International Women's Day
March 9, 2022
As I see the various tributes and testimonies to women power flood the waves this week, I can’t help remembering and thanking all the strong women who have shaped my life – the most important one being my mother. As I approach the first-year anniversary of her passing, it is still very difficult for me to come to terms with her loss.
But the purpose of this note is not to grieve but to celebrate the spirit and power of women and the infinite ways in which they have shaped the world we live in. It is reassuring to see Breaking the Bias emerge as the theme of this year’s celebration. I can’t help but recollect the various biases that my mother had to contend with and fight all her life and how she never backed down from any of these fights. In her youth, she broke several barriers – from being the lone female student in a cost accountancy class along with 60 other male cohorts to completing a computer programming class in Autocoder in the 60s (programming with punch cards and all). As she became a wife and a mother, she went on to transcend other barriers – a job that required her to travel and stay away from home for up to 21 days on some occasions, leaving behind a husband and two young boys at home. Thanks to my father’s support, she would turn a deaf ear to the narrow-minded murmurs that would emerge about her not caring for her family. Her staunch faith gave her an unusual level of confidence with which she faced all the challenges in her non-traditional line of work – guiding truant tourists who would not adhere to schedule, negotiating with agitating arsonists to get the tour bus past roadblocks and dealing with the usual medical and family emergencies and road accidents that were par for the course on these long tours. Despite losing my dad early, she relied on her ever-dependable wheels of faith and profession to plot her independent way of living, living and managing her affairs alone and working well into her 70s – never depending on anyone and always willing to help one and all.
I would be remiss if I do not remember and recognize all the strong women that played a crucial role in giving my mother the wings and the wind to soar high. A maternal grandmother, who married a social reformer and an iconoclast and did things far ahead of their times like sending her daughter to study in college and later getting this daughter (my grandmother) married to a boy with a mere exchange of garlands and no formal religious ceremonies, shattering all social norms. A multi-talented mother who could sing, sew, paint, knit, play 3 instruments, was proficient in 3 languages – all with class and effortlessly. She shepherded the family with love and yet could instill discipline with a simple stare – a look that would draw fear in her daughters even in their 40s. My grandmother almost completed her college degree but for a dacoity incident that prompted her parents to withdraw her from college. She channeled this disappointment to raise three beautiful, strong-minded, independent daughters – each of whom excelled in their chosen field of profession and for whom education was a prime focus. Her elder sister was a history professor and her PhD thesis focused on the role of Sappers and Miners in the British Indian Army (the predecessor to the Army Corps of Engineers) and the younger sister was a health care professional who ran her own lab testing practice and went onto get her Masters in Psychology in her 50s. You can still witness her boundless energy – seeing her zip around the streets of Bangalore in her 70s on her Kinetic Honda, visiting patients and with the same ease, playing in the swing or indulging in snowtubing along with her grandkids. The three sisters were all role models who deftly balanced their roles as wives, mothers, caregivers and consummately handled the demands of their professional careers at the same time. Even her marriage gave my mother an taste of strong women in the form of her mother-in-law/my grandmother (a lady who displayed strength of a different kind – but that’s a topic for another day).
