And though you've walked
through Heaven's door
We're never far apart.......
For every time
I think of you,
You're right here
In my heart......
Loved and missed
xxxxx

Thought of you today Mat
But that is nothing new
Thought about you yesterday
And the day before that to
Always in our thoughts
forever in our hearts......
We love and miss you Mathew
xxxx

Did the sun shine a little brighter
Was the sky a deeper blue
Or was it just a better world, Mathew
When we shared our lives with you.
Today tomorrow forever loved and missed
Xxxx

There were balloons that lit up the night... lanterns that shone so bright.
Sparklers to light the way, dolphins that swam and played.
True friends stood by my side, when all I did was cry.
Another year that's come and gone. Just a memory now in my heart lives on.
Happy Birthday my Mathew...

Another birthday has come around
And there is nothing I can do
But sit for a while and picture your smile
Just like I always do.

Miss your smile Mathew
Loved and missed
Xoxoxoxo

I think of you everyday, and today, with it being your birthday Mathew. I always remember you with a smile as bright as the sun. You made us laugh so many times over the years when we lived near each other and our families spent so many times together. We all cherish those memories. We miss you and we always remember you with love. God bless. You are missed more than words can say by so many who love you.

Thoughts go back of happy days
When we were all together
Loved and missed so much Mathew
Xoxoxoxo

You are Forever in my heart
Forever in my life
Forever with me
Though far from my sight
You are Forever.
Love and miss you Mathew

Hello Mathew... another day, right? Today I am saving horses. What do you think? Horses. I couldn't save you so I'm saving horses. What do you suppose I will try and save next? I couldn't save you. I can't same me. So maybe I should try whales... or Panda Bears.

I can't do this yet somehow I do. Somehow I keep walking forward when I know there is no reason to continue to walk forward. For all that I love, loved, desired, is behind me. My world is rubble, all my dreams are ashes that shift in the gentle breeze. How do I keep doing this? I don't. I gave up a long time ago and you know the really amazing part... nobody even noticed. I stopped functioning and I didn't make anybody's radar. It's only a matter of time now you see. For I am not wanted here, nor needed. I'm just clocking time. I search for something that will give my life meaning, have value. But there is nothing. Only this great, vast, void that stretches out forever into nothingness.

... and that sums it up. nothingness... I'm being absorbed, swallowed into nothingness.I don't care anymore. There is nothing to care for anymore.

Those we love remain with us
for love itself lives on
Cherished memories never fade
because one loved is gone
Those we love can never be
more than a thought apart
For as long as there is a memory
they live on in our heart.

Love and miss you Mathew xxxx

I Was Here

By Beyoncé Knowles

I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time
Know there was something that, meant something that I left behind
When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember, so they won't forget

I was here
I lived, I loved
I was here
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here

I want to say I lived each day, until I died
I know that I meant something in, somebody's life
The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave
That I made a difference, and this world will see

I was here
I lived, I loved
I was here
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know

I was here
I lived, I loved
I was here
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here

I just want them to know
That I gave my all, did my best
Brought someone to happiness
Left this world a little better just because

I was here

I was here
I lived, I loved
I was here
I did, I'm done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here

I lived, I was here
I did, I was here
I lived, I was here
I did, I've done, I was here

Gates of memories
will never close
How much we miss you
no one knows
Days will pass away
into years
And we'll think about those memories
with silent tears...
Love and miss you Mathew
xxxx

I sit here, another Christmas come and gone without you. The day came and went and not one person shared a mention, a memory, an anecdote, a thought of you. But I remembered, your father remembered, and I know every member of the Jones family remembered. Maybe that is how it is supposed to be; I'm sure I don't know anymore. What I do know is that I miss you more and more everyday. I don't know how to make it better. I try but the missing grows. I love you. Always and forever ...

You were missed Mathew, you are and always will be forever in our hearts
Love you Mathew, miss you Mathew.

It doesn't take a certain day
To bring you to my mind
For days without you Mathew
Are very hard to find.
Love and miss you xxxx

I still think of you every minute...

I still listen for your footsteps...

I still listen for your laugh...

I still listen for your voice...

I still listen for your one liners...

I still listen for your teasing...

I still look for your smile...

I still look for the blue of your eyes...

