Updated – October 2023The 4th Annual Max McD Memorial Golf Outing…Was held on 9/7 at the Spook Rock Golf Club in Suffern, NY – followed by dinner and drinks at the Mason Jar in Mahwah, NJ. A nice time was had by all.
We went for a little “smaller” this year – 20 golfers and 25 or so for dinner. Although not a fund-raiser for the Max Scholarship Fund this year, we still walked away with about $1000 for the scholarship – much of it from the sale of a painting by Max’s Dad which can be seen in the link below:
https://www.forevermissed.com/max-mcdonough/galler...Thanks – Janet, Jim and Brett
Updated - June 2023The 1st Annual Max McDonough Memorial Scholarship was Awarded Last Night...at Randolph High School to a wonderfully accomplished student who appears to be "enjoying the ride" as Max did when he was with us.
Please view the brief presentation in the video below. Would love to hear any comments if you get a chance.
https://youtu.be/lfB0Pi8fqz0
Thank you from Janet, Brett, and Jim
Updated - November 2022The Max McDonough Memorial Scholarship has been established!
After raising $12,600 at the 3rd Annual Max Memorial Golf Outing (link to pictures immediately below) - Janet and I are very happy to announce the establishment of an annual scholarship in his name at Randolph HS - Max's HS alma mater. Details are being worked out with the Principal of the high school. Thanks to all who contributed and participated.
Photographer (Pete Byron) has provided a link to the golf photos. From Pete: "In the upper right corner of the first pic is a down arrow. If you select that it will enable to download everything. If you want individual photos there is a down arrow in the lower right corner of the individual photo.
https://www.petebyron.com/Other/Client-Image-1/n-gfXtLw
Updated - August 20222022 3rd Annual Max Memorial Golf OutingProceeds to go to a newly created scholarship fund in Max's name
Where: Concordia Golf Club, Monroe Township, NJ
When: Saturday 9/10.
11:30 - Registration | 12:30 - Box lunch | 1:00 Shotgun Start | After Golf - Drinks and Dinner |
Awards, Raffle, Auction
$175 per golfer | $250 Hole Sponsorship | $50 IF dinner and drinks only
Make checks out to: Max R McDonough Memorial Scholarship or Zelle to Chase bank - at 862.222.0985. Call Jim McD at that number or email me at jimmcd7@gmail.com
Updated - March 2022
A TED Talk on Grief and Personal Transformation
Hi everybody: It’s been a while since I updated this site –
but when I have something to share, I do want to reach out to you – Max’s
friends and family. As always, I thank you for the generosity of your time in
your otherwise busy day.
In a conversation with my sister Jeanne, she suggested (convinced?) me to write a TED/TEDx Talk (google it ;-) about
grief and transformation that might also be uplifting to others that have lost a loved
one. I thought that was a good idea. So – she has officially nominated
me to give the talk (we’ll see) – but in the meantime, I thought I’d share it
with you today (link below). I hope you take the
time to peruse it – I had you in mind as well when I wrote it.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hEOx6Cy5J6Oe6n...I will be in touch in a couple of months about the 2022 Max
memorial golf outing.
Thanks - JIM
Updated – August 2021
The 2021 2nd Annual Max Memorial Golf Outing
36
Friends and family joined us at Farmstead CC to remember Max – and
enjoy the company of like-minded souls. Seven (7) trophies and a
“special” golf club were awarded – with stories, remembrances, and a
poem offered up in Max’s memory (the poem is below). We were delighted
to host all who came (from 8 states) – with a special shout-out this
year to the 4 Indiana “Hoosiers” – some of Max’s good friends from
Indiana Univ.
Here are the pictures of the post-golf festivities:
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/s6jg4lrbnth4qqk/AADZK3E...And finally, the poem that was read that we think Max would have loved…
Feel no guilt in laughter, he’d know how much you care.
Feel no sorrow in a smile that he is not here to share.
You cannot grieve forever; he would not want you to.
He’d hope that you could carry on the way you always do.
So, talk about the good times and the way you showed you cared,
The days you spent together, all the happiness you shared.
Let memories surround you, a word someone may say
Will suddenly recapture a time, an hour, a day,
That brings him back as clearly as though he were still here,
And fills you with the feeling that he is always near.
For if you keep those moments, you will never be apart
And he will live forever locked securely within your heart.
Thanks – Jim, Janet and Brett (please share any brief thoughts you’d like in remembrance of Max)
Updated - June 18 2021
Father's Day | Upcoming Golf Outing
I wanted to share my very favorite Father’s Day picture. And wanted to say that I look forward to seeing some of you at the 2nd Annual Max Memorial Goal Outing in August.
