Happy Easter Mom!
Today always reminds me of the day you could eat a whole bag of peanut M&M’s.
It also hit me hard today, how much you are still deeply missed.

I think back to the Easters where you had the biggest and BEST baskets for Kristin’s kids. It breaks my heart that my kids and Jeff’s will never know your appreciation for not only peanut M&M’s, but also how much you lived your life focused on your kids - well that is until grandkids came along - then we were chopped liver. 

I watched my kids’ eyes light up as they search for eggs and dig through their baskets. Mike left for work, then we got ready for church. The kids thought it was pretty cool to have church in the gym! You know, that’s where Piper watched Finding Nemo. The play at school. But they had to sit on the floor, not on the chairs.

Mass was over, and so was our planned events for the day. I should have went back to Joan’s to keep my mind distracted as it was just the kids and myself most of the day. But knowing YOU weren’t going to be there to help me, well … it really sucks and it’s still hard.

I love you and miss you so dang much!
Your favorite daughter,
You know who!
Jackie

Happy heavenly birthday sweetheart, it’s been 4 years since you left us. There hasn’t been a day when I haven’t thought about you. You may be gone but your in my heart. Love you Diane 

How can 4 years feel like an eternity? But yet only feel like we were flying … literally FLYING into town for the Winter Bash? Every year, it never failed, we were rushing into town because Karen was already there and you didn’t want her to wait too long for us. This last time, I remember asking you if we needed to close the back van door all the way. You responded with, nope! It doesn’t close all the time and we’ve got to go! Classic! Which I can only imagine helped later that afternoon when they were getting you out of the van. I was also concerned the door was going to fly open and all the soaps would be in the ditch! 

The Winter Bash isn’t the greatest day for me, or for a few others as well, but we mustard up the courage to do what we need to. I told Karen this year, I was sooo proud of myself, because there were 2 people I saw crying, and neither of them were me! And as a matter of fact, they weren’t even family either. It just goes to show, how much you touched and still touch the lives of EVERYONE you met.

Kristin and I even got SOAP there! We didn’t have as much as we wanted, but people so happy to see it there. And we actually made a more than what we thought! Thank you for creating something we can continue to do. Not only in your memory, but to generate income.

It’s wild how much my kids talk about you. I KNOW you must come to them. Since Piper was one and Liam wasn’t even born when you passed away. Mike has to think that I sit with them every day and talk about you for how much they talk about wishing you weren’t dead. I only say … me too, me too. And try to hold back the flood gates, just thinking about how much they are missing out on without you in their lives. It’s so much harder for me, knowing that my kids won’t ever get to dance with you in the kitchen while you are wearing your apron, dig in the dirt with you, enjoy your food, bake with you, but most of all - just be around YOU … and all the other things I feel we may have taken for granted.

What I wouldn’t do to hear your voice just one more time. I was doing good today, until now. 


Keep resting easy mom. Our family has the best Guardian Angel out there.

Hey Mo!
It’s been a hot minute since I’ve left you a little note. But as you know, that doesn’t mean that I don’t think about you 1,000 times a day.

Quick update on our lives this past month - we missed you so much at the fair again this year. But I added some photos here of how beautiful Kristin and I decorated your grave. That hydrangea bush is still growing strong!

My kids thought they were going to be tough and tried riding rides, but come to find out … they are NOT fans!! You would have been dying at their reactions. Kristin and I could just hear your laugh among the midway clatter.

I’m not sure why Kristin takes her kids to CO for vacation, as I think they were more excited to stay with Dad since the Tuesday of the fair. They love giving us the lowdown of things when we arrived Friday. You would have loved it there with them and been soaking in these last few years of where walking around with us is still “cool”. You always said that school and growing up just ruins kids. 

Speaking of school … Piper started PreK and as you would expect is LOVING every moment of it, well at least these past 3 days. She just goes on the afternoon, so it’s a LONG wait until she gets to go to school. Liam on the other hand is LESS than pleased we drop her off. He was CRYING the first day. And very sad the next 2 days as well. I’m thinking he will stop saying that Piper is going to cry at school at some point, right?!?

