I love you
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.

I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.

I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;

I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can't help
Dimly seeing there,

And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find

I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple.

Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.

I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good.
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.

You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.

You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all.

Martin’s passing led to many different waves of emotions, each with their own unique characteristics, but all complex and layered. As I reminisced upon the joyful memories I had with him during our lives together, sadness and angst would pervade into a powerful mixture. However, the single emotion that would linger as the others would fade was gratitude. It is by far the most powerful and consistent feeling I have been experiencing this week. I am so thankful to have had Martin Kragness in my life.

Growing up, I was a wild kid to say the least. Looking back over the years, I can say with a fair amount of certainty that my ability to challenge authority contributed to the changing of careers of a handful of teachers and coaches….of course I would say for the best. Regardless, I was a handful and it took a special type of person to get life’s lessons into my big ol' head.

Alongside a great father, an amazing uncle came into the picture during my formative years. Martin taught me two of my favorite sports, rock climbing and snowboarding. Through these sports he pushed me to be braver and stronger and gave me a sense of fearlessness that I now have today. It helps me take on challenges that others think are not possible, which has unlocked paths to passions that have made my life truly invigorating. He was a brilliant teacher as he harnessed many of the essential traits. He was patient, intelligent, passionate, energetic, positive, and inspiring, all the characteristics that made for an amazing role model. I have not had many in my life, but that is because the few that I have had, were of this caliber--and of my role models, Martin is truly a standout.

I think back more than 12 years to a family vacation we had in Rhode Island with Martin and Pam. Martin and my dad took my sister and I rock climbing while my mom and her sister Pam stayed back in Massachusetts to finish packing. Being the conscientious child that I was, I kept the key to other vehicle, the one that was 4 hours away in Massachusetts and was supposed to transport Pam and Jennifer to our vacation home. My dad would rush back to return the key, while Martin would swallow his frustration gracefully and commit to hours of rock climbing 101 as well as the 6 mile walk home with the kids and the gear at the end of a long day. There was never a scolding, never a break in his smile, as he laughed off my childish stupidity and pushed me to conquer the overhang on the rock wall in front of me. He knew I earned the role of carrying the big bag on the way home. Through the woods, down country roads, and across the river, came the long mile of “are we there yet” and the answer of “Haha, we would have been if it wasn’t for the boy!” Dreams of Uber passed and we finally arrived at our vacation home as the sun set. Shortly after Martin was turning our climbing footage into a comedic iMovie, teaching me how to drop an intro, crop clips, select a good soundtrack, and roll credits. This is vintage Martin to me, always learning or teaching.

Martin and I both shared a love for intense stimulation, not just physical, but also mental, and he treated my sister and I as adults from an early age, laying out his concise thoughts on many advanced topics whether we could comprehend them fully or not. We soaked up these words like sponges, listening eagerly to each word as we had such great respect for our teacher. There was always a Superman element to him when we were growing up. He was someone to be trusted, someone who asked the right questions, held the right answers, and this made quite an impression on us. This impression is one that will forever influence us for the best.

The story of Martin has now unfolded and I know many of us are still reeling from tragic event of his death. Through the sorrow and confusion I search for a way to make sense of what has happened. There is something about pain caused by a loved one that makes you search for deeper meaning, rather than rush to blot out the source. My view of Martin as a great teacher throughout my life caused me to find lessons from his death. In all of its negativity I find a gift that he has left us. That gift is his story. I believe his story is the key to opening up the thick walls that many people in our society, especially men, have thrown up to prevent their emotions from affecting others. Internalizing emotion has long been over popularized by our culture and the walls that some people are able to throw up around their emotions are formidable. It is often that people do not take opportunities to connect on levels that may open up vulnerabilities. We cannot ask or beg them to come to us, we must come to them, by connecting with them in a deep and profound way. A way we can accomplish this in my mind is to, with great appreciation for context, delivery, and timing, tell the story of a truly admirable man who’s life brought us so much joy and who’s death brings an invaluable message for all.

The beauty of nostalgia is that as time passes, our favorite memories with Martin will remain. He will always be the man who taught me the value of investing my money and the deep strategy behind the NFL, as well as the hero that showed me the thrill of a powder day and how to go over your handle bars correctly when taking an epic fall. Ultimately, I know my experiences with him have given me so much, that a piece of him will forever live on inside of me and guide my everyday.

Martin was never obligated as large of a role as he did in my life, but he was everything he could be when I needed him the most. He was a friend when I had few, a teacher when I refused to be taught, and the best damn uncle anyone could ask for. His unconditional love gave a young boy confidence in himself and the power to come into his own. I am so thankful that I received his love. I am so thankful for the 23 of years of Martin Kragness that I was so lucky to have.