Today would have been Marty’s 65th birthday.   On his 60th birthday  I presented him with this list of 60 things I liked about him.  The idea came from the 1980 song “What I Like About You” by the Romantics.  1980 was a good year for us, and that was a fun song we both enjoyed.  I thought today would be a good occasion to share this with others, because it pretty much says everything about how special Marty was and how much he meant to me.

That's What I Like about You!

60 things….

 1.  You’re funny.

 2.  You’re smart.

 3.  We have the same favorite color.

 4.  We dislike the same cars.

 5.  You give good foot rubs.

 6.  You take care of family.

 7.  You are good to our kids.

 8.  You’re good at telling jokes.

 9.  You work hard.

10.  You value the efforts of others.

11.  You don’t “penny pinch.”

12.  You like our cats even though you say you don’t.

13.  You’re a natural-born leader; you’re the kind of person people like to

          follow.

14.  You don’t take yourself & other things too seriously.

15.  You praise people when they need it.

16.  You don’t have to “keep up with the Joneses.”

17.  You’re a good listener.

18.  You are a wealth of useless (but fascinating) musical trivia.

19.  You’re really good at estimating and recalling time, as in how long it

          takes to get to somewhere and when we’ll arrive.

20.  You assume responsibility when needed.

21.  We have about the same tolerance for “mess.”

22.  You’re someone others can turn to.

23.  You’re a good friend.

24.  You can cook.

25.  You can do laundry.

26.  You can clean.

27.  You will take the scenic route for me.

28.  We usually like the same movies.

29.  You have planned for both our futures.

30.  You make me feel protected and safe.

31.  You know how to have fun.

32.  You do the best burps!

33.  You move rocks, and you don’t even complain!

34.  You’re practical without being overly so.

35.  You’ll try new things.

36.  You don’t make me play cards.

37.  I can be proud of your accomplishments.

38.  You brake for turtles.

38.  You can be romantic.

39.  You remember anniversaries (even if you aren’t there for them).

40.  You reset the clocks when the electricity goes out.

41.  You know how to cheer me up.

42.  You kill spiders for me.

43.  If I really want you to do something, you usually do it.

44.  You like candles.

45.  You like(d) my parents.

46.  You don’t play favorites.

47.  You’re cute!

48.  You’re sexy!

49.  You’re a good nurse.

50.  You put the toilet seat down; well, you do more than some guys do.

51.  You have excellent taste in home décor (it’s the same as mine!)

52.  You will watch home decorating shows with me.

53.  You’re fun to be with.

54.  You know what I like.

55.  You are skilled at seeing past the present & imagining the future.

56.  You’re better than I am with computers.

57.  You give me flowers.

58.  You’re patient.

59.  You give me something to look forward to every day.

60.  “You complete me.”  You have many skills I admire but will never

          have.

One of the sadder aspects of the timing of Marty’s passing was that he was not there for our daughter Jenny’s wedding.  He never talked about how he felt about that, but he didn’t talk in depth about any of the disappointments he was experiencing through his whole ordeal.  He kept most thoughts to himself.  I think that was partly because he just wasn’t a complainer, but I also think he avoided some topics because he thought it might make things more difficult for the rest of us.  He saw pictures of the dress she had picked out, but of course that’s not the same thing as seeing the actual dress - with her in it - no less.  He also saw pictures of the place in Panama that Jen and Jeff had selected for their honeymoon, and he was excited about that for them.   Although he didn’t talk about these things, I know they weighed heavily on him.

Flash forward to October 4, 2014.  The wedding was held at a rustic venue about forty miles southwest of Denver, Colorado.  The site of the ceremony was a wide, grassy meadow, flanked on both sides by hills layered with golden aspens and tall, dark evergreens.  At the far northwestern end of the valley stood snow-capped Mt. Evans, which is where Jeff had proposed to Jen.  It was a perfectly gorgeous view.

It was also a perfect mountain day.  The azure blue sky held just enough clouds to add some pattern and a little interest.  The late afternoon sun gleamed bright and warm, but the air also had a crisp, fresh coolness - a promise of the season’s change and things to come. 

The ceremony was simple.  Jeff escorted both his mother and me at the same time to our seats, and his father walked Jen down the stone path to the ceremony patio.  In the middle of this lovely meadow, Jen and Jeff exchanged  “I do”s on a platform in front of seventy friends and family.  Her brother Josh officiated the ceremony, and her older sister Emily stood among the beaming (but slightly teary-eyed) bridesmaids.   I sat in the front row next to my older sister, having difficulty at first controlling my own tears.  I always cry at weddings, even of people I barely know, and this for me was of course the single most emotionally difficult wedding challenge.  Thankfully, Josh managed to relieve the tension with a few light remarks (purposefully and otherwise), and everything proceeded as wonderfully as had been intended.  

Immediately following the ceremony, members of the wedding party and relatives were herded toward the tree line for the official photo shoots.  Guests entertained themselves in several ways: some mingled around treats and drinks on the patio where the ceremony had taken place; some played yard games that had been set up; still others went off to explore the environs a bit, following a winding creek next to the site or making friends with a pair of horses that had also witnessed the nuptials.   Music from a solo guitar wafted through the air, creating a peaceful, easy ambience.  

After my turn in front of the camera was over, I stood by myself for a while, watching the picture-taking and the other guests enjoying themselves.  I felt a bit removed from everything, as if I wasn’t part of it at that point but was just taking it all in.  My feeling at the time was bittersweet; it had been difficult seeing Jenny being walked “down the aisle” by someone other than Marty.  I was feeling his absence keenly.    But at the same time I was also thinking about how well everything had turned out.  The location, weather, ceremony, the flowers, goodies and decorations in the barn for the reception, the DRESS – everything had come together in a way that had exceeded all my expectations, and I think those of Jen and Jeff, too.