It’s been almost 4 years, and just this past week I STILL find myself thinking that I need to call you to tell you something. I’m sure it NOTHING of any importance. But man, what I wouldn’t do to talk to you one more time.

I probably wanted to call you about my chickens! I’m spending WAY too much money on these gross birds, but I can’t wait! We are getting them this Sunday from Loren, and then the adventure starts. You would have been LOVING what we are doing and would have been down here getting everything ready. You would have had ideas for the coop, how to landscape at the top of my hill, how to reuse the poo for my garden and all the other things. Now I just have to ask Pinterest

Missing you like always!
Your favorite kid,
Jackie

65! The year you were sooo looking forward to! The year your life would have changed, and the year you were nervous about - being at home with dad, retired! 

You had so many plans, which 90% of those plans were around your grandchildren. Going to games, having them stay at your house, visiting, soap making and all the things you had deemed “the best” in your life. Which I’m not going to lie, it was going to be the BEST for us kids too. I would LOVE to drop my kids off with you and I take a break.

Like always, we all miss you 1,000 times over down here. But we also know you are exactly where you want to be.

Love you bunches, but miss you more.

Happy 65th, Diane--another milestone birthday that I wish I could have given you grief about. Instead, you left us way too early, way too young. Enjoy celebrating with mom, dad, and all the rest of our relatives up there. Miss you deeply and love you always.

Your little sis,
Judy

Man, you know how to get into Piper’s mind! It just amazes me what come out of her mouth. Oh how you would love it, and in a round about way hint that maybe the Apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. 

Today while we were showering. She took a cup and covered the drain, making a small pool in the shower basin. She laid down very peacefully and said … I’m like Grandma.

I was very confused, so I asked her how? She said, I’m laying in here, just like my Grandma is laying in the dirt.

I love how her little mind thinks, and know you will never be forgotten from the little girl who was only 1.5 when you left us.

Merry Christmas, Mom! I’m sure it’s a beautiful sight up there.

Where do I even start? Not many people my age need to leave a tribute to feel like they have “talked” to their mom. And I just want to let you know that it sucks. Still after 3 years, I find myself picking up the phone to call you at work, just to talk about the most random things. How long to cook minute steaks, something ridiculous the kids did or said, and EVERYTHING else a kid calls their mom for.

I can tell you that these past 3 years, not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about you a million times a day. I’m pretty sure you come to my kids, especially Piper. She talks about you at the most random times. It’s really quite unreal. I’ve been trying to watch for signs from you, but I think you are giving them all the to kids! Who would have thought!

Dad brought down your purse the other day, and you had your little book/calendar of birthdays, anniversaries and death dates. That thing made me laugh and cry all at once. Laugh because now after seeing it, I now know why you could NEVER get someone’s age right! When you mark in your book that they were age 32 in the year 2013, that’s a lot of math to do each year. I was also crying because I was looking up Brynn’s birthday, Owen’s, Piper’s, and then I got to Liam’s … … yep, just another reminder you weren’t here.

I could go on and on about all the things, but it will just make me cry more. But I want to let you know that even though life is soooo not the same, we are okay. We are still trying to find which direction to go, but we will make it. Until the glorious day when we meet again. And be prepared for a hug that is going to last an eternity!

Love and miss you so much!

Three years without you—it’s been a long three years and a short three years all at the same time, if that makes sense. So much has happened during these past three years, and at times, it just doesn’t seem possible that things can go on without you here to share in the sorrows and the joys. Megan and Jackson got married last Saturday, and while the day was awesome, your absence was felt in every moment. The joy you would have exuded was deeply missed. I felt like I was walking in circles at times, standing apart from everyone, trying to figure out what I should be doing or who I should be talking to. I realize now that I was searching for you, needing you to be there to make the day complete. I doubt that empty feeling will ever go away. I wish I could turn the clock back and give you one more hug, hear your laugh one more time, get that last piece of advice. You are missed beyond measure, Diane—yesterday, today, and for all the days to come.