Best, Jim
Updated - March 23 2021
I Just Had to Write My Thoughts Down Today
To Max and the universe at large…
Just maybe I underutilize this bittersweet site that has served to remember you in a very special way. Maybe some are thinking what is really left to say? A lot as it turns out. It’s been 18 months since your passing. Life moves on – and me with it - and yet I am stuck. Not all the time (I’ll admit) but at times (in waves) that I can never predict. Like many days I guess - there have been so many random occurrences lately that bring you to mind. Just yesterday, I wanted to text you about March Madness events. Or songs that I hear or texts from your friends or the bronze Vette I was parked next to yesterday – you know, the one you tried to talk me into buying! These things stop me in my tracks to be honest.
I have read that the loss of a child is probably the worst trauma a human being can experience. There can be no doubt about that. Only those who have walked this path could ever understand the depth and breadth of the loss and pain. The empty space remains forever. Holidays are tortuous. The simple question “So - how many kids do you have?” triggers a distressful sadness. I can’t even look at small buildings or rooftops anymore. Crueler still that this thought still pops into my mind at any time.
Already on your way up – I think “what would you have become”? How often would you have visited FLA with friends to get away from it all? Imagine the memories of your wedding. How many grandkids would you have given us? I know they would have been pretty darn good-looking! They say that people “grieve” differently and that is SO true. I think I am somehow lucky in this regard (lucky?) – having been allowed to have intense, introspective thoughts of you and having been directed by some innate force to publicly exclaim that I was the luckiest dad (and mom) to have even had you for as long as I/we did. This is – I believe – the ultimate glass half full statement that I can ever muster.
I’m no nihilist, but…events like this makes one strive for meaning and purpose in a world where it is often times hard to find. And I know you would be very sad if you knew we were moping around all the time. Knowing that – and in some very weird way - recovering our life would ultimately bestow the greatest gift we could give you. The grief somehow transforms to gratitude. What a thought! Impossible to even think such thoughts a year and a half ago.
Which brings me to the possibility of a silver lining (a theme I have come back to many times). Hey - I am simply a changed person – by way of circumstance and by design. Your passing has made me:
- think deeply about the meaning of life
- find a new spiritual (if not religious) awakening
- More empathetic and compassionate
- Realize we are a part of a much bigger picture
- Understand the importance of living in the present
- Realize the importance of friends, “connection”, and gratitude
- More appreciate the fine young man you were – and how you tried to live your life
I gather strength from the musings of people who have thought “deep thoughts” about all this.
From Alan Watts (the person responsible for bringing Buddhist thoughts to the western world): “No one really dies until the ripples they caused in the world die away”. This very note suggests your ripples will be around for a long while!
From Victor Frankel (author of Man’s Search for Meaning): “In some ways, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds meaning”. I better understand that now.
From Seneca (the Stoic philosopher): “Life runs through our fingers like water. We cannot stem the flow, but we can drink deeply while it is there”. Wow.
Max – you drank deeply while you were here. We will continue to think about you every day. Maybe in a slightly different way. We will get together with many of your friends and family (for the second time) this summer in a golf outing to REMEMBER YOU. I can’t wait…as I am sure so many others can’t as well.
Oh – and of course, Mom and Brett think of you every bit as often as I do. I’m just the one with the big mouth…
Love, Dad
Updated - November 24 2020A Poem About Max on his Birthday
People Liked Him
People just liked him!
He wasn’t rich or known to fame;
Just being who he was
Ensured him this acclaim
He had an easy-going style
His was not a forceful way,
And he had a gentle smile
With typically a kind word to say
Never arrogant or proud,
A good soul with manner mild;
Never quarrelsome or loud,
As fun-loving as a child
Thoughtful, cool, kind and true:
Thus he lived from day to day,
Doing what he loved to do
In a “good guy” sort of way
He endeared himself to all he met
Despite his weisenheimer ways
Did it without breaking a sweat,
Everyday – always!
Sort of guy you’d like to meet
So easy to embrace
He got away with murder
When that smile was on his face!
Sort of guy you'd like to be:
Smart, witty and always fair;
Patient in adversity,
Most likable – with a real “flair”
Never lied to friend or foe,
Never rash in word or deed,
Quick to come and slow to go
In a friend’s (or dog’s) time of need
His was a brief life well lived
Clearly he enjoyed the ride
His leaving us way too soon
Left a sorrow, far and wide
In our hearts he will always be,
And on that I won’t be lax
I am sure we can all agree
People just liked Max!
Happy Birthday Son – from your family and all your many friends.We miss you so much!
Please feel free to share your brief wishes or thoughts on this day.
Updated - September 2020
The 2020 1st Annual Max Memorial Golf Outing35 friends and family joined us at Farmstead CC to remember Max as he would have liked to be remembered!