I still look for your laundry in the dryer...

I still look for your dishes in the sink...

I still look for your cruiser in the driveway...

I still look for the mess in what was your room...

I still wonder when you will be home...

I still catch myself wanting to tell you something...

I still grab your favorite food in the store...

I still hear myself making fun of your television shows...

I still see you in your favorite chair...

I still see you playing with Kane...

I still want to meet you for a drink...

I still wonder about his day...

I still think about your plans...

I still plan on you at holidays...

I still remember your favorite catch phrases...

I still think about your humor...

I still wait for your hugs...

I still hear my voice telling you to stay safe...

I still hear myself telling you I love him...

I still hear myself telling you I'm sorry, so very, very sorry.

A face we love is missing
a voice we know is still
a place is vacant in our heart
that only you could fill.
Tears in our eyes
they won't go away
We wish you were here with us today.
Missing you Mathew, today tomorrow always....
xxxx

Goodbye my beloved Mathew
For now it’s time to part
Goodbye my beloved Mathew
You’re always in my heart
I think of you in the morning
I think of you at night
I think of you in the darkness
And with the morning’s light

Goodbye my beloved Mathew
I pray that you are safe
Goodbye my beloved Mathew
I know you are in a good place
Still, my world is empty
For you were its shining light
I try so hard to be happy
I’m afraid I’ve lost that fight

Goodbye my beloved Mathew
I’ll never let you go
Goodbye my beloved Mathew
Although you wished it so
I pray that you are happy
Where ever you may be
I wait in quiet silence
Till the day I’ll be with thee…

Three years today...

Thinking of you, Mathew. Remembering the good times our families spent together over the years. The memories will always be treasured and never forgotten. We laugh at times remembering the funny things, like being on the paddle boats and then into the water at Lake Lunga, and you coming out soaking wet and laughing with everyone on shore. We cry. Sometimes we raise a glass to you, with a nice margarita. We always remember your laugh and your wonderful smile. You are missed.

To us Mathew was someone special
Someone set apart
His memory will live forever
Engraved within our hearts...
xxxx

Although Mathew is out of sight
He is never out of mind
For he is cherished in the hearts
Of the ones he left behind
Love and miss you xxxx

Thank you Mathew for all the precious times and wonderful adventures; the moments which can never be recaptured or replaced. You are my son and I will miss you every minute of every day for the rest of my life as I continue to grieve for all that was and all that will never be.

I love you... always.

I can't do this anymore.

The butterfly reminds us,
even though we are far apart
Your spirit is always with us
Forever in our hearts.
Love and miss you. xxxx

Happy birthday Mat. Thinking of you and your family. You have a Wonderful mother that loves you very much. Xo

Happy Birthday Mathew. If I could rewind time I would rewind it to this very spot... twenty eight years ago. Then we could begin again... Always with love...

Thinking of you on your Birthday
With sadness in our hearts
For a very special someone
From whom we had to part...
Loved and missed so much. xxxxx

The mind replays what the heart can not delete....
Love and miss you Mathew
xxxx

Your birthday is coming. In a few short days your birthday will be here. You would have been 28. Why aren't you here? You belong here... not where you are. I'm trying so hard... but it gets tougher every day. More time without you. I just want to hear you laugh, one of your hilarious comments... I want you laundry left in my dryer, your clothes on the dining room table. I want your half eaten plates of food in the living room, your drinks on the counter. I want your car in the driveway, your stuff all over the house. But most of all... I want you. More than ever... I want you. How could this have happened? How could I have lost you? Why did you go?

87
204
gone forever
nevermore
always here
never forgotten
many tears
always dropping

will it get better?
will it end?
will this soul...
ever mend?

I do not know...
I cannot say...
I only know you went away...

and here without you...
here I stay..
broken forever...
I've lost my way.

Your gentle face and glorious smile
With sadness we recall
You had a loving heart
and were beloved by all....
Missing you Mathew xxxx

My dearest Mathew~

Well this is a first. I’ve never written to you before. But you see its been really hard lately. I think you know this.

I’ve been living in the past. Even before you. I’ve been listening to the music from my teens. I remember how I felt when I was so young. All my hopes and dreams. You were one of them. I didn’t know it but you were. I just never knew it would end so badly for us.