Happy heavenly birthday Diane, this isn’t the way I thought I would be wishing you a birthday greeting. I miss you and of course all the kids miss you. We all love you so much, until we meet again love you mark

Two years have come and gone and not a minute passes that we do not think of you and miss you like crazy. As Christmas approaches, we are constantly reminded how excited you would be to have everyone back home and especially excited to watch the kids experience the magic of Christmas. I can picture you singing along to every Christmas song on the radio and dancing in the living room with the grandkids. 

As Christmas approaches, please watch over us and guide us through the holiday. Help us to put aside our sadness and enjoy the meaning of Christmas knowing you have the best seat in the house. Miss you always, more and more each day. 

Just leaving this here--

Man, I am really missing you this week....

Happy what would have been 42 years of marriage. 

I’m still upset that we didn’t do anything for your guys’ 40th wedding anniversary … we said, well we will do something BIG on their 50th. Little did we know what the future held. But I’m still sure you LOVED that we celebrated Ger on your 40th. “Ger-perdy” is going to be a hard one to forget!

It’s unreal how much I miss you, and will continue to miss you. 
Love you mom! Hope you are celebrating up there! 

Well Mom, it's been a long time since I've posted and it looks like Jackie is beating me on number of posts. We can't have that, so I thought I'd drop a little note.

As Jackie mentioned, Cuming County Fair 2021 is in the books. My kids went back with Dad on Wednesday evening, went to the fair all day, every day and didn't want to leave on Sunday evening. Just what you've always wanted! Brynn and Owen could not wait to go and had a blast. Your flowers were amazing this year, so we had to leave some at your grave. Thank goodness for sunglasses, because walking away from that grave to head down to the fair without you was heartbreaking. Jackie and I managed to get ourselves together because we had pork burgers to eat. :)

Piper was in fair heaven. She checked out every site, loved the cows, crushed some ice cream and powered through like a true fair toddler. We even had to drag her out of the teen dance! Liam loved the food, no surprise there, and loved the bunnies. I'll admit the days were a little easier than I expected, but leaving was HARD. The lonely feeling of walking out of the fair with just the kids magnified the void of you being gone. It was almost like I just kept missing you for two days and the reality that you would not be there hit like a rock on Sunday evening. 

By the way, let's not forget that I had to sit through the demo derby with Owen since you could not. I powered through, got the classic demo derby sunburn and bribed Owen away with a snow cone.  He said "Grandma on the Farm always enjoyed sitting with me at the derby". My heart broke again, so we stayed longer. :)

Thanks for the $10.00, by the way. I'm still smiling (I mean crying) at the fact I found that $10.00 in the pitch dark. You always told me if I brought the kids back for the fair that you would pay my admission. Turns out you are still taking care of me. Trust me, I need it.

The fair has come and gone, we made it through another major first without you, and we continue to miss you every single day. The kids start school in 2 days. Brynn will be in 5th grade and Owen in 2nd. We've had a great summer and are not ready to jump into the chaos of school yet. Please continue to watch over those kiddos. They miss you like crazy. 

We love you, miss you and are still adjusting to life without you! 

 

Day 4 of the fair has now come to an end. We are all back to our own homes, trying to figure out where the past 3 days have gone.

Mom, you would have had sooo much fun with us, but would have been so sad that your oldest grandkids are growing up so fast that they really didn’t walk around with us this year. Which we ALL know was the day you were dreading the most.

I think we put on a good face throughout the fair, but let me tell you … it wasn’t the easiest thing to do without you there. Of course your siblings were great and played with our kids as if they were their own … BUT, when it was time for them to part ways … I found myself “lost”. Of course the kids kept us busy, but I kept thinking … man, mom would LOVE this! You would have loved walking aimlessly with us. Watching Piper and her crazy antics. Seeing Liam pointing to everywhere he wanted to go. You would have taken him and ditched us all, just because you wouldn’t want him left out. We all know you need them to LOVE the fair as much as we all do.

