3 Remembering You Today.
Posted by Anne Fischer on October 18, 2012
Thinking of you today and always.....
Posted by Sara Redman on October 18, 2012
Happy 2nd Angel Birthday, sweet Little Man! Your mommy loves you and misses you so very much. I am going to try to be happy today, and remember how amazing it was to carry you for nine and a half months, and imagine you smiling down on me from Heaven. All my love, today and always.
Posted by Liz DePue on October 18, 2012
Sara I am so very proud of you and I love you so much. Be at peace today as you cherish your memories and look to the future.
Posted by Liz DePue on October 17, 2012
Dear Lucas, love you forever, remember you always.
Posted by Shauna Cox on September 18, 2012
Lucas, I'm remembering you and your mommy today. <3
Posted by Liz DePue on September 5, 2012
Remembering you and loving you. Always.
Posted by Sara Redman on August 22, 2012
Little Lucas, it has been a rough week or two...as your Angelversary approaches it is getting harder to cope with you being gone. Words are completely inadequate, and I can't begin to explain all the emotions that I feel. Predominately, sadness. I miss you so much, and I wish that you had been given the chance to live, and grow, and learn, and love. Thinking of you always, Little Man.
Posted by Liz DePue on August 19, 2012
Thinking of you and your mommy. Let her feel your love and peace and take comfort in the knowledge that we will all meet again in the proper time.
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Recent Tributes
Posted by Shauna Cox on October 18, 2020
Happy 10th Birthday in Heaven <3 Lucas <3 You are Loved, Missed, and Remembered <3
Posted by Shauna Cox on October 18, 2019
Happy 9th Angel Birthday <3 Lucas <3 
Posted by Shauna Cox on October 18, 2018
Happy 8th Angel Birthday in Heaven <3 Lucas <3
You are Missed <3 Loved <3 and Remembered <3
Recent stories
Shared by Sara Redman on November 29, 2013

This was the first Angel Birthday, Lucas' 3rd, that I was able to "celebrate" at all, without breaking down and crying all day long. A milestone for me. Glad that I could remember my Little Man with smiles, instead of constant sadness. 

"A Mother"

Shared by Sara Redman on February 7, 2011

 

I am a Mother

I am an empty vessel

I am nothingness and fear

Pain is a dull knife slipping slowly in

  twisting; dragging; fiery-hot

Pain is a small cold body

  wrapped in an embroidered blanket

Hell is an empty womb

Tears like ice

  burning; scorching

  raining down unchecked

  onto my chest where you should lie

Questions with no answers

Darkness with no light

I am nothingness and fear

I am an empty vessel

But

I am still a Mother.

                                        ~Sara E. Redman, Dec. 21, 2010

My Story

Shared by Sara Redman on November 16, 2010

When I found out that I was pregnant, I was shocked. I was actively trying NOT to get pregnant; shock is a mild term for what I felt! Initially I was scared, apprehensive. What was I going to do with a tiny newborn baby?!?! I was in the middle of school, and I had so many questions. After a few weeks, I warmed up to the idea of being a mommy. A few weeks after that, I was thrilled and just wanted to see my son, and hold him for the first time! His due date couldn't arrive soon enough!

On Sunday morning, at about 1am, the 17th of October, I realized that I hadn't felt my baby move for a while. I didn't think much of it; he usually had his "special times" to go crazy in mommy's belly. I drank some ice water, ate a popsicle, and lay down to wait for the inevitable squirming and jabbing. After a half an hour, I had not felt any movement, and, becoming concerned, I called the hospital that I would be delivering at. The nurse I spoke to told me to come in "just to make sure" that everything was alright. Feeling a bit better (surely I was just being paranoid--I had had an appointment with my Doctor on the previous Tuesday, and my boy's heartbeat was strong, and everything was fine.), I headed for the door. On the way out, something made me grab my "hospital bag", in which I had already packed Lucas' outfit for his first picture, and his coming home outfit.

I checked in at the hospital and was taken to Labor & Delivery. Two nurses came in and tried to find Lucas' heartbeat with a Doppler. At this point, it was roughly 3am. Neither of the nurses could find the heartbeat, and at that point, I still hadn't really reconciled myself to the fact that my baby was gone. I was in denial.  I cradled my belly, saying, "Come on, Lucas baby, you are ok, come on baby", just rocking back and forth. At 4am my Doctor showed up, brought in an ultrasound machine, and confirmed my nightmare: my baby boy was gone. I will never forget his words to me after I frantically asked, "Where is his heartbeat?": "Sara, there isn't one, alright?" And my world collapsed.

I began crying uncontrollably, sobbing and wailing. I just couldn't believe that in a matter of minutes, my life was irrevocably changed. And so began the worst day that I will ever experience.

My Doctor said that I should deliver vaginally as opposed to having a C-section, to speed my healing time and reduce the risks to subsequent pregnancies. To me, this just seemed cruel, as though I was needlessly prolonging my pain, both emotionally and physically. Why should I go through something that should be an amazing and incredible experience, when I knew the outcome? I fought at first, but after an hour or so,  relented. I just wanted to be DOING SOMETHING, anything.....labor induction began at 5am. The following 22 hours were the longest, hardest, most horrifying of my life. I was given an epidural when the contractions became increasingly painful, which served only to completely numb my left leg, and make me itch uncontrollably.

After hours of physical pain and incredible emotional agony, I delivered my precious boy at 3:09am on the 18th of October. Perfectly formed, he was 19 inches long, and weighed 6.68 pounds. He had long fingers and big feet like his mommy. Wavy dark hair, also like mine.

After delivering Lucas, my Doctor told me that his umbilical cord was shorter than normal, and somehow it had become severely twisted on itself. There were no knots, false or otherwise...just tight twists. My baby's blood supply was cut off by the very lifeline that had supported him for nine months.

My biggest regret is not having the emotional strength to hold my baby after he was born. I simply could not bring myself to do it. The nurses brought him into my room in a bassinet, dressed in his "first picture" outfit, and wrapped in a blanket. All I could do was sit on the bed and cry. I wouldn't let anyone else hold him. I felt that if I couldn't, I didn't want anyone else to be holding MY baby, either. Amidst the emotions I was going through, that irrational thought seemed to me a reasonable request. I will forever regret not holding Lucas, kissing him, touching his little fingers, and telling him how much his mommy loved him.

No parent should have to endure saying hello and goodbye to their baby in the same breath. Losing a child is the most difficult thing that any parent will ever live through. For days I wished that I had not lived through it. Slowly, with the support of my loving family, I have moved through that stage of grief. Every new day is difficult; I expect it to be so for many years. I thank the Lord for my family and their strength. Without them, I truly cannot say where I would be today.