However, among all these lovely ladies, there was one shining star that played an enormous influence on my mother’s life – a distant relative but a close family friend – Vatsala Akka. I am not completely sure as to how Vatsala Akka was related to my mother, but I can tell you that my mother’s eyes would swell with pride and she would choke up every time she would talk about Vatsala Akka. Vatsala Akka was a lady of multiple accomplishments – had 2 Masters degrees – one in Arts and Science and was an Associate Professor of Chemistry in Presidency College, Madras. Additionally, she held the rank of a Captain in the National Cadet Corps and had the privilege of leading a troop at the Republic Day Parade in New Delhi in the 60s. My mother would describe the aura and charisma that Vatsala Akka carried and as a teenager, she used to eagerly await the sight of Vatsala Akka riding her bicycle with her purse tucked under her shoulder, from Beach area to Purasawalkam on Sunday afternoons. Sitting in the wooden swing “oonjal” in my grandparent’s house, Vatsala Akka would hold court, enthralling the 3 girls with non-stop conversation. They were born 20 years apart and it was very clear that my mother was thoroughly inspired by Vatsala Akka. Unfortunately, this shining star died way too early, before she turned 40, due to a brain aneurysm. My mother would vividly recollect the day when she heard the news that her beloved Vatsala Akka was admitted to the hospital – she was crushed by the news and was too pain-stricken to even cry. She felt helpless and dreaded the thought of going to the hospital to see her indomitable Vatsala Akka in a frail state. On an impulse, she started playing the veena – almost as a way to meditate and send positive thoughts to her role model. My grandfather was surprised on her seeing her play the veena at that difficult time and knowing how much she cared for Vatsala Akka, remarked that this was analogous to Nero playing the fiddle while Rome burned. Unfortunately, Vatsala Akka never made it that afternoon and her untimely loss crushed my mother’s spirits. Mom would recall the full military honors that were accorded to Vatsala Akka at the funeral and while she was gone, my mother never forgot her and channeled her independent spirit the best way she could all her life – and thus paid a befitting tribute to her role model.
I see the same traits of fierce independence and ceiling-breaking professional accomplishments in my cousin sisters - Srila, Hema, Bobby, Uma and Pushpa and in the next generation as well – Aishu, Nandita and Shubha in their pioneering career pursuits and I hope that they continue to break more barriers and reach for the stars. I do see some parts in my daughter as well – though it manifests itself as teenage petulance and angst in her case. And Vatsala Akka’s spirit lives on as well – her grand-niece, Akila Raman is a Partner at Goldman Sachs and she was recognized by Fortune and Crains New York as one of the 40 under 40 Leaders. I can only imagine the pride with which Vatsala Akka must be watching all the accomplishments of all the women that she directly and indirectly inspired – breaking biases, smashing stereotypes, demolishing discrimination, and establishing equality across all aspects of life. And I am sure that my mother is enjoying her Sunday afternoon chats with Vatsala Akka in heaven.
Long live Women’s Spirit and while we celebrate once a year, let’s strive to bridge the inequality every day and cherish women for their accomplishments.
#BreaktheBias
But the purpose of this note is not to grieve but to celebrate the spirit and power of women and the infinite ways in which they have shaped the world we live in. It is reassuring to see Breaking the Bias emerge as the theme of this year’s celebration. I can’t help but recollect the various biases that my mother had to contend with and fight all her life and how she never backed down from any of these fights. In her youth, she broke several barriers – from being the lone female student in a cost accountancy class along with 60 other male cohorts to completing a computer programming class in Autocoder in the 60s (programming with punch cards and all). As she became a wife and a mother, she went on to transcend other barriers – a job that required her to travel and stay away from home for up to 21 days on some occasions, leaving behind a husband and two young boys at home. Thanks to my father’s support, she would turn a deaf ear to the narrow-minded murmurs that would emerge about her not caring for her family. Her staunch faith gave her an unusual level of confidence with which she faced all the challenges in her non-traditional line of work – guiding truant tourists who would not adhere to schedule, negotiating with agitating arsonists to get the tour bus past roadblocks and dealing with the usual medical and family emergencies and road accidents that were par for the course on these long tours. Despite losing my dad early, she relied on her ever-dependable wheels of faith and profession to plot her independent way of living, living and managing her affairs alone and working well into her 70s – never depending on anyone and always willing to help one and all.