But hey, the next time you send Kristin $10 … don’t forget about me! Lol and the knocking on the patio door, yes we heard you and please don’t do that again! It gave us a bit of a scare.

There’s SOOOO MUCH I want to say to you, but I’ll wrap it up. I hope you loved the hydrangeas we brought out there for you. Kristin even made the snipping noise while cutting them! So we know they were just perfect! And sorry I was the one who kind of rushed everyone off. I couldn’t be strong anymore and I felt myself slipping AND … we couldn’t be looking like a wreck. We had to get to the fair.

First fair without you … 2021 … not my favorite fair. I miss you so much! Love you mom.

Happy, Happy Birthday, Diane! 

I was at the grocery store this morning and Katrina stopped me and said, "You have a special angel in heaven today!" She would only say that a "friend" told her it was your birthday, but it is so comforting to know that many are thinking of you on this special day, not just your family and close friends. Just goes to show once again how much of a positive impact you had on this community and beyond. 

While I miss you every day, I am finding that days that I have good news to share are the days I miss you even more. You were always the first person I told, because I knew you genuinely cared about my family, and my joy so easily became yours. And I know I am not alone in feeling this way--you made every single person you came in contact with feel like they were the most important person in the world at that moment, because to you, they truly were. What a gift! 

Since I am not able to call or email you, this might be the best outlet for me to tell you things that I normally couldn't wait to tell you. Last week, Adam got word that he landed a software engineering internship for a company in Omaha, and this week, Megan found out that her research that she has been working on for years has finally been accepted for publication in a medical journal! We are beyond happy and relieved for both of them, and I know you would be too. I can just see your face and hear your "woo hoo!"--you would be just as happy for them as we are! 

So as I am thinking of you today, I want you to know that you are still my go to person, despite the fact that I can't see you, hear you, or hug you. I hope you are having a wonderful party with all the angels and saints, and that you are dancing with Dad and Mom as they rejoice and celebrate the day you were born! Happy Birthday, sis. Love you forever and always!

Judy

Happy birthday Mom!!!!

I’m the first one and I know you are keeping track. I know you are right where you want to be. But can you send us kids a sign or 10 today ... maybe visit us in our dreams? I think we could all use a little bit of your love.

Now and forever ... Miss you like crazy!
Your favorite daughter Jackie

Guess who?!? Yep! Me, AGAIN!

I couldn’t let today go by without dropping you a little note. It’s been one year, and one hour since we last spent time together here on Earth. When I think back to this day, the first thing that comes to my mind is how peacefully and glorious you left us, with a crowd down the hall of the hospital! I couldn’t believe how we all left the hospital with a sense of calmness and joy for you. Fast forward to today ... am I extremely saddened that you are no longer here? Yes! But am I at peace and feel so much gratitude? YES!

It’s amazing to see how many lives you have touched by simply just being YOU! Which I’m sure you are looking down on all of us and shaking your head in disbelief.

I just hope and pray that you know just HOW much you meant to us (to me), and that you always knew that. Kristin and I were talking the other day and decided that if there was a direct phone line to call you, we would be okay with that. We understand you aren’t here, so we don’t have to see you, but we’d REALLY like to talk to you!

We miss you sooo much! That pain will never go away, but we are learning to deal with it better. I’m super excited that you are getting heaven ready for all of us to join you! Because when God calls us, there’s going to be a glorious party! You already told me, “This place is AWESOME!” So I can’t wait to join you ... I mean, MANY YEARS from now!

We will keep trying to make you and Dad proud!
Love you Mom!

Hey sis--

I don't need to tell you that today is going to be tough for many as we remember and reflect back on the day we lost you. I wish I could shoot you an email and get an immediate response like always. I would tell you how much you mean to me, how much I miss you, and how sorry I am for all the ways that I have failed you this past year. I miss your laughter, your tears, your hugs, your joyfulness. I miss my confidant, my rock, my support. I know in my heart that you are with us and by our side, but there are days when that just isn't enough. I know, though, that you would want us to have faith, to rely on the hope that we will see each other again someday. In the meantime, I will try my best to be the person you would want me to be, to follow the examples that you so humbly set. Please pray for us as we walk through this day without you. And send us a hug from your perch in the heavens. 

