From Mark’s Celebration of Life - Michael Battey
Thank you to the Laniers for having this service for all of us to come together to celebrate Mark Lanier; to Ralph Schroeder, David Monnich, Brooks Tanner and Will Ballew for allowing me to be the one to speak for all of us Ephs today. And especially to Will and Ralph for helping me improve this writing.
During my life, people have called me Mike or Battey or Batts or Michael. But only one person called me Bat Head. Mark Would call me and greet me with “Bat Head I’m calling because…” followed by a story which usually caused laughter and had a purpose. Often he would punctuate the call with the enthusiasm: “Bat Head, Another day above ground is a VICTORY!” Some things become clear with time. In this case I realized too late that Mark meant exactly what he said, and in a way I didn’t understand. Staying above ground for one more day, every single day, truly was Mark’s relentless, internal, terrifying struggle.
Mark also was known by several names. He had a name from childhood, apparently given to him by his young Cincinnati classmates when they discovered, to their extreme horror, that Mark had no middle name, that he was simply Mark Lanier. As Mark told it, his classmates held a vote, and decided that his middle name always should have been Elmo - Mark Elmo Lanier. Since the day Mark told us this story, he was forevermore our brother Elmo. Or years later after he and I had attended a charismatic Episcopal church service together, just to see what that might be like, and Mark rechristened himself: Elmo Lafayette Rise Up and Tell The Glory of Emmanuel Lanier. David called him The Professor, as Mark was so often confused with one, dressed in his signature Khaki uniform. And then briefly during Mark’s period of intensive study and practice of the pentatonic scales in an effort to become the next great blues guitarist from Brookline, Massachusetts, he was the blues man Blind Melon Elmo. He was indeed a man of many talents, and a man of many names.
Like Mark’s father, my own father was not an informal man. Our fathers got along well when Mark, David Monnich, Dan von Alleman and I were sophomore roommates at Williams, and Mark’s good friend Ralph Schroeder lived next door. Of all of my friends, my dad asked exactly one to call him by his first name. This was of course my brother Elmo. Many years later this lapse in paternal judgment created considerable friction with my then girlfriend Wendy. When we became engaged, my welcoming and informal father suggested that, now that we all will be family, Wendy should call my parents Mr. and Mrs. Battey. Welcome to the family! Imagine with me our long, silent drive back to New York City, during which Wendy’s only words to me were the suggestion that since Mark Lanier has been invited to call my dad by his first name, maybe I ought to just marry Mark Lanier.
A second recurring theme in my conversations with Mark was that, as fellow recovering English majors, Mark sometimes would recite a line or two from the opening page of Moby Dick, written as Ralph reminded me, by a fellow citizen of the Berkshire Valley, which opening page Mark had mostly committed to memory, and which opening page he seemed truly to savour one glorious word at a time. With hindsight, it seems that perhaps he was hoping that his love for this passage might help me figure out his true state of mind, which I regret I never did. It seems as clear as day to me now. Let me read some of it, and perhaps you’ll see what I mean.
“Call me Ishmael. Some years ago - never mind how long precisely - having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little, and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen, and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people’s hats off—then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to ship. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me.”
For many years, my dad was on the board of Fountain House in NYC, where I volunteered and later also joined the board. When my father retired from his job, he and two of his good friends started a new clubhouse in Stamford CT which they named Laurel House, which was ably led for 25 years by a former senior Fountain House executive named Steve Dougherty and whose board my dad Chaired for many years. Once my dad discovered that Mark and his young family were living in Fairfield County, he pounced, applied the hook, and Mark became Treasurer of Laurel House the following week; eventually succeeding my dad as the board Chair. Mark loved this work. He fully invested himself into it. He possessed a deeply felt passion and conviction for this work. He was in it for the long term. He was in it to solve big problems: problems it turns out that Mark understood too well. This was a man on a life-long mission. When he and the kids moved to Brookline, Mark connected with Clubhouse International here in Boston, which originally had been a part of Fountain House, and Mark joined the board there, and eventually became its board chair as well, traveling the world, visiting existing clubhouses, helping open new clubhouses and proselytizing far and wide for the clubhouse model.
I've been thinking that mental health became Mark’s white whale. And that whenever he felt himself growing grim about the mouth, whenever he needed to drive off the spleen, Mark would set out to see his own watery part of the world - for Mark I think maybe this was to travel - and to visit - to visit clubhouses all over the world, to visit Will Ballew in Montana to fish, hike, camp, and recite poetry around a campfire, to ski or paddle or dine with friends and family, to visit the Japanese Gardens in San Francisco, to meet with the Vermont Literary Society, to visit his Kentucky cousins in Canada, to visit Ralph Schroeder at Oxford, to sample the rarest of fine cheeses, to visit the barely-publicly-traded potential investments for the Pegasus Fund, to debate the perfect and simultaneous application of both tequila and cigar to the proper embellishment of a fine story with David Monnich, to play chess, checkers, dominos, backgammon or hearts with my own three kids, and to relish both beating them and losing to them and trading barbs. The list of Mark’s visits is long.
The list of Mark’s interests is longer. For me, Mark was the very definition of our generation’s Renaissance Man. He loved music, philosophy, poetry, squash, the blues, religion, science, history, opera, soccer, politics, meeting strangers, impersonating fake Russian accents, competition, to discuss the very thingness of the thing with Ralph, to view and ponder sculpture and paintings, singing with what he once called “the conviction that is only available to those with acute hearing loss”, heated debate, Haiku, cooking and consuming great meals, blue grass, games, sculpture, laughter, especially when he was laughing at himself and would reply with a huge, chuckling “Oh my”. He loved his friends, and Mark especially loved his four children. They were truly the light that shone brightest inside him. All you had to do was ask “How’s Lily, Cole, Sam or Henry?” And you were immediately off on an excellent and vivid story or two, catching up on the four Laniers’ various recent adventures.
Here was the most widely read, intelligent, humorous - caring and generous - articulate and humble - accomplished and well-loved man, with a razor blade of a mind, whose friendships were from every corner of life, and every corner of the world, and yet he also proved himself to be the Yoda Jedi Master of concealing his inner state of turmoil and suffering. Like Ishmael, Mark struggled with a relentless and unstoppable force of nature, a force which always leaves wreckage wherever it goes and, also like Ishmael, in a battle not even of his own choosing.
As I tried to come to terms with the fact that our friend, and brother, and father, and uncle, and neighbor is suddenly gone, I struggled with what to say and how to do justice to this fine, fine man. In Moby Dick, Ishmael at one point describes a man as having a “globular brain and a ponderous heart; a man capable of majestic emotions as well as intense thought.” Mark particularly loved those words. He rolled them around in his mouth like wine. And they seem such a fitting description of the man we all so loved and admired.
We see you more clearly now Mark, sadly too late to offer you assistance in your struggle; and our world is a vastly smaller and poorer place without you. However, I know I will hold this intellectually and physically towering Eph-man with me. This man who made me laugh every time he called me and said in his very highest pitched voice: “Hello, Senior Battey, it’s Elmoceeeeeeeeto”. Little Elmo indeed. We will hold him in our hearts forever. I know each of you joins me in wishing Mark the peace and forgiveness he sought while he was here, above ground, and too briefly, with us.