Eulogy for Mary
I want to thank all of you who are gathered here this evening. Your support means a lot to my family and me. I also know there are more whose lives she touched who are here in spirit. Many of you were also gathered here nearly three years ago for my dad’s funeral. I wish this day hadn’t come as soon as it has, but they are together again.
My mom, as most of you know, suffered a stroke nearly one year ago on January 24, 2013. During the next two and a half months, she received physical, occupational, and speech therapy at Richfield. She worked tirelessly and made strides we weren’t sure she would make. By the end of her rehabilitation, she was able to take herself in a wheelchair from her fourth floor room to the cafeteria on the first floor. She rolled herself down long hallways with several turns and got on and off the elevator. She had to ask for some help, but for the most part did it on her own.
After rehabilitation, she moved into an assisted living residence at Richfield’s Joseph C. Thomas Center in April. She had some good months there, going on driving trips for residents, riding in a horse drawn carriage and playing bingo. We took her out to eat and shop. She celebrated her birthday at a lunch with her family.
I think the best day, for me, was in May when I took my mom out for a morning. We ate lunch at Wendy’s and went shopping at Kroger. She even drove the electric buggy with just one small mishap! She drove into a bread display with no harm done. We took the long way back to Richfield through Green Hill and Wabun on a beautiful, sunny spring day full of green.
We cherished those good days. Unfortunately, a urinary tract infection and fall in early August started her in a downward spiral. She, with the excellent care from the nursing staff at Richfield and from Good Samaritan Hospice, nonetheless made it another five months and in particular had a few, final good weeks around Thanksgiving.
However, we aren’t here to dwell on the struggles of Mary’s last year but to remember and celebrate the precious memories of our times together with her. For those of us gathered here today, she was our beloved mother, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, and neighbor. For those with whom she now resides, she is a beloved wife, niece, daughter and granddaughter.
Mary Rebecca McDaniel was born on Friday, June 18, 1937, in Bradshaw, Virginia, to Marshall and Maude McDaniel. Despite the depression and World War II, she described her early years in near idyllic terms. The family had gardens and orchard trees and berry patches where once she may have spotted a bear. She played with her brothers and sisters and cousins and friends in Bradshaw’s creek on hot summer days.
Her dad drove the family, and sometimes neighbors, to shopping trips in downtown Salem and downtown Roanoke. She spent the night with cousins and neighbors. When we drove through Bradshaw, she could tell a story about almost every home, recalling who had lived there and the times she had visited.
She loved school and graduated from Andrew Lewis High School in 1955. After high school, Mary went to work at Maid Bess for 15 years. She had some great, fun times there and made many friends. She liked to go to Newberry’s Department Store on Fridays to celebrate the end of the week and invited others to join her.
The company sponsored bus trips that she enjoyed. On her own and with friends and family, she took train and bus trips to visit family and friends in other parts of Virginia and elsewhere. She loved going shopping with her family in downtown Roanoke and shopping centers like Roanoke-Salem Plaza and Crossroads.
Of course, Mary also met the love of her life at Maid Bess, my dad Gerald Blackwell. As she told it, she chased him down. On their first date, he had to follow her to Lindy’s. Soon, they were married and she was now Mary Rebecca Blackwell. They left Maid Bess and Salem, living in Pensacola, Florida, and other places as my dad worked for Daniels Construction. However, when I was on the way, they decided to return to Salem.
My mom and dad ran the Fort Lewis Sunoco service station in Salem for 7 years where I spent much of my earliest years. Many of the customers became lifelong friends of our family. I remember her helping to run the business and working in the large garden we had behind the station.
We lived in Glenvar in the 1970s. My mom joined me and other neighborhood kids playing in the nearby creek, until one day she saw a snake swim by. She and my dad took me sledding on snowy days. We loved to go watch planes take off and land at the airport or go to Tanglewood and get some fresh bread and cheese in the French Quarter. As I said at my dad’s funeral, it wasn't about fancy things with us, but just simple and interesting things to do.