Love you and miss you so much!

Judy

Yo Mo!

Just wanted to give you a little update of another special weekend that we missed your glowing face. But before I get to that, I want to wish you and Dad a Happy Anniversary. I don’t know the rules to this if you can still count the years, but I am! So happy 41 years of marriage! (I just know I’m the first one to tell you, well besides Dad )

So back to your grandkids. This weekend was all about water. We had an under the water birthday party for Piper, and once again Pinterest knocked the theme out of the park! And of course Kristin decorated an amazing cake. BUT I did supervise and make the cake myself. Can you believe Piper is 2 already?!? Well in June? You would have so much fun with her! She’s wild and crazy, and we are still wondering where she gets it from! Lol. You would also love how much she adores Brynn and Owen. I know you can see it, but we all wish we could see your face and hear what you think.

Then Saturday evening we baptized Liam. Another one of your most proud moments to be a grandma! Vince Molly told us that we had an amazing Saint looking over us, but once again being selfish, we wish you didn’t have to look down and you could be there with us. We made it through the whole baptism without bursting out in a river of tears, we only had a few.

Mom, I pray and know that you are there watching over all of us. I also believe Liam is such a great baby because you swoop down to help me when I need you the most.

Love and miss you forever Mom!
Jackie

Hey Mom... me again,

I just wanted to let you know that you would once again be Oh. So. Proud and your job as a Guardian Angel just got a little bigger!! I had a baby BOY. We named him Liam Mark, but you already know this since you are watching our every move.

What I really want to say, is that Kristin and the kids came down with Dad to visit. Jeff even popped by for a visit as well. It was wonderful! But once again, it just wasn’t the same without you here.

We missed your excitement you would have shown throughout the time here. Excitement for Liam, watching all your grandkids play, seeing your family so happy and all together in one place.

We missed your laugh and the joy you would have shown in your constant smile that would have been on your face. I could go on forever on what we missed, but I won’t.

I want to let you know that we are all still hurting and we think about you EVERY SINGLE DAY. Even though our hearts are heavy and we feel we were dealt a crappy hand, we are trying our best to carry on with an upbeat attitude and a smile on our faces.

We are also talking about you. Yep! But in a good way. We want to make sure your grandkids know and remember what an amazing grandma you were. I have your prayer card on my mirror in my bathroom. Piper picked it up the other day, like she normally does and says, Mary, Joseph, Jesus (that’s who’s pictured on the front) I already know you are beaming with joy that she knows that! Ha But then she flipped the card over and says Grandma! Then proceeded to give the prayer card a hug. Oh how I wish she didn’t have to hug a piece of paper, but I guess your memory still lives with her and that’s the main thing.

I’m going to do my best to let Liam know about his grandma. How you would have bounced into work and announced his arrival! How you would have been here to give him snuggles. And all your other crazy tactics. Kristin and I were taking his newborn pictures outside, then there was a slight breeze that made him smile. We said that was Grandma getting her hand in these photos!

Until next time Mom!

Dear Diane,

Today is June 11, 2020, what would have been Dad’s 95th birthday, an event you would have reminded us all about in a touching email. Instead, you will be celebrating that special day with him, leaving us to grapple with your absence. 

It has never been more evident than it is today how much things can change in just six short months. What hasn’t changed, though, is how much you are missed since you left us on December 11th, 2019. It sounds cliche, but a day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t thought about you. I can get through the days easier than I could at first, because I’ve learned not to think too hard about what we actually lost when you took your last breath. But when I do allow myself to go there, the pain, which for me began on December 7th at approximately 4:45 p.m., is as sharp as it was that awful Wednesday night and those four days prior of excruciating waiting and prayer. 

