We got your message Mathew....   just two days after writing my last little note, tash and I were walking Bella along the beach, sitting just feet from the ocean were the first two shells, on the  walk back was another which had just washed on shore...   brought back the memories of our walk tash and I took the day after you passed...   there were 3 shells just sitting there as if waiting for us....   always with us, we love you Mathew xxx

There is no 30th this month, so I'll write you a little note....

I know you are smiling down on us at the moment, and I'm sure that standing by your side is our Bentley, he loved you so Mathew, so take good care of him till we are all together...    I had to get another puppy, Bentley was such a big part of my life...   he can never be replaced but the puppy is keeping me focused...  it's the same with tash, she is just existing, she doesn't date anymore guessing you are a hard act to follow...

We all love and miss you Mathew...   until we meet again..........

Always in my thoughts, forever in my heart

Last week I had to have a cardio ultrasound.  When I entered the room, I immediatly remembered the last one I had.  Mathew was in seventh grade and we both needed to see Doctors at Walter Reed Medical Center.  Since this was almost two hours away, we made our appts on the same day and off we went.  Mathew was always a techno kid, like anything about technology.  My appt. was first and Mathew asked if he could watch the ultrasound because he thought it would be pretty cool to see my heart.  I didn't mind; nothing was showing so it would not be inappropriate.
When the doctor began, he asked me to shift a little on my side because he was having "difficulty getting a clear shot".  Mathew immediately piped up with "look for the shriveled black thing."  The doctor turned around and stared, Mathew's dad burst into laughter and I groaned because I knew there was more to come.  A minute later Mathew again suggested "look for the thing ten sizes to small."  He followed that up with "look for a rock".  The more he spoke the harder his dad laughed.  The doctor finally asked me if he really was my kid; I sighed and said "yes.  He's mine all mine."  
So many memories; but none are new.  Ten months into a lifetime; ten months into forever.  I miss you.  I guess that says it all.  I miss you.
Always your mom.       

Crazy thing happened last night. I was going tanning at my tanning salon. I reached in my purse and pulled out Mat's memorial card. I took it out and looked at it for a little bit before going inside. I put the card in a safe place so it wouldn't get damaged. I went inside the tanning salon.. And wouldn't you know it!!... The computer system crashed when I was being signed in!! The girl that works behind the counter was so shocked and advised this has never happened before. She was so weirded out by the incident and it took awhile to get it up and running again. When the computer crashed and the girl was shocked all I could do was laugh and smile. The girl looked at me like I was nuts. I knew it was Mat messing around like he used to with computers and pranks:) He was letting me know he was there and wanted to put a smile on my face after a long day I had. Thank you Mat, I feel a lot better knowing you still got it in you to do a good prank:) XO