Mary also worked at Stuart McGuire and GE in the later 1970s and early 1980s and then took over my dad’s Fuller Brush customers when he moved into management. In the summer, I enjoyed going with her on her sales route. My mom and I also accompanied my dad on many of his Fuller Brush business trips. We visited most of the towns between here and Kentucky.
She finished her working days at Wal-Mart and Dollar General. My mom and dad had a few precious years when they were both retired and able to relax and do things they enjoyed like going to yard sales and auctions, which led to her cookbook collection reaching a record high. Even before my dad first fell ill in 2009, I knew that our days as a family wouldn’t last forever, and I’m glad that we spent a lot of time together in the previous several years.
My dad’s passing in February 2011 was a mournful time for my mom. But, soon, she built a new life with the help of her family, friends, and Burma Road neighbors. We had Salem’s yard sale of the year in May 2011. She enjoyed going on trips, to senior citizen dinners, and just getting out of the house for a while. When I was home for the week of Christmas 2012, she ran me ragged with trips to seemingly every store in west Salem. I was happy for her and wish that she would’ve had a few more years to enjoy this chapter of her life.
My mom died on New Year’s Day. Every year for the rest of my life will begin with thoughts and memories of her coming to the forefront of my mind. I know that it will be the same for many of you. However, I intend to commemorate it as a day to remember her love and what she taught me more than a day to feel sadness at her absence, though surely I will feel that too. I encourage you to do the same.
2013 had triumphs and happy memories but it was a year of struggle no doubt. I believe that my mom made it to the first day of a new year, 2014, so we would find hope in her legacy over despair in her passing. Mary possessed a kind, gentle, sweet soul that all of us who knew and loved her will sorely miss.
The nurses and therapists who cared for her in the last year of her life commented on how sweet she was. In her years as a retail clerk at Wal-Mart and Dollar General, who knows how many days she brightened simply by being herself. We should remember from her the power of kindness to make its mark on those who meet us, both friends and family we know for a lifetime and those persons with whom we only share a moment.
Don’t let her kind disposition fool you, though, she had a great sense of humor and even a streak of mischief. A couple of years ago, my mom was on a trip in Tennessee with Marie and Robert. All of them were playing Scrabble with Robert’s brother Frankie, who left the room for a few minutes. My mom, Marie, and Robert teamed up to get the premium letters and racked up big scores in their next turns. Frankie was none the wiser until after the game when the secret was divulged. When Frankie visited my mom this year at the Thomas Center, she asked him if he’d like to play a game of Scrabble.
In August 1984, my mom and I spent four days at Disney World and Orlando while my dad was at a business convention in the Bahamas. We missed not having my dad with us, but they were some of the most memorable, fun days we had together just the two of us. Some kids would like to ride the roller coasters and eat junk food. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with that in a trip to Disney World. However, I most recall the curiosity and fascination I had at the futuristic exhibits and “cultural embassies” at the then new Epcot center. My mom passed along her love of learning to me, which shaped who I am and what I’ve accomplished.
In her last weeks, my mom noted that Richfield was just across Fort Lewis Mountain from where she grew up in Bradshaw. She said that she wanted to fly over the mountain and be home. My mom flew away home on New Year’s Day into the loving embrace of those who have gone before. Let us celebrate that and know that one day when our lives have been lived we will enjoy her loving embrace again.
Let me close with two poems.
Weep not for me though I am gone into that gentle night.
Grieve if you will, but not long upon my soul’s sweet flight.
I am at peace, my soul’s at rest.
There is no need for tears,
for with your love I was blessed,
For all those many years.
There is no pain, I suffer not, the fear now is all gone.
Put now these things out of your thoughts.
In your memory I live on.
Remember not my fight for breath
Remember not the strife.
Please do not dwell upon my death,
But celebrate my life.
And, finally, a wonderful mother:
God made a wonderful mother,
A mother who never grows old;
He made her smile of the sunshine.
And he molded her heart of pure gold;
In her eyes, He placed bright shining stars,
In her cheeks, fair roses to see;
God made a wonderful mother,
And He gave that dear mother to me.