Pictures of the event can be found in the “Gallery”. Eight trophies were handed out on the patio as everyone shared their favorite Max stories. By unanimous decision, a 2nd annual outing will happen in 2021 – good news for many friends who could not travel to NJ because of the corona virus.
You are loved by so many Max, and we miss you dearly.
We would also like to share this brief tribute for Max from that day:
Max Golf Outing -- Uplifting Words
Lastly, we wish to again share with you what some of the greatest minds have to say about the meaning of life to help us all make find peace in all of this, and invite you to share any thoughts or comments in the tribute section below.
This document can be found at this link:
Thoughts on the Meaning of LifeThank you!
- Max's Mom & Dad
Updated – March 2020
The
6 month anniversary of Max’s passing has come and gone – another
reminder of just how much he is missed. It seems to us it’s also an
opportunity to think a few deep thoughts about the meaning of life.
As
you know, Max had a deceptively simple but life-endearing call to
“enjoy the ride” – coupled with expressions of kindness at every turn. We
reflect on that often – and try to let it be the guiding force in my
life. Maybe you have attempted to do the same.
In
thinking about this, we wanted to share with you what some of the
greatest minds have to say about the meaning of life. Whatever your
spiritual beliefs, we are confident you will find this both
thought-provoking and comforting. At the end – in Jim's personal
postscript, he tries to reconcile his thoughts and beliefs to make some
sense of this – and
INVITE YOU to share any brief comments or thoughts in the tribute section below.
You can find the link to this document here:
Thoughts on the Meaning of LifeThank you – Max’s Mom & Dad
Updated 11/19/19A sincere thanks to all of you who attended Max’s memorial on 9/21/19. Many of you came from far and wide. Father Tarantino’s homily was beautifully wistful and the many tributes were touching, heartfelt and sincere.Here are YouTube links to the tributes from Max's memorial:Part 1:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hneYaY0qc34Part 2:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAYwKDalihE
In Remembrance of Max’s Birthday (Nov 24th) To Max: A Birthday Message from Mom and Dad
As your birthday nears, our thoughts of you intensify…
If that’s even possible.
The reel of your life’s movie plays constantly in our minds.
Your smile. Your humor. Your kindness. YOU!
A bittersweet joy.
Heartbreaking – though a blessing as we seek any measure of comfort.
Inconsolable – yet an enduring reminder of precious time we had together.
It reinforces just how much we enjoyed having you as our son.
The memories of you are as integral to our being as is our soul.
At some point, we will need to step back into the stream of life.
Somehow and some day –
We will need to build a new world within the world we knew.
But rest assured Max
The memories of you will be like a robe we regularly wrap ourselves in.
Know that you are always loved
and forever present in our lives.
And it will always be that way. Always.
With all our love, Mom and Dad
Please feel free to share your own thoughts and messages on the website in celebration of Max’s BDay.
Lastly, it is just so nice that Janet and I will be celebrating Max’s BDay at our house with 7 or 8 of his close friends from Randolph. They are cooking dinner on the 24th and remembering their good friend – who will definitely be there in spirit!
This lasting memory was created especially for you, his family and his
many friends.
PLEASE see the pictures in the gallery and, just as
important, please contribute your pictures, stories, and tributes for
all to see. You can do this by clicking the "add photos" button to the right or through the "Stories" tab above this.
No words can describe our love for Max – a vibrant 27-year-old who flourished in the world in every sense of the word. Kind, thoughtful, funny, industrious, smart and fun-loving. Yes – we are biased, but we believe there is no one reading this who wouldn’t agree.
Older friends and family remember Max as the blond-haired, blue-eyed kid with the perpetual smile – from winning photo contests (really!) to beating older guys in a foul-shooting contest while on vacation. He was a quiet kid – we used to joke at how few words he said in a day. But then he blossomed. Max wanted to be an architect but shifted gears and became a “Hoosier." He graduated Indiana University with a finance degree. Working at prestigious Bloomberg and Blackstone/Reuters (now Refinitiv), Max was on his way up!
He loved living in the Big Apple and roomed with two other (great) guys named Max – creating the “triple Max” of Max, Maxwell, and Maximilian. As all his friends will attest, Max liked a good time, loved to travel, and enjoyed everything the world had to offer. Just recently, he traveled with his longtime friend Pat Johnson for a biking, hiking and culinary tour in Portland, Seattle and California.
Max was a huge dog lover (and dogs loved him) – the last text we received from Max was the first picture he had taken of our dog Skylar – he was reminded of her while viewing passing dogs at a coffee shop in NYC with his girlfriend Melanie. Max made sure he called or texted us with all manner of topics at least three times a week – he was just so kind and thoughtful. Max was beloved and created a wonderful life not only for himself, but also brightened the day of everyone around him. It was a life cut far, far too short from a terrible tragedy. He was truly beloved; we miss him terribly and always will.