But even when I don’t let myself delve into my feelings of loss, I am constantly reminded of your absence every day one way or another. I am reminded when I check my emails daily and scroll down to my personal inbox, and there are never any new messages there. I don’t know why I even bother to check it anymore. I am reminded when a certain song comes on the radio. I am reminded when I realize I can’t call you when I need to tell you something about my kids. I am reminded when I make one of your recipes. The list is endless. These reminders are precious to me, yet still so difficult, because every time I encounter one, my heart drops and my disbelief returns with a jolt. 

I wonder if there will ever come a time when I will look back on memories and smile instead of cry. Memories of us sitting at sporting events, not paying any attention to the game until maybe the last two minutes, spending the time instead talking about everything and anything even though we just talked the night before. Memories of the two of us putting our heads together to attempt to solve a family crisis. Memories of us working on committees together, committees that you guilted me into joining. Memories of us duking it out at the Cuming County Fair, making not one but two, sometimes three pies to try to best each other, but mainly so we would have enough to feed the whole family afterwards over by the ice cream stand.  Memories of you always, always being at my kids’ events, even though you had such a busy life of your own. You made them a priority and I will be forever grateful for that.

You truly were my person, Diane. My entire life, I looked to you for advice, support, and friendship, and you gave me all those things and more. Thank you for being the best sister anyone could ever ask for. 

I will miss you and love you forever. 
Judy

Hey Mom,

We've gone through this journey of grief for the past 5 months, yet none of this seems real. I still can't believe you are gone, and I still do not understand how we got to this point. The shock of losing you is still unbearable. Every day I catch myself grabbing for my phone to tell you something about the kids, only to remember that is forever a memory.

We all miss you dearly. We talk about you all the time. Lucky for us there are a lot of great memories to discuss! It seems like when people pass away, others will say "he or she was one of a kind". In this case, you WERE one of a kind. Your kind heart, huge smile, sparkling eyes and giving hands touched the lives of so many. We were so lucky to have you as our Mom. 

Brynn and Owen talk about you all the time as well. I will make sure they never forget you and the love you showed them. Owen is so happy you are with Jesus and is always reminding us "Grandma on the Farm is still with us - in heaven". Brynn has done such an amazing job of handling her sadness and just smiles when she sees your picture. They have such a deep love for you that will live on forever.

Mom, please watch over all of us and help guide us through our days. We are doing our best to make you proud. Every decision we make we try to ask ourselves "what would Mom do?". Lucky for us, we tend to think alike, so we usually know the answer!

Thank you for everything you did for all of us. You instilled faith, values and the importance of family, which are the main factors helping us through our sadness. 

We love you, miss you dearly and hope you are proud of us.

Love,
Kristin



 

Just wanted to drop you a note. This past Sunday was Mother’s Day. A day where we never really did anything big, but always appreciated you and got you flowers. Well, Kristin still got you flowers, but had to leave them at the grave. Not to be tended for and loved by you.

I do have to say, Mother's Day was a lot harder than I expected it to be. I found myself jealous (I know ... it’s a deadly sin) of all those whose mothers are still alive. I tried my best to keep myself off social media. Apparently 5 months hasn’t been long enough for my heart to heal, but we are all doing our best to carry on ~ the way you would want us to.

It’s easy to say it’s just another day. But it’s not. There are still many times I find myself thinking .... I should call mom and tell her ____. Especially when I leave the Dr.’s office after my pregnancy appointments. I just know how excited you would be there o have another grand baby! And the fact that I talked to you ALL THE TIME! Then I guess I get a slap of reality, and know that I can’t do that anymore. It hurts a hurt I’ve never experienced before.

Love you Mom! I hope your Mother’s Day was the best yet, since you got to spend it with your mom!

To my beautiful loving wife Diane. Words can not begin to describe how much I love you and how much I miss you. There is a huge void in my life now that will never be filled. I pray with Gods help the void won’t seem so vast and the cross too heavy to bear. My heart is broken in millions of pieces with sadness. I know I should be happy for you because now you are in heaven with Jesus and some day I hope I can join you there. My tears should be tears of joy, but now they are tears of sadness. Diane I love you and I miss you, help me put together my broken heart.
I love you dear