As I reflected on the sheer pleasantness and beauty of the scene before me, I became aware of the song that the guitarist was performing.  It was Tom Petty’s “Wildflowers.”  I was suddenly filled with what I can only describe as both an overwhelming sense of happiness combined with complete serenity.   Tom Petty was one of our favorite rock musicians (we had seen him in concert three times); and these simple lyrics and melody struck me as the perfect accompaniment for the moment.  I felt as if the song had tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Listen.  Look.”

I glanced toward the musician, some distance away, and noticed something in the sky, moving in our direction.  I knew it was a large bird, but what kind?  When I saw the flash of white against dark brown, I knew at once that it was a bald eagle.  It continued sailing through the valley, toward where we all were.  I was dumfounded.  All I could manage to do was point to the sky and call out “Eagle!  Eagle!” to anyone within hearing distance.  But that was enough.  Others saw it at the same time, and watched as this magnificent creature glided silently overhead and down the entire valley, to the last notes of the song, until it was out of sight.   My heart could have burst, because I recognized that this was just not any eagle that happened to drop by; it was Marty.   

To my delight, the musician followed up “Wildflowers” with a rendition of Neil Young’s “Harvest Moon,” another of our personal favorites, which sealed the deal in my mind.  I couldn’t make my way fast enough to my brother and sisters who were near the ceremony platform.  I didn’t even need to tell them what I had read into this appearance of the eagle; they had sensed it too.  Then my brother-in-law Mike, who had been one of Marty’s favorite poker buddies, told me how earlier that afternoon he had reached into his jacket pocket and felt something.  Not knowing what he might have left there, he pulled it out.  The first thing he saw was Marty’s smiling face.  It was the memorial card saved from Marty’s funeral.   This was the first time he had worn that jacket since the day Marty was laid to rest.  Mike said that all afternoon, he had felt that Marty was somehow present. 

The rest of the evening was everything we had hoped it would be.  The renovated barn where the reception was held had the warm, rustic vibe that Jen and Jeff had sought, the food was great, toasts were made, the music was fun, and everyone had a good time.  It had been a long day, but all the effort had been rewarded: two families were joined as one and new memories had been made.

The next day I had to drop off leftover food, decorations, and gifts to Jen and Jeff.  I hadn’t talked to her at the reception about the eagle.  For one thing, she was so busy the whole time, and for another, I wasn’t sure how she would take it.  She might have thought I was silly to assign that kind of meaning to something as perfectly normal as a bird of prey passing over its usual hunting grounds in late afternoon of an autumn day.  Or it might have made her overly emotional and possibly weepy at a time when emotions were already on overload.  I didn’t want to add to any stress, so while I talked about it with probably everyone else, I hadn’t brought it up with her.

After we unloaded the car, Jen and I talked about how everything had gone.  Amid hugs and happy tears, the verdict: 1) expectations met and exceeded;  2) great relief over the perfect weather;  3) weren’t the pies and mini Bundt cakes delicious, and so on.  Then I had to ask about the eagle.  I couldn’t seem to muster up the right words.  So stammering like an idiot, all I could come up with was something like “….So…. did you see the ….  (pointing up)….?”

“….the eagle?” she blurted.  “Sure, and I know it was Dad!”  Then she told me than on one of her last visits, Marty had asked her to his bedside for a private talk.  He did that with each of the kids; I wasn’t in the room and I didn’t ask him or them what had been shared.  I considered that if he had a desire to speak privately with someone, then that was between them.  But as Jen and I spoke about the eagle, she told me that on the occasion of their private talk, her dad had said, “Jenny, I will be at your wedding.  I don’t know what form that might take….maybe a bird.  But I’ll be there.”

I said, “I didn’t know that!  You never told me!”

“I never told anyone.”

Then I complimented her choice of songs for the cocktail hour, mentioning how I had especially liked hearing “Wildflowers” and “Harvest Moon.”  I asked if she had included them because of Dad.  Her answer was no, that the musician himself had chosen all the songs for that part.  It was pure luck that they made the cut….or was it more?  We just looked at each other in wonder. 

None of us who knew and loved Marty would ever doubt that this eagle carried his spirit to us on that special day.  After all, he said he would be there.

I have thought of my brother every day since he died but the last 2 weeks or so, I have thought of him more than usual.  There isn’t a special date involved but maybe I am thinking of him more so because Jenny’s wedding is coming up and it is sad that Marty isn’t here to see Jenny get married  or walk her down the aisle (at least not physically).  Or maybe it is the fact that 2 years ago at this time, Bill and I, Marty and Lorraine were on vacation in Sandbridge, Virginia.  We rented a home and we enjoyed our vacation at Sandbridge, Virginia Beach and the Outer Banks in North Carolina.  It was truly a vacation that the four of us had together since we went to Las Vegas in 2001.  We have gone away for long weekends but not a vacation longer than a weekend.  I remember thinking at that time in September 2012 that we can now start planning future vacations but God had other plans for Marty.

It was the night of September 10, 2014.  I went to bed and I was thinking of Marty and I said to myself “I wish my brother was here, I wish my brother was with me” as I went to sleep.  I am not a light sleeper and it takes a lot to wake me up.  During the middle of the night as I was sleeping, I felt someone touch my shoulder very hard and I woke up startled wondering who touched me.  I have a night light on in my bedroom all the time and when I looked around my bedroom, no one was there (that I could see, that is). 

My first thought, of course, was that Marty was reassuring me that he is with me.  He will see Jenny get married and he will see everything that happens in all of our lives.  This is comforting to me and I hope that other family members will find this comforting also.  I know that Marty is with me and I know I will see him again. 

Marty, I miss you very much.