The other day I heard a song that I had not heard in years. It is originally written for two who are in love. By changing one word to your name, it summed up everything I feel these days.

I just miss you so much. I never knew I could have emotions this strong. But I do. So, its hard. Really hard.

STILL
The Commodores
(Lionel Richie)

Lady (Mathew), Morning's just a moment away
And I'm without you once again
You laughed at me
You said you didn't needed me
I wonder if you need me now

So many dreams that flew away
So many words we didn't say
Two people lost in a storm
Where did we go?
Where'd we go?

We lost what we both had found
You know we let each other down
But then most of all
I Do Love You
Still!

We played the games that people play
We made our mistakes along the way
Somehow I know deep in my heart
You needed me
'Cause I needed you so desperatly!
We were too blind to see

But then most of all
I Do Love You
Still!

Always and forever,

Your mom…

To hear your voice, to see your smile
To sit and talk to you a while
To be together in the same old way
Would be my wish for today...
Miss you Mathew xxxx

So I was surfing the web yesterday am and I stumbled across the video of last year's Out of the Darkness Walk. I clicked to watch it and there you were... I miss you. It keeps getting worse. Every day. I miss you. I'm forever lost and I just don't know how to let you go. So I go on missing you. Thank you for the dolphin on my birthday. I love you...still.

I think about you always
I think about you still
You will never be forgotten
And you never will
I hold you close within my heart
And there you will remain
To walk with me throughout my life
Until we meet again....love and miss you Mathew xxxx

Your presence we missed
Your memories we treasured
Loving you still
Forgetting you never.

Looking back with memories
Upon the path you trod
We bless the hours we had with you
and leave the rest with God....

If only I had known........
Love and miss you Mathew....
Xoxoxo

Wie schließen Sie das Kapitel eines Buches?
Entfernen Sie alles, was bleibt?
Erste Person...
Dann die Erinnerungen...
Nicht mehr vorgibt.
Hast du jemals? 
Jetzt bist du frei... für alles, was Sie nach wie vor Liebe.
Die Zerstörung war nicht auf euch...
Nur auf ihm.
Und alles, was er liebte.

...und so geht es.

I'm sorry Mathew...

Say my name
Sun shines through the rain
A whole life so lonely
And then come and ease the pain
I watch you when you are sleeping
You belong with me
Do you understand
Do you feel the same
Am I only dreaming
Or is this burning an eternal flame

I won't stop remembering you... I won't forget you.

You were missed Mathew,
Our thoughts are ever with you
Those who love you dearly
Are thinking of you today....
Xoxox

Really hate these holidays that I used to love so much. Everything is crap without you. Missing you more and more every day. 

Why can't you come back?

Today I am really missing you. I know I'm supposed to get over you. Move on. Not grieve so much. But I can't. I try. But I can't. I still think of you every single minute of every single day and night. 

I love you Mat. Always...

Time it was and what a time it was
It was a time of innocence
A time of confidences.

Long ago it must be
I have your photograph
Preserve your memory
That's all that's left you.

I love you Mathew. Always.

Years may come, years may go
But Mathew how we miss you so
Time is a healer, this we know
But our broken hearts just grow and grow

So today, we sit and reminisce of days we shared
The fun, the laughter, and even some tears
We will hold you close in thoughts and prayers
But wishing you were still here..

To think we did not say goodbye
Will always bring regret
But hearts that always loved
Never will forget....
Love and miss you Mathew.....xxxx

A ray of sunshine came and went
A beautiful treasure only lent
In God's keeping he quietly sleeps
Is Mathew we loved but could not keep
Xoxoxo

Someone told me that once, a long time ago, you bought me a tile. But I never got it. I didn't understand... but today I found it. Carefully wrapped... a tile. It's beautiful ... I will treasure it... always. I gave the balls to Grant and Kane...

...und die Engel Stand ruhig durch, wahrend seine Mutter Schreie.... du fehlst mir... Ich liebe dich. Mutter

Starry, starry night
Paint your pallet blue and gray
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul

Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land

We miss you more than anyone knows
As time goes by the emptiness grows
We laugh, we talk, we play our part
But behind our smiles are broken hearts...
Miss you Mathew xxxx

Hey Sweetie~ I finally understand. Truly understand. I'm so sorry.