I would be remiss if I do not remember and recognize all the strong women that played a crucial role in giving my mother the wings and the wind to soar high. A maternal grandmother, who married a social reformer and an iconoclast and did things far ahead of their times like sending her daughter to study in college and later getting this daughter (my grandmother) married to a boy with a mere exchange of garlands and no formal religious ceremonies, shattering all social norms. A multi-talented mother who could sing, sew, paint, knit, play 3 instruments, was proficient in 3 languages – all with class and effortlessly. She shepherded the family with love and yet could instill discipline with a simple stare – a look that would draw fear in her daughters even in their 40s. My grandmother almost completed her college degree but for a dacoity incident that prompted her parents to withdraw her from college. She channeled this disappointment to raise three beautiful, strong-minded, independent daughters – each of whom excelled in their chosen field of profession and for whom education was a prime focus. Her elder sister was a history professor and her PhD thesis focused on the role of Sappers and Miners in the British Indian Army (the predecessor to the Army Corps of Engineers) and the younger sister was a health care professional who ran her own lab testing practice and went onto get her Masters in Psychology in her 50s. You can still witness her boundless energy – seeing her zip around the streets of Bangalore in her 70s on her Kinetic Honda, visiting patients and with the same ease, playing in the swing or indulging in snowtubing along with her grandkids. The three sisters were all role models who deftly balanced their roles as wives, mothers, caregivers and consummately handled the demands of their professional careers at the same time. Even her marriage gave my mother an taste of strong women in the form of her mother-in-law/my grandmother (a lady who displayed strength of a different kind – but that’s a topic for another day).
However, among all these lovely ladies, there was one shining star that played an enormous influence on my mother’s life – a distant relative but a close family friend – Vatsala Akka. I am not completely sure as to how Vatsala Akka was related to my mother, but I can tell you that my mother’s eyes would swell with pride and she would choke up every time she would talk about Vatsala Akka. Vatsala Akka was a lady of multiple accomplishments – had 2 Masters degrees – one in Arts and Science and was an Associate Professor of Chemistry in Presidency College, Madras. Additionally, she held the rank of a Captain in the National Cadet Corps and had the privilege of leading a troop at the Republic Day Parade in New Delhi in the 60s. My mother would describe the aura and charisma that Vatsala Akka carried and as a teenager, she used to eagerly await the sight of Vatsala Akka riding her bicycle with her purse tucked under her shoulder, from Beach area to Purasawalkam on Sunday afternoons. Sitting in the wooden swing “oonjal” in my grandparent’s house, Vatsala Akka would hold court, enthralling the 3 girls with non-stop conversation. They were born 20 years apart and it was very clear that my mother was thoroughly inspired by Vatsala Akka. Unfortunately, this shining star died way too early, before she turned 40, due to a brain aneurysm. My mother would vividly recollect the day when she heard the news that her beloved Vatsala Akka was admitted to the hospital – she was crushed by the news and was too pain-stricken to even cry. She felt helpless and dreaded the thought of going to the hospital to see her indomitable Vatsala Akka in a frail state. On an impulse, she started playing the veena – almost as a way to meditate and send positive thoughts to her role model. My grandfather was surprised on her seeing her play the veena at that difficult time and knowing how much she cared for Vatsala Akka, remarked that this was analogous to Nero playing the fiddle while Rome burned. Unfortunately, Vatsala Akka never made it that afternoon and her untimely loss crushed my mother’s spirits. Mom would recall the full military honors that were accorded to Vatsala Akka at the funeral and while she was gone, my mother never forgot her and channeled her independent spirit the best way she could all her life – and thus paid a befitting tribute to her role model.
I see the same traits of fierce independence and ceiling-breaking professional accomplishments in my cousin sisters - Srila, Hema, Bobby, Uma and Pushpa and in the next generation as well – Aishu, Nandita and Shubha in their pioneering career pursuits and I hope that they continue to break more barriers and reach for the stars. I do see some parts in my daughter as well – though it manifests itself as teenage petulance and angst in her case. And Vatsala Akka’s spirit lives on as well – her grand-niece, Akila Raman is a Partner at Goldman Sachs and she was recognized by Fortune and Crains New York as one of the 40 under 40 Leaders. I can only imagine the pride with which Vatsala Akka must be watching all the accomplishments of all the women that she directly and indirectly inspired – breaking biases, smashing stereotypes, demolishing discrimination, and establishing equality across all aspects of life. And I am sure that my mother is enjoying her Sunday afternoon chats with Vatsala Akka in heaven.
Long live Women’s Spirit and while we celebrate once a year, let’s strive to bridge the inequality every day and cherish women for their accomplishments.
#BreaktheBias